by Sasha Satori
Axel
No motherfucking way this human girl has my dick as hard as a rock. And triggered my rage but without the innate desire to kill her after her little magic trick. The first is more notable. It’s been over 1,800 years since I had an erection. The most beautiful women in the world haven't been able to stir desire in my loins. Colors have faded dull. When I first locked onto her beautiful wide bright verdant emerald eyes. I felt my cock harden. Vibrant technicolor's replaced the dull faded colors. My chest literally fucking ached, like I found the missing puzzle piece. All signs point to her being my Altra Meta. As if my Altra Meta would be a frail fucking little human. Not a fucking chance. Altra Meta is like finding a motherfucking cupcake farting unicorn. It never fucking happens. If you can find the other half of your soul. That’s the one and only you will ever have. For there is only one Altra Meta per soul. I lost my soul a millennia ago, all I have now is empty blackness and rage. Her emerald eyes called to me like a lighthouse in the black abyss. Vampires are only able to procreate with their Altra Meta, I have wanted an heir for centuries. My lonely black heart has been rotting in pieces for almost two millennia. When I saw that fucking maggot trying to pick her up. I felt jealousy light my black blood on fire. A completely foreign feeling. Then when he attempted to compel her to go with him, I felt rage like never before. An innate desire to protect and kill. I never give a fuck about anyone. What the fuck! My rage goes sky high. As I trace to the entrance. To begin tracking her. She is alone and unprotected. I will find her tonight. And never let her go. I'm coming little lamb.
Valentina
"This is the fifth circle you made me drive around town," Fabio complains. "He will be tracking us. We need to go buy bleach. Drive to the corner store and see if they're open," I order. Thankfully, Fabio listens, albeit with an audible sigh of frustration. As we arrive at the store, I'm relieved to see they're open. Their hours are sporadic, due to the high store clerk mortality rate and robberies they endure, not to mention the chronic lack of stocked goods. I scoot out of the car and quickly run inside. As I enter, I see a human man smoking a cigarette and pointing a shotgun at me. "You've got one minute to pick what you gonna buy, lady." I roll my eyes, geez, so much for customer service. I scan the shelves, most are barren, but in the back, I spot five gallons of bleach. Must be the human flu going around that they would have so many. I pay for the bleach and motion Fabio to help me carry the rest out. I don’t waste any time to start pouring it over Fabio's car. "Whoa! Stop! That will eat the paint!" Fabio yells. I stare at him, with my signature resting bitch face, "And psycho vampire will eat you. Choose." He grinds his teeth. "Fine." I finish pouring bleach all over his car, and then on the floor around it. That will certainly kill any scent of ours.
We make the long trip home with a thick silent tension clogging the air. When we arrive home, Fabio parks in the garage as he always does. I gather the remaining bleach bottle and pour it out front to be on the safe side. I'm too tired to make mojitos, guayabera juice and vodka though are an easy delicious alternative. Gemma takes off her heels with a loud sigh. She grabs the vodka from the counter and starts drinking straight from the bottle. "Real classy, Gem." I say sarcastically. She continues chugging. I grab the bottle from her. "Save some for me. I'm going to need a second drink after the night I had," I say while clinking some ice cubes in my drink. She reaches into the alcohol cabinet and pulls out a whisky bottle. "And I will need a bottle to forget that the king of the Killers United is hunting us," she mumbles despondently, like Freddy Krueger, an old golden years horror movie star, is coming for her soul. "Gemma, seriously, relax. Your losing major 'gangster' points here. Remember the time, you painted the neon pink wooden sign that you hung out front? It says, 'We don’t shoot blanks, sweet cheeks'. That’s the attitude you need to have. We have fighting skills, magic, guns and extensive one liners to say after whooping vampire ass. 'Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker', amirite?" I say as I finish my pep talk of the century. Gemma has stopped chugging the bottle and has a growing smile on her face. "Okay, bitch. You're right. 'I roared and I rampaged, and I got bloody satisfaction', that’s going to be the last sentence the vampire hears as we gut him in the heart, if he messes with us." Gemma says, with her cute pinched nose look of determination. I walk up to her and give her a big hug, "You really took my pep talk, and got a little blood thirsty with the 'Kill Bill' quote. 'Oh, Rickyyy', I fucking love it!" We burst into a laughing fit, as we walk to the couch with our drinks. Fabio walks in like a depressed flustered mother hen, "This is the last time I go out with you wenches! My car paint is destroyed. Now I’m worried about being murdered by vampires. Rodrigo is pissed I blew him off. Essentially, my life is ruined." Drama queen. "It’s not so bad Fabio. Stop being so damn dramatic. I'll pay for the car paint for you can paint it next week. If a vampire threatens you, I’ll kill him. And lastly, If Rodrigo can't understand chicks come before dicks, just say goodbye honey." Fabio smiles, "When you say it like that my life doesn’t suck so bad." I smile back. "To add a cherry on your non sucky life. If you're able to grab the bottle from Gemma's hand, I'll clean the inside of your car." Fabio grabs the bottle from Gemma. "Deal. Clean my car wench!" Gemma squeals, as she jumps up to grab it back from Fabio. Fabio is yelling at her, "Get your big, jiggly boobs out my face, before I bite them off!" My friends are loco.
Valentina
After four more vodka and guayabera drinks, we all say goodnight and go to sleep. As I stand, all those deliciously sweet juice vodka drinks rush straight to my head like turbine fuel to a jet engine on takeoff. I find myself stumbling to my bedroom. I rarely drink because it decreases my reaction time and my abilities, but after the night I had, I needed something to butter my butt like a hot biscuit. I groggily walk to my bathroom, after my shower and brushing my teeth, I throw on one of my comfy pink silk teddies. Then grab my plush stuffed hello kitty for her nightly snuggie time. That’s one of my deep, dark secrets. If it ever got out that I shamelessly cuddle with my stuffed kitty at twenty-three years old, no amount of magic or ass kicking would bring redemption from that shit show. I jump in bed exhausted. Sleep seems to elude me, molten silver eye seems to haunt me. Finally, my eyelids are feeling heavy. I am floating in a dark slumber, my consciousness slipping like the last few sand grains in an hourglass. My ears haven't quite tuned out though, by the time I hear the floorboards creak, my hands are immobilized in a strong vice. My mouth is covered with a large hand. What the fuck? My eyes slam open and see the hauntingly familiar sinister smile and molten silver eyes. Holy shit! Axel. How the hell did he find me? I struggle with all my might. Completely immobile. His hand is still tightly covering my mouth. "Little, little lamb. Besides annoying me, the bleach was useless. Its ‘adorable’ though that you look so shocked. Almost as if you thought I would never find you," he laughs with a manic sneer. His eyes then travel from mine, slowly down my body. His manic laughter abruptly stops. His molten silver eyes begin twirling. "I saw your two friends sleeping. You do a magic trick on me again, they're dead. Do you understand?" I nod my head. I will die before I cause the death of the two people I love the most in this world. He releases his hand from my mouth. My wrists still in his bruising grip over my head, he slowly lowers his face within an inch of my face. I am about to tell him to get his psycho, stalker ass out of my house, as I hear him whisper, "The world is colorful with you. I grow weary of all the black." Then he says something in a language I’ve never heard. My vision starts to tunnel and fade, he begins to caress my cheek in gentle strokes, "Sleep well. You are safe." My last thought before blackness swallows me is that was a very nice thing for a psycho killer vampire to say.
Chapter 3
Valentina
I slowly wake and realize I’m unable to move. I am laying on a black leather couch with my arms pinned straight up over my head. My feet are tied as well. I'm still wearing my silk pink nighty. Fuck tarts, I wish I was wearing my ugly ass onesie flannel pajamas. I don’t have a millimeter of wiggle room. I lift my head u
p and see a large flat screen television and mahogany polished wood floors. My eyes roam over to a large polished wood desk, sitting behind it is a huge, shirtless, tattooed, muscled man. Axel. For being psycho, the jerk is handsome. His eyes are tinged with more red than usual. He must have recently fed. "Axel, hasn’t your mother ever taught you it is extremely rude to kidnap and tie up girls without even buying them a strawberry mojito?" He stands and in the next moment his 6'8 frame is towering over me, "Valentina, hasn’t your mother ever taught you its rude to cock tease, shoot, then shit talk your betters. What is your full given name?" I ignore his question, “Well, Axel, If you must know, my mother would have told me to shoot you in your black heart. Also, not to be petty, but I would like to point out a factual error of yours. You got your ass handed to you by a human chick, which clearly make me your better. Wait. How the hell do you even know my first name? I never told you it." I ask. He stares at me for a long silent moment, tension rising like thick smoke, "I am the vampire king, which you do well to remember, little human. Your insolent mouth will be the cause of unspeakable horror unto your friends. Henceforth, I will speak in short human phrases that your simple addled mind might comprehend, 'You’re stuck like fuck'." Why the nerve of that wannabe human linguistic fuck tart! Time to school this fool. "Firstly, it's "Stuck like Chuck', stick to the villain-y phrases, like 'Hi I'm chucky, wanna play?', if not, your ignorance will fuck with our nemesis monologue when I'm kicking your ass Buffy the vampire slayer style. Capiche, puddin'?" His mouth is slightly parted, with a very clear, 'what the fuck, did this crazy bitch just say'. Whatever, it makes sense in my head. I continue on, "And secondly, I'm the one that you have a problem with. You better leave my friends alone. If you hurt them, I promise you I will make you suffer. Me dragging your balls through one million miles of broken glass and across the Sahara Desert with a dirty vagged, she-devil's queef as your only air supply, will seem as much fun as going strawberry picking by the time I'm done torturing you. Oh, and then I'll shoot you in your black fucking heart. With a silver bullet. Asshole." His eyes begin twirling. Uh oh, why is he getting aroused. I just threatened him with a horrid torture and death. I suddenly notice his extremely large thick manaconda. This sista doesn’t want none. Okay, maybe I do, just a little. And that cheesy golden years rap song better get the fuck out of my head. Good heavens man, it’s pulsing in his pants. Trying to break free from its confines. "Its best you don’t talk dirty to me. When you’re in a tiny silk gown. Tied up. I have already fed multiple times, in order to not sink balls deep in your silken heat. I find losing my self-control around you is a reoccurring event. I yearn for us to elope and go mad with the carnal pleasure of your delectable body." Elope? "There will be no eloping! Furthermore, tell your little oompa loompa to stand down." His laugh sounds scratchy, like he is just learning what laughing is, "I might let your friends live. You, however, are going to make a fine little pet." He says as he hungrily peruses my body. I roll my eyes so hard; I would bring green envy to all the rebellious teens of the golden years. Side note though, going forward only sleep in ugly ass flannels. "Ewwaa, liketh, as if. Totally grossth." I say in my most 'Clueless' golden years movie valley girl, lispy tone imitation, "Go get a freaking hamster if you want a pet…. freak." I cant help but let my crazy shine, hopefully he will be worried I am crazy enough to kill him while he sleeps. He leans in close. "I'll enjoy taming that mouth of yours." I scowl. "In case you haven't notice I'm not a meek flower. And this mouth of mine bites. Hard. Go find someone who is interested in your brand of cray cray, because I'm not." He slides his fingers between my breast. Then rubs circles on my nipples. The lust in his eyes is plain "I don’t remember asking you if I fucking cared." I jerk my body in order to move his hands. "You should care. I have a reputation of effing up guys. Making them cry." He smiles. "I will say, you have a unique set of abilities, or magic I should say. Tell me how does a human girl have magic? Or resist a middle level vampire compulsion? What are you?" I wish I knew; his guess would probably be better than mine. My lips though stay tightly sealed, while my eyes are shooting daggers at his stupid, handsome face. He smirks. Smirks! Gahh! "Egotistical ass!" He smiles wider and continues as if I never spoke. "You’re still a little newborn feral kitty, fighting against a lion. No matter. I will possess you and all you secrets in no time at all." That analogy burned a bit, because the truth of me being out matched is a stark reality. But, fake it till ya make it. "Oh really? Why am I tied up then? Aren't I just a little ol' feral puddy cat? Tell the truth your scared I'll beat the crap out of you." He stops caressing my breast. Menace radiating from him. He grabs my neck and applies mild pressure. "You do well little puddy cat, to show some fucking respect to your new owner!" He closes his eyes and lets me go as if he just touched a hot oven. He abruptly stands up and starts tracing back and forth. His hands in rustling his hair and a frustrated, worried look on his face.
Out of breath say. "Touchy, touchy. Why so sensitive? Oh, that’s right, the truth will do that to you." He traces to my side, which startles the crap out of me. He pulls a knife from his pocket and slowly brings it up to my face. I guess this is the part where I die a torturous death. His hand though, continues past my face and cuts the rope tied around my wrists. He brings the knife in between my breasts and drags it down my stomach to my inner left thigh, until it reaches the rope tied to my ankles. He cuts the rope in one swift tug, freeing my legs. Okay let’s hope Axel here, isn't letting me free because he prefers his meals free range. "Okay little puddy cat, you think you can fight a lion. Let’s see it. Or do you just talk shit with nothing to back it up." I sit up, rubbing my sore wrists. "So, if I win, you will leave me and my friends alone?" His wicked grin returns. "That won’t happen. But yes, you and your friends will be unharmed." This sounds too good to be true. "So, I get to leave alive and untortured? Cross fingers don’t count." His intense stare reaches my eyes. "Yes. You will be free to go. Alive and untortured." Hmm. Okay. "Deal. Let’s fight." He is still smiling. "Uh. Uh. Uh. Not so fast. There must be something for me to win… I will have you." S'cuse me? "Like what? Serving you drinks and cleaning your house? Because all we will bet on is my manual labor. My honey pot Isn't up for being won. And that's freaking nonnegotiable." He stays quite a moment, and that devilish smirk appears again. "Okay sweetling. When I win, you will be doing manual labor. In any clothes I say. Nonnegotiable. Oh, and no magic tricks allowed, no need to prolong the inevitable." Damn it. Good thing Jackie Chan doesn't have shit on my martial arts. Merlin might as well be my apprentice; with the magic I can do. But looks like it’s time to let me metaphorical lady balls shine. Time to school this fool on the pack order. Even without using my magic I can still whoop his ass. If I hear him call me ‘puddy cat’ one more time I might out of pure reflex punch him in the jaw.