by Sasha Satori
Creusa starts slowly pushing backwards on the ground with her legs, she’s headed to where she left her one eyeball book buddy and velvet gem box. Following her lead, I do the same, the black dragon has no room to land because of the surrounding trees. The night king's eye's follow Creusa, and the moment his eyes land on his stolen black velvet jewelry case which must contain a precious gem of his, his eyes widen to an almost comical expression, as if not fully believing Creusa is the notorious gem thief, "You." He hisses, looking between her and then the velvet box, like he's playing a solo ping pong match. Better believe if bubs. That Creusa could make a posse of praying monks stab her with their meditation sticks in a blatant rage. He stands on his dragons back, readying himself to jump to the ground from quite a formidable height. Creusa is gripping Rupert and her trinket box in one hand while still managing to pull her dagger and slice her palm, probably more deeply than necessary in her haste to create a portal. I run to her side as the portal glass shimmers in front of her, Creusa says a spell in Latin that causes a loud booming bang from behind us as we step through the portal arm in arm. "No!" Is the night kings thunderous pleading roar. We look back to see him covered in thousands of small cuts that are rapidly healing themselves. He's charging full speed straight to the portal glass, yikes, he is going to bounce off it harder than 'Flubber'. He's running as fast as a bullet, his muscles flexing, as his determined eyes are focused solely on us. With us past the entrance portal glass, it begins to fade. His body hits it with a resounding shutter, instead of pouncing off like Axel did, the portal shatters into thousands of blithering pieces. His body never slows as it reaches for Creusa's arm as we are being tossed on to her cottage's yard from the portal, instead of her arm his hand grabs her white velvet cloak, it's buttons pop off as it's ripped from her shoulders. Both of us are looking at the shimmering portal glass as it disappears with the night realms king stuck on the other side gripping Creusa's cloak.
Creusa hands are trembling, both of us remain in a tension filled silence processing how close we came to getting captured. "Let's go have a cup of tea." Creusa says breaking the silence as she stands up. Still gripping her Grimoire and velvet box, she makes her way to her splintered front door and straight to the kitchen to boil water for our much-needed cup of tea. It's late afternoon in the mortal realm, I'm not sure how differently time passes in the night realm versus in the mortal realm. Her once beautiful cozy cottage home, is now littered with broken glass and lamps. Herbs that were hanging dry in a cute vintage style corner are mixed in with broken debris and glass on the floor. Inwardly I cringe, Axel is going to get an earful from me. Creusa comes to stand by me, I gently rub her back in a gesture of support. She turns to me with a sad morose smile, "It's alright, Axel just made it easier to do what I have to do. He's still a damned lout, who I pray gets a front row seat next to Satan's flatulence spouting ass that poofs big hot steamy entrail scented farts in five minute intervals for all eternity, otherwise I fear he'll fit right in the burning fiery pits of hell." Creusa finishes with and angry huff. She really put a lot of thought in that. It was almost sweet. "If I didn't know you had a smitten lover boy, I'd think your sweet on Axel. That sonnet of Satan's farting ass was sprinkled with just enough latent anger to show an emotional attachment." I say in my slow 'therapist talking to a crazie' voice. "You're about to be sprinkled with some latent violence, Chica." Creusa sasses back. She loudly sighs and sits by her surviving kitchen table and rests her face in her palms, "King Aurelius almost made it back through the portal, he knows I'm his mate and your is long lost daughter, you're as much a fugitive as me. We need to go into hiding." She says as the kettle begins whistling. "Aurelius? That's the night realms king name. What was my mother's name?" With names they feel a lot more real, and for some reason it makes me feel more connected to them. Creusa sits back down with two piping hot herb teas that have lavender stems sticking out on the sides. "Reusa, that was the spring queens name. And yes, Aurelius is the night king, he has been for three millennia." Three millennia, he must have been alive at the time of the pharaohs. Talk about an old geezer. "Reusa. That is a lovely name. You'll have to tell me more about her one day. As for the going in hiding, what better place than the vampire’s headquarters. I'm sure Rupert has some good spell's in him to make us untraceable. Whenever Buffy had a problem she couldn’t figure out she always went to Rupert Giles." I tell a pensive Creusa. "You think Axel will let me stay?" She asks skeptically. Axel would have saved himself several mental breakdowns if he just read a golden year’s children's book 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie", he should have known to never, ever give a mouse a cookie. Or in my case try to trap a mouse. Because now the mouse is moving in a dark fae witch, a one eye sentient book named Rupert and a rainbow loving dragon. "Yesss." I squeal in a opera high-pitch. I may need practice on my deception believability. I know I'm going to have to wrangle his man berries with lassos', he's was not happy about the kids moving in, or the Heffernan's, but as they say, 'Third times a charm'.
Valentina
After we finished our teas, I took a long shower and was glad to change out of my dirty ripped shift dress and into my freshly laundered shiny leather pants and baby pink sparkly cat crop top. Thankfully, Creusa had washed it while I was sleeping, before we hastily left for the dark realm. Feeling like my baddie self again, I chilled on the couch as Creusa packed a couple suitcases with various spell book, herbs, clothes and toiletries. Leaving her home with just two suitcases must be hard on her. Although. I'm sure she will ward it well. After packing she went to shower, I took the liberty to investigate where the three strawberry jam pastries that she brought with her in the dark realm came from, my investigative acumen led to a grand loot of pastries. I currently have pastry crumbs around my mouth as I lick my strawberry jam smudged fingers clean. Any cookie, or pastry thief knows due diligence in eliminating evidence is of utmost importance. Creusa exits her hallway wearing a comfy looking black cashmere turtleneck and dark snug ankle jeans with shiny stiletto leather boots, she also has a green canvas cross body bag slung across her body, which contains Rupert. I know that because his sentient glaring eyeball is looking right at me like he is going to snitch me out to Creusa for eating her hidden stash of pastries. I'm sure Rupert's derrière is nesting like a chicken to its egg, protecting her black velvet box which contains King Aurelius' priceless treasure. Once were settled, I want to see what we risked our lives for, must be a real doozy of a gem. I do feel a tinge jelly that I'm still on cookie jar thief level and Creusa is successfully thieving from an impenetrable night realm's kings heavily warded and guarded armory. 'Don’t hate the player hate the game', I remind myself.
"Ready?" Creusa asks. "Yup, born ready." I lazily huff as I hesitantly leave a very comfy couch. "You know those pastries you ate were poisoned, I serve them to my frenemies.," Creusa tells me with an evil grin on her lips. I stop licking the crumbs off my lips and grip my neck with both hands. "W-what!" I yell in a panic. Creusa bends over gripping her stomach, in a deep belly laugh that sounds like a mortally wounded hyena simultaneously ingested crack sprinkles, "Oh my dark fae! You should have seen your face!" She continues her stabbed hyena laugh. What happened to her girly musical bell laugh, she is snorting like a pig in mud. "Revenge, bitch. It's in your near future." I say with a death glare on my face. I'm not kidding either, she will see what happens when one messes with the notorious queen of petty, Valentina Velvet. She better have Rupert sleep with his one eyeball open when she’s sleeping, or she'll wake up with no eyebrows. "You ready to go steal a car to ride out to Axels place? It's too far to walk." I inform her with potential revenge plots still percolating in my mind. "Rupert here, is going to open a portal for us." Creusa says as looks down adoringly at her little Ruppy. "Let’s mambo, Ruppy. The carb overload has me in the mood for a siesta." I say while yawning. Creusa reverently lifts Rupert from her bag as his pages begin to flutter open by themselves, then abruptly stop, "Vampire de cubili tuo ad regem vadam et nobis in nomine tuo videbi
mus deam habib factum est scriptor." She reads the latin spell, To thy king of vampire's lair we shall go. In name of thy goddess Habib's will, see it done. A thick hazy green fog appears before us, Creusa caringly puts Rupert back in her bag and grabs a suitcase with each hand as she looks back to my incredulous face, "Let's go." She steps into the opalescent green fog, I quickly hold my breath as I enter the fog so thick, I can’t even see my nose, when the fog begins thinning, I see Axels compound guard gate in front of us. That was quite the experience. I see Creusa is right in front of me, glaring at two-night realm warrior orcs manning the guard gate. "Are they going to be a problem?" I ask Creusa. "Warrior orcs hire out their sword, once bought their loyalty is unwavering, to all but their night realm king that is. As long as they don’t know we are currently on their kings most wanted list, we should be okay, Theoretically of course." Creusa says. We make our way to the gate, as a huge warrior orc galivants towards us like he's got a stick wedged up his butt, "What ye wee babes be doin' trespassin' at dee vampirs domain?" The orcs grittily booms. Dude is going to cause premature deafness, he needs more ASMR in his life. "We are guests of King Axel." I say hoping he hasn’t started singing the tunes of a golden year’s singer, and put my stuff 'To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left'. "The vampirs should be awakening as the sun dis settin'. Follow me ye midgets." Why that insulting mongrel! "Ye too stupid to ask our names, ye homely beast kin." I reply haughtily. Creusa is glaring at me, I guess starting beef with a dark realm orc would be unwise, in hindsight. "Ye human needs ye teeth knocked out dat mouth ye wee ogre shite!' his foul fermented roadkill breath waifs my way as he angrily booms at me, he crowds me like he is going to physically assault me. "Shut ye stanky pie hole ye chupacabra shite! Before my boyfriend fires your pimpled butt!" I’m totally mastering this dark orc dialect, I’m such a fast learner. I may have slightly embellished Axel and mine relationship, but I figured it would help move things along, I accentuate that point by snapping my fingers in a 'make haste' signal. Creusa slides in between us, "Why that is a ravishing physique you have, I nearly swooned myself to death looking at your glistening… firm buns in that uniform. And my, what big dense… horns you have." Creusa purrs while stuttering as her brain works overtime trying to compliment this ugly fuck tart. She better not say I'm a dim-witted poisoned berry eater, again. "Please, excuse my friend she’s been dim-witted since birth. It didn’t help she mistakenly ate a handful of onyx sage berries; I had stashed them away from…my pet…rabbit. Yes, rabbit, so she wouldn’t eat them." She leans in as she attempts to conspiratorially whisper as she yells in a loud ass voice for this dumb buffoon can understand. Oy vey. There she goes again; she is driving me to violence. Her pet rabbit? This isn’t the golden years anymore, nobody has food to spare for a rabbit, they are more likely to eat the damned thing. Hence, Creusa's 'scrumptious hare soup' we ate the other day. The warrior orc basks up her platter of utter bullshit, his horns must be growing introvertly in his skull and pureed his common sense. "Ye normally be good supper for us ye orcs. But… I mayhap like ye too." the orc flirts back. "Take us to your boss you overgrown meat sack." I pipe up behind Creusa's suddenly stiff back. The orc sticks his large husks that protrude from his extremely overbite jaw at me. He turns and angrily saunters to the compound’s front door. Creusa slows her stride to stand beside me, "Are you stupid! Orcs hold a mean grudge." Creusa hisses in my ear. "Me. No. Understand. Me. Ate. Onyx sageberries." She wants to call me dim-witted, I may just be for annoying conversations like this.
The orc strolls through the front door past four standing warrior orcs, "Ye wait dis spot." He says scowling at me. Such a sensitive snowflake that one. Several minutes of counting air molecules, a dapperly dressed vampire in an expensive looking suit suddenly appears in our line of vision, as if through thin air. "Fuck tart!" I scream like a surprised sissy. Creusa merely inhales rapidly. The vampire smiles charmingly, "Thy tongue speaks most unbecoming of a lady, Miss. I fear your marriage prospects would have evaporated as fast as your rosy pink cheeks did when flustered, as it was in the time of regency, 'the ton' gossip spread faster than wildfire. How I yearn for the magnificent regency years." Creusa sends me a smug look, as if taunting me that I was implied ‘uncouth' by a strange vampire. "Yeah, well the French upper-class frogs, could kiss my heart-shaped ass. How unbecoming of you to purposely pop into thin air." The vampire chuckles, "I did not 'pop in thin air'. I merely walked at vampiric speed. My name is Nero, I am over seeing Axel's estate until he returns from the dark realm." Creusa and I look at each other, clearing my voice,"Uhmm, when is he expected to return?" I ask Nero. "He did not say. He merely said to protect a handful of humans and if a woman comes here to let her through. In his haste he failed to name the lady in question. Are you her?" Nero asks looking at me like a curious predator. This lot are always so suspicious. "Yes, I'm her. My name is Valentina, this is Axels and I mutual friend, Creusa. Would you take us to the humans please?" I ask in firm politeness. Nero smiles, "I heard you tell the orc our King is your 'boyfriend'. Have you piqued the interest of our King?" Nero silkily purrs. "Wow, you vampires are worst gossipers than a senile bunch of crocheting senior citizens." I deflect his snoopy question. Nero seems unfazed and gives me a knowing look as if he will get his answers later. "Only when we meet intriguing humans." He takes a deep inhale and his head closes in on me them nears Creusa. "But you both scent like a dangerous night ambrosia tinged with sweetness. More than human." Nero says with a hunger seeping in his eyes. A butler breaks the awkward moment, "Miss. Valentina, such a joy to see you again. My I take your bags, Miss…? The butler that filled Sebs position offer's to Creusa's. "Names Creusa. And it's alright, sweet stuff. I'll follow you."
Valentina
Creusa's room is across the hallway from my chambers, which is in Axel's wing. I may have over exaggerated Creusa and Axels friend status. He was threatening to 'whoop her wrinkly ass', while she threatened to turn him into a female ogre, saying it's mating season and King Shrek was looking for a lovely she-ogre for hanky panky. Oh vey. These two are going to cause me to premature age before my immortal ascension. Creusa dropped off her bags, then butler vamp took us to the 'human' wing. Gemma and Fabio were munching on a shared bowl of popcorn, which spilled everywhere when they saw me. Charlie, Shawn and Oliver gave me big hugs, I had to introduce them to Creusa for the second time, her magic amnesia spell worked quite well on them. At this point though it was moot, King Aurelius already met her. The kids ended up leaving to explore the compound and are obsessed with all thing’s vampire. They begged me to tell Axel to let them train as human transitionary candidates. Basically, they want to be turned into an immortal bloodsucking vampire. I told them to just stick to comic books for now, they weren't so easily dissuaded and left to prowl the compound. Before they left, I lent Charlie my LF and told him to bust a silver cap in any vampire that gets fangy with them. The Heffernan's were asleep in their room, go figure. Creusa and I filled Gemma and Fabio on our adventurous night realm excursion, leaving out Creusa's stolen loot details. I told them King Aurelius is my biological father, but to keep that info on the down low for the moment. Creusa and I have really forged a friendship these last couple days. Gemma and Fabio are already using names of endearment with her. So here we lay glued to these massive comfy couches, crazing like a wild herd of starved cows, watching my favorite golden year’s show, ‘I Love Lucy’. Gemma throws a pillow at Creusa, "Yo, bitch! You just ate the last kernel of popcorn." Gemma yells at Creusa, in her deep manly ‘thug life’ voice, mhmm, no bueno. It’s gonna get violent. Damn it, popcorn would have gone perfectly to this show down. Creusa is lounging next to a vertically reclined Rupert on the couch. Rupert apparently sensing beef about to go down, slowly blinks open his large sentient eyeball. Gemma catches the movement, and screams bloody murder, Fabio who was filing down his nails turns to see what all the ruckus is about and spots Rupert's glaring eyeball. His face goes ghostly pale, as he joins Gemma's wailing. Creusa is la
ughing her ass off at them, "Yo, bitch. Meet my homie Rupert. Rupert Giles." Creusa says with an insatiable smile on her face. That betch gots a mean streak a mile wide, she fits right in this crazy posse. It’s good to be home. Home to me, is not my old house, it's right here with the people I love, home is where the heart is.
Valentina
After an all-night movie binger, everyone calls it a night at three in the morning. I take a hot relaxing shower and find the cutest pair of baby pink silk pajama short set in my dresser drawer; they feel like heaven incarnate and drape over my body like molten chocolate. I was surprised to see my gym bag that I had stuffed with some memorabilia and my stuffed hello kitty sitting on a luggage rack, I thought it was lost forever. I think Axel is sweet on me, seems like a selfless act to get it for me, with the sun burning him alive and all. He's an enigma, a dichotomy, an abyss with no end. I tiredly sigh, as I sink into the fluffy cloud like mattress. I kissed a vamp and… and I think I liked it.