It seemed to me that he had led me on. I realise now that he never loved me. The attraction that he felt for me was of the erotic variety and was thereby destined to fizzle out. Initially, he hinted at marriage. I think he may have believed that he loved me. His friends and family appear to have been opposed. It was the test of time that revealed that it wasn’t the real thing. So yes, he did lead me on, but not intentionally. Both of us were confronted by forces which were at times overwhelming and destabilising. The pain of separation and acute emptiness lasted for over fifteen years. He was forever on my mind. I would still cry myself to sleep. There were other men but none of them could take his place in my heart. That supernatural visionary experience remains to this day. It is ever before me, waking or sleeping. It would be easier to stop breathing than to stop loving. Having committed myself to him, it remains impossible to go back, to break those ties which bind me to him.
After twenty years, I have reached a time where the pain of loss is bearable. The anger, confusion and uncertainty are over. I feel that the experience was a defining one and am grateful to God for it. I know what it is to love and my life is the better for it. I’m also relieved that we did not marry. I can see how our relationship would have been a real struggle. Most importantly, I am no longer a child in a woman’s body. The experience has allowed me to mature. There has been a healing of the sexual abuse of childhood. I am now a woman.
Chapter 18
The Earth Trembles
"Under three things, the earth trembles;
under four it cannot bear up:
a slave when he becomes a king,
and a fool who is filled with food;
an unloved woman who is married,
and a maidservant when she displaces
her mistress."
Proverbs 30:21–23
In western culture, we are familiar with the concept that the experience of falling in love and even the act of sex itself can lead to the sensation of an earthquake. We refer to it as ‘the earth moving’. Such is the power of two individuals becoming ‘one flesh’. It sends shock waves rippling throughout every aspect of our lives. A married couple may carry out their day-to-day existence in the most humdrum of ways. They work, mow the lawn, paint the nursery, ready the car for registration and go shopping. It may seem mundane, but there is a coordinated approach to all this activity. Every day, every hour decisions are made and activities are completed in tandem. It is so intrinsic to our lives that we don’t even notice. It is seemingly impossible to determine where a man ends and a woman begins.
After the initial shock of falling in love and becoming ‘one flesh’, the couple settle down, the original quake if not forgotten, a distant memory. It is only when they attempt to separate that they once more experience another shock wave. The earth moves once more. Rather than a colliding movement which results in a mountain range being formed, the movement is the reverse. Instead of a mountain top experience, a chasm appears. There is a desperation that is manifested as the couple try desperately not to be swallowed alive, to be torn limb from limb. There is an overwhelming sense of impending doom.
What is the source of this sense of quaking? Is it some sort of mass hallucination? Why is the experience so universally acknowledged, that the initiates’ reports are so consistent?
There is something more to existence than what our senses and daily experiences will attest. It is that invisible world that we call the spiritual realm. For many, there is no experience of this realm, and their response is one of scepticism and outright rejection of its existence.
This invisible spiritual world is the source of the quaking that some of us have come to know. It is a manifestation of the powerful works of God himself. When the earth was formed, mountains, valleys and the depths of the oceans would have been shaken. The fabric of the universe would have been ripped and torn, arranged and rearranged in the process of creation. Galaxies and stars responding to God’s command exploded into existence. The man Adam was cut open and part of his body removed to build another body, that of Eve. Their enthronement and coronation would have been an unprecedented moment. The scriptural reference to it is sparse, yet its significance cannot be overlooked. It has, as its genesis, the command of God himself. A royal proclamation which all of creation must observe and obey.
All creation, in response to God’s command trembled and continues to tremble. God has brought into existence both time and space. The act of creation results in the sensation of a quaking earth. When a man and woman become ‘one flesh’, a new creation takes place. This creating anew leads to the couples experience during sex as one of an earthquake.
When a man or woman commits adultery, there is a destruction of the ‘one flesh’ unity of the couple. Once more, there is a quaking. In this case, the quaking is a response to destruction. Somehow, we humans are not as insignificant as we may appear. Our actions affect the foundations of existence. When we act, all of creation witnesses it and an outcome, and a day of reckoning will expose the destruction we have wrought.
The earth has trembled since the expulsion of Adam and Eve from Eden. It continues to tremble. The proverb tells us that the trembling is in response to three causes: social upheaval caused by revolution, greed and marital lovelessness. Yet, this will not go on indefinitely. There will be a day when the earth will face destruction. It cannot bear up. The cause of this is widespread immorality.
When God rouses himself and responds to the prayers of his people, it is no insignificant thing.
“As fire consumes the forest, as the flame sets the mountains ablaze, so may you pursue them with your tempest and terrify them with your hurricane!”
Psalm 83:14&15
God reveals himself to humanity through Scripture. When we read the Bible, we discover his nature, his plans and what he wants from us, his people. He uses picture words, words that we can understand to describe how he achieves his plans.
To understand God, we must come to understand one primary aspect of his nature. He is holy. He cannot turn a blind eye to sin. It is a crime against the one who sets the standards by which he commands us to live. Sin requires judgement.
These standards were revealed to the Israelites at Mount Sinai in about 1450 BC. Their leader, Moses, was called to meet God on the mountaintop. There he received the Ten Commandments. Once more, there was a terrifying quaking as God revealed himself in all his holy majesty.
"On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled. Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the LORD had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly.
And as the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke and God spoke to him in thunder."
Exodus 19:16–20
God reveals Himself to us through Scripture through word pictures. He also enters time and space, and impacts history in a tangible way. Conversing with Adam in the garden. Speaking to Moses through a burning bush. Providing manna and quail for his people in the desert. The greatest, most profound revelation was when he became flesh and blood and walked amongst his people as Jesus of Nazareth.
Scripture reveals that God has a consistent attitude and response to sin. It angers him and he must act to express his wrath. In Scripture, his wrath is often reported to be expressed in some geophysical way: earthquake, whirlwinds, hurricane and fire. Those who would rebel against God are warned that they will be helpless to resist his judgement. Their helplessness is akin to their futile attempts to stand up to the catastrophic forces of nature.
When disaster strikes, we are usually confident that, once the storm dies down we will then, together with our neighbours, sort through the rubble, and begin to rebuild. In the west, we have the luxury of having such confidence rewarded. Yet even in modern day Australia, we have ‘ghost towns’. Villages which once thrived yet, in the face of some cata
strophe, long forgotten, were abandoned by the populace. Once the disaster is over, we carry on as if nothing had happened. We don’t view it as the warning that it is. A warning that there will one day be a quake that we may never recover from. “See to it that you do not refuse him who is speaking…for our God is a consuming fire.” Hebrews 12:25 & 29
Our world is trembling and the tremors appear to be increasing. What I am referring to is the dislocation of communal life in western countries. The increase in irregular adult relationships has reached a level where there is increasing disquiet regarding a sustainable communal harmony. It may be disturbing, but for those with eyes to see, the prophecy of Proverbs 30 is upon us. Right here right now.
Chapter 19
The Beast of the Apocalypse
Considering our survey thus far, we come closer to the heart of the prophecy. It is a warning to those who live their lives in rebellion. It is for those whose sexual relationships fall outside God’s commands. It is time for repentance.
The fulfilment of the prophecy is also a sign that the end times are upon us. While most civilisations have failed in regard to God’s standards of morality, there are still those among us who experience a sense of acute unease. Most civilisations have had their own gods and accordingly, their own rules of sexual conduct. This may include institutionalised prostitution. It may be asserted that for those of us in the West, the outcome for those involved in sexual immorality may be harsher than in other eras. Why should this be the case? To understand this claim, we need to understand how God views our activities.
We, in the West, have been blessed with the legacy of hundreds of years of Christianity. Scripture has been translated into many hundreds of languages. Knowledge of God and his ways are freely available. Despite this, free and easy access to knowledge of God, most reject his wisdom and direction. This is unacceptable. It is only to be expected that judgement will be harsher for those who have been exposed to the light of Scripture and chosen to reject it.
Does this mean that there will be levels of judgement? That the flames of hell-fire will have a smoulder setting? That there will be the occasional dousing with water to regulate the heat?
The answer to this may be found in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Roman church. In the first chapter, Paul affirms that rejection of God finds humanity deserving of judgement. The judgement he refers to is different from the judgement of Christ on the last day. On judgement day, every individual will be called to account. All the billions who have lived a life in rebellion will face an eternal, experiential all-consuming fire. Yet Paul tells us that, in addition to this, the rebellious must experience judgement here and now. He asserts that the wrath of God is being revealed here and now. This wrath is used by God to humble people and cause them to turn back to him.
What does this ‘wrath’ look like? How is it experienced? According to Scripture, it is impossible for humanity to live lives which satisfy a holy God. We deserve to be annihilated. Despite this, we find that God is ever constrained in his dealings with the rebellious. Instead of wiping us out completely, he is ever patient, giving us many opportunities to repent. This constraint is evidence of his ‘grace’.
In Paul’s letter we find that God’s grace may be diminished when wrath is resisted. Every time an individual has God’s light presented to them he expects them to respond in repentance. When they refuse, he ‘gives them over’. This ‘giving over’ is God dispensing justice in the here and now.
Paul writes that all have had the opportunity to respond to God’s light. When they reject him, he withdraws his light and allows them to experience all the trappings of the darkness of idolatry. As a result, there is an inability to act appropriately. The individual is vulnerable to the temptation of greater and greater levels of depravity. There is a darkness of mind which inhibits a godly response.
Once idolatry becomes entrenched, God allows the rebellious to have what they want. This is not restricted to the individual. Because we inhabit communities, the process of ‘giving over’ or satisfying our desires for depravity, a whole civilisation becomes contaminated. Our behaviours inevitably influence those around us. The standards we strive to maintain, set the standards for following generations.
Questions arise. What have my relationships with men revealed about my attitude to love and sex? Has this demonstrated a commitment to God? Is God pleased with me in this regard? How does my behaviour affect our civilisation? Have I come to understand and appreciate the significance of my behaviour in an eternal sense? Has God given me over? How?
So far I have approached the question of judgement as an ongoing activity as opposed the final judgement that Christ will superintend. To clarify, I will briefly describe how this can be understood to be a lived experience. A whole textbook will be required to present the theology of the revelation of God’s wrath. I have neither the means nor the qualifications to attempt such a presentation. The reading public, that this book is written for, are those with little or no understanding of such a concept. For this reason, I will be brief and limit the presentation to a simplistic form.
I believe that western civilisation is in decline. The trembling mentioned in the prophecy is the unravelling of the social fabric. Its integrity is weakened. The prophecy was given three thousand years ago. It applies to that civilisation and the civilisations which followed. And so it impacts our civilisation accordingly.
It is difficult to identify where and when the West began to disintegrate. I would not dare to provide a date nor a century. If we were to look to Paul’s letter to the Romans, we would have some guidance. The beginning of the process of ‘giving over’ starts with idolatry.
When we in the West think of idolatry, we automatically have images brought to mind of the worship of Hindu statues of gods or ancestor worship. We do not consider that our civilisation bears any resemblance to these activities.
According to Jesus, idolatry has its source in the worship of Satan. In Revelation, he shows the Apostle John a vision of a beast. This beast was given power by Satan.
“And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast – all whose names have not been written in the book of life.”
Revelation 13:7&8
Accordingly, we can conclude that those who are not Christians are idol worshippers. Those who do so, belong to the beast who is the active agent of Satan. The startling fact is that Christ clarifies the status of mankind before God. If we in the West refuse to worship Christ then we, by default, belong to Satan. Unpalatable and confronting for most of us. Surely this cannot be the case you may say. What idols do I defer to?
We live in an era where beliefs, which are held about the meaning of life and the nature of what it is to be human, are as various as the population itself. If you asked an individual what they believed in and why it is most probable that they would be unable to respond. Over the centuries ideas have been developed, challenged and disseminated and redeveloped, a never-ending percolation. A process so complicated that it would leave the average person bewildered.
One of the most profound influences upon western thought has been Christianity. Belief requires an acceptance of a transcendent God who works in mysterious, revelatory ways through the supernatural. Prophecy and miracles go hand in hand as God reveals his will to humanity.
Over the centuries, there have been challenges to the grip Christianity held on western hearts and minds. This new system of thought challenged the former Christian model with its reliance on a seemingly subjective experience. Humanism, as it became known, relied on critical thinking and material evidence as a foundation for belief. A pithy way to describe the difference between the two belief systems can be referred to as ‘science versus the supernatural’. Humanism has made profound headway with most human endeavours requiring prior rigorous, rational evaluation.
Unfortunately, the ascendancy of humanism has resulted in Christianity losing a foothold in th
e West. There is no need to be concerned as most evangelistic approaches are able to take in the challenge of the need for objectivity. This is by means of presenting Christ as a historical figure. His mission having been accurately reported by witnesses.
As previously observed, idolatry is rampant in the West. It is this new mode of belief that has enabled this accusation. The rise of Humanism has resulted in the modern secular state. We could go so far as to observe that Humanism is a state sponsored religion. This is because humanity provides the means by which all endeavours are measured. We are trained to look within to our own capacities to reach our goals. Superficially the exercise of Humanism is a sensible approach to all human endeavours. A rational exercise where evidence is weighed, options considered and decisions made with reference to risk.
This approach to life is so familiar to us, that we cannot see the implications of this behaviour. Underlying this pursuit is the assumption that, provided we obtain all the relevant facts, the individual is able to make rational decisions and thus live an orderly life. No prayers are offered to a transcendent deity for his blessing on our schemes. We ourselves have the answer to whatever issues confront us. All we have to do is research, then take action. The deity is within. We ourselves must be consulted, not a transcendent God. This is the basis for my claim that idolatry is alive and well in the West.
What impact has Humanism had on our communities? Our self-confidence is encouraged as we consider how cleverly we apply reason to whatever issue we face. Yet this whole façade comes crashing down when we encounter events in life which are beyond our control. We are devastated when we are abandoned by our spouse, or diagnosed with a terminal illness. Our automatic response is disbelief. So entrenched is our self-confidence in our capacity to deal with our problems, that we may find ourselves fighting impending derangement when our efforts to regain control fail.
An Unloved Woman Page 8