by D. Kelly
He’s lucky I didn’t go to his office and do this in person.
“Okay, Bob, gotta go. If you need anything, talk to Warren.”
“All right, Sawyer, see you in New York!”
Dammit. I forgot we have to schmooze with this fucker in New York. Hopefully, it will be the last time we see him because it’s getting harder and harder for me not to tell him to fuck off.
“Come in,” I call out when there’s a knock at my door. Anna peeks her head in, and it immediately brings a smile to my face. “Hey, Bethie.”
“Hey, Sam and I are getting ready to head back down to San Diego, but I wanted to be sure you’re okay before I go.”
“I’m fine. It’s been a rough couple of days, but everyone is healing.”
“About that …” She takes a seat. “Did you suddenly get over your fear of blood and wounds?”
“No, why?”
“Don’t play coy with me. You’ve been squeamish as long as I’ve known you, but you’re the only person Mel seems to go to for help with her bandages.”
Busted.
“It freaks me out, but Noah can’t do it, and Mel doesn’t seem to want to ask anyone else. I caught her trying to do it herself and she was making a mess. I told her to just get me from now on. I have it down to a quick routine.”
“You’re a good man, Sawyer Weston, and one day some girl is going to be lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Bethie, but I think I’m going to be taking a hiatus from women for a while. Take some time to work my shit out.”
Leaning forward, she drums her fingers against the desk. “Maybe after the tour you can work on getting your house together. That house is your true happy place. Maybe you’ll feel more centered if you start spending some time there.”
That’s not a bad idea. I always assumed I’d fix it up with my wife, but this could be a project I can get behind.
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re one smart cookie?”
Grinning, she replies, “Once or twice. If I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer? It’s a two-part question.”
“I’ll try.”
“You started calling me Bethie the first week we met. Why?”
Her question takes me back; I remember it like it was yesterday. “You have to promise you won’t be mad at me if I tell you the truth.”
Happiness glimmers in her eyes as she leans back in her seat and draws an X over her heart with her finger. “Cross my heart.”
“When we started talking on the phone and you told me your name was Anna-Beth, but your friends called you Anna, I didn’t think much of it. We were young, but even back then you had this sultry, sexy voice.”
“Go on, flattery will get you everywhere.”
Laughing, I continue. “You were the complete opposite of what I’d pictured you to be. You were this adorable little pixie. All I could think of was Tinkerbelle. I couldn’t reconcile that Anna, the sultry goddess I’d pictured in my mind, was you when I looked at you.”
“Sawyer,” she admonishes, “I’m not even sure we were thirteen yet when we met. You shouldn’t have been thinking of anyone as a sultry goddess.”
“You do realize you’re talking to me, right? My sex drive has always been high.”
Her smile is bright as she shakes her head. “Okay, keep going.”
“The first few days we were getting to know each other, I’d either catch your attention or call you Anna-Beth. You’d remind me it was Anna, but that seemed so wrong to me at that point. Especially since you and Wyatt clicked right away and I’d pictured dirty things with my Anna from the phone.”
“Oh my God, Sawyer!”
“What? It’s not like we didn’t kiss.”
“On the cheek. It was a peck on the cheek!”
I roll my chair closer to the desk. “I know, and I’m glad. I knew you were special after a couple of days and that we were going to be friends for a long time. That’s when I came up with Bethie. Everyone else practically gagged when I said it to you, but you didn’t. You blushed.”
“I will deny this to my dying breath, but if we’re telling secrets, I’ll be truthful. When you called me Bethie, I got tingly. No one, up to that point, had ever given me a nickname and, for a short period of time, I wondered if I made a mistake not dating you.”
“Really?”
She nods. “I realized pretty fast I was right choosing Wyatt, and that what made the nickname so special wasn’t the name but that it came from you. I’d become friends with the asshole and I loved it. No one has ever called me Bethie but you.”
“Good, because that’s our thing, Bethie, part of our bond. Even though you’re grown now and fine as fuck, to me, you’re still that little pixie.”
“I love you, Sawyer.”
“Right back at you.”
“So … that leads me to my second question. As far as I know, before Mel, I was the only person you’d ever nicknamed.”
“That is a fact, but almost everyone in my phone has some kind of nickname.”
She waves her hand. “Doesn’t count because you never call them that to their faces. That’s your own inside joke.”
“Also a fact. What do you want to know?”
“Wyatt told me how the nickname came to be. Belle and Amelia, I get the princess reference. What I don’t get is, why did it stick? And why are you still calling her that?”
“Ah, are you jealous?”
“No, seriously, not at all. I just want to know.”
I pick up a pen and start spinning it in circles while I think.
“It made her mad, and she got feisty. Something about it was … attractive for some reason. So attractive, my dick got hard.”
“Sawyer!” she mock-scolds me through her laughter.
“You asked for the truth. Anyway, it also made her blush, which was counter-indicative to how she was acting, so I kept it up.”
“And?” she coaxes, worrying her bottom lip.
“And that’s mostly it. That reaction had virtually disappeared the first day or two into our tour. It wasn’t as fun anymore, but she seemed to like it, and the nickname was fitting, so it stuck.”
“How do you know she likes it?”
“Because when I call her Princess, her mouth sort of kicks up into a slight grin, just on the right side. You can see it if you pay attention. But when it’s just the two of us talking, she smiles. Fuck, Bethie, she’s got one of the best smiles I’ve ever seen.”
She pulls the pen from my hand and sets it aside. “Smiles have always been your weakness. Most men pick a sexualized body part usually boobs or asses. Sometimes you’ll get a guy who goes for eyes or even personality. Not you. For you, it’s always been the smile.”
“A smile is harder to fake than most people think. It can tell you a lot about a person. The laugh lines, the twinkle in your eye, the way your cheeks lift just a bit. When I decide I want to be with someone, I have to be able to tell when I’m making them happy and when I’m making them miserable. How they smile at me is the key to that answer. I’m still a man though. A nice ass, decent rack, great smile … a girl who has all of that would be the perfect trifecta.”
The way she keeps staring at me is making me a bit uncomfortable.
“Bethie, why did you want to know?”
“I’m not sure. We were just kids when you gave me that nickname. I figured, as an adult, she had to mean something more to you. And I know Mel does, and you’re getting over it and all that, but I guess I just worry.”
“Sometimes, a nickname is just a nickname. Most of the time I don’t even realize I say it.”
“I think you need a nickname.”
“Pretty sure I have one already. Most women call me ‘Oh God.’”
Her brows furrow and then it clicks and she tosses the pen at me. “That is so wrong.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite. It means I’m doing everything right.”
/> “Just keep using your own condoms, Sawyer. I’d hate to see you get trapped by the wrong girl.” She stands, and so do I.
“And who would be the right girl?”
“That’s easy,” she says, kissing me on the cheek. “The one who will move heaven and earth to always give you the good smiles. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Drive safe, Bethie.”
“I’ll text you when I get home.”
After she leaves, I think about her answer. Maybe she’s right, and one day it will all come down to a smile.
This morning, Noah scared the shit out of us. He disappeared, and Princess was terrified. He turned up a little while ago and gave me the evil eye for sitting with Mel while he was the one out doing all kinds of shit behind her back.
Before taking off, Wyatt stayed for a few minutes and filled me in on their trip to see Sara’s parents. I’m fucking livid. Even more so because Noah locked himself in with Mel instead of talking to me about all of this. The fact he took Wyatt to deal with this is like a kick to the fucking balls. I know they’re best friends, but I’m his fucking brother; I’m supposed to have his back.
For whatever reason, I’m not good enough for Noah anymore. Not to talk to, confide in, or to even have his damn back while he confronts crazy head on. But I’m good enough to hang at home and take care of his girlfriend’s wounds while she picks my past apart and questions me on my lack of girlfriends.
It’s not just that; I got sucked in again and fell into the ease of opening up to her. She’s so easy to talk to, and I always end up saying more than I would ever tell anyone else.
It’s impossible to concentrate on music anymore, so I decide to do some day drinking instead. After pouring myself a glass of scotch, I head to the backyard. Once I’m comfortable on a lounger, I focus my attention on the vastness of the ocean and begin to relax. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore always has a calming effect on me.
“Day drinking? I sure do miss those days.”
“And you will for another six months or so,” I answer as Belle sits next to me. She rubs her almost non-existent belly and leans back on the lounger.
“More like five months, but it seems like forever. Everything is quiet inside. I’m assuming Noah and Wyatt came back?”
“Yup.”
“Did he have a good excuse?”
“Nope.”
She shields her eyes from the sun. “No he didn’t, or he didn’t have one good enough for you?”
“Both. It wasn’t good enough for me by a longshot, and there’s no excuse for him to have worried Mel like that. He could have left a note or something.”
“True, but maybe he forgot. Concussions mess with people’s memories.”
Not likely. I continue to look out at the water.
“I’ve been getting your fan mail.”
Now that catches my attention. “What?”
“Ever since I started doing the blog posts and the articles, your fans have been sending me emails and letters. ‘Belle, please give this letter to Sawyer. Do me a solid.’ ‘Belle, from one woman to another, I know Darren is meant to be my husband. Please give him my number.’ The worst ones are the ones convincing themselves Wyatt is unhappy and wants them instead of Anna. You guys have some interesting and deluded people in your camp.”
“Jesus, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
She releases an evil chuckle. “Because anything sent to Slammed is property of the magazine, and I’m going to have so much fun doing an exposé on these women. Something about the dangers celebrities face with delusional fans.”
“You’re an evil genius.”
“I know. Besides, women shouldn’t be sending their coochie through the mail. If you want a man bad enough, you should work for it.”
“True, but make sure you turn them over to our security team when you’re finished with them. They monitor all the incoming mail to ensure we don’t have stalkers. They also can nip the overly obsessive fans in the bud early when they start sending too much mail.”
“Damn, you guys go through so much. I don’t envy you.”
“All part of the game, I suppose.”
Reaching over, she pats my knee. “Still doesn’t make it right. You give up a lot to do what you love.”
“Maybe, but we get a lot in return too.”
“True. You got Mel and me, and that’s no easy feat.”
“Ha! Damn, Belle, you crack me up.”
She pretends to look offended. “Can’t argue the truth. Admit it, your world has gotten brighter since we entered it.”
I finish off my scotch and concede defeat. “You’re absolutely right, and you’re even giving us an addition to our family. You’re stuck with us for life now.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s amazing who you’ll put up with for love. It’s okay, though, it’s always just been me, my mom, and Mel. It will be nice for the baby to have a huge extended family. She’ll always be surrounded with love and light.”
She sounds so serene. I admire the way Belle seems to always go with the flow. “Still she, huh?”
She smiles. “Until I see some testicles and a penis, that’s what I’m going with.”
“You’re lucky Darren is a family man. He may not have been expecting a kid at this point in his life, but he’ll be a great dad.”
“I think he will be too. I watched him at Thanksgiving with Saylor and Emme, and I swear my ovaries were on overload.” I’m laughing, but when she taps my arm, I give her my attention. “You’re Darren’s best friend, and I think you should know I do care about him. This situation isn’t something I’m taking lightly. It’s not what I had planned for my future, but it might be the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I love him, Sawyer.”
Noah slides open the door and joins us, but I ignore him. “I know, Belle, and if I thought any differently, you’d have already heard it from me by now. I think this is good for both of you. But when the news comes out about you guys, and especially the baby, make sure you tell us right away if the fangirls get to be too much.”
I make a mental note to talk to Darren about protection for her anyway. We’re on the road too much to take chances right now. Especially knowing that she’s getting these emails.
“I will. We’re about to go see Darren’s parents, and he’s probably wondering where I went. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
When Belle leaves, Noah takes her place.
“Drinking already?” he asks, giving the side-eye to my glass.
“What can I say? It’s been a stressful morning, to say the least.”
“Sawyer, I’m sorry. I know you’re angry with me.”
I sit up and turn to face him. “Don’t, Noah, I’m not Mel. You don’t need to try to placate me. You knew exactly what you were doing this morning and figured you’d ask for forgiveness later. You pulled that move straight from my playbook, I know it well.”
Storming back inside, I grab the bottle of scotch, bring it outside, and refill my glass. Partially because I want a drink, and partially because I know it’s going to piss Noah off.
“You wouldn’t have let me go.”
“I wouldn’t have let you go alone. Sure, I would have tried to talk you out of it because it was an awful idea for about a hundred reasons, but I would have been by your side in the end.”
“It was something I had to do, and I feel better now.”
“Physically? Or because you felt like you owed it to Sara’s parents to pay them off after their daughter tried killing you and your girlfriend? You work hard for your money, Noah! Didn’t Sara get enough of it the first time around?”
He winces, and I’m not sure if it’s out of anger or pain. Of course, it makes me feel like the world’s biggest dick.
“You didn’t see them. They’re poor, Sawyer. Disabled, broke, and heartbroken. It wasn’t why I went. I needed answers, some closure, and at the end of the day, they coul
d make our lives hell even though Sara was at fault. Imagine if they decided to countersue us or tried to do something to Mac. Maybe I feel like this is an insurance policy. A bit of kindness goes a long way.”
Why does he always have to be the one to take the moral high ground? The bigger question is, why do I care? This is how he’s always been, and it’s none of my business.
We sit in silence for a while. I lean back in my chair and finish another two or three drinks before he speaks again.
“I did something else today too.”
“We know. I’m pretty sure your Christmas shopping could have waited until you’re not about to pass out when you stand up. Or, at the very least, long enough for you to call and check in so we didn’t have to track you.”
“Sawyer, this is important. Are you drunk?”
“I’m not drunk, but I’m not sober.”
He winces and holds his head, then sighs. “Maybe we should talk later.”
“I’m fine, Noah, say what you want.”
He fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a ring box. Suddenly, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Wordlessly, he passes it to me. It’s fucking gorgeous. Everything about this ring was made for a princess. My Princess.
But that’s the thing about love; it’s never guaranteed to be yours or to be reciprocated. As much as it stings, this is a good thing. It’s exactly the push I need to prove to me she isn’t mine, once and for all.
“It’s a good choice, Noah. She’s going to love it.”
I pass the ring back, and he stares at me long and hard. “There is so much you aren’t telling me right now. I know you better than I know myself, Sawyer. Talk to me.”
“There isn’t much to say, is there? I’m just hurt, Noah, okay?”
“You’re hurt?” Then, with a sudden realization, his tone softens. “Because of Mel.”
Exactly, asshole.
No, not really. This is about him.
Us.
“You would think that. I’m not sure you know me as well as you think. If you did, you would know this is all about us. I used to be your best friend. I should have been the one you went to about Sara, the one you told you were thinking about getting married. I should have been the one who got to stand by your side and pick out the ring as you made one of the most important decisions of your life. Me, Noah. Not Wyatt. I’m actually your brother. I should be your true best friend. You would have been my first call. You, not Darren.”