The sky had lightened above us, that pristine perfect dark blue and orange mash-up that only ever happened at this time of day, but my friend barely seemed to notice.
“You hung out? Dude, you know this is a death sentence for both of us, right?”
“If he finds out, it might be a death sentence for me. I’d never let Charles know that you knew about it.” I ground my teeth together. “I hardly think it matters what I do or do not do with his daughter. The man hates me regardless. That’s why I figured it was okay to hang out with her. There’s literally nothing I could do to make him hate me more.”
Eden tucked his chin close to his chest, giving his head a firm shake. “Not true. If he finds out you’re fucking his daughter, that’s it for us, man. I’m telling you.”
“Maybe for me, but not for us. You’re fine, bro. Charles will never know that you knew.” I’d protect Eden with my life. I had done it before and would do it again and again. “You have nothing to worry about.”
He grunted something unintelligible under his breath before speaking up. “Don’t be an idiot. I wouldn’t want to go back without you.”
“Then I’ll be fine, too.”
Technically, I wasn’t sure that was true. Compared to how much shit was on my record, Eden was clean as a whistle.
The only marks he had on an otherwise spotless record were ones that had been made there while he’d been on missions with me. They’d tried separating us, but the asshole had insisted on transferring back to my team.
If my career was over, I doubted Eden’s would be unless he ended it himself. I’d have to work on that, though. No way was I dragging him down with me. I never had. He simply jumped when I did, trusting me to know we’d land safely.
Unlike me, he even had an interest in climbing the ranks. So far, he was refusing to do it unless I did it, too. But I’d been pushing him to go on without me.
I was perfectly happy where I was. Not because I lacked ambition, far from it, but because I actually liked it where I was. Becoming an out-of-the-action officer and paper-pusher wasn’t exactly what I wanted for my future.
Eden’s quiet voice broke into my thoughts, a hint of worry thickening his tone. “Do you think we’ll get the news soon?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed into the warm yet crisp air, my eyes on the glowing orange ball that was slowly making its ascent into the sky. “You need to let it go for now, man. We’ve done what we could. We just need to make the best of our time off and hope like hell they’ll be calling us to board a plane soon.”
His gaze followed mine almost wistfully. As if he, like me, was wishing we were watching the sun rising from one of the rounded windows of a plane while being carried to some far-off place.
Kicking ass, taking names, bringing home hostages. Those were just some examples of things we should have been doing.
Yet here we were, chasing the sunrise to our favorite fishing spot. Still, if we had to be anywhere other than doing the job we both lived for, I was glad we were doing this.
Until Eden made one final comment on the subject that I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried. Much later in the day, long after we’d stopped talking about work, Charles, or our fates, his words still rattled around in my head.
“Charles may have used his last days to lobby that you be demoted or worse,” he’d said. “What will we do if that ends up happening?”
His question had been earnest, and I’d given him the best answer I had. I just wasn’t sure that it had really been an answer at all. “If that’s my fate, I’ll be fine. Let it go, bro. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
I’d only realized later that I’d said “when” we got to it and not “if” we got to it. I was hoping the slip of my own damn tongue didn’t turn out to be prophetic.
Chapter 14
Sofia
“This is still one of my favorite places in the world,” Haley said as we walked out on the boardwalk in San Diego. She let out a happy little sigh and spun in a circle, sending her golden hair cascading out behind her.
It swirled around her waist when she came to a stop, a smile on her face and a flush on the apples of her cheeks. She’d drawn some attention from a group of college-aged guys near an ice-cream cart a few yards away from us, but she didn’t notice them.
Haley was always exhilarated to come here but especially during the summer. The sun was high in the sky. There were pigeons, children, and activity all around us. She had a popsicle in her hand. Nothing made her happier.
Yet today, she seemed more subdued than normal. Usually, she’d be insisting that we go on rides, eat until we drop, and find a place that had a happy hour going as soon as possible.
“Are you okay?” I asked, linking my arm with hers as we walked down the pier. “Something seems off with you.”
“I’m fine. It’s just good to be back here, you know?” Her eyes darted to the waves on her other side, rising and falling along with the swells. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this free.”
“That’s a weirdly specific choice of wording. Why free?” I frowned. “Do you feel shackled otherwise?”
Her narrow shoulders shrugged, but she still wouldn’t look at me. “A little. Maybe. I don’t know.”
Planting my feet, I brought us both to a stop and walked around her, then waited for her to meet my eyes before I spoke. “What’s going on? You’re really worrying me.”
“It’s nothing to be worried about.” She sighed again, but there was a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Really. I promise. It’s great that you care so much about me, but it’s nothing concerning. It’s just been hard lately, you know?”
I shook my head, but when I found no evidence of a lie in her eyes, I went back to her side and we carried on walking. “What’s been hard?”
“Starting a business without any formal schooling,” she said, shooting me an apologetic look. “I never should have told you business school would be a waste of time for me.”
“You did what was right for you.” I linked our arms again and squeezed her with my elbow. “Business school would have been a waste of time for you. Look at how well you’ve done without it. Don’t start doubting yourself now, my friend. You’ve got this.”
“Do I, though?” A deep frown settled between her manicured brows, and her eyes crinkled with worry. “I know I haven’t been doing badly, but I’m nowhere near where I wanted to be at our age.”
“You’re twenty-four, Haley,” I pointed out, making a show of rolling my eyes at her. “You’re still a spring chicken. Plenty of time to take over the world or whatever it was you had wanted to have done by now.”
She pursed her lips, but I knew it was to hide a smile. “No world domination for me. I just really thought the deli would be further along by now and that I’d be well on my way to opening one somewhere around here. A degree might have helped with that.”
“You don’t need a degree to make money in this country,” I said. “Look at some of the most successful people around. They have no formal schooling, either. I’m proud of you, babe. You’re doing really well.”
“Yeah, I know there are a lot of people who make tons of money without degrees. I just feel like I took it for granted when someone else was still teaching me all the basics I needed to know. Now, I have to learn them all by myself and it’s hard.”
“On the bright side, you’re learning by gaining your own experience. That’s something I won’t be doing for years. While my head is still stuck in the books, I’m only learning theory.”
Our practicals, the rounds we attended, and glimpses of the world outside of school didn’t count as gaining real-world experience. The professors, doctors, nurses, and even the interns I’d spoken to at hospitals had made that clear to me time and time again.
“Theory that will be a great foundation for you to learn from when you start gaining your own experience,” she argued. “You’ve always been good at school, so I’m pretty sure every word in e
very textbook is glued to the inside of your brain.”
“School was easy for you, too,” I said. “Study buddies for life, remember?”
She snorted. “School was only easy for me because you learn by teaching. No way I would have gotten through business school without you. Besides, that’s not really my point.”
“You would have gotten through it just fine, and you know it. You didn’t want to go, remember? You were in too much of a hurry to get out into the world and start leaving your mark on it.”
“Yeah, I remember,” she groaned. “I just don’t know if it was the right call anymore. Most of the time, I’m perfectly happy with my choices. Every once in a while, though, something will happen that will make me doubt them.”
“What’s happened now?” I cast my gaze toward my friend and saw her chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Anything I can help with?”
“Nah.” She waved her free hand after tossing the popsicle stick away. “It’s some stuff I have to sort out with my banker. He just mentioned something that I’d never heard of before, but the way he said the word made it sound like it was something so obvious and commonplace that I didn’t even want to ask.”
“What was it?”
“Something that gets taught in business school. I can’t even remember the phrase because once I looked it up, the meaning was obvious. It’s the fact that I could have known about it if I’d gone to business school that tripped me up.”
“You haven’t needed it so far, though. Always remember that. How important can it really be if you’ve never heard of it before? Plus, you were smart enough to figure it out once you’d heard it. Problem solved. The internet is enough of a friend for someone with the natural talents you have.”
“Yeah, maybe. It was just something that got me down at that moment. Thanks for reminding me about all my regular arguments, though. I needed it.”
I bumped my shoulder into hers. “What are friends for, right?”
“Right.” Her teeth snagged her bottom lip when we reached the end of the pier. With a thoughtful expression on her face, she leaned with her back against the concrete barrier and shifted her focus to me. “If that’s what friends are for, then maybe I need to ask you some questions that will force you to re-evaluate how you are currently feeling about things.”
“Shoot.” I grinned, sliding my fingers into the pockets of my faded blue jeans. “I’m not doubting any of my decisions.”
“Okay.” She pulled her hair up into a ponytail high on her head and snapped a band from her wrist around it. With her eyes unobstructed from the breeze blowing the golden strands into them, I saw they were blazing into mine with a sudden fierce determination. “Why are you taking the slowest possible route to your future?”
I rocked back on my heels, but I wasn’t totally unprepared for her question. “I’m in no rush. Making a career is a marathon, not a race.”
“Bullshit,” she replied simply after pausing for a second. “A career might be more like a marathon, but you’re putting off starting yours with everything you’ve got. How many times have you been offered fast-tracking?”
Her eyes narrowed, and I knew it was time to come clean. “A few, but it’s never been the right time to take up one of those programs.”
“Why not?” She cocked her head to the side and gave me her take-no-prisoners glare. “Saying it’s never the right time sounds like an excuse to me.”
“You sound like my dad,” I groaned. “That’s exactly what he said when I told him I was needed here this summer.”
“Maybe that’s because it really does sound like an excuse,” she said. “You could’ve been graduating by now. Why aren’t you?”
My teeth sank into my lip as I moved to lean against the barrier beside her. Unlike her, though, I stared out at the vastness of the ocean instead of back at the pier. Haley didn’t turn, but she kept her eyes on me.
“I don’t know,” I admitted finally. “All I know is that I feel no sense of urgency to rush it. I’m not behind in school. I’m just not ahead, either.”
My best friend released a puff of air, but there was no judgment in her eyes when I glanced at her. “Twenty-four and twenty-five might not be that old. We might be spring chickens and we might have plenty of time, but we’re also not twenty anymore.”
“You’re right.” I knew she was. I’d asked myself these questions many times in the dark of night once Melody had fallen asleep. “The thought of settling into a career just isn’t something that drives me, you know?”
Haley nodded but was quiet for a long minute after. When she finally turned to face me, her side to the barrier now, I could see I wasn’t going to like her next question. “What does drive you then?”
I lifted my shoulders, shaking my head as my lips pressed into a tight line. “I don’t have an answer for that. Whatever it is, I don’t think I’ve found it just yet.”
“Maybe you should look into that,” she offered in a gentle voice.
I nodded, giving her a grateful smile. It would’ve been easy for her to judge me, to accuse me of wasting money and time. Knowing I had a safe place to confide meant the world to me, and I hoped my smile conveyed at least a little bit of that sentiment.
“Yeah, maybe I will.” I had no idea how one went about finding what drove you, but it sure would be a damn good place to start.
Chapter 15
Lincoln
To go or not to go. That was the question I was trying to answer.
Sofia had texted to let me know the beach party was on later tonight, inviting me again to join her. I hadn’t replied because I honestly didn’t know whether I’d end up going or not.
A round clock above the hotel-room door ticked loudly, counting every second of the debate I was having with myself. Eden’s words were still fresh in my mind, factoring into the decision I had to make.
What if Sofia’s father had spent his last days lobbying against me? If I found out he had, would I hold it against her?
More importantly, did it even really matter? Whatever he had done was already done. Whether I held it against her also wasn’t really relevant. It wasn’t like I was asking the girl to marry me and was worried about the outcome of our lives together. In the greater scheme of things, going to a beach party with her couldn’t and wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.
After another minute or so of debating it, I decided to go. Fuck it. Literally the only difference going or not would make was whether I spent the night alone or with a girl I enjoyed being around.
I’d seen another side of her when she’d pulled over to help me, and I was fucked if I didn’t like it. The way she’d handled my blowout had been really mature which, I had to admit, was kind of the opposite of what I’d done. I’d let my ego get the better of me, and I wanted to make it up to her.
Once I got to the beach, though, I realized this was no small bonfire party. There were thousands of people swarming around multiple bars and bonfires that had been set up on the still-warm sand.
While I’d probably have loved to have been invited to something like this years ago just to have experienced it, it wasn’t really my scene. Half-naked guys and gals laughed, flirted, and danced around. Beer sloshed over the edges of red solo cups, the likes of which I hadn’t seen since high school, and judging by the music booming from the cars, I was guessing that some of these people might just still be in high school.
My gut twisted. If what I suspected was true, I really shouldn’t stay. Getting busted partying with underage kids would be like sealing the death warrant of my career all by myself. No help from Charles required.
Also, I still hadn’t received a reply from Sofia on the text I’d sent her when I’d parked. There was no way I’d find her among all these people. I took it as a sign from the universe that I shouldn’t have come out.
For all the stars in the sky, I couldn’t remember what it had been that had made me think it was a good idea to come to this goddamn party. Just as I was turning to l
eave, a figure waved at me from the nearest bonfire.
I twisted around to check if the person had waved at someone behind me, but I was the only one standing on the sidewalk. The rest of the partygoers weren’t nearly as undecided and kept streaming past me onto the beach like they were being tugged there at the ends of strings.
When the figure moved away from the bonfire and I saw her curvy shape, I instantly knew the wave had been for me. It was Sofia, now sashaying her way across the strip of beach separating us with her gaze zeroed in on mine.
“You came,” she said above the music when she got close enough.
A smart-ass retort about “not yet” was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t offer it up. “I said I would, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.” A gentle smile I hadn’t seen from her before formed on her lips. “But I wasn’t sure if you would show up or not.”
“Didn’t I say something almost exactly like that to you the night we met?” I asked, hooking my thumbs into the pockets of my jeans and risking a few steps onto the sand. I still wasn’t convinced these people were all of legal drinking age, and I could smell the alcohol almost as strongly as the smoke from the fires in the air.
Sofia walked up to me, taking one of my hands in her much smaller ones. “Yeah, you did say something almost exactly like that. But we hadn’t fought then.”
“Maybe not,” I said, closing my fingers around hers. “I’m a man of my word, though. When I say I’m going to do something, I do it.”
“Duty, honor, and all that?” she said, her tone light and teasing but her eyes round on mine.
“Yep. Exactly that.” I let go of her hands and took a step back, surveying the scene around us. “Duty and honor definitely don’t go hand in hand with underage drinking, though.”
She frowned, then laughed and swept a hand out at the beach. “You think these people are underage? Jeez. Maybe I should have asked you this before, but how old are you?”
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