I moaned again, rubbing his shaft between my slippery folds. Lincoln’s breathing picked up pace, his heart thundering right along with mine. “Fuck, Sofia. I’m too close. It can’t happen like this.”
“Yes, it can,” I whispered, my lips brushing against his. “This isn’t only about me, Linc. It’s not some hookup. You can let go whenever you want.”
“But I want to let go with you. Inside you.” He buried his head in the crook of my neck, his hips pistoning like he just couldn’t help himself. “Plus, I need to put on a condom.”
“Don’t,” I murmured. “Are you clean?”
He nodded, his forehead clammy against my skin. “Yeah, we get tested for everything all the damn time. I had another test done in the brig.”
“I’m clean, too. I haven’t been with anyone but you since my last test. My campus has a student health facility that we have to volunteer at. I get tested often with students too afraid to get tested by themselves.”
“That’s sweet of you, baby, but—” He hissed as his dick touched my entrance. There was a soft noise from him sliding through my wetness, and he sucked in another breath. “That’s not the only reason why we need a condom.”
“It’s not,” I agreed. “I used to be on birth control, but I’m not anymore. I hadn’t been with anyone for so long that it didn’t seem to matter that I hadn’t gone for my next injection.”
“Exactly,” he groaned. “So condom.”
“I think we might be safe,” I said, knowing the kind of fire I was playing with. “But if I’m not, I want to be with you for the rest of my life anyway. Would having a baby together be the worst thing in the world?”
“No,” he said, pulling back to look into my eyes. Those Cognac orbs burned into me, more serious and honest than they’d ever been before. “I’ve always wanted a family more than anything, but Sofia…”
“I want to give you that family,” I whispered when he didn’t add anything after trailing off. “We can wait a few more years, but why? We both know what we want. We might as well start practicing now.”
“You don’t have to practice. You’re already perfect.” He planted another kiss on my lips, then lined himself up and fixed his gaze on mine as he thrust home. “Any baby you and I might have if we’re lucky will also be perfect.”
His hips rocked against mine with a steady pace that only ramped up my need. Lincoln felt it, though. He gave me what I needed three times before finally surrendering to his own release.
After he’d cried out my name and had twitched deep inside me, both of us collapsed like spineless eels. We lay together for a long time. I was thinking about the possible consequences of what we’d just done, and I had no doubt he was, too.
But I was at peace with it. I wanted a baby with him, and he’d made it clear he wanted the same with me. It would suck to find out I was pregnant when he was half a world away, especially considering the fears I already had.
I’d decided I wouldn’t let those rule me, though. I was planning for a long, happy life with Lincoln. I’d keep believing that would happen until life proved my beliefs wrong. Besides, we had far more pressing issues to think about.
I rolled lazily to my side, admiring the profile of the man I loved as he lay there catching his breath. His lips were slightly parted. There was a hint of a flush along the tops of his cheeks and the muscular arm which wasn’t holding me was draped over the washboard of his abs.
Once again, I was struck by how much he looked like a cover model. The guy was just insanely fucking hot.
The kicker was that as ruggedly handsome as the packaging was, what was inside was even better. All those weeks ago when I’d met him and known he was the kind of bad boy I could fall for, I wouldn’t have guessed for one second that he wasn’t bad at all.
Well, okay, maybe he had been. But he wasn’t anymore. He had a heart of gold and a soul made out of pure sunlight.
And he was all mine.
A smile curled on my lips just as Lincoln opened his eyes and frowned at me. “What are you smiling about?”
“You,” I said simply, turning my head to plant a kiss on his shoulder.
Those gorgeous, sexy dimples popped out as he returned my smile and twined his fingers around mine. “Well then smile all you want. I know I will. Every day for as long as you love me, I’ll have the best thing in the world to smile about.”
The words melted my heart into yet another puddle of girl-goo, but they also made a question worm its way through the post-orgasmic haze in my mind. “What are we going to do, Linc? It’s one thing to admit how we feel to each other, but it’s a whole different thing to make a new relationship work long distance and long term.”
Vulnerability hit me in the gut as I heard the question I had just asked. Voicing my fears and insecurities was as difficult for me as it was for anybody, but voicing them to this Adonis of a man who was now also going to be in actual command of a unit of SEALs? These guys feared nothing and no one. Confessing fear to him just seemed foolish and immature.
Lincoln didn’t laugh at me, though. Nor did he dismiss my questions for being so damn clingy when we’d only just told each other how we felt.
He tightened the grip he had on me, then dipped his head until he was looking into my eyes. Sincerity shone in his, his expression open and unguarded.
“It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll be okay. We’ll talk on video calls and on the phone as often as we can. We’ll go old school and write love letters. I don’t care what it takes, I’m all in. I love you, and you love me. Love might not be all we need, but it’s a pretty good place to start from.”
“Okay,” I said, moving my hand to his chest to feel his heart beating beneath my palm. “I just wish you didn’t have to go so soon. Why couldn’t he have given you a few months to sort everything out?”
I closed my eyes against the pain brought on by the thought that I was going to have to say goodbye to Lincoln again so soon. I didn’t know exactly when he’d be leaving, but I knew it would be within a matter of a week or two.
He squeezed my hand to get my attention. “Don’t be mad at your dad, baby. I signed up for this, and I want to do it. Your dad has made me a better man, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he knew that I was going to be your man. We will be fine. The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll be back, right?”
“Right.” I sighed, then rested my head over his heart instead of my hand and listened to its steady beats. “Just stay safe over there, okay? Stay safe, never forget that I love you, and know that I’ll be counting down the minutes until I get to see you again.”
What the hell, right? If I couldn’t be honest, vulnerable, and clingy with him, what was the point of loving him at all?
Lincoln dropped a kiss on top of my head and then repeated my own words back to me. The best thing of all was that I could tell that he really meant them and that he was learning how to bare his soul to me in the same way I had to learn to do it with him.
But we would.
And we’d have old-school love letters to do it in.
I could live with that.
Chapter 39
Lincoln
One of the things no one told me about being in love, not that I would have believed them if they’d tried, was how much of a lovesick idiot I would become. Leaving Sofia had been the most difficult thing I’d ever done, and five months down the line, I still felt like someone had kicked me in the balls whenever I thought I had one more month to go without her.
As it turned out, being in command of a unit also wasn’t just all busy work. I was busier than I’d ever been, but I still found time to speak to her as often as possible.
Time had morphed into one giant, sand-colored loop. According to the calendar I’d taped up on the first day, there were only twenty-five more days to go. Although the last five months had been without a doubt the best of my career, they’d sucked for my heart.
A helicopter whirred past overhead, interrupting my thoughts
and reminding me that I was supposed to be in the middle of a training exercise. Eden ambled up to me with a knowing grin on his lips. “Spaced out, huh?”
“Yeah,” I admitted, lifting my cap off my head to swipe beads of sweat off my forehead. As I put it back on, I glanced into my friend’s green eyes. “Was it that obvious?”
“To me, yes.” He inclined his head toward Dave and the rest of our unit. “I doubt any of the others noticed. They’re working on their strategy for the invasion they have to stage in ten minutes.”
I smirked. “Whatever strategy they come up with, we’ll be ready for them.”
“Provided you stop pining.” He winked and clasped my shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong. I know you’ve been good about keeping your head in the game, but you’re going to need your focus today. These boys might just surprise you. You’ve trained them well.”
“We’ll see about that. I think the simulation exercise will be good for them either way. We’ve gotten Dave to learn when to joke around and when not to, and even Turner has learned how to assert himself. Now we just have to see how we all function together.”
Eden nudged me in the shoulder with his. “We all function like a well-oiled machine together thanks to you, and you know it. I think you’re just running this simulation to keep everyone busy while you fantasize about your girlfriend.”
“Fuck off.” I punched him in the bicep, but I couldn’t totally deny it. I knew my unit functioned like one that had been together for years. It wasn’t being immodest to admit it. We’d gotten enough compliments for me to know it wasn’t just my ego talking.
Apparently, once I’d started putting my unit together, we’d been labeled as the Misfit Team. Since I was perfectly happy being the leader of the misfits, I hadn’t argued about it. Besides, we were an odd bunch to have together.
When Charles had told me to pick my men, though, I’d known who I wanted. Dave and Turner, my cellmate and driver from Washington, had both agreed to be transferred. Eden had joined us the same day that his doctors had cleared him.
The others were all guys I’d worked with before, and every one of them had been happy to join my team. Within five short—though also excruciatingly long—months, Team Misfit had earned a lot of respect from the Navy.
Even Charles had contacted me to tell me how proud he was of me. Actually, he’d contacted me a lot.
“Isn’t that your father-in-law to-be?” Eden asked, pointing at a silver-haired figure climbing out of a Jeep. “Sure looks like him.”
I narrowed my eyes, putting my hand to the end of my cap as a shield to squint into the sun. “What the fuck? I think you’re right.”
Sure enough about a minute later, the figure was close enough that I could make out Charles’ features. It was difficult to know for sure, since the man was grinning instead of frowning, but I was ninety-percent sure that Sofia’s father was walking up to us.
He trained his eyes on me, holding out a hand as he came to a stop when he reached us. “Surprised?”
“Sure.” I grasped his hand firmly but then got even more surprised when he yanked me closer to him and gripped me in a one-armed hug. “What are you doing here?”
He let out a gruff chuckle. “I thought I’d stop by and see how you were doing.”
“Are you ever going to really retire?” I asked, but the corners of my lips refused to play along with the mock seriousness of my tone. “Or have you taken up golfing in Iraq as a hobby?”
Charles shrugged, smoothing out the white button-down shirt he was wearing. “I’m not golfing, but maybe I’ll look into it for my next trip. I’m heading back home tonight.”
“Did you really come all the way here just to check on me?” My brows rose before I leaned to the side to peer around him. “Any chance you brought Sofia with you?”
“Nope,” he said, fixing me with a strangely gentle look before shrugging again. “I started a consulting firm. Navy men have a hard time retiring and just sitting at home.”
“I can see that.” I frowned when I realized he kept looking at me in that weird way. “What’s up, old man? You’re kind of freaking me out a little bit.”
“Nothing is up,” he said, but his hazel eyes focused on a spot behind my shoulder for a moment. When his gaze came back to mine, the softness was gone but so was the hostility I’d gotten so used to. Then again, I hadn’t seen it since the day he’d sent me to the brig.
Suddenly, he reached into his pocket. “I have a delivery for you. It’s from Sofia.”
He withdrew a sleek, light blue envelope from his pocket. My heart started pounding as I took it from him, blood rushing in my ears. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.”
“She really misses you,” he said, so quietly that I almost missed it with Humvees, helicopters, and people all around us. I just managed to catch it, though, and my pounding heart stopped abruptly to skip a few beats. “She wrote those to you so that you have one for every week you’ve got left here.”
“That’s great.” I swallowed past a dry spot in my throat. “Thanks for bringing them, sir.”
Charles gave me a long look, then clapped a hand against my bicep and gripped it. “If you hurt my daughter, I’ll kill you. I don’t care if it’s legal or not.”
I knew it might not be a friendly threat, but it didn’t scare me. Nothing could, except for the possibility of losing her.
“I won’t hurt her, sir. I love her.” Keeping my eyes on his as I made the admission wasn’t easy, but I knew it needed to be done. Charles and I had seen each other several times before I’d deployed and had spoken often, but I’d never said those words to him. It was time for me to come clean to him. “Once I get home, I’d like to take you for a drink some time. There’s a question I need to ask you.”
Something that looked very much like relief flashed in his eyes, but then he swiped it away. “I thought there might be. We’ll have that drink soon, son. For now, I need to be getting to the airstrip. I just came to see with my own eyes that you were okay and I had to deliver those letters.”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming by. I’ll see you soon.”
Five minutes later, Charles was gone and Eden and I were headed to rejoin the training exercise. The letters burned a hole in my pocket all day, but I had to wait until after dinner to read the first one.
Lying back on my bunk after a shower, I folded one arm behind my head and slid it out of the envelope. A single light bulb that was on its last legs hung in the center of my tent, but it gave enough light to read by. As I unfolded the sheets of paper, a whiff of bergamot and vanilla hit me. I groaned at all the memories the scent brought rushing back.
I would never, ever admit it to anyone, but I might have brought the paper to my nostrils and breathed it in for a long minute or two. Only once neither my cock nor my heart could take it anymore did I lower the letter down again.
Seeing Sofia’s neat, loopy handwriting brought a smile to my face, but my throat tightened. God, I missed my girl so fucking much.
Dear Lincoln,
I hope Dad actually gives you these letters. A part of me is convinced he’s going to chuck them in the ocean when he drives over the bridge to get to the airport. Maybe he won’t, though. He seems to be coming around to the idea of us. Not that he’s got much of a choice, but I’m glad he’s supporting us now. It will make things easier.
How are you holding up, love? I miss you so much more than words can say. Still counting down the days until you get home. By the time you get this, it will be less than thirty.
Five months down, one more to go.
I have such a big surprise for you when you get back, but I don’t want to ruin it by telling you here. Suffice it to say, for now, that I love you and that I’m reminded of your love for me with each passing day. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and I can’t wait for you to get back so we can start our lives together.
Luckily, class is keeping me pretty busy. Otherwise, I’m sure I’d have gone crazy by now. I
t’s been a lot of extra work, but my graduation date has been revised again.
I’m so proud of you for being wherever it is that you are, and I hope you’re proud of me, too. Can you believe we’re really doing this? That we’ve already gotten this far? Because I can’t.
Anyway, I’m going to stop writing now. If I don’t, I might not have enough left to say for the letters for the rest of the weeks. I really want you to have one love letter a week until you come home.
Stay safe, baby. I love you with all of my heart and soul. And also with every orgasm I have ;-)
Sofia.
P.S. I’ve got a middle-schoolish poem I thought you might enjoy.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Lincoln Dobbs, Sofia loves you.
What do you think? I might have it written in the sky on the day you get home.
By the time I’d reread the letter for the third time, the first tears I’d felt in more than a decade rested on my lower lashes. My throat was tight again, but swallowing didn’t make it go away.
Eventually, I curled up with her letter clutched to my chest and fell asleep in the fetal position. Thank God I had a tent to myself because I would never have lived that display down. The weirdest thing of all was that I wouldn’t have cared.
The girl who had my heart was thousands of miles away, and the gaping hole in my chest ached tonight. I missed her so much that it hurt to breathe.
But she was right.
Five months were down, and there was only one left to go. Surely, I would survive that. When I got home, though, I was locking the two of us away somewhere for at least a month. There was no one else I wanted to see, no one else I wanted to spend time with, and no one that would come between us and our time together.
Epilogue
Lincoln
The last month had been a bitch. It had flown by, but it had also hurt five times more than the first five had. I’d read Sofia’s letters so many times that the paper was soft now, smooth from being handled so much and so often.
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