by Lilly Black
"In the end, it turned out that I wasn't Berggren's only unwanted child. He had been taking on a new research group with the same dynamic every summer for twenty years, always in a different country. He always chose countries with strict abortion laws to commit his crimes in and kept the women who did conceive there until the nineteen week point, so who knows how many other young women were forced to bear his unwanted children? In that respect, he was careful, but he did make mistakes. My adopted father managed to find two women he had raped in Sweden, and that, along with the testimony of my mother and the other women he had assaulted out of the country, finally put him in jail where he belonged. Hopefully, now he's a fucking zombie who died of starvation in his cage."
"I'm so sorry, Alek. I can't imagine how this must make you feel, but baby, surely you know that just because you share the man's DNA doesn't mean you have his sickness. You're a good man, Alek, one of the best men I've ever known."
"But you don't know what it's like to know how I came to be, to know that my existence caused my mother so much pain, that every time she looks into my face, she sees the man who violated her every night for five months!"
Alek broke down in my arms, and for a long moment, I just held him, wondering how I was going to exorcise this demon from his mind. Tomorrow, he would be with Amina, and I would be with my husband. I couldn't send him off into the arms of a woman he barely knew feeling like this. Then it came to me. I needed to share a confession with him as well.
"Alek, I'm going to tell you something I didn't want you to know," I said, and he looked up at me. "I was a fan before I met you. I have every episode of your show on the DVR in that armoire over there, and I even read the Jaded Series because I heard somewhere that it was your next project. You would have been amazing in that role, you know. Anyway, I've seen all your movies and watched interviews with you, including one on a Swedish talk show with your dad, Oskar. Maybe you didn't start out as his son, but when you're raised by someone you love, you tend to take on their expressions and mannerisms. I had no idea he wasn't your biological father because I saw so much similarity between you. That's what your mother sees when she looks at you. I promise."
He smiled, and as he sat beside me again, his posture fell into a relaxed position. He was completely unfazed to learn that I had been a fan, and though I was glad of that, I still knew I could never tell him the whole truth. I wasn't really just a fan. I felt drawn to him in a way that would make me sound crazy if I said it out loud. I had only ever felt that magnetism with one other person in my life - my husband.
"That's why I love you, Liv. I can be feeling like I just want to give up and end it all, then I spend a few minutes talking to you, and the world seems worth fighting for again," he said, taking my face in his hands and kissing me sweetly. "I need to save those women, and with you by my side, I can do anything."
"You will save them, Alek," I assured him. "We will save them."
"Thank you, baby, for understanding," he said, looking down at me with an adoration in his eyes that almost made me cry.
"Jag älskar dig," I whispered.
"Jag älskar dig," he echoed me, running the back of his hand gently down the side of my cheek. "I'm going to miss you so much tomorrow. You have no idea."
He slid his body to lie down facing me and pulled me against him, and when our lips met, despite his original intentions and the horrors of the conversation we just had, we ended up making love anyway because he needed me. It was slow and sweet, intense and overwhelming, and I completely forgot I was supposed to stop him from coming inside. Then at the last minute, he pulled out because Alek is perfect, even when the rules of our arrangement were getting in the way of our needs. That's the deal we made, though. No coming inside on day four. Because men.
Day 54
Amina woke with the same drowsy happiness she had each morning since they had come to the Deadfall. It had been so easy for her to transition back to feeling safe and sleeping through the night, but when she reached out for Reid and realized he wasn't beside her, that sense of security was instantly replaced by anxiety as she became aware of the sound of running water. Today was the day they were switching, and the water she was hearing from the bathroom was the man she loved getting ready to be with the other woman he loved. The arrangement had sounded wonderful at first when she learned that she would have him for four days on the heels of believing she was about to lose him forever, but now it just sucked.
She slipped out of bed to check the bathroom. The door was unlocked, and she walked in to find Reid standing naked in the mirror, covered with shaving cream from his neck to his balls.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he said, but that wasn't an answer.
"You didn't wake me, but since I'm up, would you like to explain why you're wearing a shaving cream leotard?" she asked, resorting to humor to cover the fact that she already knew what he was doing and she was pretty sure she also knew why. She had seen Alek without his shirt when he was working in the greenhouse, and he looked like he'd spent some time wearing that shaving cream leotard himself. It had to be Olivia's preference.
"I'm just shaving," Reid said as he laid the razor down on the vanity.
"Your balls?" she demanded.
"Among other things," he admitted, and she gave him a disgruntled whine.
"That's not fair."
"What do you mean?"
"It's not like four days from now you can make it all grow back for me, so why are you taking it all off for her?"
"You like the chest hair?" he asked, and he realized that even though he was shaven smooth when they met, they were in a strange headspace that first night. After that, it was weeks before they had sex again, so she probably had no idea to expect this from him. Of course, being younger than Olivia, he just assumed she'd like it.
"Yes, I like the chest hair, and I liked the beard, too. I like men," she snarled, and Reid gave her an incredulous look.
"That wasn't very nice, Amina."
"Oops. Sorry," she said unconvincingly.
"Tell you what," he began as he moved to stand closer to her, though not close enough to get the shaving cream on the pretty lingerie Dani has given her. "What if we compromise. I'll leave my chest hair intact for you and shave the rest for...out of habit."
"Habit," she repeated, rolling her eyes. "Why do you have to shave any of it? That's weird."
"Oh, I don't think you'll find it as weird as you think," he informed her in a seductive tone.
"Give me the fucking razor," she said, and though hesitant, he reached for it as she pulled her nightgown over her head and cast it aside, commanding him to "get in the fucking shower."
"Yes, ma'am," he said, and she followed him into the stall. She turned the water on to lightly spill from the main jet like a faucet behind her and guided one of his legs up onto the ledge as she squatted before him and carefully began shaving away everything she was willing to allow. Then she rinsed him off so she could see if he was right, and he was. She liked running her tongue all over the smoothly-shaven flesh so much more than she expected, and she really liked the idea of getting him off today before her rival even had a chance. She gave him a slow, intense blowjob, and when she finished him, she stood up and rung out her hair.
"Ok," she said. "You can shave your face for your wife, keep your chest natural for me, and keep doing the rest of this for both of us."
"I'm glad you like it," he said.
"I do," she admitted as she stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel.
"Hey, wait! I want to return the favor," Reid called after her, and she paused on her way out the door, giving him a satisfied smirk.
"Come on, Reid. You know it's hard for me to come twice like that in one day," she quipped, and though it took him a second, he realized she was talking about her plans tonight with Alek.
"You little bitch," he said with a laugh.
"Shhh...you love me,"
she bragged.
"I do love you," he confirmed.
"I love you, too," she said, and she made her exit, still intensely jealous but proud of how she'd handled it in front of Reid.
Olivia woke with her mood toggling back and forth between depression and excitement. Though she loved Alek dearly, it had been torture to know that her husband of fifteen years was so close yet out of her reach. She had wanted to make love with him that first day, but in typical fashion, she chose restraint for the greater good.
When she and Alek came to the lodge for breakfast, they didn't sit on the thrones because it seemed silly, but after noticing how somber everyone's mood was, she realized she would have to exert her queenly authority nonetheless. The new people from the solar farm would be given their trailers within the walls today, and while they believed last night's crucifixion to be business as usual, it was actually the first time for the people of the Deadfall, very few of whom knew how Billy really died.
Olivia stood up and cleared her throat to tell them about Billy, apologizing that she made the personal decision not to carry out the true crucifixion they voted for, and in the opposite corner of the hall, Aiden clenched his jaw in anger as they praised her for it. It only grew as she proceeded to tell them about the plan regarding the prison because he knew that in the end, they would probably do whatever Olivia wanted there as well. And soon it was decided.
Jax and Austin were leaving in the morning, and the full scale invasion was set for three days out with four teams, including a few of the remaining men from the solar farm, who wanted the group at the prison dead more than just about anyone. Some of these men had been brought to the farm by the prison gang, and all of them had lost their wives or girlfriends because of it. They wanted Olivia to know what they had lost, and they also wanted to talk about James, who was still in the jail cell. They assured her that based on everything they knew of him, he was likely telling the truth about being more afraid of Billy than Olivia, especially considering Billy wanted to enlist the help of the prison group.
"James had no love for the men at the prison," said a man with a grey beard named Wyatt. "He wasn't at the drug farm with his girlfriend. He was there with his mother. The guys at the prison shot his dad, kept his sister, and sold him and his mom to Widowmaker."
"I can't confirm the part about his sister because I was with the women," Widow said, "but his mother was Widow Twelve. She didn't talk much, and she cried a lot."
"If James was going along with Billy, there's no way he would have sided with the men who killed his dad," Wyatt said. "He may have been hoping Billy would take him to the prison to recruit their help so he could try to kill them or something."
"I'll speak with James myself," Olivia promised. "Thank you for the information."
"He had a lot of reasons to want to kill those men, but the rest of us do, too, so I hope you'll remember that when we go to take that place down," Wyatt added.
"I'll keep it in mind during the invasion," Liana said as she got up from her table and took her dirty dishes to the collection bin. She left the lodge feeling positive, but Aiden left angrier than ever.
"I don't get these people!" he ranted. "She stood up there and told them that even though they voted to crucify Billy, she decided to do whatever she wanted to do anyway, and they cheered for her! They're like a fucking cult."
"People are scared, and she makes them feel safe. Once we have a proper army and can make the world feel more like it used to, things will change," Liana assured him. She felt like she was playing both sides of the field because she didn't disagree with Olivia as much as Aiden did, but being so close to him, she was beginning to see his point more and more. She was just convinced that militarization was the answer to everything. What Olivia saw as an agency of war, Liana saw as a means of keeping the peace, and that fundamental difference made it so much easier for Aiden's ideology to seep into her head.
"Scared people are easier to control," he said. "And once we have the means to make them feel safe from the outside world, they'll begin to fear that she'll turn her bloodlust on them, so nothing will change. We need to leave this place, Liana, build our army elsewhere. We need to start over before we end up in a position where we may have to wage war on our friends."
"I don't think it will come to that. She's not a dictator, Aiden. She's just doing the best she can to lead," she argued because she wasn't ready to think about anything so drastic. She had Rey to consider, and getting him to leave Savannah would be like asking him to give up a limb. He had fallen hard for her.
"I'm losing my patience, mon cœur," he said softly. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."
"Just a little longer," she assured him. "Let's get this mission at the prison over with, then we'll be able to get back to shoring up our numbers and building the walls. It will get better."
Aiden smiled and let it go for the moment because he didn't want to argue anymore. He was exhausted from it, but he had no faith that things would get better. Olivia was wiretapping new people, and Aiden was still trying to live in a world where personal rights and freedoms were prized above all. Liana wasn't sure what world she lived in, but, then again, she never had been.
Wiretapping wasn't even the most invasive thing Olivia was doing to ensure the safety of the people of the Deadfall. Since Jax was leaving tomorrow to escort Austin back to the prison, she was taking no chances. She had worked out a ruse with Rena, and she took Austin to her workshop where they showed him a small metal device that he would be swallowing in the morning. He was told it would take three days to pass through his system, and during those three days, Jax could set it off at any time, killing him in an excruciatingly painful internal explosion.
"So, if you're lying to us to get back to your friends at the prison, you're going to pay for it in the most horrible way," Olivia warned him. "Jax will be implanted with a chip that can activate the device inside you on a second's notice, so if you decide to rat him out to your former masters, this is what is going to happen to you."
Rena took the metal disc over to a life-size teddy bear that Savannah had sacrificed for the greater good, and as she pretended to place it inside, she palmed it. Then she put up a "blast shield", which was really just a large pane of Plexiglas she found in the supply shed and pressed a detonator to set off the actual bomb she had implanted deep in the bear's stuffing. Pink fur and white fluff went everywhere, and Austin winced, horrified.
"How can you be sure that thing won't accidentally go off inside me?" he demanded. "I mean, I swear there will be no reason for Mr. Bonham to set it off, but how do I know it's safe? What if he hits the button by mistake or what if it just goes off randomly?"
"Without the radio signal, it's completely inert. I promise," Rena lied, banking on Savannah's tales of Austin's disinterest in education to help with their snow job. "As for the trigger, there is a two step process, so it cannot be initiated accidentally."
"And it is implanted in his body so he can set it off even if his hands are tied, but it will also keep anyone else from taking it," Olivia assured him. "I promise as long as you keep up your end of the bargain, you'll be perfectly safe. We just need to give Jax insurance. He's taking a big risk for you."
"I understand that, ma'am. I won't let you down."
"I have faith in you," she said as she led him toward the door. "We'll bring you the device to swallow tomorrow before you leave."
"Yes, ma'am...I mean, my queen. Yes, my queen," he said as he hurried out the door. He hadn't been exposed to this side of her before, but while it frightened him, he still had a strong, unexplainable urge to please her. In any case, he would never betray her or the people of the Deadfall. They were his saviors.
"You're so evil," Rena said to Olivia once he was gone. "I love that about you."
"It's self-preservation. If anything happens to Jax, Dani will kill us all in our sleep," Olivia said with a giggle.
Olivia's next stop was the jail cell where James had been in solitary
confinement since last night. Liana may have been their military strategist, but Olivia was more like homeland security. She had effectively scared any potential betrayal out of Austin's head, and now she needed to see if she could do the same with James. Perhaps killing Billy was enough to scare James straight, but it wasn't enough to make Olivia believe she could trust him to roam free around the Deadfall. She remained uncertain of his claim that he had played along with Billy out of fear, and even if it were true, there was still the matter of how far James would have allowed that fear to lead him. Would he have followed him all the way to the throne of the Deadfall atop the bodies of Olivia and those she loved?
"Of course not," James insisted when she asked. "I was counting on Billy getting caught."
"You could have made that happen, but you didn't," she said.
"I didn't have the chance."
"You had more than twenty-four hours between the wire tap and the trial. You mean to tell me you didn't have a single opportunity to mention it to Aiden while you were working on the wall during that time?"
"No, I didn't. Billy was watching all of us. He always was. He was the self-appointed leader of our little cabin in the woods out there, and while you all didn't let him have any guns, he had plenty of ways to take us out. If I had so much as given Commander La Croix a look that made Billy suspicious, he'd have slit my throat."
Commander? Olivia thought, wondering where that came from and who else was using it.
"Aiden and his men had guns. You were honestly more afraid of a man with a knife? If he had tried to slit your throat, they would have put him down," Olivia argued, incredulous.
"No, you might have put him down, but LaCroix wouldn't and Billy knew that. Its why I volunteered to be the one to go to the prison to ask for their help. I was never going to go to the prison. I was just going to go to the front gate and ask to see you or Lord Hellström to stop his little rebellion. I hate those fuckers at the prison."