The following paragraphs are based on a rumor, that could never be verified by anyone. Rabbi Aaron, however, believed that it had actually happened: It all began in the Office of the ‘First Secretary’ Stalin in the Kremlin. Lev Mekhlis, his Jewish Attendant, had taken the Humanitarian Committees’ first report to the ruler’s room, with some other documents. The dictator was alone. The attendant would hand his master only notes, in his own handwriting - on one single page for each subject matter that needed the ruler’s decision. Would the boss request to see some original documents, then his attendant had to fetch them, what had not happened frequently. So, Lev turned around, to leave his boss alone in the room with the synopses of the said committee’s report.
At that moment Stalin was busy in reading another document, but as he discerned that his attendant had been already at the entry door, he told him:
“Leib, stay with me. Let us begin with the tiny requests, that our comrades sent to me.”
“Well, you have Botanical and Biological scientists petition,” said attendant Lev. “You have their names there: Lisenko and Michurin.”
“What do they want?” aske Stalin, and looked impatienty at some of the documents.
“They say, that they can grow a giant apple fruit- out of a shrub of cherries!”
The attendant pointed to his master on an enclosed picture of such a marvellous tree.
“But we have said, that today you hand me personal requests of our people! This is not personal.”
Stalin threw the photo back to his attendant.
“These scientists are prosecuted by their rivals. They say that Lisenko cheats and Michurin bluffs!”
“Ahaaaa! Tell them both, that I’ll personally come to visit each of them, and see his interesting activity: A change of quality and quantity of fruitful trees – is a favorable step for our people’s benefit. . . . the cherry fruit is a tenth of an apple in size, isn’t it?”
“Yes,“ said the attendant.
Stalin scribbled on the note about the scientists- with his red inked pen. He gave it back to his assistant.
“Who is next to bother me?” asked the Ruler.
“We have here a first recommendation of the Humanitarian committee, that you have nominated. It is regarding a Yevreisky Rabbin - who’s undoubtedly crazy.” (In Russian ‘Rabbin’ is Rabbi).
“Do I lack madmen in this country?” laughed the dictator behind his maustache..
“More than the fact that the Rabbi is mad- his son is lacking hands.”
“Oh, how they are wasting my time, these committies,” said Stalin.
“The mad Rabbi’s sister has sent you a letter,” said the assistant, and was filled with dread, ”She lives in … Brooklyn, America! She says, that the Rabbi has hard life here, in our communist State. And she suggests to help. . .”
“Read me the original letter! It is very interesting: The American and English Capitalists had once declared a boycott on us, and now we are asked to do them a favor?! Is that so?”
The Attendant nodded, and found in his hands - the original letter that he had received from Gittel Wasserman. He showed it to Stalin, but still witheld it.
“It is written in the Jewish Yevreisky language, that I am familiar with, since childhood.”
“Hurry up, man. My time is short, “ said Stalin impatiently.
“She writes:” said Leib Mekhlis, “Please, Batiushka (Father, in Russsian slang) Stalin! I beg you to permit my brother and his wife and son to leave Russia. By doing that, you will save a lot of money! Because the madman and the invalid child eat your bread - and produce nothing!”
Stalin looked around and applauded. He laughed enthusiastically at his attendant.
“Bravo!” he said, “Well written: ‘They eat our bread - and produce nothing!’..So, Deport them! Deport. Don’t wait!”
Stalin signed the note, that his attendant provided him.
“Now,” said Leib, flattering his boss, “I would like to show you, comrade Stalin - a short film. It was sent to you by our genius director Eizenstein, that had filmed your speech a week ago.”
He put off the light, opened the screening machine in Stalin’s room - and the air was filled with noisy applauds. They came out of a big crowd, shown on the screen. It had been in a Communist Party meeting in Moscow, before whom Stalin was speaking. He was standing on a stage. Running Russian words at the screen’s bottom were saying:
“Cinema journal of actual events with our great Leader”.
CHAPTER 46
The Rabbi Who Tricked Stalin Page 45