“We’re here to take you on an adventure,” he rumbles. “You’re off pretty soon, right?”
“Not even ten minutes,” I say, flushing with pleasure that he remembered. I stand up to give him a smile, but as soon as I do, his features twist into a frown.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
Tank lifts a hand and points a finger at his brow. “You’ve got a thing going on right there that you get when you’re upset.”
“I do?”
Guilty.
“It’s nothing,” I shrug, blushing. I don’t want to make an issue of what happened with the gross customer right now, especially since Tank is in such a good mood. I flash him what I hope is a convincing smile. “So, what’s the adventure?”
“The petting zoo I told you about. We’re going today. Come on.”
“The one in Athens?”
Tank nods. “If we leave right now, I figure we’ll have a good couple of hours there. That should be enough. Come on.”
Across the room, I catch Erika giving me an open-mouthed shock expression, followed by an excited fist pump, Embarrassed, I pivot and glance back at Penny to ask her if it’s okay for me to leave, but she’s already waving me off. “Bye!” she calls, giving me a sly wink and an I told you so look. Oh, lord. Busted.
This is the first time Tank has come into the diner since he and I… well, since we started up whatever it is we’re doing together. I’m pretty sure Penny and Erika are going to have a lot of questions for me during my next shift. But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I beat a hasty retreat.
“Bye! See you tomorrow!” I call to the two of them, then scurry behind Tank and out the front door of the diner.
It isn’t until we’re outside that I notice Wren isn’t clutching Snoopy. I look at Tank in confusion. “Where’s…” I murmur quietly, pointing at Wren. He immediately knows what I’m asking.
“We left him at home,” Tank says casually, but he catches my eye and lifts a brow in a message I immediately understand. Snoopy is Wren’s security blanket. She takes him everywhere. The fact that she’s consented to leave the house without him is huge. Wow, I mouth, giving him an impressed look.
Wren takes each of our hands, chattering at both of us as we head toward his truck. I wait as Tank opens the back door, buckles her into her car seat, then gently closes the door after making sure all her limbs are inside.
I reach for my own passenger side door to climb inside, but Tank places a hand over mine and stops me. He leans down to give me a long, lingering kiss, then pulls away slightly.
“So, just FYI,” he rumbles against my ear. “I installed a lock on my bedroom door.”
My already hammering heart jumps in my chest. “Oh, is that right?” I manage to say in what I hope is a nonchalant tone.
Tank grins at me knowingly. “Yeah. I thought maybe we could test it out later.”
Then, reaching for the handle, he opens my door and waits for me to climb in.
Oh, my word.
This is gonna be the longest trip to the zoo ever.
18
Tank
I gotta admit, I felt like a jackass having to ask Angel authorization to leave the city limits to go to a fuckin’ petting zoo.
By now, the Lords have all heard through Striker that I have a kid. That fucker is more of a gossip than a sixteen-year-old girl. But even though I expected my brothers to give me endless shit about it, they haven’t. In fact, when I tell Angel where I’m planning to go today, he just nods.
“Be careful, though,” Angel frowns. “We still don’t know what’s out there, who’s watching us. We already lost Lug Nut. We can’t afford to lose anyone else, Tank.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to worry about,” I assure him. “I won’t be wearing my colors, and I’ll be in my truck.”
“Okay,” he nods again. “Oh, and tell me if the zoo’s any good. Me and Jewel have been thinkin’ about taking the kids there.”
Angel and Jewel have two little ones: a boy named Timothy James — TJ — and a little girl that Jewel just gave birth to, named Faith.
My chest gets a little tight as I think about those two munchkins. Wren is probably gonna meet them sometime soon. Assuming Jess never comes back and starts a custody battle with me, the three of them will probably grow up together.
I get a little choked up, thinking about it.
Who knew that on the inside of the Lords of Carnage Motorcycle Club, there’s also a parent club? And all of a sudden, I’m in it. Life throws you some pretty strange fuckin’ curve balls, sometimes.
And speaking of curve balls, the biggest curve ball of my life right now — even bigger than Wren — is sitting in the passenger seat of my truck as we head out of town. Cady’s looking pretty as a picture in casual skinny jeans that stop at her ankles, sneakers, a fitted flannel shirt and a jacket. Her hair is gathered up in a high ponytail, and she looks fresh, happy, and innocent.
Not so innocent that I don’t want to fuck the hell out of her, though.
Maybe she can sense that I’m thinking about her, because she looks over at me and gives me a radiant smile before turning to answer a question Wren is asking from the back seat. A warm glow moves through me as I let myself think about how people at the zoo are gonna see us. Cady is so good with Wren, any casual observer would just assume she’s the kid’s mom.
I don’t know where this whole thing with Cady is going, any more than I know what the future holds for me as Wren’s dad. But as I turn my attention back to driving and listen to the two of them chatting happily with each other, I admit to myself for the first time that I think this might be what I want.
A future, with Cady. The three of us as a family.
The petting zoo turns out to be a big hit with Wren. The place is set up like a rustic farm, with meandering paths that lead from one area to the next. There are all manner of soft, fluffy animals for my kid to pet and coo over, including baby pigs, lambs, lop-eared rabbits, ponies, goats, and a llama. There’s even something called a capybara, which looks kind of like a giant guinea pig. And puppies, too, since the farm’s family dog just had a litter.
I’ve never seen Wren so excited. She babbles non-stop about all the animals, even giving some of them names. She’s obsessed with telling us stories about how this one is the mommy, and that one’s the daddy, and stuff like that. We just nod and let her carry on — even when it’s pretty clear from a quick glance between one of the ponies’ legs that her grasp of animal genders needs a little work.
“Just to warn you,” Cady murmurs to me as we head back to the truck, “I’m pretty sure you’re going to have Wren asking you about getting a dog. When you were off in the bathroom, the puppy lady said they’d be adopting out the litter once they were big enough, and Wren heard and asked her what ‘adopt’ meant. She got very excited when the lady told her.”
I suppress a groan. “Oh, brother. She definitely gets her stubbornness from me. This might not be a fight I can win.”
Cady gives me a surprised look. “You’d consider it?”
I lift a shoulder in a shrug. “To be honest,” I say lowering my voice, “I’ve been thinking about getting her one already. The time’s not right right now, but I always wanted one growing up and I never got one. Kids and dogs are a good combination.”
Her eyes shine as she flashes me that beautiful smile of hers. “You’re a good dad, Tank, you know that?”
“Daddy?” Wren pipes up, with impeccable timing. “Can we go get ice cream?”
I start to laugh. “Well, I guess we’d better,” I answer, giving Cady a wink. “I’ve got a reputation to protect, after all.”
Hours later, we’re back at my place. Wren is finally in bed. I’ve made good on my promise to try out that lock on my bedroom door, and Cady is in my arms after a marathon of sex that has left both of us panting and satisfied.
“Hey,” Cady says softly, just when I think she
’s drifting off to sleep. “Can I talk to you now about why I freaked out the other night when Wren asked if I was her mommy?”
I shift my weight toward her. “Sure, I’m happy to hear whatever you want to tell me, Cady. But why now?”
She’s silent for a moment. “It’s just… I know it was kind of an over-the-top reaction. And I wanted you to understand where it came from.”
“I’m all ears.”
Cady swallows. I feel her tense up a little in my arms, then take a deep breath.
“I was married before I came to Tanner Springs. And to be honest, I still legally am.”
“Whoa,” I murmur. This ain’t starting out how I expected.
“We’re not together anymore,” she says quickly. “I just haven’t filed the paperwork for the divorce. When I first left, I needed to get out of town before he or my family could stop me. I didn’t want to give them a heads up until I was good and gone. It’s a long story, but Kurt — that’s the guy I was married to — is a friend of the family. And a ‘business associate’ of my stepbrother and stepdad.” I can hear a drip of sarcasm and bitterness creep into her voice. “If you can call what they do a business.”
“Holy shit. That’s kind of a bombshell you just dropped on me,” I manage. “And I’m guessing that’s just the beginning?”
Cady sighs. “Yeah. Let me back up. Sorry, this story is complicated. And I haven’t really told it to anyone before. So, when I was a little kid, my mom was a single mother. It was just the two of us. My mom struggled financially a lot when I was very young. We never lived in any one place for very long. I remember there was a time where we even lived out of our car for a bit. The apartments we lived in were generally tiny places in filthy buildings. Rats, roaches, you name it.
“Well, my mom didn’t have money, and she didn’t have an education, but she did have looks. She was really pretty. Still is, actually. And when I was five or six, she met this guy who had a lot of money. His name was Vincent Kray. I don’t know if she knew what he did for a living at first, or if she just didn’t care. But before I knew it, Mom had married Vin, and we moved into his house.
“Not long after we moved in, my mom took me aside one day and told me that she had good news. She told me she was pregnant, and that I was going to have a little brother or sister. Looking back on it now, I wonder whether she was pregnant when she and Vin got married. It’s possible she got pregnant on purpose, I guess, to get him to marry her. But either way, a few months later, she had the baby. And just like that, I had a little sister. Cassie.”
I brace myself for what’s going to follow. I already know Cady had a sister, and that she died. I guess I’m about to find out how.
Cady’s voice hitches. “Remember that painting in my apartment of the girl with the bird? That’s Cassie. She was my best friend, even though we had a six-year age difference. I was so lonely in that house before her. And then when she was born, well, at least we were lonely together. Mom and Vin barely paid any attention to us. Vin didn’t care about us because we were ‘only’ girls. And Mom… well, once she married Vin, she was so happy to finally have money that she made spending it her main hobby.
“Vin had — has — a son, named Luca, who’s a few years older than me,” she continues. “I never met him until I was older, since he was living with Vin’s ex when Mom and I moved into his house. But around the time I was sixteen, he came to stay with us. He was eighteen then, or just about. There was like a carriage house in the back of our property, and Luca moved in there. At first, I was fascinated by him, because he was really handsome. But he was mean, too. And arrogant. So pretty soon I learned to keep my distance. Vin told us that Luca was going into the family business with him. I still didn’t know what Vin did for a living, but by then I’d realized that whatever it was was pretty shady.
“Luca had a bunch of friends who would hang around the house. One in particular was named Kurt. Kurt pretty quickly got on Vin’s good side, too, and Vin took him under his wing, almost like a second son. Kurt was good looking, charming, and he paid a lot of attention to me. At first, I thought he was just being a natural flirt, but he didn’t let up. I was attracted to him, but I was a naive girl, and shy. I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I liked to stay in my room and paint more than just about anything. I had plans of going to art school someday, and hopefully becoming a famous artist.
“And then…” Cady’s voice breaks. “The summer I turned eighteen, Cassie died.”
“Shit, Cady,” I murmur, pulling her closer. “What happened?”
“It was how I finally found out about my stepdad’s business. Drugs,” she spits out. “He kept my mom mostly in the dark about it — not that she probably cared, since it was how he kept her in nice things. But Luca knew, of course. And Kurt, too. One day, Cassie was playing out in our front yard — she was running through the sprinkler by herself. I remember it was a really hot day, in July. Cassie was eleven then, so it was probably one of the last times she would have done something childish like that… if she’d lived…”
Cady breaks down. I hold her while she cries, and wait for her to go on.
“Someone drove by our house and shot her,” Cady chokes out. “The police were called by one of the neighbors, but they never found out who did it. I heard my mother and Vin having an argument in their bedroom a week or so after the funeral. She was screaming at him that it was his fault she had died. Vin swore to my mother that he’d find the son of a bitch and kill him. I don’t know if he ever did, though.
“After Cassie’s death, I had kind of a wild period,” Cady admits softly. “It was my senior year in high school, but I probably skipped school more than I went. From being the quiet girl who spent all her time reading or painting, I became the party girl who drank too much, trying to outrun my demons. I just kind of existed like that for a while. Now that I was partying, Luca’s friends wanted me around more. Kurt was there, as he always was. I turned to him for comfort. A few months after I graduated, we just sort of slipped into a relationship. I didn’t consciously choose it. And I didn’t care enough about myself to ask myself whether I wanted it or not.” She pauses. “It stayed like that for a while, with me just in a holding pattern. And eventually, I got pregnant.”
Cady exhales and moves away from me to sit up in bed. She draws her knees up to her chest. “I thought once I told Kurt about the baby, he’d break up with me. But instead, he surprised me by asking me to marry him. I couldn’t believe it. He said he loved me. And even though deep down I knew that couldn’t be true, I told myself maybe I was wrong. I knew I didn’t love him, either, but I wasn’t really strong enough emotionally to make my own choices. I just did whatever anyone else seemed to want me to do. He took me downtown to the courthouse and we sealed the deal, then went home and told Vin and my mom. Vin was okay with it — Kurt had started working for him, too, so I’m guessing he thought it was good to bring him into the family. Mom was indifferent, and was probably fine with getting me out of her hair. So, that was that.
“When I look back on the whole period, I’m pretty convinced he only married me to get in closer to my stepdad.” Cady’s voice turns acid. “So I guess Kurt and Vin both got what they wanted. Kurt and I moved into an apartment in town. It didn’t take very long for things to get bad between us. One day, after a particularly bad fight, I packed a bag and tried to go back to my parents’ house. I told Vin I had left Kurt. But he threw a fit and kicked me out. He told me to go back to him and learn how to be a good wife. I hoped my mom might stick up for me, but of course she wouldn’t. She’d never defy him, never take my side over his,” she says bitterly. “So, I left. I went back to Kurt. I didn’t think I had choice. I didn’t have any money of my own, either. And I didn’t have any friends to stay with. Somehow, I’d gotten myself in exactly in the situation my mom had been in.
“Two months later, Kurt punched me in the stomach during a fight, and I miscarried.”
Shit. There it is. Nausea hits me in
the gut. “Cady…”
But she pulls away as I reach for her.
“I feel so guilty, Tank,” she whispers. “Staying with him. If I had just left him the first time, my baby would have lived.” She shakes her head as tears stream down her face. “And it wasn’t until months after I lost her that I finally found the strength to leave.” Her body starts to shake with sobs. “I had the strength to save myself... But I didn’t know enough to protect Cassie… and I didn’t have the strength to protect my unborn child…”
“Cady,” I repeat. “Come here.”
She doesn’t argue, just slides closer and collapses into me. Remembering all of this — telling me all of this — has worn her out. I let her cry. I hold her, because it’s all I can do. Eventually, she quiets. We sit without talking for a few minutes. And then she clears her throat.
“When Wren asked me if I was her mom the other night, I was thinking about my own baby,” she says quietly.
Jesus. Cady has lost so much in her life. A sister, a baby, even a marriage.
And it’s then that it hits me.
I want to protect her. I want to be the man who makes Cady’s life better than it has been.
I want to give her someone to trust.
The weight of it just about knocks me off the bed. I want Cady to be mine. My old lady.
I think I even want her to be the mother of my kid.
I want to tell her all of that. I want to tell her I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with her, and I didn’t even know when it happened. But that feels way too heavy for right now, after everything she’s just told me. I’ll wait for a better time.
But it still feels like I should say something. So I do.
And it turns out to be the worst fucking thing I could say.
“At least it’s a good thing you never had a kid with that loser,” I murmur against her hair. “That was a stroke of luck, anyway.”
Cady stiffens.
TANK: Lords of Carnage MC Page 14