‘Yes, of course.’
‘So do you want to tell me what’s eating you?’
‘It’s just… hard to boil down into a worry I can express.’
‘Sounds strange, but go on – try.’
‘It feels like a big cloud of worry, like a spaghetti plate of worry where I can’t separate the strands, and even if I could some of the spaghetti has stuck together in big clumps.’
‘It’s getting stranger, I’m afraid.’
Emma let out a sigh, her eyes filling with tears that made her feel stupid and childish but that she couldn’t hold back.
‘Hey…’ he said gently. ‘It will come good in the end. I’ve seen a million jobs like this and they always look like a mess before they start to look amazing. It’s going to be fine.’
‘I know,’ she said.
He placed a cup down on the counter for her. ‘Do you?’ he asked, leaning close to hold her gaze.
She paused, looking into his eyes, an alternate universe where everything was good and right and safe. How she longed for that place to be her real universe, instead of this confusing mess she had now. She had no idea how long they’d been silent, heads close and eyes locked, when he spoke again.
She blinked herself free, and he gave a smile that made her heart ache. ‘I still owe you a trip out. Do you think a giant chalk man with a giant chalk willy might make you feel better?’
Emma returned his smile, sniffing back tears. ‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘But if you don’t mind, maybe not tonight?’
‘Not tonight.’ Aidan nodded. ‘No problem. Whenever you’re ready, you just say the word. I’ll wait for as long as you need.’
The afternoon had brightened but it had been too wet underfoot to do much at the station. Emma had cleaned up inside where the roof had let in rain, while Tia had taken some measurements so they could decide where new internal walls should go, discussing the space with Blake but being very careful to repeat every suggestion to Emma as they went. It was obvious she was mindful of what had happened earlier that day, and it should have made Emma happy, but it didn’t. Now she felt like the delicate cup that nobody dared take down from the shelf to use. This over-consideration was almost as bad as not being considered at all. The only thing she’d ever wanted was to be an equal and respected partner, and now she felt like Tia thought her a basket case.
It didn’t help that Aidan kept asking if she was alright in soft, solicitous tones, and every so often when he did, she’d glance across the space to see Tia watching, who’d then pretend she hadn’t been watching at all and declare to Blake in a loud voice how busy she was just to prove it.
Later that evening, back at the cottage, Tia told Emma she was staying home for a change, which cheered Emma up a little, and they even made plans to cook their own pizza from scratch and watch a film together. But Tia’s phone pinged so often with messages that were so obviously from Blake that Emma felt guilty for making her stay home and told her to go and meet him after all. When she refused, it made Emma feel even worse, but without turning it into another awkward thing between them she couldn’t do anything but relent and let Tia stay with her, phone pinging all the way through their movie.
‘How are you feeling?’ Tia asked her the following morning.
‘Good, actually. Much better than I did yesterday.’
The sun spilling mellow light into the kitchen and a decent night’s sleep had made the world of difference to Emma’s mood. As she’d woken, Aidan’s words of encouragement at the café the day before had come back to her. It would be alright, and one day when the hotel was full of happy guests and their lives were the amazing dream they’d hoped for, she’d look back and wonder why she’d ever feared otherwise. She had to have faith, she had to be strong and she had to keep going. Didn’t they say that fortune favoured the brave? The way she looked at it, she and Tia had been pretty brave, hadn’t they? They were definitely owed that favour by fortune.
Tia looked pleased as she poured tea from a pot she’d just made. ‘I’m glad to hear it. You know, for a horrible moment yesterday I thought I’d lost you.’
‘For a moment so did I,’ Emma said. ‘I’m sorry for being such a drama queen; it’s just that everything gets on top of me sometimes.’
‘I understand that; it gets on top of me too.’
‘You never show it…’ Emma accepted a cup from her. ‘You always seem so cool and collected.’
‘Just because I’m not showing it doesn’t mean I’m not feeling it. Spending time with Blake has helped too – he’s so steady and so good for me.’
‘He must be special. You spend all day with him and then want to see him again at night – not many couples who could say that.’
‘He is. They’re both good company, aren’t they? I mean, you spend a lot of time with Aidan away from the site.’
‘Not as much as you do with Blake. It’s different anyway – he’s showing me places of interest, mostly, for when we start to get guests so we can make recommendations to them.’
Tia regarded her over the rim of her cup. ‘Why do you have to pretend you don’t like him all the time?’
‘I do like him.’
‘You know what I mean. I know you’re going to be annoyed with me for saying it, but I think you’re a little bit in love with him.’
Emma choked on a mouthful of tea. ‘What? Where did that come from?’ she cried, grabbing a tea cloth to mop up.
‘I’ve seen you together,’ Tia said. ‘You can deny it, but you can’t hide it.’
‘That’s ridiculous. It would never work anyway.’
‘Why not?’
‘It just wouldn’t. You’re with Blake for a start.’
‘So?’
‘Tia – we’re not ABBA! It’s a recipe for disaster – them business partners and us business partners and them working for us… it’s far too complicated.’
‘You’re scared.’
‘I’m being practical.’
‘But you didn’t deny being scared.’
‘I’m not scared, I’m sensible.’
‘You mean boring.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Anyway, they won’t be working for us forever – then they’ll just be two guys in the village.’
‘Two brothers in the village.’
‘What does that matter? You’re finding excuses that don’t exist.’
Emma took the tea cloth to the sink. ‘OK, suppose I did like him a little bit… even then, nothing is going to happen.’
‘Why?’
‘I’ve told you before, I’m not like you. I need some time on my own. I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m too busy even if I was.’
‘That’s just silly. You’re not too busy to go out with him looking at God knows what but you’re too busy to see him romantically? What’s the difference? Do you fall into a time warp when you start kissing someone?’
‘You might as well because it takes over your life.’
‘Prove it.’
‘What?’
‘Prove to me it takes more of your life to be with someone in a relationship than the time you’re spending with Aidan now.’
Emma sat down and reached for a slice of toast from a pile Tia had made. It had gone a bit cold but she buttered it anyway. ‘This is stupid. This is all because you have some weird little fantasy where it’s like Little House on the Prairie and the whole of Honeymoon is together like one big family.’
Tia folded her arms. ‘That’s just insulting. And you sound stupid saying it.’
‘Me and Aidan – that’s stupid.’
‘No, you’re stupid!’
Emma put her knife down. ‘I know,’ she said quietly, looking up at Tia now. ‘Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I wish I could change this weird brain of mine? I can’t; it’s just how I am, and how I feel about Aidan right now is that we can’t be together.’
‘So what? You’re going to make him wait until you’re ready? You’re going t
o risk losing him for good? Because he’s a catch, and some lucky woman will snap him up if you don’t. He likes you but he won’t wait forever.’
‘How do you know he likes me?’
‘Because he told Blake so.’
‘Did he?’
‘Yes.’
Emma frowned. ‘He’s never said anything to me.’
‘Well, duh! Of course he hasn’t because you’re giving off such ice-queen vibes. He’s not going to put his neck on the block if he thinks you’re going to chop his head off! Didn’t it ever occur to you that there’s a reason he keeps asking you to go to all these places?’
‘Well I suppose so, but…’
Tia threw her hands into the air. Emma winced, because she couldn’t deny that her friend had a point. Why was she pushing Aidan away? Was it just down to fear, or being busy, or any of those other reasons she kept coming up with? Or was it about stubbornly trying to prove something – that she didn’t need anyone? She’d been trying to prove that since forever. She’d been projecting this mirage of strength and reliability and independence for so long maybe she’d forgotten how to stop. It had always been her, being the one who did everything for everyone, never allowing herself to accept or even admit she needed help or support or for someone to just carry her from time to time.
‘Maybe I should talk to him, clear the air,’ she said slowly.
‘Good,’ Tia said. ‘That’s exactly what you should do… for a start anyway. You can talk to him tonight.’
‘He might not be free tonight. I’ll have to ask him when we see them—’
‘He’s free,’ Tia blurted out. ‘For you he is. He’ll be at the pub… waiting.’
She sat back looking supremely pleased with herself. Emma stared at her. ‘What?’
‘I was banking on you admitting you have feelings for him because I absolutely knew it. And Blake knew he liked you too, so we fixed up a date for you.’
‘You did what?’
‘Oh, don’t look so pissed off – you’ll have a great time!’
‘I didn’t ask you to fix a date for us! If we want to go out on a date we can fix it up ourselves! I can’t believe Aidan’s gone along with this too!’
‘I’m sure he will, because he’s not stubborn like you.’
‘What do you mean, you’re sure he will? You don’t know? I thought you’d arranged it?’
‘Blake’s going to tell him about the plan this morning, just like I’m telling you. Well he’s not exactly going to tell him the plan… he’s going to make sure he goes to the pub later. That’s what I was supposed to do… but then you forced my hand and I had to tell you.’
‘Tia! You were going to send me there and you didn’t even know he’d come? It’s bad enough going behind my back but that would have just been humiliating!’
‘But I knew he’d be there.’
‘You knew nothing! You think you know everything but you don’t! You don’t know me; I’m not you! I don’t want what you want and I don’t think like you think. Just because a thing suits you doesn’t mean it will suit me.’ Emma stared at Tia. ‘You were always so bloody spoilt and entitled at school but I thought you’d changed and matured. I should have known a leopard couldn’t change its spots. Shame on me for being fooled – and now I only have myself to blame for being stuck with you in this godforsaken village on the building project from hell!’
She pushed away from the table so violently her chair fell back and hit the floor with a clatter. Stepping around it, she marched from the kitchen.
‘Where are you going?’ Tia called. ‘You haven’t eaten your toast!’
‘To the station, so I can start work and get this thing finished as soon as possible. Then we can sell it and I can get back to a normal life away from this place!’
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was raining in sheets again as Emma marched down to the station house.
How dare Tia interfere! It was one thing to offer opinions she hadn’t asked for, to book specialists she hadn’t approved and make decisions she hadn’t consulted on, but quite another to manipulate a match with a man when she had no idea of Emma’s wants or needs or emotional state. It was more than annoying; it was downright presumptuous and totally out of order.
She was in too deep here. Get the station house finished, keep your head down, don’t get involved with the villagers, then you can sell up and ship out. There was no future with someone like Tia who thought she knew more than everyone else and felt her God-given right to impose her rules on their lives. If this bust-up hadn’t happened now it would have happened somewhere down the line, so perhaps today was a blessing in disguise. In the end, it would probably save wasted months and a more difficult disentanglement once Emma came to her senses and wanted out of the partnership. She’d spent her life pandering to others, being told what to do and what she ought to want; she’d let people like Dougie and Margot walk all over her. Not anymore. How she lived and who she loved was her choice, not Tia’s and not anyone else’s.
As she walked her blind rage calmed a little, though she was still angry and her resolve was unchanged. At least it was still early, so hardly a soul was up and about, meaning Emma didn’t have to make polite conversation with anyone. She was in such a savage mood right now there was no telling what she’d say. And though Honeymoon and the road to the station were as quaint and charming as ever, all flowers and thatched roofs and cobbles, the rain and grey skies and her mood cast them in a new light, one that made her sad and full of regrets. Now that she’d tasted something different, sweeter, it would be harder than ever to leave this beautiful place and life behind and go back to her old existence. Maybe it would have been better if she’d never come at all.
When she reached the clearing, the shell of Honeymoon’s old station building stood silent and dark in front of her. How she hated it right now – those mocking holes where roof tiles ought to have been, that gaping mouth of a door, the chasms of damp rooms beyond with no plaster and water running down the walls, where birds and rats came and went at will and used the building she’d spent her last pennies on like everyone else seemed to use her life: when she wasn’t looking and without her permission. Was that how Tia saw her? A sap? A naive woman without a clue? No head for business but a willing source of income she could tap into to make her own dreams a reality, and to hell with anything Emma might want out of the deal? Did she see a stupid, pathetic, gullible doormat? Maybe she’d listened to Emma complain about Dougie and Margot and decided she could use a soft touch like that too?
Emma took a deep breath. She wasn’t thinking straight at all. She didn’t want to believe that of Tia. It might have been convenient at first, but they’d become good friends, hadn’t they? And maybe she had only been trying to help when she and Blake had played Cupid. But Emma still had a right to be angry, didn’t she? She had a right to expect her friend to respect some boundaries. She had a right to decide for herself what she wanted and who she wanted. No matter Tia’s intentions, she’d crossed the line.
And Honeymoon Station hadn’t finished with the business of making her miserable. Inside, she could see that all the places she’d spent so long cleaning the afternoon before so they could dry out were soaking wet again. She went over to inspect the biggest puddle, which might have been classified a pond in some quarters, and a large, cold drop fell from the ceiling, into her collar, running down her back.
‘Well that made me feel a whole lot better,’ she announced sourly to the pigeon that blinked at her from a bare rafter. It cocked its head to one side and cooed at her before flying away.
‘Oh, that’s it… bugger off. Thanks a lot for your support!’
Another drip landed on her head and ran down her scalp. Emma looked up at a jagged square of sky showing through the roof, and then back at the pool of water steadily growing at her feet. What was the point in cleaning it up again if it was just going to keep reappearing? They’d been waiting for a scaffolding delivery so they could tack
le the whole roof, but waiting for scaffolding was making everything in the building waterlogged. Why wait when she could easily use some ladders, get on the roof herself and at least patch it up to keep the rain out? She studied it for a moment. Maybe there was even a way to do it from the inside, which would save her going on the roof and ought to be safe enough.
Trudging outside, she located a set of extendable ladders Blake had left lying under a tarpaulin at the side of the building and dragged them inside. They were a lot heavier than they looked and her arms were aching by the time she’d managed it. She cast around for somewhere safe to prop them, and then she had to get them extended, which was another heavy job, but finally she got them in position, only to realise she couldn’t reach the hole from there. So she moved them along to lean on a joist that looked less than secure but took a chance anyway, the wood creaking and complaining but holding as she went.
Attaching a thick sheet of plastic with some nails stopped the rain getting in, and for a moment she was pleased with her work. But it soon started to fill with water and she’d barely begun her clean-up of the puddle when she looked up to see the sheet sagging. She’d have to remove it before it got so heavy it would bring half the roof down, and with a growing sense of frustration she decided the only way to solve the problem was to repair it properly.
Sweating now in her raincoat as she dragged the ladders outside again, she leaned them against a side wall. There were old roof tiles somewhere – she knew that, because they’d collected a load from the ground where they’d been shaken off by decades of storms and Blake had salvaged the ones that were still intact to use again. After ten minutes of searching she found them stacked in a corner of the old waiting room. There were around a dozen, but she guessed the hole needed maybe half of them. She picked one up – they were heavier than they looked too. Why was everything so much bloody heavier than it looked?
Deciding she could probably carry no more than three at a time and get them up the ladder, she tucked some under her arm and made her way outside. It was a pain, but she’d just have to get them up there in relays before she could do anything else.
The Hotel at Honeymoon Station : A totally heartwarming romance about new beginnings Page 22