by Edwina Fort
With a forced smile on her face that begged me not to cause any more trouble, she turned and handed me my things, which wasn’t anything but the small Portuguese Bible Mr. Olivera had given me, a tactical pocket knife, and a crumbled up twenty-dollar bill.
I clutched the Bible sliding it down into my cargo pants pocket where it belonged and just like that, the lump that was choking me in my throat loosened a bit.
I looked at Sister Sousa with eyes that were blurred with tears that refused to fall.
“What happened?”
**********
As I stood and watched my mom’s casket being lowered in the ground, I felt numb all over. I could not come to terms with the pain I felt over her death. In one breath I felt like a fool for grieving for someone who hated my guts in her right mind and in another, cold-hearted for feeling like a fool for grieving my dead mother.
They say God doesn’t put on you more than you are able to bear, but I don’t know if that is true, because I think I’ve reached my limit a while ago.
After the two graveyard workers got the casket lowered half-mast, they took off their hats and came to join me. Apparently, they were not only graveyard workers, but also fill-ins for empty funerals like this one.
Because death was a very real thing for the nuns at the monastery, they tried not to attend any of their former patient’s funerals to preserve their own sanity, which left only me standing in a black veil and dress that belong to my avozinha and the two graveyard workers to send her on her way.
It was pathetic…
But what was even more pathetic was the realization that my funeral will probably look very similar, only with one less person…Me.
My tragic life played before my eyes.
Everything from being a young child just wanting her mama’s love to being a young child forced to take her mama’s hate. Every time she hurt me and tried to destroy my face because it looked like my fathers. Every time I needed to feel her arms around me, only to feel her fist.
I was a damn fool…
I snatched the veil off my head and tossed it in the grave, then I turned and walked away, leaving the poor graveyard workers confused.
My life was a tragedy. Like my mother, I was a hot mess. I didn't stop walking until I got to my truck. Once I got behind the wheel I just started driving. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to drive…
I needed to fly…
I needed to feel close to God…
Rome
As soon as the Ribeirão da Ilha police station ran her fingerprints she was mine. I’d been in Brazil for the last month searching every nursing home I could find for Nak’s mom. Jo’s parting information had been gold. It would have been easy for Nak to disappear by herself, but there was no way she could hide an ailing mother.
A hunch told me to search the cities around the clinic Nak had gone to all those years back. I’d just made my way to the city of Florianópolis when the hit came on her fingerprints. Seconds later I'd hacked the camera feed on the little dinky jail.
They didn’t have the best technology, but it didn’t have to be the best for me to hack it. As I made my way this way, I’d been forced to sit and watch that jailer force her to lift her shirt for everything…water, food, to go to the bathroom.
What kind of jail didn’t have toilets in the cells?
Naw, scratch that. I’m glad there were no toilets, that little pervert would have probably stood at the bars and watched her use it.
I was so angry that he would dare take liberties with what was mine that I’d gone to see him first. Needless to say, I’d lost precious time, because it took longer than I’d expected to find a place to bury the body, while manipulating the federal database to appear as if Officer Friendly, who couldn’t keep his hands to his f***ing self, feared for his life due to threats he’d been receiving from the cartel.
In this part of the world, death by the cartel was everyday life… No one would even question it. Either way, I will keep a close eye on the investigation and make sure to steer them in the way that I want.
By the time I’d gotten to the graveyard after finding out Nak’s mom had passed, she’d just taken the black veil of her beautiful head and tossed it into the grave. For a moment I was struck dumb at the sight of her.
I’d missed her so much my f***ing stomach felt as if I’d just taken a blow from Hitta to it. She was so beautiful she held me mystified. The black dress she wore looked old, but it molded to her sexy body in a way that had me adjusting myself in my linen slacks from suddenly needing her with a hunger that frightened me.
Her beautiful curly hair that was as wild as her soul blew around her face as she turned and headed toward a truck that looked like it had been taken right from the set of Sanford and Son. All the men she passed turned to watch her go, her beauty grabbing them the way it did me.
I clutched the steering wheel, realizing I didn’t know what the f*** to say to her. The only thing I’d worried about to this point was finding her. And now that I’ve done that, I have no clue what to do now.
Her mom had just died…should I go and get flowers?
Sh*t!
I didn’t think about this…
What will she say when she finds out that I found her? Will she try and run from me again?
I balled up my fists…No f***ing way I was allowing that sh*t to happen ever again. I don’t give a damn how she feels about it. She was never getting away from me again.
At a safe distance, I followed her, careful not to arouse her suspicion. However, she looked so distraught when she walked away from her mom’s grave, I doubted if she was paying attention to anything that was going on around her.
Damn…I wanted to hold her so badly. I needed to let her know that everything was going to be okay. The look on her face as she walked away ripped at my heart. She needed me and I had not been there for her, because I was too busy killing a man and then manipulating a crime scene.
F***ing bastard! I wish he was alive so I could kill his punk a** again.
She turned off on a road that led to a huge commercial ranch. There was no way I could follow her down that road without her noticing, so I kept driving down a little further to the main entrance that said Winston Stables. There were a lot of cars going and coming, I was glad I'd upgraded my rental to a Benz truck because there were no shabby cars amongst them.
It looked as if I was in the market for a horse today. I kept my gaze on Nak’s red truck as she brought it to a stop at a big stadium that was located on the west side of the property. After parking in the guest parking lot, I reached into the passenger seat for the cream Dobb that I’d bought to match the cream linen suit I wore.
When in Brazil, one needs to dress like the locals.
This was not my first trip here, in fact, I’d been here many times, I studied Jiu-Jitsu at the Gracie Institute in Rio. I knew well how to blend in.
Even though I wanted to run across the acres separating me from Nak, I forced myself to take my time and appear to be shopping like the other guests. The security guards that patrolled the grounds were trained to spot those that did not belong here.
As two of them passed me, I saw their eyes go to my soft Italian leather shoes. They took in the quality of the linen my suit was made of. No blends…When in Rio, I frequented a tailor who did only superior work. He was my first stop when I touched down in Brazil.
I can't be showing up to my girl’s door looking like a scrub. Their eyes landed on my watch that cost more then they’ll see in a lifetime. I lifted my hand and tipped my hat to them so that they could get a better look.
“Good day, senhor.” They both said as they passed me by.
“Good day, gentleman.”
Shortly after that, I was approached by a waiter, who asked me if I would care for a cool lemonade or perhaps something a bit stronger in Portuguese.
“Something a bit stronger…” I responded in Portuguese and
told him to bring me a double Hennessy on the rocks with a splash of water.
When he returned with my drink, I tipped him a hundred dollars. Now…he will make sure my glass stays full.
Nak had gone to an area of the property that was for employees, but there were a few guests who wondered in this area as well…those who wanted to see how the employees handled the horses behind the scene.
I pulled my hat lower on my face so that if she looked up, she wouldn’t see me. Without seeing my face, she wouldn’t recognize me dressed like this. She’d only seen me dressed for the block.
I made my way next to where she stood talking to an older man, just out of her line of sight, but still close enough to where I could hear their conversation. The two of them watched a beautiful tan stallion that looked as if it had not been broken. I rested my back against the fence, lifting my drink that was getting low.
Right then I looked up and sure enough, the waiter I’d tipped was coming my way with another double Hennessy on the rocks with a splash of water on his tray.
Nakhti
“He’s beautiful, Juan.”
“I thought about you when he came in. Like you, his soul is restless…Winston got him at a discount because it’s said he’s untamable.”
I chuckled without any humor. A horse this majestic no matter how wild was going for a fortune.
“How big of a discount?”
It was his turn to chuckle. “For people like you and me, not big enough. I heard he paid 5.2 million for him…”
I sucked in my breath… “Nossa! And to think I was going to try and purchase him.”
We both shared a little laugh over that.
Over the last two months, I was a regular here at the Winston Stables. No…I couldn’t afford any of the horses here, but this was a good place to be to keep abreast of what was going on in the world of horses.
When I came and found that Juan was still the stable master I was thrilled, because he still remembered me, and he let me fall back into helping him with the horses. He even came by my place and gave me some great suggestions for my own stable that I was trying to get up and running.
“Can I ride him?” My question was so low I didn’t think he heard me.
“Do you think you can get a saddle on him?”
I nodded. “Yeah, why not?”
“Go right ahead, be my guest. I’ve always told you that you have an amazing way with the horses.”
“What’s his name?”
“He doesn’t have one yet. His previous owner got so frustrated with his temperament he didn’t bother to name him, knowing he was going to sell him.”
Just like me, he wasn’t good enough. As I carried the saddle out to the waiting beauty, I couldn’t help but feel a kinship towards him. He and I were disposable. My mother, my father…Jo, Rome, the f***ing government.
I was nothing to them, my feelings, my heart, my life…it meant nothing to them.
I set the saddle down a good distance from the golden horse. His coat reminded me of a pair of eyes I once knew.
Although he didn’t run, the stallion’s nostrils flared as he began to paw the earth, attempting to intimidate me into backing off. I held my hand out straight in front of me.
“They told me you don’t have a name.”
He pawed at the earth a little more and began to step back and forward in an aggressive manner.
“F*** them, I’ll give you a name…and if you like it, come to me so that I can rub your nose, and we can be friends.”
He pawed at the earth some more…
“Your tan coat has little specks of gold in it that reflects in the sun, making you appear as if you’d been dipped in gold dust.”
He stopped pawing the earth and blew loudly from his nose.
“As if God personally made you himself. The others may not know it, but your birth was special, you were meant to be here…just like me. And it really don’t matter that nobody knows it…” Tears came to my eyes.
“I want to call you, Freedom, because you don’t need the approval of others to be magnificent. Look at you, you are simply amazing.”
His nose butted up against my hand and I giggled at him through my tears. I leaned my head against his.
“I’m in so much pain right now, Freedom.” My words were just over a whisper. “I just want to be free too. I want to ride as fast as we can away from it, so fast, I feel close to God. Can you help me?”
He neighed as he gently pushed his head into my shoulder. Very carefully, I saddled him.
“You are a big beautiful boy, aren’t you Freedom?”
I probably should have stopped by my house to change out of this dress… But I wasn’t going to let it stop this show.
I hiked it up to my thighs and mounted Freedom’s back. As if he knew and understood what I needed, he took off with just a gentle nudging from me toward the south gate. Juan hurried to it opening it for us.
“Good job, my girl!” He cried with a huge grin on his face as we raced past him.
Freedom flew across the plain towards the ravine. This had been the same journey that horses had taken me many years ago…the journey that made me feel free.
I held my head back as my hair whipped around my face… my tears ripped from my eyes and blew away as he flew.
“Yes, Freedom!” I cried as more tears fell.
Dear God, help me! Why was I the unloved?
My mother died hating me, my father refuses to acknowledge me…my man…
Well…my man can’t trust me.
I needed to find the strength to carry on. I needed to find the strength to bounce back from this.
I needed to find that strength I had before.
Why was I breaking down now?
I let Freedom run until he got tired, and then we turned back to head toward the stables. Don’t want old Winston sending his goons to look for me, thinking I'd run away with one of his prized horses.
And Freedom was a prized horse. If Winston paid 5.2 for him, he will easily get double back for his investment.
“I wish I could take you home with me," I told him as I stroked his beautiful mane that was the same golden color as his coat.
Yes, Freedom will fetch a pretty penny.
Juan helped me unsaddle him and left me to wipe and brush him down.
“You were magnificent, boy…”
“Why didn’t I know how much you loved horses, Minha Anjo?”
The brush dropped from my hands as I whipped around. When my eyes connected with those honey gazers my mouth opened in shock.
There was no way he was here! I’d covered my tracks to the tee.
“Romeo!”
Chapter 18
Break Up-To Make Up…
Nakhti
"Hey, beautiful…” His deep voice floated around me shattering the doomed feeling that had settled on me like glass.
“How—” My words died off.
I could not believe he was standing here in front of me. I damn near moaned because he looked so damn good in that cream linen suit. My eyes thirstily drank him up.
Nossa!
I was tongue-tied because my senses were overloaded. The shock of him finding me, the fact that he looked good enough to eat, the knowledge that I was secretly thrilled to see him, but at the same time, my stupid pride was keeping me from throwing myself in his arms.
But still, …he'd come for me.
“How did you find me?” I finally got out.
He took a step towards me; I took one back. The muscle flexed in his jaw as his nostrils flared.
“I told you, I will never let you go.” He growled, clearly not liking the fact that I was prepped and ready to run from him.
Tough…
I held my head up high… “Well, you wasted your time. You might as well go back home.”
Are you nuts?! Shut up already!
He chuckled shaking his head as if he c
ould hear my inner dialogue.
“I don’t have a home anymore.”
I frowned. “What are you talking about? Your home is the loft in Chicago.”
“It’s gone…they blew it up.”
“What!?” His words surprised me so much I took a step towards him. I will kill whoever did this.
“Look…” he exhaled. “So much has happened since the last time I saw you, everything is a mess. Have lunch with me and I’ll fill you in.”
I nodded as I handed Freedom’s reins off to the stable boy whose job it is to take care of him.
"His name is Freedom," I told him before letting go of the reins.
He nodded. “Come on, Freedom, I have some nice toasted oats for you.”
Longingly I watched him lead the golden beauty away. I know he was going to be taken care of, that was something the Winston Stables excelled at. The horses here were treated better than royalty.
Rome took my hand startling me. There was something very primal and possessive in the way that he held it while looking down into my eyes. His look said… I got you, loud and clear. It also said I’ll never let you go… just as clear.
I bit my lip as I gently tried to pull my hand away from his. His grip tightened. “Come, we can have lunch at the Ranch’s Clubhouse.” He said as if he didn’t even notice I’d tried to pull my hand away.
I nodded… “Okay.”
Without letting my hand go he turned and guided us in that direction. One of the servers who normally walked around the grounds getting drinks for the guests hurried toward him.
“Can I assist you with anything, senhor.” He asked in Portuguese.
I opened my mouth to translate for him, but snapped it shut in surprise when Rome responded to him in full Portuguese.
“Yes, the lady and I would like to have lunch.”
The server’s eyes brightened. “Si, senhor. Right this way.”
He showed us to the Ranch’s Clubhouse where the very wealthy ate. I’d never been inside here. It was beautiful.