by ID Johnson
She knew he meant it sincerely, and it warmed her heart. Knowing her father was looking down on her always made her feel more secure.
“We will need to find a dressmaker, of course. You can use mine if you like, though Grace might have a better one for a young woman such as yourself.” Grace snorted, and her mother ignored it. “Or we can simply go down to the shopping district.”
Meg nodded. “I’ll need to stop by a bank. I found out quite recently that my father actually left me an account.” She looked at Charlie, realizing he didn’t know that. “I can pay you back some of the money you sent my mother before I knew about the savings.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “You don’t owe me anything, and you won’t pay for anything either. You’ll be my wife soon enough.”
The thought of never having to pay for anything again—never having to worry about anything again—was a bit foreign to her, and Meg didn’t realize Mrs. Ashton was still speaking to her until she was halfway through her statement. “We could have lunch in that little restaurant over there on the corner.”
Meg had no idea what she was talking about, but she nodded, even though the idea of going out shopping soon made her stomach tighten. These people were going on about their lives as if Titanic had never happened, and while that was all fine and good for them, Meg wasn’t ready for that just yet.
“Perhaps Miss Meg would like to get settled into her new place before the shopping spree,” Jonathan chimed in, and Meg looked at him with great admiration. “She looks a bit drained to me.”
“Oh, yes, dear, I’m sorry. I didn’t think… why you must be exhausted as well. It’s hard to tell when you’re so radiant, but certainly you must be anxious after what’s happened. Not just the ship, but leaving your family.” Pamela looked at her as if she were a newborn kitten.
“I would love to go shopping and have lunch soon,” Meg said. “However, I am rather tired today.”
“No explanation necessary,” Pamela replied shaking her head and waving one hand in Meg’s direction. “Of course you are. Perhaps when Dr. Shaw comes to pay Charlie a visit later this afternoon, he can check in on you as well.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Meg said quickly. “I’m not ill—just weary.”
“I know that, darling, but the last thing we need is for you to come down with something.”
“I think she’s fine, Mother,” Charlie interjected, squeezing Meg’s hand.
Pamela looked at him and seemed to bite her tongue for a second before she forced a smile onto her face and said, “Well then, Carrie can go out this afternoon and pick up a few more things for you. That way you’ll have some choices in attire for the next few days before we can go out together.”
“That would be quite lovely,” Meg said, smiling in return.
“I’ll take Meg over to the apartment then.” Jonathan was on his feet, a signal that this conversation had ended.
Meg was thankful to have it over with. A little over a week ago, she assumed she’d never even meet these people since she’d been planning to run away from her arranged marriage with Charlie. The last few days, she’d been dreading sitting across from them and giving them a full explanation of what she’d done. Now, thanks to Charlie’s insistence on being less than fully forthcoming, she was glad to have the conversation over with and be able to move on with her life.
“Come along, Meg,” Jonathan insisted. He was already standing on the other side of the sofa.
She stood, as did everyone else in the room except for Grace and Charlie. She still held his hand, and she knew he wished he could rise to tell her goodbye. “I’ll see you soon,” she assured him, and he drew her hand to his lips and smiled at her. Thoughts that he might not recognize her the next time she saw him were pushed aside as she turned to face the rest of the room.
“It was lovely to see you again, Grace,” Meg said.
“Yes, as always,” Grace managed with a fake smile.
Peter hugged her and told her to take care, and Meg thought his hands lingered a bit low and a bit long.
“I will come and check on you soon,” Pamela said as she embraced her soon-to-be-daughter-in-law.
Mr. Ashton held her at arm’s length for a moment and peered at her face. “It is wonderful to see you again, Meggy.” He smiled warmly, and for a moment, Meg thought she knew what it must be like to have a father. Her heart suddenly longed to belong to this man’s family. He wrapped his arms around her, as if he were holding a long lost child, and Meg fought to hold back tears as memories of her own Da filled her head.
Once he let her go, she said quietly, “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Mr. Ashton.” He chuckled in glee. Meg stepped around the sofa and took Jonathan’s waiting arm, one last glance at Charlie over her shoulder as Jonathan led her out of the room. He was smiling at her, and she honestly thought he was returning to his former self. Perhaps this nightmare would all be over soon.
Chapter Four
Meg was thankful that the carriage house had been completely converted to a guest house since there were absolutely no carriages or horses kept here, and Charlie had an attached garage where he kept his automobiles. (She was shocked when Jonathan said he owned four.) The apartment above the carriage house was nearly as large as her entire house would be if it were placed on one story, and she couldn’t imagine why anyone would call this an apartment.
It was immaculate, which didn’t surprise Meg at all since she knew Jonathan to be impeccably tidy. The view from one side was of Charlie’s house—which she couldn’t fathom would soon be her own home—and on the other side she could see the expansive back garden of the house behind them, though there was a large hedge obstructing part of the view. Charlie’s own garden, complete with a small pond and fountain, was nestled between the two buildings, and Meg thought it was quite lovely.
Jonathan gave her a quick tour. She was shocked to see the entire house was completely electric. The washroom was unlike anything she’d ever seen, with a large soaking tub and hot water available immediately at the tap. He’d tried to clarify exactly how that was possible, but she didn’t understand. The kitchen was also newly renovated and beyond her wildest dreams. There was even an electric icebox. Jonathan explained that this was a product of Peter’s factory and that they were actually working on a device that would cool the entire home much like an electric icebox. Meg didn’t even know what to say in response; she couldn’t even imagine.
“Here’s the telephone,” Jonathan said, leading her over to where the black box hung from the wall. “I’ll write down the number to the main house for you so that you can phone Charlie if you need to.”
As he did so, Meg stared at the foreign object on the wall. “How do you…” she stammered, “how do you use it?”
Jonathan looked up at her as if she’d asked how do you eat an apple. “You’ve never used a telephone before?”
She shook her head, her cheeks reddening. “We had one, but only my uncle was allowed to touch it.”
He offered a small smile, as if he realized he’d embarrassed her and was attempting to apologize for it. “It’s quite simple.” He showed her how to use the receiver and where to speak. He explained that an operator would connect the call. “Do you understand?” he asked when she was done.
“I believe so,” she said with a nod, hoping she did. It seemed easy enough.
“Now bear in mind that when it rings, it’s rather loud and sudden. If you’re not prepared, it could be frightening, particularly since I think you are like me and still a bit… jumpy at loud noises.”
Meg nodded, glad to hear him admit he was still struggling with that as well. She hoped it didn’t ring at all, even thought it might be nice to talk to Charlie later if he didn’t feel like having visitors.
Jonathan finished showing her the rest of the two-bedroom apartment, including the room he wasn’t using, which she decided would be hers so that he didn’t have to move all of his things out, and then
led her back to the main room. “Do you have any questions?”
“I don’t think so,” Meg replied, thinking about everything he’d shown her. “Will Carrie know how to use all of these appliances and what-not?”
He stifled a laugh. “Yes, she will. Also, there are servant accommodations down the hall.”
She nodded again. She hadn’t seen precisely what was down the hall or even downstairs as the upstairs apartment had its own entry, but she knew there were no carriage or automobiles below her. “I think I shall be all right then. Thank you very much for your hospitality, Jonathan.”
“Of course,” he said, dismissively. “I’ll take a few of my things now and come back for the rest later. It’s a shame my best suitcase is gone,” he muttered, looking around the room as if he was checking to see if the rest of his items were still there.
Meg couldn’t think about what she’d lost. Only the pink robe really mattered. But then, she’d had nothing left of her own to bring with her. Eventually, she would like to find a way to get Charlie’s letters back in her possession.
“You’re welcome to eat whatever you’d like. Send Carrie out for groceries.” He glanced around the room again before clearing his throat and continuing. “Also, I would expect there will be an inquiry into the sinking soon enough. I’m sure they will want to talk to Charlie, possibly me, though I’m not sure if they will want to talk to Meg West or not.”
Meg nodded, not sure what she would say if they did plan to speak to her. “I hope not.”
“It will be fine if they do. Just answer their questions as honestly as you can. I worry about them speaking to Charlie, though. He’s having a lot of difficulty remembering what happened.”
In a way, Meg envied him, though she was certain the memories were there somewhere, locked inside. She took a deep breath and let it go. “He is going to recover, fully, isn’t he, Jonathan?”
“Yes, I believe so,” he assured her. “Look how much better he is today than he was yesterday.”
She nodded again. It was true. He had more color in his cheeks today. His hands felt stronger. He remembered who she was.
“If you need anything at all, give the main house a call. I believe Mrs. Ashton was going to send Carrie out to get your clothing and other items and then she’ll send her over.”
“What about the few things I left at the hotel this morning? And settling the room?” Meg asked, realizing she’d left the new brush there as well as the old clothes she’d borrowed while on Carpathia. She had no reason to want them except for maybe as a remembrance of her own survival.
“We’ll take care of all that,” he assured her. “Meg, when you are Charles Ashton’s wife, you don’t need to worry about… anything.”
“Right,” she said exhaling loudly. “And what about until I am Charles Ashton’s wife?”
He laughed. “In Charlie’s mind you already are. You may as well believe it too.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and in her heart she realized she might still find a way to ruin everything. That was what she seemed to do best, anyway. Part of her wanted to ask Charlie if they could get married right away, while the other half swore she’d never let a penny of her father’s money reach her mother’s grubby hands. She had just over five months until her birthday. Surely, she could find a way to keep from making enough mistakes to drive Charlie away again in that short amount of time.
“Are you all right?” Jonathan asked, peering intently at her face.
She nodded her head, realizing she’d been lost to the world for a moment. “Yes, I’m fine,” she assured him.
He smiled, but she thought he didn’t believe her. “I’ll come check on you myself after while. Why don’t you rest?”
“That’s a good idea,” she said, looking longingly to the plush chair and sofa nearby.
“Meg,” Jonathan said, stepping forward and squeezing her arm gently, “everything is going to be all right. I promise.”
She smiled. She wanted to believe him. But she didn’t.
Charlie was all alone in his own bedroom, sitting on the edge of his own bed, looking out the back window at the carriage house, wondering what Meg was doing. There was no way he could see her from here, partially due to the heavy drapery that covered the windows of the second story across the yard, but he imagined she was resting or possibly reading a book. He wondered if she felt all alone when there was no one with her or if she was suffering from the same sensation he was experiencing.
The voices wouldn’t stop. Even when other people were talking to him, even as he formulated responses to their questions, he could hear the constant noises of screaming, crying out, in the back of his mind. While having other people nearby lessened the effects to some degree, it never made them stop. When he was completely alone as he was now, there was nothing to dull the effect, and he could distinctly hear the individual voices, make out what they were saying, and envision their faces. It made him feel as if he were back in the water again, and the longer it went on, the more he could feel panic rising up inside of him. It was maddening to feel both all alone in the world and surrounded by others at the exact same time.
“Charlie? Did you hear me?”
He spun around to look over his shoulder, not even having realized Jonathan had entered the room. “Oh, Jonathan. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here.”
“My apologies. I knocked and announced I was coming in.”
“I didn’t hear.”
There was a heavy silence for a moment, and Charlie imagined his friend was debating whether or not an inquiry as to how that was possible was polite or if he should just let it go. “The doctor is here to see you,” Jonathan said, clearly choosing the second option.
Charlie nodded and resituated himself on the fully made bed so that he was leaning back against the headboard, one leg crossed under the one still resting on the floor. “Have you been to check on Meg?”
“Not since I took her over. It’s only been a few hours.”
“Right,” Charlie nodded, his eyes returning to the carriage house.
“Charlie, is it going to bother you having her so nearby?”
He returned his gaze to Jonathan’s familiar face. “I honestly don’t know how it will affect me. I’ll be happy when we are married. I feel like no one else can possibly understand all that we’ve been through—except for you.”
Jonathan nodded and looked at the floor. Charlie knew he was fighting his own battle, but he wasn’t the sort who would want to talk about it. Meg, on the other hand, would be more forthcoming with her feelings, even if she didn’t quite handle them the same way most people did.
“Dr. Shaw is waiting downstairs. I’ll see him up.” Jonathan’s response was short, and Charlie realized he’d likely never break down the hard exterior to reveal whether or not Jonathan was having any lingering effects from the disaster. He’d have to watch his friend for other indications that all was not well.
Charlie observed him as Jonathan walked out the door. A few moments later, he heard the loud footsteps of Dr. Robert Shaw approaching his room and braced himself for yet another examination. He couldn’t have counted all of the inspections he’d undergone these past few days if he’d tried, and he knew he hadn’t even been awake for all of them. At least Dr. Shaw was familiar, and Charlie was more comfortable with him than the doctors he’d only just met because of the disaster.
Dr. Shaw was tall and rather large. He had dark black hair and chose to wear a full moustache and beard even though the latter wasn’t in fashion presently. He carried his medical bag and greeted Charlie with a jovial smile. “Mr. Ashton, it’s a pleasure to see you,” he said. Charlie began to rise, but the doctor insisted he stay seated. “Please, don’t get up. You know I’ve come to see if you’re well; there’s no reason to exert yourself.”
Even though Charlie was getting around much better now that he was home and had gotten the opportunity to walk around a bit, he was thankful not to have to stand jus
t for standing’s sake. “It’s nice to see you, Dr. Shaw,” he said, managing a smile.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked as he took various tools out of his medical bag, including a stethoscope. “It’s been quite the ordeal, I hear. My cousin had a friend whose wife lost her best friend’s brother.”
Charlie wasn’t sure he followed all of that, but he imagined the doctor was attempting to say everyone knew someone who was affected by the disaster. “I’m feeling much better now, doctor, thank you,” Charlie assured him.
“Very good,” he replied. He sat down on the edge of the bed, causing the mattress to shift, and Charlie felt a bit off balance again. He took deep breaths to calm himself, reminding himself that the bed was not listing.
The doctor listened to his heart and other organs. He inspected his digits for frostbite and commented that he seemed to be healing nicely. “I have a salve for this,” he commented, pointing at the spots on Charlie’s finger that looked dead beyond repair. “No cough or congestion?” Dr. Shaw asked as he listened to Charlie’s chest and back.
“No, not that I am aware of.”
“Very good,” Dr. Shaw remarked. “And you’re able to get around well?”
“I suppose so,” Charlie shrugged. “I needed help to climb the stairs, but I managed.”
“Is your balance normal?”
“Most of the time. I haven’t walked much without holding onto someone or something just yet.”
The doctor nodded. “Well, Mr. Ashton, I think you should be just fine in a few weeks. I’d recommend you stay close to home at least for a while. Nothing strenuous. Your body is still trying to recover from the shock of it all. But you seem quite healthy to me. It probably helped tremendously that you were so fit before the experience.”
Charlie nodded, thinking it was rather odd to reduce an ocean liner sinking, killing over two thousand people, to “the experience.” But then, he had no idea what he might say if he were trying to carry on a conversation with someone from the other side either. “Dr. Shaw, I’ve been sleeping a lot recently, thanks to the medication they were giving me. Do you think I should be able to fall asleep on my own now that I’m no longer taking it?”