by Kat T. Masen
The waiter returns with our coffees and the brownie. I welcome the caffeine hit, exhausted from the lack of sleep and change in time zone.
“That’s quite an achievement,” I tell her, prying into her past with a desperate need to learn more. “Where did you study?”
“Yale. I pretty much worked my ass off to get where I am.”
Her ass. Don’t. Fucking. Go. There.
“So, you came here after…” I don’t want to say the words, cautious of her wary expression.
“No, I went to live with my grandmother in Connecticut. She passed away about five months after I arrived.” Charlotte lowers her gaze toward the table, running her fingers along the rim of the cup. “She was an amazing woman. She taught me a lot during that time. After she passed, I wanted to make her proud. So, I got into Yale, studied hard, then moved here with Nikki and started my career.”
I reach out to touch her hand. “I’m sorry about your grandmother.”
Her phone starts vibrating on the table, breaking our conversation.
“Sorry, I need to take this… She answers abruptly with, “Tate.” Listening to the voice on the other end, I watch her eyes roll in frustration. “Fine. I’ll be there, but I’m telling you, we won’t settle for that amount.”
This isn’t the Charlotte I know. This woman is a hard-ass. Fuck, it’s turning me on.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, hanging up the phone.
“It’s fine. I get it, the whole work thing.”
“So, what is it you do, Mr. Edwards?”
Oh no, there she goes again.
“Too much, I can’t keep track anymore. I’m a workaholic.”
Call me Mr. Edwards again. Pretty please.
She takes a bite of her brownie, licking her lips with enjoyment. Is there a restroom in here? My pants feel like they are two sizes too small. My brain tries to remember the closest hotel, desperate to take her anywhere and shove my cock inside that beautiful mouth of hers.
“Delicious?”
She licks her lips again. “I’ve had better.”
I take the fork off her plate, tasting a piece. “Tastes perfect to me.”
We sit there, quiet with tension mounting between us. Her chest is heaving, and my focus is all on her lips. Biting down, she doesn’t realize how tempting she is with a simple, innocent stare.
Despite my reluctance to do so, I need to inform her of my intentions, rather than her assuming I’m leaving her without a goodbye. “I’m heading back to London tonight.”
Her demeanor changes instantly as the words leave my mouth, eyes widening as her brows furrow. The change catches me by surprise, so quickly, I reassure her, “I expect to be back in New York next Friday.”
“As in, two weeks away?” she asks, quietly.
Averting my eyes, my chest tightens at the realization I’m about to leave her again. Good ole Lex, you just can’t get your shit together. I want to stay with her, but the meetings scheduled in London are crucial to the Lexed Group. They have taken months to plan, one of them a business conference with shareholders in attendance.
“Yes,” I say, watching her grab her purse.
“I’ve really got to go.” She stands, avoiding eye contact. “My next meeting is in twenty minutes.”
“Can I call or text you?” I beg, standing up.
“I’m really booked up with appointments this week and a few events I need to attend.”
“With Julian?” I ask, regretting it immediately.
“Lex, don’t.”
“Charlotte, c’mon…” I reach out my hand, but she recoils. “Why do you have to go? Please stay a little while longer.”
“Goodbye, Lex.” She storms out of the coffee shop, and once again, my whole world is crashing down around me.
Leaving me here alone, I try to figure out what I’ve done so wrong. I told her my intentions of going back to London and of my return date. Surely, as a business owner herself, she knows the kind of responsibilities I have to uphold.
But something changed in her, and I don’t know why.
This isn’t goodbye—far from it.
I’m going to go to London to sort out all the shit there, then get set up here. All I have to do is get through the next two weeks without seeing her.
If I can last nine years without her, I can last two damn weeks. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Yes, I can do that.
I’m used to being in control.
Then why does it fucking hurt like hell to leave?
CHARLIE
Meeting Lex for coffee is a bad idea.
I thought I could act mature, ignore his flirtatious ways, but I am weak. And then he mentions flying back to London. My reaction takes me by surprise.
I am livid.
At him.
At me.
He’s sitting in front of me, and every part of me hates the fact that I miss him, even though I no longer know him. He isn’t the man I fell in love with many years ago. Lex Edwards has changed into this controlling, heartless creature who only thinks about his needs.
When I ask him how long he will be away I have officially let my guard down, regretting the words immediately. I can’t understand my actions. I’ve spent years building up a thick skin given my line of work, and in just a few short days, everything I’ve spent years achieving is now an afterthought.
Around him, I crumble, and I hate that.
I no longer belong to him, but then again, did I ever?
I tell him I have something important to do at work, then I quickly grab my things. He asks if he can call or text, but I ramble on about being busy during the week. Then he mentions Julian. I am way too exhausted to get into it, so I tell him to just stop. It’s a battle neither one of us will win.
Walking out of the café as fast as I can, I hail the first cab in sight. As I sit in the back of the cab, I try to calm myself down. Why did I let all this happen? I should’ve been firmer from the beginning. But no. I let him dance with me, I let him kiss me, and I even let him finger me. This back-and-forth turmoil is wearing me down, and things must change. I have to muster the strength, align it with my values, and say goodbye to someone who’s no longer a part of my life, romantically.
Back at the office, I sit across from my client, Mrs. Vandercamp.
“You look on edge, sweetie.”
“Mrs. Vandercamp, thank you for your concern, but let’s get down to business.”
“Man troubles?”
I purse my lips, shaking my head. “Honestly, it’s not worth talking about.”
“I heard you attended the charity ball.” She forces a smile. “Unfortunately, with Mr. Vandercamp and his bimbo there, I wasn’t able to attend.”
“Right, Barbie with an overkill of fake tanning lotion,” I snort.
“Sounds like her. I can’t thank you enough for helping me fight this.”
“It’s my job. Plus, you deserve it after all the humiliation Mr. Vandercamp has put you through.”
“I didn’t think things would turn out this way. George was the love of my life, and now we can barely be in the same room together, even for the sake of the kids…” She pauses, playing with the canary yellow diamond ring nestled on her finger. “When I first met George, it was love at first sight. I was dating another man, a man who had asked my father’s permission to marry me. He was great, but he wasn’t George. I thought I could tame him, thinking I was the woman who would be his wife, have his babies and that he wouldn’t need anyone else. I was so naïve…”
When Mrs. Vandercamp enlisted our services through a recommendation, both Nikki and I were hesitant given the legal battle between her and Mr. Vandercamp. From a monetary perspective, the divorce is messy. However, Mrs. Vandercamp only wants her house in Martha’s Vineyard and the businesses she’s built while they were married. Everything else, he can keep.
Nikki has her opinion on the matter, yet Mrs. Vandercamp has made it clear she wants to move on, not wanting the nega
tive attention of a legal battle for possessions she doesn’t care for. Mr. Vandercamp, on the other hand, has other plans, almost like he hates seeing her not care, and he’s making her life miserable. Thankfully, Tate is a shark in the courtroom and eagerly took on this matter. Today, she just wants to chat while passing the time waiting for him to end his other meeting.
“A leopard can’t change its spots. Perhaps it’s time to move on. The ship has sailed, and you need to focus on the future,” I tell her.
As I say the words and it dawns on me how hypocritical I sound. Everything I just said is the opposite of what I’m doing or have done with Lex. We have history, plenty of it, and no matter what happened it can’t be erased.
Evolving as a person means never looking back.
Move forward, work toward the future—that has always been my mantra.
But how can I see the future when the past keeps biting me in the ass?
“I’ve been seeing someone,” she admits, her eyes sparkling at the mention of this so-called lover. “He treats me like a queen, but I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“If he feels the way you do, you won’t screw it up. Some things have a way of working out. Relationships are hard. It’s trying to find that right balance. Enjoy each other’s company, be considerate of each other’s feelings, and most importantly is trust and honesty. Without it, you’ve got nothing.”
Sheesh, talk about channeling my inner Dr. Phil.
“Perhaps I should hire you as my shrink?” She laughs, clutching her chest. “I don’t remember the last time I have smiled so much, not since George and I first started dating. Maybe I do deserve this. If George wants a different girl on his arm every week, then so be it. I want more, Charlie. I want a real man.”
I think about her words and Lex’s and my relationship. There’s no longer a blank canvas ready to paint a future. Instead, there is this painting of a man and woman, and the history behind it is too much to paint over. It can never be the same. Yet, I allow myself to remember the pieces of the past. These pieces bring me so much happiness, the moments that are stuck in my head.
First loves, they always stick with you.
Maybe that’s what this is—this unwarranted pining for him—that first love feeling.
But the truth behind it is I don’t trust Lex, and I’m not honest with him therefore, we have nothing.
Why is that the most gut-wrenching feeling in the world right now?
CHARLIE
Nine Years Ago
I sat in the waiting room, a nervous wreck.
I had heard enough horror stories to know that unprotected sex led to teen pregnancy, and I couldn’t have thought of anything worse at eighteen. After a sleepless night, I decided to bite the bullet and drive to a clinic the next town over so the doctor could prescribe me the pill. Maybe I was jumping the gun. We hadn’t had sex yet, but it was inevitable. He was twenty-five, and anytime I was near him, his cock practically waved hello and invited me over for a nightcap.
“So, Charlotte, how can I help you today?” Dr. Hanson asked.
“I… uh… want to go on the Pill.”
“Charlotte, before we continue, do you have any concerns with my intern sitting in?”
“Uh… no. If it helps the medical community then it’s fine with me.”
He left the room, and I sat there for a few minutes playing with a model of the human body that sat on his desk. As the door opened, I fumbled with the heart which fell to the floor. Surely, I wasn’t the only one who touched this? I reached down to pick it up thinking this couldn’t be any more embarrassing until a hand reached it before mine.
I recognized the hand immediately.
Fuck. Me. Sideways.
I looked up into eyes that belonged to Alex. This wasn’t happening. It had to be a dream.
Wake up, Charlie! For fuck’s sake, wake up!
“Charlotte, this is my intern, Dr. Alex Edwards. Now let’s continue our discussion. Charlotte, are you sexually active?”
I couldn’t have thought of anything worse right now, the temperature rising in the room as sweat broke out beneath my top. There was simply no way out of this. Just answer his questions and get the hell out of there.
“Um, yes… I mean, no… maybe.”
“Perhaps I need to rephrase my question. Have you had sexual intercourse?”
“Yes.”
“More than once?”
“Yes.”
“How many sexual partners have you had?”
I couldn’t look his way. My body had already crawled into a dark hole, my brain just waiting for an opening to follow. “Only one.”
“Will you be continuing to have sexual intercourse with this person?”
“Definitely not.”
“Did you use protection such as condoms?”
The hole was getting darker and darker, and I wanted to climb up and curl into the fetal position. How on earth could I be this unlucky? My eyes shifted toward where he was sitting, and the second I saw the smirk across that smug face, I instantly avert back to the wall.
“Yes, Dr. Hanson.”
“That’s a very responsible attitude, Charlotte. I understand these questions seem personal. However, it’s my responsibility to make sure you’re educated on everything associated with being sexually active.”
Oh, dear God, what the hell was he going to ask me now?
My feet shuffled nervously, and my knees pulled together while I rode this embarrassing moment out. If he asked anything to do with my vagina, I’d be out of there in a flash.
“I’m guessing your intention is to be intimate with a specific person at this stage. Charlotte, how much do you know of their sexual history?” Dr. Hanson questioned, his brow raised.
Oh, how the tables had turned.
Now, I was going to be discussing the questions I had so desperately wanted answers to but had no balls to ask.
“To be honest, I think he’s slept around… a lot,” I answered, staring right at Alex.
His smirk disappeared, and now he looked like he could crawl into that hole with me and die. Although we wouldn’t die in there, we’d be using all our time to procreate and populate the dark hole.
“Is he still behaving this way?” Dr. Hanson asked with concern in her eyes.
“No, he’s with someone long-term.”
“Is he still sexually active with her?”
“I’m not sure, Dr. Hanson. He is a man, after all.” I searched his face, looking for the answer that would reassure me and ease the ache in my gut that appeared anytime I thought of them having sex.
“I strongly suggest you use both condoms and the Pill. Sexually transmitted diseases are easier to catch than you may think.” He scribbled some notes and handed the chart to Alex. “Everything looks fine to me. I’ll leave you with Dr. Edwards to check your blood pressure and write up your prescription. It was nice to meet you, Charlotte.”
He closed the door. I had no choice but to deal with the most embarrassing situation in my entire life, worse than the time my dress accidentally flew up in first grade, and everyone saw my Strawberry Shortcake underwear.
Alex grinned as he placed the blood pressure machine around my arm. “So, I’m a player, am I?”
“More like a manwhore. I hate you right now… you know that, right?”
“Aww, no you don’t. You love me right now. Otherwise, why would you be here getting a prescription for the Pill in case your sexual activity picks up?”
I shook my head, covering my face with my hands. “You’re a jerk.”
He removed the blood pressure machine and wrote something on his chart. Placing it down on the table, he wheeled his chair over, so he was right in front of me.
“Since when do you work here? I thought you just interned at the hospital?”
“They were short-staffed…” He paused before grabbing a lock of my hair and pushing it behind my ear. “So, tell me, Charlotte, are we doing this?”
“This?”
I could see he was trying to find the right words until he finally responded, “You came here today to make sure you were protected. That we are protected.”
“I just wanted to make sure, you know… just in case.”
Alex leaned over my shoulder and turned the lock on the door. He pulled himself back and placed his lips on my mine, hungry for the very reason I was there.
Surely, this was fate, right?
Following my instincts and ending up here of all places?
“I’ve never wanted anything more, Charlotte. You have to believe me.”
I looked into his eyes, those pools of emerald green pleading with me to understand that his desire drove him to this insanity that was becoming us. I placed my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, hoping this gave him the reassurance he needed. “I believe you. And anyway, if it wasn’t your words that told me, it’s the general saluting me right now.”
He placed his forehead against mine. “You’re crazy.”
“Insane is the word you are looking for,” I corrected.
Laughing, he stood and unlocked the door. I followed his lead before he turned around and ripped the paper off the pad.
“Here you go, Miss Mason. The reason you came. Hope you have fun,” he teased.
“Thank you, Dr. Edwards. I’m sure the pleasure won’t be all mine.”
And with that, I walked out, accompanied by the swarm of butterflies which formed in my stomach, making it impossible to hide the huge grin on my face.
LEX
Present
I’m trying to make sense of what had happened with Charlotte.
As soon as I mentioned heading back to London, our lighthearted conversation had suddenly turned sour. Her demeanor changed, her lie about being busy barely believable. She no longer wanted to speak to me, and I don’t know why. She rushed out so fast I had no time to ask her what the hell I did wrong.
The flight back to London feels like the longest five hours of my life. The last few days have been a whirlwind, and everything I’ve become suddenly means nothing. People used to tell me that time heals all wounds, but what the fuck do they know about me? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely breathe. I left her, again. It’s only for two weeks, but time doesn’t matter.