by Isla Drake
“We’re pretty lucky,” he says. His face takes on a thoughtful expression before he seems to come to some sort of decision. "Just so you know," he says. "You're the only woman he's ever brought to Sunday dinner." He stands and puts a hand on my shoulder. "For Finn, that's a big deal." Ronan walks over to where Wyatt and Van are talking near the bar.
I take a moment to wipe the giddy smile from my face before I walk over to join the others at the piano. When Finn sees me approaching, he smiles and holds out a hand. Without hesitation, I put my hand in his and let him draw me to his side. I lean my head on his shoulder and breathe deep, inhaling his scent. This feels normal, natural, right. We’re surrounded by people. Liam is mangling whatever song Claire is trying to teach him, but they’re both laughing as he does. All the talking, laughter, and music combine to create a kind of beautiful chaos around us. In the middle of it all, a stillness comes over me. I let myself think the words I’m too afraid to say. I’m in love with him. I’ve fallen in love with Finn.
Part of me wonders how I could have fallen so hard so fast. It’s only been a few weeks since we had our first date. Is this real or am I getting carried away by the excitement of being in a relationship? I rushed into love once before and it ended badly. I swore I’d never do that again. I look at Liam, watching as he tries to copy Claire’s hands on the keys. I’ve spent the past 8 years living for that little boy and making sure he was safe, happy and protected. He’s never met any of the men I’ve dated in the past. I’ve never gotten serious with anyone before Finn. Seeing Liam surrounded by Finn’s family, laughing and talking as though he’s always been there is somehow both heartwarming and unsettling at the same time. I love how happy he looks right now, but I worry how it might affect him if things don’t work out with Finn. With that in mind, I decide to keep my revelations regarding love to myself for the time being. We’re both having fun. There’s no need to rush things.
We eventually leave so I can get Liam bathed and in bed on time. He’s exhausted but in that way that means he’ll sleep well tonight. After I get Liam into bed, I come back into the living room to see Finn folding the basket of towels I washed earlier. I stand in the doorway watching him for a moment. Something about the domestic scene makes me smile, even if he isn’t folding them the same way I do. He notices me watching him and gives me a questioning look.
“What?”
I shake my head, still smiling. “I was just thinking.”
He finishes the last towel and places it on the top of the stack. “What about?”
“That you shouldn’t go home tonight.”
He smiles and walks toward me. “I don’t want to go home tonight.”
When he reaches me, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. I reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“So, don’t,” I whisper just before our lips meet.
◆◆◆
Later, when Finn pushes into me, he keeps his eyes locked on mine. There’s something intense and focused about his gaze and I think I can feel it in my soul. When he’s buried deep, he stills above me. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him what I feel for him—to tell him I love him. But I hold back. Instead, I pull his face down to mine and kiss him. It’s a gentler kiss than the ones we usually share during sex. It’s soft and slow and I try to pour all the things I can’t say into it. When he lifts his head, I think I see a faint question in his eyes, but I’m not ready to answer whatever it is.
I arch my hips against his and squeeze my inner muscles, making it clear what I want. Finn is so attuned to my body that he needs no further encouragement. He pushes my hands up over my head, pinning them to the bed with one hand in a firm but gentle grip. Then he pulls back until only the tip of him is inside me before pushing his thick length back into me with agonizing slowness. My mouth opens but no sound emerges. He repeats the motion again and again, moving faster with every thrust until he’s pounding into me fast and hard. His eyes still haven’t left mine. His intense gaze combines with the sensation of his thick cock slamming into me. It’s not long before I feel the familiar wave rising within me. Finn releases my hands and rises up on his knees. He pushes my legs up and deepens the angle of his thrust. In seconds I’m coming, a low keening moan escaping me before I clamp a hand over my mouth to stifle it. Finn doesn’t stop. He keeps up his frantic pace as the orgasm continues to rock through me. Wave after wave of pleasure consumes me. I grip his arms, my nails digging into his skin.
Finn releases one of my legs and reaches down to touch my clit. My body is so sensitive that it takes no time at all for another orgasm to crash over me. I feel my pussy clenching against Finn as he continues to pound into me. This time, he follows me. I feel his body tense against mine and his eyes fall close. He groans and the warm rush of his release fills me. I reach up and grip his sweat-slick body, pulling him down onto me. Finn’s head nestles into the crook of my neck. He’s heavy, but it’s a welcome weight. He’s still inside me, my legs wrapped around him. We don’t speak or move for several minutes as our breathing settles down into something more normal. Eventually, Finn raises up onto his elbows above me and brushes a kiss to my temple before he moves off me. He flops onto his back beside me, clearly exhausted.
“That was—” I start.
“Incredible,” Finn finishes.
“Yeah.”
I eventually talk my body into moving enough to make it to the bathroom so I can clean up. On the way back, I grab Finn’s discarded shirt and pull it on. The hem settles just below my ass and the soft cotton smells of his cologne. When I climb back into bed, he pulls me against him, my back to his front. I wonder how I’ve grown so used to having a man in my bed when I’ve slept alone for so long. Right now, I can’t imagine not having Finn there.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Hannah
Finn and I settle into a routine over the next several days. He’s barely been back to his place since we had dinner with his family. In the mornings we take Liam to school together then drive to work. I’ve stopped worrying so much about what people might think of me dating my boss. What matters is that Finn and I are happy. The rest of the world can think what it wants. I still haven’t told him I love him, but even that doesn’t really matter. We have plenty of time to get there. I’m happy just being with him.
It’s Friday afternoon and I’m at the grocery store while Liam and Finn are home with a new Lego set Finn bought for the two of them to assemble. My phone rings while I’m pushing the cart through the store. I smile when I see Finn’s picture on the screen.
“Hey,” I say, answering the phone.
“I ordered pizza for dinner,” he says. “Should be here by the time you get back.”
“Good,” I say. “I hate buying all these groceries and then coming home to cook them.”
“Exactly. If you grab some buns, I’ll grill burgers tomorrow. Liam wants me to show him how.”
“Sounds good.” I smile as I turn down the cereal aisle.
“Oh. We’re out of milk,” Finn says. There’s a pause and I can hear Liam’s voice in the background. “We also need strawberry Pop-Tarts.”
I roll my eyes. “Uh huh. What else did Liam tell you to ask for?”
Finn sounds offended. “I have no idea what you mean. I happen to love strawberry Pop-Tarts.”
“Right,” I say, putting a box of the breakfast pastries into the shopping cart.
“Okay, I think that’s it,” Finn says.
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Don’t forget cheese for the burgers! Hurry home!”
“Bye.” I laugh softly as I hang up. Liam has Finn right where he wants him. I’d be annoyed if it wasn’t so cute.
Before I can slide my phone back into my pocket, it rings again. I swipe the screen to answer and put the phone to my ear.
“Let me guess, we desperately need Oreos too?” I say, smiling.
“Hannah?”
I abruptly stop walking and all thoughts of groceries
leave my head. The voice is familiar. It’s a voice I used to know. A voice I used to hear daily. After several seconds, my shock fades enough for me to speak.
“Paul?”
I hear a relieved sigh followed by Paul speaking again. “It is you! Thank goodness. It took forever to track you down.”
I can’t seem to think straight because all I can manage is to repeat his words back to him. “Track me down?”
Paul seems oblivious to my state of shock. “You have no idea,” he says. “I finally got ahold of your mom and she gave me your number. How have you been? How is everything in Oak Hill? You are still in Oak Hill, aren’t you?”
“I…” I blink, trying to clear the buzzing in my head. Did he just say my mother gave him my number? I’m going to have to talk to her about that.
“Yes. Fine,” I belatedly answer his questions. I realize that I sound like an idiot, but I can’t seem to form a coherent sentence.
“Good.” Paul’s response comes quickly, too immediate to be thought out. “That’s good. I’m glad.”
I shake my head. It occurs to me that I’m still standing unmoving in the middle of the cereal aisle. I push my cart over to one side to allow a stern-faced older gentleman to make his way past me. Finally, my brain and my voice seem to return from whatever hiatus they’d just been on.
“Not to be rude Paul, but why are you calling me now? I haven’t heard from you in over 8 years.”
I hear him let out a breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry about that, Hannah. I am. But I’d like to talk to you if you have time.”
My brain runs through possible scenarios for why Paul might want to talk to me. When the initial confusion wears off, my first real thought is Liam. Does Paul want visitation now? After all these years, has his conscience finally come to life? I envision sitting down with Liam and explaining to him that the father who’s been absent for his entire life is suddenly back and wants to see him. I picture his confused face as he asks where Paul has been this whole time or why he hasn’t been there all along. All this flashes through my mind in an instant and I feel a rush of protective anger surge through me. I try to tamp it down so I can concentrate on the conversation with Paul.
“What did you want to talk about?” I’m pleased that my voice is steady.
“I’d rather not do it over the phone,” he says. My heart stutters. If it’s serious enough for him to want to meet, it must be something big. “Can we have dinner? Tomorrow night?”
I scramble, trying to remember what day it is and whether I have anything planned. I can’t think of anything right off, but it’s because I’m still shocked and confused that I’m talking to my ex-husband.
“Let me check my schedule,” I hear myself say.
“Sure. Absolutely.” Paul’s voice is agreeable. He sounds almost relieved. “You can text or call me back on this number.”
I mumble some form of agreement and end the call. I stand frozen in the cereal aisle until I notice a woman pointing at something behind me and I realize I’m blocking the cereal she wants.
“Excuse me. I’m sorry.” The words come out in a strangled whisper that I’m not sure the woman even hears. I pocket my phone again and push my cart toward the dairy section of the store. My mind is a whirl of questions and I feel like I can’t draw a full breath. Why is Paul calling now? Liam and I are happy. We’ve been happy without him for years, but now we have Finn too. Things are good. Better than good. My life is amazing. I’m happy and so is Liam. I don’t want Paul to come back and mess with that happiness. Feeling like I’m on autopilot, I somehow manage to get the rest of the items on my list and head for the checkout. My mind is far away from the grocery store and I know I need to get it together before I go home to Liam and Finn. They’ll be able to see something is wrong and I’m not sure what to tell them.
By the time I’ve loaded the groceries into the back of my car, I’ve reached a decision. I’m keeping the phone call to myself for now. At least until I’ve met with Paul and figured out what he wants. There’s no sense messing with Liam’s head for no reason. I’ll meet with Paul and hear him out before I talk to Liam or Finn. It may not amount to anything at all.
I sit in the grocery store parking lot for several minutes and work on some breathing exercises to calm me down. I need to look and act normal when I get home, so I don’t worry the guys. Thinking of Liam and Finn waiting at home for me to return from a grocery store run makes me smile. It’s all so normal, like something we’ve always done. I picture pulling into the driveway, Liam and Finn coming out to help carry in the bags. Finn kissing me on the cheek as we pass one another. I can see it all so clearly in my mind. That’s the life I want. For good. I don’t know if Finn feels the same, but I’m ready to find out. As soon as I deal with Paul.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Finn
There’s something wrong with Hannah. I can’t put my finger on it, but she’s not herself. She greets me with a smile and a kiss when she comes home from the grocery store. It feels normal, but I swear I can see a shadow in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. But then Liam is tugging her inside to show off our newest Lego creation and she’s laughing at his antics. He’s grinning and practically bouncing as they walk. I follow behind them, carrying bags of groceries. I let Liam’s enthusiasm distract me from my concern over Hannah. She doesn’t look upset now. In fact, I’ve almost convinced myself I imagined the shadow in her eyes.
I put away the groceries while Liam chatters on about the Lego castle we’ve nearly finished. After a few minutes, Hannah comes into the kitchen and wraps her arms around me, hugging me from behind. I put down the cereal box I’m holding and turn to face her. She tucks her head under my chin, hugging me close. I wrap my arms around her and smooth my hands up and down her back.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
She pulls back enough to look up at me. Smiling, she says, “Yeah. Better than okay. I think you’re his hero now.”
I grin. “Legos are life.”
“So I hear.” She leans up on her toes and kisses me. It doesn’t take long for me to get lost in the feel of her in my arms, the press of her lips on mine. I pull her tighter against me, letting the kiss go on.
“Gross.” Liam’s voice cuts into my daze causing Hannah and me to pull apart.
I look over at Liam to see him roll his eyes. “There’s too much kissing in this house these days,” he mutters, turning around to go back into the living room.
Hannah buries her face against my chest, and I feel her shaking with laughter. I try to contain my own laughter, but it escapes and we both end up in a fit of giggles. After a few seconds, we catch our breath. Hannah goes to talk to Liam while I finish putting away the groceries. The pizza arrives as I finish, and I answer the door. The three of us eat pizza in the living room, cross-legged around the coffee table while watching a movie. It’s become a common Friday night event for us and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it.
I’ve spent more time at Hannah’s house over the past few weeks than I have at my own. I’ve started keeping a few things here, at Hannah’s insistence. It’s made it easier for me when it’s time to get ready for work. Liam has grown used to seeing me at the breakfast table and isn’t bothered by me being with his mom. It feels like we have our own little family. I keep having to tell myself to slow down—not to rush things. When the movie ends, Hannah carries the pizza boxes into the kitchen. I get an alert on my phone. When I check it I see that it’s an email I’ve been expecting from an out-of-state vendor.
“Can I use your laptop?” I call out to Hannah. I’ve used it several times over the past few weeks, but I still ask.
“Sure,” she calls from the kitchen. I sit at the small table and sign into the computer using the password Hannah gave me the first time I needed to borrow it. I really should remember to bring my own, but work is the last thing on my mind when I come to Hannah’s and I always manage to forget the damned thing.
I minimize wha
tever screens Hannah has pulled up. Computer borrower etiquette must be followed at all times. Then I login to my email and read over the new proposal. It’s what I expected and what I’d discussed with the vendor over the phone. I type out a quick reply and hit send. I’m about to close the laptop when it chimes a little alert and a text bubble pops up at the bottom of the screen. I read it before I’m even aware I’m doing it. Two more quickly follow it. I stare at the words on the screen, unable to look away. I feel like I may be sick.
“Finn!” Liam’s voice draws my attention away from the screen. “Come look,” he says pointing at something he’s done with the Legos. I swallow hard, force a smile onto my face and close the laptop. I walk over to look at what Liam wants to show me, but I can’t stop seeing the text messages as they’d appeared on Hannah’s computer screen.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Hannah
Everything about the evening feels wrong. Coming here was a mistake. I know it as soon as I see Paul smiling and waving at me in the crowded restaurant. When I reach the table, he stands stiffly and acts as though he’s not sure how to greet me after all this time. I awkwardly hold out a hand to shake his. No way am I hugging him like we’re old friends. I can be civil and share a meal with him, but I can’t bring myself to be that friendly.
Paul looks much the same as he did 8 years ago when he’d sat across from me and casually explained that he didn’t want to take part in his son’s life anymore. That it really would be best for everyone if he made a clean break. No visitation. No monthly support checks. Nothing. I remember feeling like I was drowning, like the air around me was suddenly too thick for me to breathe and I would suffocate. The enormity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. How was I supposed to take care of Liam all alone? What was I going to do? How would I make ends meet? Then Liam had started crying in his car seat next to me and I turned to focus on him, ignoring the way Paul suddenly announced his need to leave. He slid the paperwork across the table while I worked on getting Liam unstrapped from the seat. I glanced up at Paul once before he left. I tried to see if there was any hint of remorse in his eyes, but there was nothing but cold indifference and an impatience to leave.