Waiting on Life

by Parker Williams

  “Stop. You don’t have to do that.”

  He brushed my hands away. “I know. I want to.”

  And with those words, my cock disappeared into his mouth.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Toby

  “You’re going to have to be willing to suck him—you know that, right?”

  Tammy’s words echoed in my head. I thought the taste of a cock would make me ill, but it was warm and sweet, like kissing Kyle. There was precum leaking, and it wasn’t gross at all. A little sticky, maybe.

  “Toby, stop. Please.” His fears were easily heard in his voice.

  I immediately stopped what I was doing and sat up to look at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”

  “You don’t have to do that. Let me suck you, okay?”

  I was about to lay back and tell him to have at it, but there was something in his expression that… no. Oh, fuck no.

  “No one ever blew you, did they?” I demanded. “What kind of rotten bastards were you with? This is something we share, Kyle. I love the idea that you want to suck me, but guess what? I damn well wanna do it to you too.”

  His lip quivered. “I thought….” He sniffled. “I thought if you let me suck you, you could still say you were straight and—”

  “Okay, that is enough!” I got up, my boner having deflated quickly after seeing the fearful expression on his face.

  He reached for my arm. “Toby, don’t go.”

  “Not going anywhere,” I growled. “Getting comfortable so we can talk.”

  I sat on my side of the bed, then manhandled him until he was beside me. I put an arm around his shoulder, wanting to ensure I held him tight.

  “Spit it out. I want to know everything.”

  He tried to pull away, but this time I wasn’t going to let him go. I wanted every dark and dirty detail he was hiding that made him think he wasn’t worthy of being loved.

  “Unless you tell me we’re through, I’m not letting you go. Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

  With a sob, he collapsed against me. “I don’t want you to think I’m sick.”

  “Nothing would ever make me think that.”

  He barked out a laugh. “Don’t say that just yet. I haven’t told anyone except my therapist.”

  That sent up a flag for me. “You don’t have to talk if you’d rather not. We can just stay here and enjoy each other’s company.”

  He slid an arm around my chest. “Promise you won’t hate me.”

  “No matter what you decide, I will never hate you. Tell me if you want, but if you don’t, then we never have to ever discuss it.”

  He sighed and slumped against me. “Thank you. But you’re right, we need to clear the air. Just… don’t look at me, okay?”

  “I won’t, I promise.”

  It wasn’t a promise I could easily keep. I clutched him to me, burying my face in his hair.

  “His name was Frank, and I thought I knew what love was. I mean, he was always sweet and charming and funny, but we never went anywhere, he never introduced me to his friends, and there’d be long stretches where I wouldn’t see him and he wouldn’t return my texts. One night I found out why. I’d gone out after class with some friends and saw Frank there with a group of people. I went up and said hi, and this woman puts an arm around his waist and says, ‘Honey, who’s this?’”

  Oh, fuck no. “He was married?”

  “With three kids. He told her I was just someone he knew, and he had to talk to me for a few minutes. He all but dragged me outside of the bar and threw me into the wall, telling me if I ever spoke to him again, he’d beat me. Then he punched me in the face to show me how serious he was. Almost broke my nose, the fucker.” He laughed, but it turned into a harsh, body-shuddering sob. I squeezed him harder, wanting him to get strength from me. “This is the point where my therapist pulls out boxes of tissues. I’ve mostly moved on, but sometimes my mind comes back to it, and Frank’s ugly mug is staring at me, grinning.”

  Fury surged through me that someone—anyone—could treat another person like that, but more because it was Kyle. My Kyle.

  “He called and told me he wanted us to still see each other, and I laughed in his face. Well, in his phone. A few nights later, he showed up with his friend, Carl.”

  No. No, no, no. Please, don’t say what I think you’re going to.

  “I told them to leave or I’d call the cops. One of them slammed against the door, and that flimsy chain broke, the bits flying throughout the room. They came in and crowded me into a corner. I screamed, but no one came to help me. Frank dragged me into the bedroom and told Carl I liked it rough. The two of them took turns holding me down while the other one had his fun. Through it all, I kept telling them I didn’t want it, but my body betrayed me. I had an orgasm. Frank laughed and said that proved I was into it.” Kyle buried his face in my chest, muffling the words, but I still heard every one of them clear as day. “I believed it. I thought because I came, I must have liked it. It took the nightmares and Sandy Jarod, my therapist, to tell me that it was a reaction to the sensations, nothing more. It wasn’t in any way me liking it or anything remotely like that.”

  He was quiet then, and I couldn’t do or say anything. My anger burned white-hot, and I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d scream.

  “He called again after that, wanting to get together. I told him I was going to report him to the police. He said I didn’t have the balls.”

  “How long is he in prison for?”

  Kyle snort-laughed-sobbed. “God, I love you.” He froze and tried to jerk away, but I held tight. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

  But he did. I could hear it in his voice

  I tucked a knuckle under his chin and lifted. “So you don’t love me? Because I love you. More than I ever thought possible.”

  I’d been waiting for the perfect time to say the words, but this proved to me that it didn’t and never would exist. Kyle needed me, my strength—further proof that I wasn’t going to be the guy who’d walk away when things got tough.

  “I love you, Kyle.”

  He shook his head, tears glistening on his cheeks. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it.”

  “I do when I mean it.”

  I wasn’t going to do anything more than hold him, because I wasn’t sure what he could handle.

  “Like I said, I’m better now. Lots of therapy has helped. I’m not afraid of sex anymore.”

  That was a good thing. “How about for now, we lie here and hold each other?”

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I know you were looking forward to this. I didn’t mean to ruin it.”

  Oh, my poor Kyle. “You’ve ruined nothing. I’m grateful to you for trusting me with your secret, and you have to know I’ll never share with anyone.”

  He shrugged. “I keep thinking I should tell Pete, but…. We always joked about me being a slut, and this might be the one that pushes him over the edge.”

  “You know he won’t do that. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that Pete is going to be that friend you won’t ever lose.”

  We didn’t say anything else for the next several hours. We lay in bed, Kyle’s head on my chest, him clutching my hand as I stroked my other hand over his hair. At one point Waldo came in and curled between us, putting his paw on Kyle’s leg. The three of us stayed there until Kyle fell asleep.

  I laid there hours longer, holding the man I loved.

  Kyle

  When I woke, I was still nestled against Toby, his big, meaty hand holding me close. He’d said he loved me, and that made me shiver, because other than my family and Pete, no one ever uttered those words to me. I wanted to question it, to find out how much of it was because he felt sorry for what happened to me, but his words had been too genuine for it to be anything but the truth.

  That was another thing. When I told him the story, there hadn’t been an ounce of pity from Toby. He’d listened and reacted calmly and rationally. Sure, I knew he
was seething on the inside. The tension in his body told me that, but he’d pushed that aside out of concern for me. And how amazing was that? For the first time in my life, someone loved me. Not tolerated me. Not used me for sex. Loved me.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Toby murmured, digging his fingers into my scalp. “I don’t understand how I’m the first person to see it.”

  The words were sleepy and soft, and I was certain he was dreaming, but still he held me. If I died in this moment, I would be happy, because Toby made me feel special. I snuggled in, the hairs on his chest tickling my cheek. I had nowhere else I wanted to be. I only wish Toby didn’t have to—

  I jerked upright as I noticed the sun’s rays streaming through the curtains—way too bright to be five. I glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. Holy shit, it was getting close to nine.

  “Toby, it’s late. We have to hurry.”

  He pulled me back down, tucking me to his side. “Off today. Decided I wanted to spend it with you, so I called and told Scott he was in charge. Now turn off the fucking light, shut up, and go back to sleep.”

  I chuckled. “That’s not the light. It’s the sun.”

  He bolted out of bed and locked his gaze on the clock. “Nine? Aw, shit.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  He turned and smiled at me. “I wanted to spend the day with you. Can’t very well do that if we’re lounging around in bed.”

  Oh, we so could. I was comfortable and warm and had the most amazing man in the world beside me. I reached up to pull him down. “I don’t see a problem with it.”

  He twisted away and stood, in all his naked glory. “No, we’re going out. I’m thinking breakfast first, then maybe we can go to the botanical gardens or the museum or…” He turned and regarded me with amusement. “What would you like to do today?”

  I pulled him back down on the bed. “This is the only thing I want,” I assured him, reaching for his flaccid cock.

  “If you think sex is going to distract me, you’ve picked the wrong guy.” He thumped a hand against his chest. “Will of iron.”

  His shaft hardened in my hand. “And a cock of steel,” I teased.

  All his attempts to brush my hands away were met with a quick switching of the one grabbing him for the other, which latched on immediately. Finally, after getting in a few good strokes, he relented and flopped down on the bed, his arms and legs spread wide.

  “You win.”

  I licked my lips. “Always do.”

  The first taste of his cock ruined me for any other man. It burst with flavors, both bold and delicate. He grunted and pushed up a little, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I opened my mouth wide and took him deep.

  “Ooh, fuck,” he groaned, reaching down and putting a hand atop my head.

  That led to step two in my master plan. I opened my throat and took him all the way to the root. Good thing about learning to control your gag reflex was that guys never knew what the hell had hit them. If I thought Toby was going to be one of those who were shocked into silence, I was wrong. He locked both hands around my neck and pushed up into my throat.

  “Fuck, you are so goddamn good at that. Take it deep again,” he groaned, pushing in to the hilt.

  Toby fucked my mouth in slow, measured strokes. Most guys upon finding out I could deepthroat went crazy, but not Toby. Yes, he pulled my head down to bury his cock deep inside me, but he also gave me time to breathe. It was as though every fiber in him was tightly locked into this mode where he needed to be in complete control.

  We couldn’t have that now, could we?

  I did my best to up my game. I reached up and cupped his balls in one hand, and with the other, I searched for his nipple. Now I know a lot of guys think it’s weird to play with their nips, but I’ve discovered that when you’re aroused, the link between cock and tit is a straight line. I gave that thick bud a tweak and Toby gasped, which was music to my ears.

  Why was I doing this? I wanted him to lose control. I wanted him to pin me down on the bed and fuck me. It had taken me years of therapy to get back to this point, and I needed to be sure Toby knew I wasn’t fragile and going to break if he touched me wrong.

  “Kyle….”

  My name was a breathy pant, but the grip on my head tightened just a bit. If he thought I was going to give up, he was sadly mistaken. I nudged his legs, and dutifully he lifted them up. It was the perfect position for what I was going to do next. I slid off his dick a moment before I reached down and spread his asscheeks, then dove in tongue-first.

  “Holy mother of fuck!” he shouted.

  That’s my boy. I leaned back and grinned at him. “Problem?”

  Knowing I was the first guy he was with, unless he found a really kinky girl, I doubted Toby had ever been rimmed. Too many men thought it was too faggy and refused to try. I’d had several who said they’d never do it, but after I licked them the first time, they begged for me not to stop. Sure, I might be the ditzy twink, but I had the power to bring the strongest of men down.

  Toby grinned at me, his eyes glazed. “Only if you stop.”

  Once again, Toby had snatched the power away from me. He wasn’t weirded out or anything. He took to what we were doing like it was completely natural.

  “You… aren’t freaked?”

  “By how good it felt, yes. By you doing it? No. In fact….”

  Before I could react, he grabbed me and threw me down on the bed, hoisted my legs up, and went in for the kill. The man’s tongue could be registered as a lethal weapon. Yes, there was no technique, but mother of pearl, that tongue was wide and covered every available inch. Then, when he drew it in, it poked deep into my hole. I then did what I tried to do to him. I came apart. No one had ever licked me. No one had ever blown me. I was good enough to suck them or get fucked, but kissing, blowing, or rimming? Not likely to happen.

  “Toby, I—”

  Lost my train of thought completely as he assaulted my ass, laving the skin, pressing deep inside me. Then came the first finger, thick and blunt, not unlike the man. It slid in easier than I would have expected. I realized he must have grabbed the lube and was using that to loosen me. He kept at it as I thrashed on the bed, moaning. Then came the second finger, and finally the third. He slid them in and out in a slow, even cadence, and I lost my ever-loving mind. At this moment there was only one thing I wanted.

  “Fuck me!”

  There was an almost evil chuckle from Toby. “I’m not sure. You don’t seem to be all that into it.”

  The fact that he was playing with me showed me he trusted me to know my mind and my body. He was allowing me to make my choice, not him making it for me.

  I grabbed him and wrestled him onto the bed before plucking the lube from beside Toby. He was laughing so hard, he never had a chance. And yes, it was obvious he let me win.

  “Fine, if I have to do all the work around here…,” I groused as I slid the rubber over his shaft. Through it all, Toby lay there, his arms folded behind his head, and smirked at me. Warmth bloomed in my chest at the utter trust I had in this man and he in me.

  “Thank you, Toby.”

  He cocked his head. “For what?”

  “Not acting like I’m too broken to make a choice here.”

  He reached for my hand. “That wouldn’t be me trusting you. You’ve had enough people in your life trying to live it for you. That won’t be me.” He huffed. “Usually. Okay, I’ll try to not have it be me, but that’s the best I can offer.”

  Tammy’s words drifted back to me about how she and Toby were the same. I will move heaven and earth to make her happy.

  “Thank you. I’m not weak.”

  “Did I say you were?” He squeezed my hand. “I won’t deny that part of me wants to find these guys and beat them to a greasy paste, but you handled it your way. You got them sent to prison, and that’s where animals like that belong. Even if you were scared—”

  “I wasn’t. I was pissed the fuck off. They invade
d my home. Made me feel unsafe. Made me feel… weak. For months I barricaded myself in my apartment, hiding from the world. If it wasn’t for Pete dragging me back into it, I might never have come out. It was then I realized I needed help. So I went and found Sandy. Every Wednesday and Friday for nearly two years, I sat on her couch and we hashed out my feelings, and she showed me that even though they’d assaulted me, I was the one who had the strength and the power, and nothing they could do would take that away from me.”

  I won’t deny how proud I was of myself when Sandy told me that I had a grip on life and that I needed to live it. She said she would always be there if I needed to talk, and I still saw her on occasion when things hit a rough spot, but by and large, I’d dug myself out of that hole, started dating and, eventually, found myself able to have sex again.

  “So you know, Kyle. I will never push you to have sex. If you think you’re not ready, or if you—”

  I leaned in and kissed him hard. “Shut up,” I groused. “If I wasn’t ready, we wouldn’t be here. I might be a twink, but I’m not, nor will I ever be, a fucking pushover.”

  “That’s the Kyle I know and love.” Toby reached up and stroked a finger over my nipple. “Now get on with it.”

  He’d never know how much I appreciated him trusting my strength.

  I squirted some lube onto my fingers and applied it to his condom-covered cock. Man, holding that thing in my hand made my ass ache for it. It was one of the biggest I’d ever had, and I was grateful for my collection of toys, which helped keep me prepped, especially during the times I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone.

  “How do you want to do this?” I asked. “You wanna be on top, or would you prefer I ride you?”

  His eyes widened and his breath caught. “Ride… me?” he choked out.

  Oh, I was going to teach this man so much.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Toby

  Kyle looked absolutely wanton sitting astride me. Nothing that Tammy had told me could have prepared me for this. He leaned in and licked my nipple, which sent shivers through to my cock. He chewed it, abused it with his teeth or fingers, and I loved every second of it. I had no idea my nips could be so sensitive. Already Kyle had shown me more about sex than I could have learned from a hundred porno films.