Waiting on Life

by Parker Williams

  “Like that?”

  I couldn’t speak, only nod.

  “I do like the strong, silent type, but for now, I think I’m gonna have to see if I can make you scream for me.”

  Scream? I’d never once in my life screamed during sex, but from the way Kyle was looking at me, I thought maybe it could be a definite possibility with him. When he leaned in and let his lips trail along my neck, goose bumps covered me from head to toe. He was sensual as fuck, laving my neck, suckling on my ears, kissing my temples. It was an all-out assault on my senses, which, until today, had never known sex could be like this.

  Throughout his manhandling of me—and what he was doing couldn’t be described any other way—Kyle kept sliding his ass over my condom-covered cock, which had become uncomfortably hard, and I was riding the edge of an intense orgasm already.

  He pulled off my neck with a pop. “You know that’s going to be a hickey,” he said smugly.

  “Whatever. Don’t care.” And I didn’t. We hadn’t even gotten to penetration yet, and Kyle had made me forget every other person I’d ever been with. “I love you.”

  He grinned at me. “Love you too, big man. About to show you how much.”

  After adding a little more lube, Kyle grabbed my shaft and held it as he wiggled his ass around. When his eyes opened wide and he hissed out a “Ooh, that’s it,” I knew he found that spot he was looking for.

  I watched him closely as he moved. He descended slowly, and at times he stopped and sucked in a deep breath.

  “Fuck, man. I figured you’d be big, but I didn’t know you were this thick.”

  I wanted to stop him, to tell him that we didn’t have to do this. I hated seeing the pain on his delicate features. The thing of it was, I had to show him that I trusted that he knew his mind and body, and the only way for me to do that was to stay quiet.

  “God, it’s been a while,” he whispered, as another inch disappeared into that grip of his. “I forgot how much I loved this burn as you stretched me wide with your fingers, making me ready for you. But this? This is the payoff. There’s nothing like sitting on a hard cock.”

  And with those words, he nestled himself fully onto my shaft. I had to admit, I was shocked that the tiny hole that had squeezed my tongue and fingers so hard could take all of me, but Kyle had done it. He put his hands on my chest to take his weight as he adjusted himself.

  “Ever been ridden?” he asked, a grin on his face.

  “No,” I squeaked.

  He laughed. “Then buckle up, cowboy. This is going to be a ride you’ll never forget.”

  The thing was, it was already indelibly burned into my mind. His every expression, every breath, every movement reminded me why I’d wanted to give him my heart in the first place.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  That sobered him. He kneaded my chest, digging his fingers into the hair. “I can count on one hand the number of people who’ve said they loved me and meant it. I swear to heavens above, it’s like every other man was showing me that you had to kiss more than a few toads until you found the prince.”

  His words were said with a reverence, but his expression was telling. He might not say it aloud, but he was pleading with his eyes for me not to disappoint him like so many others had.

  “I love you,” I said, because no other words would be believed. Yet. I gave a small thrust with my hips. “Now, can we get on with this? You’re giving me blue balls here.”

  It wasn’t true. I would be happy to stay this way forever, if only Kyle would be with me. Still, it made him snicker, and that was music to my ears. He lifted up a bit, then slid back down, effectively milking my cock. It was bliss and torture at the same time.

  “Like that?” he whispered to me.

  “Oh God, I didn’t know it could be like this.”

  Then he rose up until my cock was barely still inside him before he dropped back down with a grunt.

  “I could get used to this,” he said, his eyes sparkling as he stared into my own.

  The thing of it was, so could I. Sex had always been good, but this shared intimacy with Kyle went far beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. Tammy was right when she said Kyle was the one who’d tick all my boxes. He would be the man to show me what it was like to really fall in love.

  “Hey now,” he growled, slapping my chest lightly to bring my attention back to him. “Don’t go drifting off just yet.”

  “No, never,” I replied, reaching out and stroking a hand over that nipple I’d been attracted to since the day I saw it.

  Kyle let loose then, rising up and slamming my cock back inside him. “I gotta do all the work?” he grunted.

  “I don’t wanna hurt you,” I said, fearful of what I could do to him.

  “You won’t. Trust me, when it comes to sex, I don’t mind a little pain to go with my pleasure.”

  Permission given, the next time he started his descent, I snapped my hips up to meet him, the resulting smack of flesh louder than his gasp.

  “Yeah, that’s the way. Keep doing that.”

  The thought of grabbing him and wrestling him down onto the bed, then fucking him hard swept through my mind, but that wasn’t what I wanted our first time to be. I wanted—needed—Kyle to know that I wasn’t just a bull of a man, that I could do tender as well. Especially since it seemed no one ever gave Kyle that. I grabbed his hips, effectively stopping him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

  “Nothing. You up for a little experimentation?” I wasn’t sure this would work, but I wanted it.

  “Sure. What do you have in mind?”

  I lifted him off me before I rose from the bed and stepped over to the chair that sat by my window for Waldo to stare out at the world. I took a seat, my cock still painfully hard. I held out a hand, and Kyle took a few steps toward me.

  “What are we doing?” he asked, and I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

  “Riding lessons aren’t over,” I informed him. I nodded down at my dick. “Mount up, cowboy.”

  He seemed hesitant but trusted me enough to stand on the chair above me.

  Before he could sit, I reached for his cock and gave it a few strokes, then tugged him closer so I could swirl my tongue around the head. It felt right in my hand, in my mouth. I had to wonder if it would feel right in my ass too.

  “Kyle, do you think you’d wanna—?”

  “No. Not my thing,” he assured me, obviously understanding what I was going to offer. “I have to say, I’m really grateful that you thought about trying it. Makes you worlds different than—”

  “Shut up,” I said softly. “This is our place, our time. Those other people? They no longer matter. The only things we need to concern ourselves with are you, me, and our cocks.”

  He chuckled. “You have the soul of a poet, Toby.”

  Kyle turned, and I leaned in closer and nipped his left cheek. He snorted as he lowered himself until he hovered less than an inch from my cock. When he continued, it breached him and he hissed.

  “Okay, you feel even bigger in this position. Gimme a minute.”

  His voice was strained, and I didn’t like that. “We don’t have to—”

  “Shut. Up.” He moved lower, each inch punctuated by a muffled “Fuck.” When at last he was fully seated, he leaned back against me and put his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his chest, pulling him even closer.

  “I love you,” I whispered before I leaned in and kissed his neck.

  “You too,” he said quietly, like he was just coming to realize it.

  “You doing okay?”

  For a few moments, Kyle was quiet. “I think I am,” he said, this time his voice stronger.

  “Good. Now, do you think we can get with the fucking?”

  The words weren’t what filled my heart, but I needed Kyle to keep his focus. This, for me anyway, was making love. Being in love. Experiencing the realities of love for the first ti
me. And lemme say, they were a lot more intense than I thought they could be.

  “This is your show. Whatcha got?”

  Exactly what I wanted.

  I kept him wrapped in my embrace as I pushed up inside of him. He was hot and tight, his channel seemingly made for me. I continued my slow, steady thrusts, and Kyle reached for his cock. I took his hand in mine and pushed it away.

  “You said it was my show, so let me.”

  He swallowed hard, his throat working. “Okay.”

  I wrapped his not-inconsiderable-sized dick in my hand and searched for a rhythm. Eventually I settled in for jacking him off in time to my thrusts. I’d push and stroke up at the same time. Kyle’s whimpers were music to my ears.

  “Toby, I’m going to—”

  His words were cut off as he keened and let fly an impressive load for a man his size. It splattered his stomach, his chest, and a bit even hit his neck, then slowly trickled down until it pooled in his trimmed pubes.

  “Oh my God,” he groaned, leaning his whole weight against me. I was his protector, his safe harbor. He knew I would keep his heart and body safe from now on. “I never had an orgasm like that,” he said. “I think you ruined me for all other men.”

  The words were said with a lightness, but once again, they were begging me to say the right thing, especially now.

  “Other men? Are you planning on having other guys?”

  He bit his lip as his gaze turned away from me. “No?”

  The question in his voice was obvious. I squeezed him harder. “No is the right answer,” I whispered in his ear before sucking on the lobe.

  “I have to go clean up,” he said, standing and letting my dick slide from him. “I’ll be back in a….” He cocked his head as he leveled a hard stare at me. “You didn’t come? Wasn’t it what you wanted?”

  The accusatory tone let me know Kyle thought I was going to proclaim my straightness and be done with him. So not the case.

  “I wanted it to be good for you. I—”

  Before I could continue, Kyle dropped to his knees in front of me. He licked over his pink lips as he yanked the condom off my cock. A moment later, he leaned in and engulfed more than half, the suction not unlike I’d imagine a vacuum would feel.

  “Kyle,” I groaned, putting a hand on his head and holding him in place. “You don’t have to do this. I’m not straight. Not going to leave you. I’m—”

  He pushed down farther, which made him choke slightly.

  Kyle sucked like a fiend, and as weird as it sounded, I missed his longer hair. I wanted to wrap the strands in my fingers and use it to guide him. Not that he needed instruction, because that boy was a demon on my dick. He wrapped his arms around my legs and spread them slightly. I opened wide to give him the access he demanded. Kyle scooted forward, taking more of me into his mouth. Then he did something I’d never experienced before, and it blew my mind. He brushed a finger over my hole, dipping in slightly. I won’t deny it, I yowled as I shot the hardest orgasm I’d ever had in my life. Kyle swallowed it all down, his tongue sliding over my cock like he was afraid he’d missed a drop.

  When he was done, he sat back, and I could see he was inordinately pleased with himself.

  “Told you I’d make you scream.”

  He had, the cocky fucker. “And you made good on your promise.” I reached for him and took his hand to pull him up from the floor. “Now, care to tell me what that was all about? I didn’t mind not getting off.”

  He stretched, showing that flat tummy and acres of creamy skin I adored. Even though I’d had a mind-blowing orgasm seconds before, my dick twitched. Nice try, because I knew no way was it getting up again anytime soon.

  “Since I first figured out what sex was, the act had been about the other guy getting off more than me. You were the first—the only—person who ever put my needs before their own. And I loved that, but what we have here?” He flicked his hand between us. “It can’t be one-sided. There can’t be a me or a you—it has to be an us for it to work.” He scratched his buttcheek, and I had the insane desire to rub that spot. Preferably with my tongue. “I can’t do this halfway. It’s either we’re both all in, or we’re not. Does that make sense?”

  It did, and he would never comprehend how much sense it made. It was the thing I’d wanted most from my past relationships. Kyle wanted to be on the same page, whereas most people I’d been with hadn’t even been in the same book.

  “Yeah, a lot of sense.” My cheeks heated. “You’re the first person who ever asked me for something more. It’s weird, because normally I was the one who did that.”

  “And I always thought I had to let someone come to me, but I realized with you, I needed to step up to the plate too. I’m not saying I don’t want you to watch out for me. I like it when you care enough to do that. But you have to let me return the favor now and then, and I don’t just mean blowjobs. Although, point of order, you taste really fucking good.”

  “Oh? I do, huh?”

  He reached out and pulled me into a kiss, sweeping his tongue into my mouth. It was nutty and sweet at the same time. A commingling of Kyle with something else—I assumed me—and it was awesome. He relaxed into me, and I wrapped him in my arms. This was the perfect day, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t need to go out. I simply needed to be told I was loved, and that made it perfect.

  Kyle

  Even Toby’s sweat smelled amazing. Who the fuck had a sweat fetish? Apparently me, because I wanted to bury my face in his chest, his armpits, his crotch. Right now, though, I was feeling sated and lazy, so I lay enfolded in his arms, his head resting against mine.

  I never believed life could be like this. I always thought I’d be bending over just to get a guy to notice me until I was old and gray, and then gumming cock in the old-age home. What I had now? I never wanted to lose it, and I would do whatever I could to hold on to it. The problem? What I had in mind would probably cause Toby to be pissed off, and even if I had the best of intentions in mind, was it worth it to make him angry?

  “Toby?”

  “Hm?” He sounded sleepy, but he still held me. “What’s up?”

  I took a deep breath before I went for it. “I’m not the type to ask this, so please don’t think I’m weird or needy.”

  He chuckled softly. “Trust me, I already knew you were weird.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “You kiss your mama with that mouth?”

  I grinned, because I couldn’t help it. “You didn’t seem to have any problems with what I was doing with my mouth a while ago.”

  “Oh, believe me, sweetheart, you’re going to be doing a lot of that in our future.”

  Our future. He’d said the words. “Our future?”

  He tensed, then sat up to give me such a sad look. “You don’t… I mean…. Did I fuck this up?”

  The fear in his expression could have melted the hardest of hearts. I stroked a hand over his chest. “No, not at all. A future with you is exactly what I want.”

  “Are you sure? Because if I’m pressuring you or coming on too strong, tell me and I’ll back off.”

  I hated seeing that uncertainty. It was far too foreign on someone like Toby. I had to wonder how much he’d been hurt in the past. It seemed both of us had scars of one form or another, but being with Toby soothed mine.

  “Sounds to me like we’ve both gotten the raw end of the deal when it comes to finding someone to be with.”

  “You don’t know the half of it. It takes me a long time to fall for someone. I need a person who I can mesh with before I let myself feel anything. The problem? Once I do, I stupidly believe it’s a mutual thing. I normally end up scaring them off because I get too intense too fast. I don’t blame them at all. I mean, looking at it from their standpoint, I get it. No one wants someone who comes across too intense.”

  “I do,” I assured him. “I’ve never had it before, and I want it more than I can say.”

  “Yeah, but the future….”

>   “What about it?”

  He sighed, a deep inhalation, followed by a slow exhale. “What if you decide it’s something you don’t want?”

  Now it was my turn to tell him my other secrets. “When I was growing up, my mom always told me I shouldn’t settle. If she said it once, she said it a thousand times: ‘Kyle, you’ve got so much to offer the right man. Don’t settle for anything that’s beneath you.’” I turned my head and nuzzled his chest again. “But I never listened. I thought I had to have a man who would validate me, because whenever I gazed in the mirror, all I saw was this little fag who was looked down on, teased, and told he was nothing but shit. I got it into my head that they were right, and that in order to prove I was worthwhile, I would need to find a boyfriend who would tell me not to listen to anyone but them, because they thought I was fabulous.”

  “You are fabulous.”

  I shook my head. “That was the problem. In my heart, I never believed it, even when I said it so many times. It’s why I dress the way I do, or cut my hair, or paint my nails. I so desperately wanted to be fabulous that I would have done anything.”

  “You wanna know what you really needed to do?”

  More than anything. “Please tell me.”

  “Be who you are. Kyle, my Kyle, is the most swan-like person I’ve ever met. His beauty and grace inspired me to look beyond what I’d always believed about myself. His brains and charm tore down the walls I’d erected. And, most of all, his fabulousness helped me to understand that love isn’t about gender—it’s about hearts and minds coming together to make something beautiful out of the chaos around us.”

  Toby hugged me then, but it was more than a simple embrace. It was the two of us, sharing what we’d discovered about ourselves with each other’s help. It was touching on a level I’d never experienced before, and I knew if I ever lost it, it would break me.

  I was hopelessly in love with Toby Tomlinson, and that made what I was about to do all the harder. I only hoped he would forgive me.