by Simon Archer
The representative looked at me, letting out a low unmusical hum as he did, walking up to greet me with a smile of closed wolf lips.
“I had heard the rumors, though I thought them far too scandalous to be taken seriously.” The rep spoke through his strange humming. “Now that I see you with my own eyes, I still find the whole affair to be rather ridiculous, even if true. Tell me, how does a Rabbit so hideous and mangy come to slay a demon of a noble like Timberpine?”
“Oh, you know, good genes,” I told him. “I guess I was just born with a better lineage. I mean, with a bloodline like mine, it isn’t hard to guess who’d win, me or the nobles. But I tend to ruin arrogant people’s big plans a lot.”
“So impetuous.” The rep’s humming continued. “You must forgive me for indulging a curiosity. You are, by far, the most interesting thing that’s happened in Thumperton Port for a thousand years, at least, though the younger pups like these may not remember those times.”
So they’ve gotten new Wolves. They had a method to make more. If we could have found that, we’d cripple their supply of soldiers. I’d have thought to use the method to increase my own supply, but I had a sneaking suspicion about the true origin of these Wolves, and it’s far too grisly to take advantage of. We had to shut it down if I was right. Maybe that was part of what the Baron was saving bunnies for.
“Are the newest Wolves not adjusting well?” I said, hoping to probe a location or any information we could use out of this creep. “What’s happened?”
“Nature has happened, I’m afraid.” The rep answered with more hums. “Though I speak too much already. Tell me, where is the tasty morsel you’ve brought to our fair city? I would very much like to take a look at what the Baron will be purchasing. I assume you’ve been informed as to what it is I require?”
“If you’d be willing to indulge me in some questioning,” I changed the subject, “Is there something I should be worried about in my youngest Wolves? I’d certainly like to know if there is some sort of defect among my pack that I must take care of as soon as possible.”
“Oh, there is nothing that you could possibly do, lowborn.” He hummed, a subtle frustration cracking his smile. “Er, fair lord. Now, if you wouldn’t mind presenting--”
“Dear me, nothing I can do?” I crossed my arms as I pretended to grow worrisome. “Good heavens, I have so many Wolf soldiers, though. How am I to have any confidence in their abilities? Am I to just throw out half of them if they are defective?”
“Your lifespan is far too short for you to ever worry, fair lord.” The rep attempted to reassure me. “Your concerns should be more immediate, like the bargain you are partaking in this very moment.”
“How can I think about any sort of bargaining if I cannot stop thinking about what will happen to my estate?” I pretended to panic.
Boy, I never knew being a lord required so much acting. I would have taken acting classes. Or found a way to portal in my whole truck, so I could have just run over most of these Wolves instead of all of this political bullshit. But it was necessary. No amount of truck-driving would have told you how to deal with magic Wolf nobles.
“I can’t even begin to guess what the defect is!” I whipped myself around like a maniac. “What will I do? I’ll have to inspect every Wolf under my employ. I’ll have to do that now. I’ll never be able to rest until I can get to the bottom of this. I’ll start with the ones that belonged to Timberpine’s former estate. It will be thorough. I’ll probe through every memory and function until I can find the truth. Guards! Please--!”
“No, no, no, that will not be necessary, Lord Dragonoak.” He interrupted me as quickly as he possibly could. Fucking got him. I had a spy in my pack. Now it was just a matter of using this guy to root him out. “You don’t have to be so worried. It really isn’t anything to be worried about, I can assure you--”
“You won’t even tell me what it is!” I slapped his arms away as he tried to reach out to touch me. “How can you tell me not to worry if I can’t be told what not to worry about? If you aren’t willing to help me, I don’t know what I’ll do! What if--?”
“Lord Dragonoak!” The representative spoke sternly. “We are getting far out of hand, here. Bring out the merchandise so we can discuss--”
“Should I have one of my defective Wolves do that?” I shouted at him. “Should I have them break everything in my mansion on the way? How can you be so sure anything I bring out will be usable?”
“I can just have one of my pack take care of it, you impossible--!” The representative calmed himself down before he really exploded. “Lord Dragonoak, even a lowborn-- even a lord such as yourself must know how completely inexcusable this kind of behavior is. If you could lead the way to where you are keeping--”
“How do I know this guard isn’t defective as well?” I kept up the hysteria. I’ll excuse myself whenever I feel like it, jackass. “How do I know that you’re not defective, also?”
“Listen here, you lowborn vermin!” The representative snapped. “Do you know who you are talking to? I have walked the centuries! I have lived beyond all the years you could possibly fathom! I have taken advantage of every Blood Moon by eating bunnies underneath its glow so I could grow my mind to greatness beyond any Wolf here! I am not defective! I have regressed the Forgetting more than any Wolf in Thumperton Port outside the Baron’s keep! No one, least of all a Rabbit without ears or fur to speak of, could ever be so haughty and boastful as to think to question that! You will cease your insolent idiocy and present the bunny so that the Baron can properly prepare Thumperton’s banquet and keep our city from falling behind the others. You will sell her, and the Baron will give you more wealth than any lowborn could ever hope to ask for! If you do not comply, the entire force of the Baron’s power will be thrust upon you! I will not ask again!”
I never imagined he would have been such a treasure trove of information. Maybe a secret into the keep or something, a juicy rumor, or fishing out the spy, but this? This damn fool may have doomed the entire nobility at this very moment. The representative’s incessant humming turned to a wheezy gasping sound as he had flared up his temper.
The Forgetting. Related to the Wolves not remembering anything further back than a year, no doubt. The Wolf nobles were centuries old, at least, and they’d been forgetting all of that time. They were eating bunnies with magic inside them to keep that from happening, and if I was interpreting him right, it only worked on the Blood Moon, whatever that was. That meant I was right about the bunnies having been stockpiled for something special and not eaten until then. That gave me until whenever this Blood Moon happened to flush out every noble in the Great Burrows. I hoped that it was a long way away.
And I still had a spy to flush out right here. Guess I couldn’t keep redirecting the conversation anymore. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t redirect the focus.
“Oh my.” I finally said after a long pause. “That must be upsetting. I never realized. How insensitive of me to fly off the handle on an esteemed guest such as yourself, who represents the interests of the Baron himself. You want to trade, and I will oblige. Quick, let me call in someone to help guide you to her. Oh, guards! Come into the courtyard! I have something that requires your help.”
“I’m glad that you’ve come to your senses.” The representative returned to his creepy humming self before long, having regained control in his mind.
The guards came pouring, filling up the edges as they covered all of the stone walls up to the seven feet. Once they all had come into the courtyard, they settled and stood at attention, obediently waiting for one of my commands.
“Thank you,” I said to them. “I have a task for one of you.”
“Why do you need all of these guards, then?” The representative asked me. “Please, Lord Dragonoak, I grow sick of these games. If you could simply point me to where she is, I could get her myself.”
“Nonsense!” I said to him. “I have been so incorrigibly rude to you. How te
rribly awful of me to question you and your resolve, or the functionality of these Wolves. It’s only proper that I find a way to repay all of the debt I’ve accrued in your presence. You shall have only the finest of my Wolves to escort you to where I keep the bunny in question. These hallways can be treacherous, I’ve instructed my staff to install traps at every corner. You’ll need a guide to help you navigate.”
“Blood and fangs, you are paranoid. Do you think I’m--” The representative swore under his breath, then recomposed himself after looking into the crowd. His eyes brightened as he realized that his mole was here. “Your gift is the most gracious, fair lord. I would love for a volunteer to escort me.”
“Of course you would,” I said to him, turning to all of the guards. “Who would like to escort my dear friend here to the secluded area of my estate with my absolute trust that you will bring her back here so I may relinquish the Baron’s representative of precious valuables he may require later and might certainly reward whoever can keep those valuables from leaving the Baron’s possession?”
“I’ll do it!” The spy revealed himself with his eagerness. I had named him Balto. Now that name could go to someone else. The brown Wolf, with golden spots, stepped forward to accompany the lord through the hallways.
“Excellent!” I said. “How absolutely gracious of you. Now, kneel so I may properly check to see if you’re ready to survive all of the traps.”
“Dragonoak!” The rep stomped. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you have been stalling this whole time. If I search those halls and she isn’t there--”
“Now you question me, representative?” I said incredulously. “I can assure you with absolute honesty that I am not stalling as I check this particular underling, and the bunny in which you are referring too is within the vicinity. I just need to check something to make sure everyone in my estate is safe.”
“This is becoming monotonous.” The representative lost his patience. “I’m sure he’ll be of fine help. Now, come here so--” He addressed Balto with that last command.
The representative realized his mistake, hoping he had silenced himself before revealing his spy. As Balto reflexively went to obey his real master’s commands, he stopped as I pressed my hand on him. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought he was frozen at my touch. Looks like everybody was caught red-handed.
“I gave you a name, Balto,” I said to him. “I treated you as one of my own. I let you into a pack and a home that I assured you that you’d never have to leave so long as you wanted to stay. Do you want to stay, Balto?”
“What nonsense is this?” The representative tried to cover up his mistake by burying himself further. “Of course he’d want to stay. You’ve made such a lovely home here. So lovely. Just spectacular, I guess. Why would he ever want to leave? He’ll always want to stay in your service.”
“Does this Wolf speak for you?” I asked Balto. “Does he represent you? Does he represent your pack?”
“Uh, no, er, boss,” Balto spoke nervously. “But, er, yeah, he’s right, you’re totally the boss.”
“Could you say the oath to me, then?” I said to him. “You know the one. I know that it’s a sacred pact, and no Wolf with any balls would think to fake it. But it should be easy to repeat to the one you’re committed to as your pack leader.”
“We really don’t have the time for this, Lord Dragonoak.” The representative began to laugh nervously in his humming. “We have a deal that you need to consider, as well as a Baron that can send his forces here to claim what he wants. We all need to stay in his good graces.”
“All I’m asking for is a simple recitation of an oath he should have already sworn,” I said quietly. “Many Wolves manage to pass off not saying the oath themselves by being recruited in groups. Many don’t have to ever say it themselves. But it should still be easy. You wouldn’t be faking it. We’ve all heard that I’ve been called paranoid, so it would just ease my worried heart.”
“Well, then let him recite it to you if it’s that important,” he relented. “I can stand right here beside you, and you can see for yourself.” He might as well have admitted to the spy, and to being the spy’s pack leader. That simplified things. With him admitting that the two guards with him were part of his pack, I was sure I had all of the pieces I needed.
“Excuse me!” I said, pushing him away as he came up to me. “You come into my house, demand for my things, and now you come into my personal space? Have you simply come here to challenge me, sir?”
“What? No!” The representative looked fearfully at me, turning himself to the side as if I didn’t see him grab for something in his pocket. “I would never dream of such a thing. But attacking me would definitely be considered a challenge of the Baron, and he’ll bring down his wrath upon you to take all of the property you had built.”
“So a noble can come into my house,” I leaned in as I moved toward him, waiting for him to whip out his magic bauble the Baron must have given him “demand things of me, reprimand me and my blood in my own home, in front of my underlings, and then suggests that this is his right, and I’m not supposed to take that as a challenge? I am not beholden to your master, sir representative. You step into my home as a foreign agent, and yet you act as if you own it. How does that not challenge my authority?”
“Because, Dragonoak,” he stopped in his tracks, “killing you won’t be a challenge.” He actually waited for me to be done talking to say a quippy line. That was just precious.
The representative put his hand forward, now with a charmed ring, punching the air to activate it as a sneak attack I absolutely, positively, completely, sincerely, for-realsies didn’t see coming. Dodging to the side as soon as his hand even flinched, I was missed by the pulsing sound column that tore through the space, creating a pillar of rippled air as it screeched in everyone’s ears. With a quick shot from the pistol under his chin, he was down. Sometimes it would have been hard to find the best spot to kill a Wolf in one hit, but at this range, it was like playing ‘Where’s Waldo’ with a crowd of five people. He fell to the ground as I spun to see what he had hit with his sound pulse. Thankfully, it looked like it was only dangerous at close range, with the hair of several guards blown back, but still perfectly fine in the line of fire.
I turned to Balto, walking over as the Wolf avoided eye contact with me, while still trying to look at me. Without a word, I stood over him, daring him to look me in the eye and show me why I should have let him stay.
“I wanted to, boss,” he said with a quiet whimper, still looking down and away. “I wanted to say it. When I heard that Timberpine died, I didn’t know what that meant for me when my boss came around, and I was afraid that I’d get kicked out because I wasn’t fit for my job anymore since I was just supposed to watch over Timberpine. Then you said all that stuff about how nobody can get kicked out of your pack or your estate no matter what, and you were letting the Wolves get healed, and nobody was ever going to be unfit in your house. I wanted that, boss. I wanted to say it. I wanted to shout it.” He moved his head as if he was trying to dislodge the next few words from his throat, but they wouldn’t come out.
“But he still had the win over you,” I spoke the words for him.
“I couldn’t do nothing, boss.” Balto had tears in his eyes now. “I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t do nothing, and then he came here, and he was gonna want to hear all the things I saw about you, and I didn’t want to tell him, but he…” The tears fell down from them. Apparently, dogs were really nasty criers in this world. Funny, since they didn’t have tear ducts in mine. “He had the win. The win’s sacred, boss.”
“I know, Balto,” I said, raising his head.
“Boss, I swear, if there’s anything--” He looked into my eyes with a desperate longing. Damn, I was ready to lay this spy out for daring to endanger my house. What I did to Gmork would have seemed like a blessing in comparison. But, while he was feeling forced to do the
bad shit, he didn’t actually do anything while working for me. For all intents and purposes, he’d always been working for me, but just didn’t have the win to give out. But now I took it, and he was mine. Still…
I gave Balto a smack over the side of the snout with the butt of my gun.
“You’re mine now,” I said to him. “Never forget. Say the oath.”
“My strength submits to yours and recognizes yours as superior.” He said as he looked straight at me with a fire. “Until I die, I will obey you and your household. All who live within it are mine to protect and serve.”
“That’s not how it usually goes,” I said with a smirk.
“You’re not a usual lord, boss,” he responded. “I am never letting my win go where I don’t want it ever again. It’s always yours and your people’s, for as long as your household lives.”
“Very well, Balto,” I said, ruffling the hair on his head. “I like it. Maybe others will do the same in time. Anyway, you can get up now.” I walked over to the two keep guards, who were still just standing and waiting patiently for me. “So, do you two see me as your pack leader? Please swear your oaths individually, if you don’t mind.”
“Yes,” the first one said. “My strength submits to yours. I will serve you until one of us dies.”
“Of course,” the second one followed. “My strength submits to yours. I will serve you until one of us dies.”
“Very good,” I said, popping my neck. “With your boss dead, we don’t have much time before the Baron catches on to us. Let’s get to chatting about what you’ve heard in that keep.”