by Elliott Kay
“This is your private chamber, isn’t it?” asked Yargol. He glanced around the room, his hood still lowered. “Your room upstairs was a ruse. That’s why you forbade anyone to enter, even to clean it. You had a hidden teleportation circle in there.”
“Yes, fine, you caught me,” Zuck sighed. “Congratulations. You solved the mystery.” He made unfurling motions with his hands, practically bowing as he sneered. “I was smart enough to hide where I sleep and to build myself an escape hatch. It’s a good thing, too, or we’d have wound up dead with everyone else upstairs. We’ve needed all this time to heal up as it is. Some of us still aren’t all better, right, Lefty?” He slapped Mierrek on the hobgoblin’s unwounded shoulder and grinned. “Heh. ‘Right, Lefty?’ I didn’t even plan that part out. That just happened.”
Mierrek bit back his response. Zuck didn’t seem to notice the king’s annoyance. He turned back to Scars. “Anyway, who are you again?”
“I’m Scars. This is War Cloud. DigDig. Shady—”
“Yeah, I’m not asking that. When I ask, ‘Who are you,’ I really mean, ‘Why should I care who you are?’ And Yargol, pull up that hood. Sheesh.” The wizard’s head twitched in recognition. He snapped his fingers repeatedly, pointing at War Cloud. “Wait, wait, you’re the gnoll, right? The heretic? Yeah, you I’ve heard of. You can do magic? It’s real? I’ve got a bunch of guys who need healing here and I can’t waste all my potions. Let’s get to work. Yargol, come on. We’ve got packing to do. The rest of you, I dunno, take up guard posts or something. Mierrek will find something for you to do until we go.”
“Where?” asked Shady Tooth. “Where do you plan to go?”
“You’ll know when we get there,” Mierrek snapped.
“Forgiveness, your majesty,” Yargol spoke up suddenly. He raised his hands in supplication, turning to Zuck again. “We thought you were dead at the hands of the adventurers. After that seemed clear, we only sought to escape. Yet we see no way out of the hold.”
“Of course you don’t,” said Zuck. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it handled.”
“But we cannot teleport back to the upper levels,” said Yargol.
“Duh,” Zuck scoffed. “Obviously not. That’d be stupid.”
“And the gate to the Tor Rathad is shut. It will not move. We found no mechanism.”
“Oh don’t be silly. A couple of bars in the center twist and pull back,” Zuck said, miming the action to demonstrate. “The bars stand out if you throw a simple cleaning spell at them. I covered it up again once I figured it out.”
“How brilliant of you,” Yargol replied. He turned to Scars with a subtle roll of his eyes.
“Did the adventurers see you escape?” asked War Cloud. “Would they still be searching for you?”
“Gods save me,” grumbled the wizard. “Look: I’m not answering every question from the help, got it? We’re not here to bond, we’re not equals, and we’re not friends. You’re on the job. I’m the boss. I’ve got a place to go where we’ll be safer and stronger than we are in this tomb, and I’m not interested in running it through a committee. Good job running and hiding from the big, bad adventurers. Everybody’s so proud. Now get it together. You want to keep getting fed and paid? Get to work.”
Scars looked back to his companions. This time, instead of sullen faces and downcast eyes, he found most of them looking back to him—all except DigDig.
“Fix my teeth,” he said.
“What? Wait, what?” Zuck blinked.
“You said you’d fix teeth,” said DigDig. “Got missing teeth. Got broken teeth. They hurt. Fix my teeth.”
Zuck’s face twisted up with annoyance. “I’m not going to fix your teeth now! Do you have any idea how much power that spell takes? It’s permanent transmogrification of a living being. I could throw a dozen fireballs with less effort than that spell takes out of me. I haven’t even fixed Mierrek’s arm yet.”
“You appear to have an excellent shelter and plenty of guards,” Yargol spoke up. He glanced to Scars as he spoke. “Any lost energy will return with more rest. Once War Cloud sees to your guards, he’ll need time to recover his energy, too.”
“It’s not just DigDig, either,” said Scars. “You offered the same terms for all of us.”
“What?” Zuck burst. “You can’t make demands on me! I’m the boss!”
“We’ve almost doubled your numbers just by walking through the door,” Scars countered. “Can you really afford to have us walk away?”
“Can you afford to try it?” Mierrek warned.
“Don’t care anymore,” said DigDig, his voice as low and firm as the goblin king’s. “Rather go down fighting than work for nothing again.” He glanced to Scars to let him know he meant it. “Worked for years. Said you would fix my teeth. Never did. Never got it done.” He stepped up in front of the wizard, head tilting backward to look him in the eyes. “Fix. My. Fucking. Teeth.”
Zuck’s jaw nearly dropped. He looked to the hobgoblin at his side, then the other faces in the chamber. Once again, the guards tensed, waiting for an order. Mierrek’s hand drifted to the sword on his belt.
“Living in fear gets old after a while,” spoke up a new voice. Though DigDig still stared up at Zuck, everyone else looked to Shady Tooth. The bugbear stood with her hands on the knives at her belt, looking straight at the wizard and his allied king. “Sooner or later, it’s not worth living at all. Loyalty will last, but loyalty has to be earned.”
No one else spoke. Yargol nodded in agreement. War Cloud already had his eyes on Venko.
Mierrek sneered, his lip pulling back to reveal teeth far too perfect for a hobgoblin of his age. “You know what, Zuck? Maybe she’s got a point. Maybe everyone here needs a little reminder of their loyalties.”
“Subtle,” grunted War Cloud. “No one could possibly know what you mean by that.”
“Fine,” the wizard fumed. He threw up his hands to let his sleeves fall back. “C’mere. I’ll fix your—”
“Zuck,” said Yargol. His subservient tone vanished. He still hadn’t pulled his hood up. “You teleported to this place. We fought our way down here. Imagine what that means.” He kept his eyes locked on the wizard’s. “You’re short-handed as it is. Do you want to go shorter?”
Once more, the wizard hesitated, taking in everyone’s mood. “I don’t know what you’re trying to suggest. Do you mind? I have a procedure to run here. You, goblin. Open up wide.” He peered down at his patient, bringing his hands to either side of DigDig’s mouth with his fingers bent in strange, arcane positions. A faint glow developed around his hands. “I swear, you can level a village with the power of thunder, but as soon as you come up with one stupid dental spell it’s all anyone remembers. It’s like working in the fucking palace again.”
“I take it you did a lot of this in your old job?” asked Scars.
“If you ever get a chance to look close at the royals and their closer noble buddies, you’ll see plenty of perfect smiles,” Zuck muttered bitterly. “Ugh. Goblin breath. This will only take a moment. It may hurt a little and it’ll probably feel weird. Don’t freak out on me.”
DigDig closed his mouth. “Wait. You know what to fix already?”
“It’s not like I need a reference book. This is magic. I’m setting your teeth to the way they would be without any decay or damage over time and making sure they align straight. It works the same for everyone. Same principles as my repair cantrip, except harder. Your body knows how it’s supposed to look. Don’t worry about it. You want me to do this, right? Open up.”
With DigDig’s wary compliance, the wizard set to work. He murmured words of magic and made strange gestures with his fingers. Other than the occasional wince or grunt and the odd noise from DigDig’s mouth, the goblin seemed fine. Scars soon found himself more wary of Mierrek and his guards than any cruel tricks from Zuck. Thankfully, War Cloud and Shady Tooth shared his vigilance. Only Yargol kept careful watch over the wizard, to which he was best suited.
Zuck let out the sigh of a man who’d just moved a couch. “There. No cracks, no gaps, no rot. Keep out of the way of any fists or bludgeons and they’ll look like that until you die,” he grumbled, ending with a note of resentment. “Now can we get on with things?”
“Sore,” said DigDig, rubbing his jaw.
“Of course it’s sore. You’ll get over it soon enough.”
DigDig gestured with his shovel to Scars. “Him next.”
“Oh, come on!”
“I never expected so much whining from an outlaw wizard overlord,” said Shady Tooth.
“Who the hell are you to criticize?” Zuck shot back. “I don’t even know you. Any of you. Does even one of you know what a pain in the ass labor relations can be? Bad enough I’ve got these guys negotiating for a raise every year,” he said, gesturing to Mierrek and his closest guards. “Now I’ve gotta do all this shit, too? Now?”
“Raises,” said Scars. “You don’t say.”
“Perks of being in charge of a kingdom rather than being scrubs,” said Mierrek.
“It’s not such a kingdom today, is it?” asked War Cloud.
“We’ll hold off on doing my teeth for now,” said Scars. He noted the relief in Zuck’s shoulders. “Take care of Shady Tooth next.”
“Oh, what the f—alright, fine. I guess we’re not going anywhere today. Come on,” Zuck grumbled. His attitude diminished once she towered over him. He seemed to think her mouth was large enough to bite his entire face. “I’m not seeing any shady teeth in here.”
“The name isn’t for my teeth. It’s for my knives.” Her hands rested on the handles of the blades at her belt. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine, human.”
“Uh. No, that’s okay. I’ll take your word for it. Let’s see here…”
He finished with Shady Tooth as quickly as with DigDig, and then with Yargol, though his disdain grew once pressured to look closely at his own apprentice. When it came to War Cloud’s turn, the gnoll approached with such an unsettling grin Scars could hardly blame the wizard for his reluctance.
By the time he was finished, Zuck’s breath seemed heavier and his face turned a shade redder. Collapse seemed far off, but the toll on the wizard’s energy was clear as his sullen eyes turned to Scars. “I suppose you want yours done, too?”
“Of course.”
“Fine, but that’s it. I do this and we’re done. No makeovers, no chiropractic service, no dream remediation, no—”
“Dream remediation?” asked War Cloud.
Zuck rolled his eyes. “What do you think I do all day? I’m out here to self-improve. It’s not all about amassing power and wealth. I mean yeah, most of it is that, but magic isn’t all for fireballs and invisibility. At some point you’ve got to look inward.”
“You had your guards kidnap and ransom people from the lowlands,” said War Cloud. “Your minions punished the theft of bread with death. You sat atop a power structure built on brutality and abuse. Amid all that, you focused your magic on having softer dreams at night?”
“Oh, whatever. The world’s a rough place and life isn’t fair. You all had jobs. Get over it.”
“You don’t have to put up with this, Zuck,” said Mierrek.
“I know what I’m doing. We need more bodies here, not less. Maybe if you inspired a little loyalty in your subordinates they wouldn’t be a giant raging pain in my ass right now.” He turned back to Scars. “Open up. Let’s get this done.” He raised his hands to either side of the half-orc’s jaw.
The moment the spell began, Scars understood the grunts and gargles that came from his companions. He felt teeth move in his mouth, some tilting, others growing. He didn’t think he had much to fix until the strange ripples of muscle and cartilage ran through his jaw. Despite the pain, Scars eyed the others standing nearby. Though he couldn’t spot everyone without turning away, he saw War Cloud still vigilant and ready. DigDig, too. Yet so were Mierrek and his guards. Nobody would get the drop on anyone else here…with one possible, critical exception.
“There,” the wizard huffed. “Are you satisfied now?”
“Just about,” said Scars. His hand, low at his side, curled into a fist.
Behind him, a heavy thud resonated through the closed door. More slamming and beating at the doorway drew everyone’s attention. Despite the utility of such a distraction in the face of the fight he was about to start, even Scars had to look back.
The doorway flew open. Another of Mierrek’s bodyguards tumbled through, followed by Teryn. Her bandana still covered the lower half of her face. She held her hands over her head in a show of peace, one holding her bow and the other Yargol’s staff. Her eyes found Scars.
“They’re here,” she said.
Chapter Ten
The hobgoblin guards raised spears and leveled swords at her appearance. “What the hell are you doing here?” Zuck burst.
“Oh, shut up, Olen,” she grunted.
“Olen?” Shady Tooth blinked.
“She’s with us,” Scars answered. “She’s not a threat.”
“They’re probably only here in the first place because of—”
“Would you shut up and focus on what matters now?” Teryn interrupted the wizard. “I don’t want them to find me anymore than you do. I was at the top of the staircase and I heard them talking as they approached.”
“She’s right. Barricade the door. Use the furniture,” said Scars.
“You’re not the boss here!” Zuck snapped. He looked to Mierrek. “Well? Tell your guys to do something.”
“Move some furniture in front of the door,” said Mierrek. He stepped past, waving his good arm at the other hobgoblins. “Be quick! Try not to make noise.”
“There’s no point being quiet, they’ll know we’re here,” grumbled Teryn. She strode past the guards, lowering her bow and the staff. “We left a fresh trail through the dust out there.”
Happy to leave Mierrek and Zuck to the distraction, Scars leaned in close to DigDig with a hand on his shoulder. “Hold back,” he said quietly. “Find us a way out of here. One of the back walls or something.”
As if to object, DigDig held up his shovel—and then blinked. “Right!” He hustled off to the back of the chamber, where Zuck’s four-post bed lay behind heavy drapes.
“Wait, not that!” Zuck objected, oblivious to the planning behind him. “Not my armoire. Put something else in front of the door. And hey, what’s with the staff?”
Yargol hardly looked Zuck’s way as he accepted the staff from Teryn. “We only just found it. I’ve already bound it to myself, but I haven’t had time to figure out how to use it.”
“Damn it Yargol, what did I tell you about binding magical implements?”
“You said everything belongs to you, only I thought you were dead. You also never trained me to use any of this because you wanted everything to yourself.”
Zuck glared at Yargol, but couldn’t come up with anything to contradict that. “Damn it. Fine. Keep it for now. Maybe you can’t use its spells, but you can probably still draw energy from it. Try the Tirgadeleine recitation and focus on the staff. It works for most enchanted implements.”
“Now you tell me,” Yargol muttered. Noting the way Scars and now Teryn lingered toward the back of the chamber, he withdrew to join them while he began reciting strange words.
“And cover up that ugly face,” Zuck added. “It’s distracting.”
At the front of the room, moving a heavy cabinet with a hobgoblin, Shady Tooth looked back to Scars. He dared not speak, though he shook his head to answer her silent question.
Behind them, a shovel tapped at the masonry. War Cloud glanced back only once before he caught on. He quickly grabbed the nearest bookshelf on the wall and overturned it to cover the noise.
“What the hell are you doing?” Zuck snapped.
“We need cover,” he said. “Not everyone can fight at the door. Shooting from cover will hold them off longer.”
“Maybe you assholes
want to take the front, then?” Zuck asked. “You’re the ones who got me worn out with magic dentistry right before these jerks showed up.”
Scars unslung the crossbow from his back, moving behind the overturned bookcase. “Sorry, I’m a marksman.”
“I’ve got a bow,” said Teryn as she joined him.
“You want your healer in the back,” said War Cloud.
“I’m a spellcaster, not a fighter,” said Yargol. Behind the drapes, DigDig continued his quiet tapping.
Shady Tooth left the hobgoblins at the front of the room with her knives in hand. She glanced once at Zuck. “Fuck you,” she explained.
With another irritated sigh, the wizard turned his attention to the door. He raised his hands at his sides with sparkles of magical energy shimmering between his fingers. Hobgoblin guards held to either side of the door, weapons ready to stab and smash the first person to come through. No one spoke. Even DigDig’s tapping had stopped. Scars looked back to the drapes, where he found DigDig peeking back and showing a raised thumb.
A soft, low, metallic rattle broke the silence. One of the hobgoblins leaned in closer to the door before looking back to Zuck and Mierrek. “They’re picking the lock!” he announced.
“Oh shit!” came a muffled voice through the door. “Someone’s in there!”
“For fuck’s sake,” said Zuck.
The thick door crashed from its hinges. An armored dwarf with a war hammer appeared as the culprit, ducking low in his first steps. Small balls of fire flew over his head, bulging as if about to explode, yet Zuck unleashed his own magic the instant they appeared. The spheres shrank into mere puffs of smoke. “Aw, cockblocked!” complained a voice from the hallway.
Gripping his weapon and shield, the dwarf slammed through one hobgoblin to the left of the doorway and smashed into the next beside him. His helm obscured everything about his face except his prodigious red facial hair and his angry blue eyes. “Who said it?” he demanded angrily. “Which one of you fuckers said I’m a Beerbeard?”