by D. J. Manly
Mac squeezed Johnny's hand. "I love you, Johnny. You mean a lot to me, you and Drake and Pepi, and Angelo, of course. I grew up without brothers, so you guys are it for me. Better not die on me."
His eyes filled. Mac turned away from the bed.
When the door opened, he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.
It was Janet. "Hey, you okay in here?"
He watched her walk toward him, her blue eyes filled with questions.
He placed a hand on her shoulder. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn't dare. He had a flashing memory of making love to her in a hotel room somewhere. It felt fresh, new, like it was yesterday.
She smiled at him, not sure what was happening in his mind. He looked emotionally drained. They all were.
"Are you hungry?"
Mac shook his head and sniffed. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and then stepped away from her. "Tony here yet?"
She shook her head, walking over to Johnny's bedside. "Do you know there was a time I hated him?"
Mac walked over to her side. "No. I didn't know, but in retrospect, I suppose I know why."
"Do you?" She turned to face him, meeting his eyes again. "Do you really know why, because if you do, can you say it? Can someone please just say it?" She turned back to the bed and stared at Johnny's lifeless hand, lying beside the guardrail. Her shoulders were heaving silently.
Mac placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. He pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried. She sobbed for what seemed like an hour, but was actually only a few minutes. Mac reached over and handed her some tissues from the box on the nightstand beside Johnny's bed.
Janet dried her eyes. She had needed that, to release the tension.
"I loved Drake more than anyone deserves to be loved, really." She blew her nose.
Mac watched her. He knew this, of course.
"I wasn't naive enough to think that I would never have any competition for Drake's love. I knew when I married him how people reacted around him. He was gorgeous and talented. He was always going to be in the spotlight. I also knew that he and Johnny were close, but I never understood until later on just where the competition for Drake's love would come from. Johnny tried really hard to conceal how he felt about me, but he resented me. Even when he and Sandy eloped, and Drake and I went to join them in Hawaii to be their witnesses, Johnny couldn't let go of it, couldn't let go of Drake."
Janet blinked. "There, have I said it? Did I actually say it?"
Mac sighed. "More or less, but never mind. What good does it do to say it right now? Maybe it doesn't matter anymore."
"Yes, it does. It always will," Janet said, looking over at her ex-brother-in-law.
Mac let silence reign for a moment, but it was beginning to feel morbid suddenly. The air was heavy.
"Let's go get something to eat, okay?" Mac suggested.
Janet nodded, her eyes still on Johnny. "Okay."
"Where's Sophia?"
Janet moved her eyes to him now. "Resting," she said. "I encouraged her to go back to her hotel room. As much as she wanted to stay and meet Tony tonight when he arrived, it was getting to be too much for her. I told her that she could see him tomorrow. She needs to rest."
Mac placed his arm around Janet. "That was a good idea."
He took one last look at Johnny and then left the room. "Let's order something in, shall we? I'm not up to hospital food tonight. If we order in, we can eat up here in case Johnny's son arrives."
Janet nodded in agreement. "You're right. He could show up at any time now."
Mac's arm remained around her shoulders as they walked down the hallway. It felt good...it felt very good.
* * * * * *
Sophia walked around the empty hotel suite and shook her head. She didn't need all this. She didn't need any of it. She would have gladly stayed at Pepi's house in Bel Air, except that Pepi wasn't sleeping there because it was too far from the hospital. He was staying at Johnny's condo in Beverly Hills for now.
Anyway, she would have gladly stayed at Johnny's house instead of in this place. Oh, she knew that Pepi meant well, but she was a simple woman and just because her sons were rich didn't mean she needed all this.
She remembered how Drake had offered to buy her a house in Los Angeles, one of these condo things where everything is done for you. He begged her to sell the house, the house that she and Joseph had struggled to pay the mortgage on, the house where her boys had grown up. What would she do in L.A. anyway? She had spent most of her adult life in Brooklyn in her little three-bedroom, two-story brick house on Delaware street. She loved the big tree on the front lawn and the tire swing out back that Joseph had made for the boys.
All her memories were there.
Early last summer, Drake did manage to convince her to let them fix up the house. The place was in need of a coat of paint and the roof was missing some tiles.
She thought that he meant to send someone to do it, but her sons surprised her by showing up the next day, prepared to do it themselves.
They all worked together on the house and for two whole days, it felt like old times. She had all three of her boys at home together. She could cook for them and watch them devour her food as they laughed and ribbed each other around the table.
But it didn't last long, because by the end of the second day, word had spread that the Russo Brothers were in Brooklyn. A helicopter took a picture of Drake and Johnny up on the roof working. Suddenly, there were reporters and fans everywhere. Johnny called a contractor and the next day, two men came in a truck and finished the job, and the boys went back to L.A.
Sophia sat down and closed her eyes. She felt a little guilty about not being there at the hospital to meet her grandson, but she was just so tired. She had spent hours sitting beside Johnny today. She had talked to him about when he was a little boy. She told him how much he reminded her of Joseph.
She had loved Joseph in her own way, but not in the way he deserved. He was a good man. He worked hard all his life in the steel mill and although they were never rich, they always got by.
The boys worked too, as soon as they were able.
Johnny had a paper route at eight years old, and Drake used to mow lawns and help the neighbours with odd jobs when he was a teenager.
Pepi, well, Pepi was luckier, because by the time he was an adolescent, Johnny and Drake were gone. They were off playing music all over the place, sharing a room in downtown Manhattan. Then by the time Pepi was fourteen or so, they had made it. Pepi had everything he wanted. He had only to mention it to Drake or Johnny and it was his. They did spoil him, but they were good to their father too. They insisted Joseph take an early retirement from the steel mill, which he did.
Two months later, he had a heart attack. The doctors told him he needed a heart operation. The boys sent him to the very best in the field. He came through the operation but the doctors told her that even with the surgery, chances were he wouldn't live longer than ten years.
Knowing this, the boys made sure that the last years of their father's life were happy ones. They sent them both back to Italy for their twenty-ninth wedding anniversary. They bought Joseph a beautiful new car, which he washed almost every day. They had satellite TV installed so that he could watch 'round the clock sports if he chose. There was nothing he lacked. Three and a half years after the surgery, Joseph Russo was dead.
She remembered the night. It was a cold, rainy night and they were coming home from attending a concert that their sons were giving in New York. They had been excited about it because the boys had just returned from Europe and they hadn't seen them in about six months.
The boys were following their car in the limo, intending to spend the night with them.
Joseph had enjoyed the concert, even though he often remarked that "this modern day stuff is loud, and you can't understand what in heck Drake is singing about."
It was certainly true that it was loud. Sophia had attended a couple of t
hese concerts, and each time she had to put cotton in her ears. She was sure that her sons were going to have hearing problems later on.
It had been fun, even if they were probably the only people there who were in their fifties. She remembered she was laughing, so happy to see her sons. It didn't matter that it was raining. She was talking a blue streak to Joseph, who drove steadily through the rain. He was quiet as he pulled up into their driveway. He looked at her and rubbed his chest. He said something to her about the 'damn restaurant food gave me indigestion,' and then got out of the car just as the limo pulled to a stop at the curb behind them.
The neighbours were snooping as always, waiting to catch a glimpse of the boys.
She got out. Joseph turned to say something to Johnny who was coming up the drive, and then he fell.
Drake and Johnny carried him into the house. Pepi called the ambulance. She sat down on the sofa and tried to decide what to do now. She knew he was dead.
The ambulance technicians tried to revive him. They did everything they could. He was gone.
It shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was.
She watched Drake. He stood in the corner of the room. He was crying. Johnny went over and held him, and then he started to cry. Her baby Pepi came and sat beside her. They said nothing.
At the gravesite, Sophia asked to be alone after he was put into the ground. Her sons walked off.
There were many celebrities there, singers and actors. They all gathered around her sons. The boys hardly noticed. They were heartbroken.
Sophia told Joseph the truth then. She said it softly to his grave, so that only he could hear. "I loved you, Joseph, like a brother. You were so wonderful to me, but my true love lies in a watery grave, and his son stands over there with yours. Thank you for loving me. I hope you didn't mind too much that I never loved you the same. Please forgive me." She cried then, for a long time, and Drake came and led her away.
She should have told him the truth right then, but Joseph had just died, and her boys seemed happy in their lives at that time. Everything was going well with the music. They had just put out a new album, which had gone platinum. Johnny had just gotten out of some clinic where he was recovering from something that no one ever did explain to her. Apparently, now he was all right. Drake was living with a very nice woman called Martha something or other, an actress person who he seemed happy with. There didn't seem to be a reason to tell them then.
But she was blind. She had only been grasping for any excuse to keep the lie alive. If she had told them then, this wouldn't have happened. Johnny wouldn't be in the hospital now. Drake wouldn't be in jail. She was afraid to tell them. Would they ever forgive her? Would they hate her?
She got up from the chair and went to lie down on the sofa. The bed was too big. A person could get lost in that bed.
She closed her eyes and saw his face. She remembered the first time she had seen him.
It had been in a photograph in one of the newspapers, which announced that he was scheduled to play a concert at one of the most celebrated concert halls in Rome.
She remembered thinking how handsome he was and how she wished she could hear him play the piano.
She was miles from Rome, and even if she could get there, she could never afford the price of admission.
She was a poor girl from a poor village whose mother took in people's wash and did their sewing, the youngest of four girls. Her father had deserted the family when they were young. Everyone had to give up school early and go to work.
When she met Joseph, he wasn't much richer than she was. His parents both worked pressing grapes to make the wine. He wanted to marry her and her mother was anxious to see her provided for, but Joseph didn't have any money. He had the opportunity to work in one of the vineyards for a year up in Tuscany.
He would save his money and then return so they could wed.
Sophia's sister Rosa worked in a factory in Rome.
She wrote in one of her letters home that her boss was related to the famous pianist Drake Corderone. She went on in her letter to explain that Drake Corderone's wife was expecting their first child, but was a very frail woman and in need of some help. Rosa had suggested that Sophia might be interested in the position since it was only short term, until the baby came and the lady was on her feet.
Sophia was delighted. Taking the job would get her out of the village and into the city. At the same time, she could help out her mother as well as save some money for her wedding. She could also meet the famous Drake Corderone, and perhaps even attend one of his concerts. She wrote to her sister immediately, agreeing to take the job.
She was completely unprepared for Drake. She was an innocent peasant girl who had spent her life in a little rural village. Drake Corderone was sophisticated, charming and absolutely stunning to look at. He had long black hair and the most beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, fringed with thick black lashes. He was tall, well over six feet, and broad-shouldered. He had a wonderful smile and when he played the piano, she felt as if she had died and gone to heaven. He played like an angel. He looked like an angel. Eventually, she believed that he was an angel.
He and Julia treated her like a queen. She had a beautiful room next to theirs in a six-bedroom house in the middle of busy downtown Rome. She had no expenses, ate gourmet meals prepared by a cook, and did no housework. A servant even washed and ironed her clothes. They paid her a more than generous salary and gave her ample time off. Her only job was to be available to Julia when Drake was off doing a concert.
It was pleasant work. Julia was already three months pregnant when she arrived. She was a beautiful woman with porcelain skin and black eyes, thick red hair that hung down to her waist and a soft, gentle manner. But she was not a strong woman. She had contracted consumption as a child, and it had left her frail. The doctors had advised against the pregnancy, but she told Sophia that she wanted desperately to give Drake a son.
Drake adored her, worshipped her even, and they were very much in love. He had begged her not to go through with the pregnancy, but Julia would hear none of it.
In spite of the fact that Drake had eyes for no one but Julia, Sophia had fallen desperately in love with him.
If only he hadn't been so kind to her. If only he hadn't spent hours talking with her quietly downstairs in the evening as his wife slept. He was so worried about Julia and would cry sometimes, saying that he didn't know what he would do if she died. "I don't think I could live without her, Sophia," he had said.
Those nights, she wanted to take him in her arms and hold him, tell him it would all be all right, but of course she couldn't. The doctor came often. As the months went by, Julia slept more and more. The doctor recommended she remain in bed until the baby came.
Sophia spent more and more time alone with Drake and she found herself looking at him in a different way, trying to imagine what it feel like to kiss him, to hold him.
Drake began cancelling his engagements, staying closer to home. At night, she would climb out of bed and come downstairs where she would find him pacing the floor. She'd make hot cocoa, and they'd talk until morning.
It became almost unbearable to be in that house. She was desperately in love, but it was a hopeless situation.
Drake and Julia belonged together. He was a man passionately and totally in love with his wife. She could never come between them and furthermore, she didn't want to. She had come to love Julia too.
Then, it happened. One afternoon as she was downstairs reading, Julia let out a cry. She raced upstairs. The bed was covered with blood. "The baby...the baby...!" she screamed.
Sophia called the doctor immediately. The doctor was there by the time Drake returned from running errands.
The doctor was in the room with her for what seemed like hours. Sophia walked the floor with Drake in the living room.
Finally, at ten minutes past midnight, the doctor came out to tell Drake that he had a baby boy weighing eight pounds, six ounces. He told him that Juli
a had lost a lot of blood and was very weak, and that he should go in to see her.
When Drake went into the bedroom, the doctor took Sophia aside and told her that Julia probably wouldn't see the morning. Two hours later, she was dead.
Sophia watched as they practically dragged Drake out of his wife's room. He was like a man gone mad.
For days, he was listless and without spirit. He walked like a zombie through his wife's funeral, and paid little attention to his son.
Sophia cared for little Drake while his father spent hours staring at the wall downstairs. He didn't play the piano, he hardly ate and he said nothing.
Finally, after three weeks of that, Sophia grew angry.
She marched downstairs and glared at him. "Your son needs you. Are you going to sit like this in that chair for the rest of your life? What about your music? Julia wouldn't want this. Please, stop this, Drake."
He said nothing until she began to cry.
Suddenly he got up and looked at her. "Don't, please. Don't cry because of me. I..."
She looked at him. He looked thin, he needed a shave, his eyes were empty.
She sniffed. "I can't stand seeing you like this. Don't you know, Drake? I...I love you...."
His eyes widened. He opened his mouth, then, closed it.
She took his hand. She pulled him close and kissed him and after a few seconds, he kissed her back, hard and with passion, and they made love there on the sofa in the living room. She knew it was because he needed her and not because he loved her, but it didn't matter.
Nothing mattered.
She had made love with Joseph before he left for the vineyard, but it had been nothing compared to that night she had spent with Drake. This felt like the first time. He touched her like she had never been touched before. He caused her to cry out in pleasure, doing things to her she never would have conceived of in all of her mind, or dare speak out loud.