“Sometimes, it just boils down to habit. A person reacts based on what they’ve been doing for a while, and it takes a minute for the brain to kick in and shut that shit down.”
“Well, I’m not the habit. I wasn’t on his mind when his body was responding to someone else after we’d just spent the night together, Ghost.” Using his road name helped for this conversation. “I’m sorry I bailed out on you. I promise, I won’t run away or stay out of your life any longer, but the decisions I make for myself – for my heart and sanity – they’re not up for discussion any longer.”
My father raised his hands out slightly above him in mock surrender. “All I want is for you to be happy, Jamie. If you end up with Sweet, that’s great. If it’s with someone else, I’ll get used to that too.”
“Hmm,” I hummed out. “Maybe resign yourself to me being with no one then. I’m seriously over cheaters, liars, and assholes that would leave me in the lurch for their career. I have yet to meet one single man who has managed to make me their number one priority in life, so I refuse to give any more of myself to people who won’t do the same for me.” My father’s features took on a pained expression.
“Jamie,” his voice was a hoarse whisper. “I’m so sorry for the part I played in you feeling that way. You’re still so young though. I’m not going to give up on you finding someone who makes you happy, and starting a family.”
“Well, I’ll leave the hopeful shit to you then, dad. I’m fresh out.” Fidgeting with the papers on my desk was getting us nowhere. “Are we done here? I really do need to see the rest of the crew and make sure everyone is handling everything okay.”
“Yeah, we’re done here. Just let me know if you need anything from me.” I moved around the desk, trying desperately to hide the fact that I was shaking with pent up emotion again. I don’t know why I didn’t want him to see that weakness in me. I wasn’t even sure if I was hiding it from the man who was my father or from the part of him that was Ghost. Sure, they were the same person, but in a way they weren’t.
I hadn’t really known who Ghost was before my mom died. I knew my father, the man who used to give me hugs and love me, ask about my days while listening with rapt attention. After her death, all I knew was Ghost because my father died with my mom, and all the things I’d loved about that man had been missing from my life ever since. It scared me to think that at my age, I still craved the feeling of my daddy’s arms wrapped around me and having him tell me everything would be all right. Maybe he saw it written in my face. Maybe he just remembered how to be a dad. Whatever the case, he pulled me to him and did just what I’d been hoping for. He wrapped me in his immense arms and kissed the top of my head. “No matter what, I love you, kid. Promise, I’ll do better.”
I tried to let go, but he just continued to cling to me until I had no choice but to let go of my damn emotions again. Tears fell as my body shook against his. “Everything has been so screwed up for so long,” I managed to get out between sobs.
“I know baby. We’re going to make all that shit better now. I think we need to start over, bury the bullshit in the past where it belongs, and make the moments from here on count for everything. Think you can handle that with me?”
“Yeah,” I answered. Finally, he pulled away and took a minute to wipe the tears from my face. A healthy sigh accompanied his actions. Then, he pulled completely away and looked me in the eye.
“I’m going to tell the others you had an important call come through and you’ll be hung up for a while. Give you a chance to pull yourself together. Unless you tell me you want things taken care of, we’re going to still be having the local charter party tomorrow. I think it’s important that your club is there to show solidarity, no matter who we introduce as the Prez.”
“I’m a big girl, dad. We’ll be there. No need to change your lineup on my account. If your club needs him here, you keep him here. I’ll deal with my own personal shit like the grown ass woman I am. Today was just a fuck-all of a surprise.”
“So damn proud of you, Jamie.” He kissed my head again and then left the office. A few moments passed before I heard a knock on the door.
“Angel Girl, it’s me.” Tash called out. I let her in the office. “Ghost let me know what was up with your important ‘phone call.’” The air quotes she tossed up to emphasize the last two words just made me roll my eyes.
“They all leave with him?”
Her weary eyes watched mine as she took a seat. “Wanna talk about it, or get drunk instead?”
I huffed out a laugh. “I’d love to take option number two, but then I’d end up hung-over and off my game tomorrow.” Instead, I told her everything. From the moment Sweet and I were left to interrogate the now dead asshole Peety, all the way up until his regular pussy jumped him when we got back. I didn’t spare any details.
“Damn,” she hissed out. “You can’t catch a fucking break, can you?” I just shrugged my shoulders. “Do you think your dad’s version of the events were true? I mean, do you think he left here today and went back to her or that he’ll wait to talk to you?”
“No clue, Tash. I honestly don’t know what to think. I don’t want to be jealous of someone who was there when I wasn’t, but seeing how familiar that scene must have been to them…” I had to clear my throat of the thickness my emotions were causing. “I don’t know. What if he says he wants me based on old feelings, then realizes he prefers the intimacy he had with one of the other women instead? My dad mentioned the fact that he’d broken things off with that girl months before he came here, but he also mentioned there was another woman, Becca, and he did not say that anything had been broken off with them. What if she shows up next? What if he realizes the reality of her is better than the years long fantasy of me?”
“There are a lot of what ifs going on in your thought process. Maybe you should just learn from past mistakes and talk to one another. Get everything out in the open. Hurt feelings, fears, hopes, the whole shebang needs to be unloaded and dealt with before either of you can make an honest decision about each other. It can’t hurt to do that any more than all the what ifs that are killing you slowly.”
I agreed. Of course her words made sense. I knew from all the support group and therapy bullshit I’d put myself through years ago that I sometimes spent way too much time in my own head with what ifs instead of dealing in the present. Just as that thought rolled through me about all the support groups, one of the greatest things I ever got out of them came strolling through the door like she owned the place. I had met Legs in a grief-style support group. We shared our tales of woe, and I took up her cause since mine was already final, and hers was still ongoing. She jumped right on the bandwagon and helped with starting S.H.E. and our supporting business, Redemption, Inc. As a matter of fact, she named our security service company too.
“Hey guys!” Legs called out as she shut the door behind her. Legs hesitated when she, no doubt, noticed my blotchy face and red-rimmed eyes courtesy of the ugly cry I’d had with my dad earlier. “Um,” she started only to hesitate, unsure of whether she should continue on or not.
“Family drama,” I offered up as I shrugged my disheveled state off.
“Sorry honey,” She intoned in her smooth southern way. “Something came across the wire earlier,” she bit into her lip obviously unsure of what to do. “A possible lead…” The words trailed off and lingered there. We knew what she was talking about. “But, if you need,” she began again.
“No, Avery.” I cut her off, using her own name, because I wanted her to take me completely serious. “Nothing is more important than Shelby. Ever! Go. Take care of what you need to. Stay in touch, and if there’s anything we can do you let us know. If you need bodies, weapons, shovels, a place to hide Captain Dickwad’s body, whatever, we have you covered.”
“Thanks sweetie. I hate leaving you like this. You know most of these supposed leads amount to nothing.” Legs slumped a bit. “I’m so tired of the hope-let down cycle.”
/> I moved to where she stood and threw my arms around her. “We’ll find her. I really do believe that.”
“It’s been four years. She won’t even know me if we do.”
“When we do,” I corrected.
“Yeah,” Legs moved back from me. “I better go. If I don’t check I’ll hate myself.” A small smile was my only response. I understood. Legs had a horrible man as an ex from her Army days who won visitation of their daughter by impressing the court with his stellar military career. Unfortunately, he took off with their daughter on his first visit where Legs was forced to drop her off and neither of them had been seen or heard from since. Legs got a ‘sorry’ and a half-assed attempt to locate her daughter by local authorities, but the man and girl were long gone before anyone thought to take her seriously.
“Go, do what you need to. We have this shit handled here.”
Chapter 10
Tight jeans that made my ass look fabulous. Check.
Sexy, yet respectable cotton tank with the S.H.E. fox logo on it. Check.
Hair ready to be screwed up by helmet head. Double check.
I didn’t bother with makeup today either. A tiny hint of mascara and some Chapstick were my go-to cosmetics for the day. “You ready?” Keys asked as she finished tying her brilliant red curls back on her head.
“Yup, good as its gonna get for this soiree.” I told her.
Tash, JoJo, Keys, and I walked out to the bar area of our clubhouse to be greeted by our very own version of a fairy godmother, Leanne Evermore. Her blond locks were pulled back in an awesome fishtail braid that I was suddenly jealous of. Her leather chaps over short denim cutoffs were a sight when combined with the leather jacket she paired with the graphic t-shirt of a bunch of super heroes in compromising positions with one another. She topped her look off with a pair of kick ass black riding boots and a shiny new black helmet. What really caught my attention was the huge grin plastered on her face though.
“Leanne!” I called out with an answering grin. It had been a couple weeks since I’d seen her last.
“I was hoping…” she swished the helmet back and forth in her hands for effect.
I laughed. “You never even have to ask to be my bitch, Leanne.”
Her immediate pouty frown sent the other girls into hysterics. “I’m riding bitch, Angel Girl, not being your bitch!” Her admonishment, and emphasis on certain words just made the girls double over with laughter again.
“Of course, Leanne,” I giggled. “Be prepared to hear the lesbian jokes from the men today anyway, especially if you ignore them all as per your usual. They’ve already been speculating about some of us since they didn’t get what they deemed to be the proper amount of attention from us on previous visits.”
“Men!” Leanne huffed. “I honestly think the male ego resides in the balls. It’s the only logical reason for how fragile the damn things are.”
“Come on mamma-bear, let’s get you to your first true biker party. Just remember to stay tough if anyone comes on too strong, and stick with at least one other girl at all times.”
“You do realize I’m in my mid-30s, right?” Some days, I swear, you do more mothering than I do.”
I flinched at those words, but tried to brush it off. She immediately looked contrite while leaning in to whisper to me. “It’ll happen again some day, honey. When the timing and the guy are lined up just right.” I smiled at her as we all piled out the door heading for our bikes. If Leanne’s wishful thinking could make miracles happen, I wouldn’t stand in the way.
Ghost was outside greeting a few guys from another chapter of Aces High when we rolled up into the gravel parking lot. The place was packed so we chose to park on the back end of the lot in order to not have our bikes blocked in later. Leanne, squeezed up behind me in her leathers and holding on to my waist for dear life, must have been a sight for the Aces High crew, because hoots and hollers broke out around us along with a couple wolf whistles thrown in for good measure. Ghost had made his way over to us by the time we were hopping off the bikes.
“Jamie,” my father called out.
“Angel Girl,” I corrected while glancing around at the men I didn’t know. “Ghost, this is Leanne Evermore,” I began the introductions.
My father’s brows rose on his face. “Evermore?” Obviously, he was linking the woman’s last name to our club name while he gave her a very lengthy, very interested once over.
“Leanne, this is Ghost, otherwise known as my dad.”
Leanne hesitated before her southern manners kicked in. She held out a hand to him. “Pleasure,” she gritted out. I hadn’t had the chance to fill Leanne in on all the goings on with our two clubs so she was only aware of my history with my dad, and not our shaky reconciliation.
“You have both my favor, and that of my club, for keeping watch over Jamie all this time. She told me a bit about you the other day.” I was actually a little shocked that my father, Ghost, had just extended favor to an unknown person. That spoke well of what he thought of both her and I.
“Yes, well,” Leanne started as she pulled her hand away from my father’s firm grip while still checking him out. “She’s told me plenty about you.” Her disdain could not be mistaken for anything else.
My father just smiled warmly. “I’m sure none of it was good, and, unfortunately, all of it was probably true. We’re working on repairing that though.”
Leanne looked to me for confirmation, which I gave by way of a smile and a nod. Her appreciative look back at my father held a little more interest this time.
Everyone else had been milling around during the introductions. The men were growing restless as they eyed the women from my club who were now surrounding me. “Roll your tongues back in, wipe up the drool, and be respectful to my club gentlemen. The Sierra High Evermore women are not sweet butts or club sluts for your use. I’m sure the guys have plenty of whores available inside. I don’t know any of you, so this is your fair warning. Treat any of our club members like whores and I’ll have your balls hung up in a jar on our clubhouse bar before you even realize what went wrong.”
The responses ranged from laughter to one asshole proclaiming that I needed a good spanking. “My daughter’s word is a law that I will be enforcing.” My father barked out the command. “See to it that the word gets passed around. These girls are off limits unless they choose to be with someone here, and if they say ‘no’, take the hint, and back the fuck off.” I did not miss the fact that my father was giving Leanne a very purposeful look as he said that bit about choosing. Interesting.
“We moving the party inside, or what?” A familiar voice called out from the clubhouse door. “Oh, hey ladies!” Quickshot called out as he sauntered on over with his eyes practically undressing Keys. “Lookin’ good,” he growled out. To my complete and utter astonishment, I took note of the deep blush that worked its way up her shoulders and into her cheeks. Well, damn. I certainly hoped that wasn’t a disaster waiting to happen because he was the best friend I had in my former life, and she was one of my best friends now. All I needed was to be dragged in the middle of a lover’s quarrel later. I groaned at the thought. “Sister of mine,” he added slickly while shifting his focus back to me. “Don’t despair, you’re beautiful as always!”
“You’re a kiss ass,” I admonished.
“Well, I do love kissing certain asses, and sometimes biting a bit.” He chomped down on his teeth and glanced back towards Keys with an appreciative gleam in his eye as she was now bending over, securing something to her bike.
“Come on Angel Girl, let’s get your ass in to the real party.” Quickshot looked around realizing most of the guys my dad had been greeting were quite a bit older than us. “We’ll find some more age-appropriate company and a stiff drink.” He chuckled at the glares he received from the older guys. Quick and I walked on, ahead of everyone else, straight into Sweet’s territory. No matter what my father offered, I wouldn’t see the man sent away from having presidency over a
chapter of his club just because neither of us could get on track with each other. I’d just have to suck it up and learn to deal with possibly seeing him around with a woman or multiple women. Whatever path he chose.
As if the fates were determined to torture me for coming to that decision though, the first thing I saw as my eyes adjusted to the low light of the warehouse the boys had turned into a clubhouse was Sweet with the very same woman from yesterday standing behind him massaging his shoulders as he sat slumped over somewhat at the bar. “That stupid fucker!” Quickshot ground out through gritted teeth.
“Come on,” I mouthed as I pulled Quick in the opposite direction toward an area housing a pool table, and surprisingly enough, an air hockey table. I laughed out loud, temporarily forgetting the situation I was avoiding on the other side of the expansive room. “This beauty is all you!” I cried out with delight.
Quick’s answering smile confirmed what I already knew. Ever since we were kids he loved playing air hockey whenever we went somewhere with a table. “You wanna?” He asked with so much enthusiasm there was no way I could deny the request.
“Hell yea, I wanna! I’ll even throw down money.” I pulled out my wallet and tossed a twenty-dollar bill down on the edge of the table. Unfortunately, Quick forgot about my problems in his excitement and put his back to the bar, which left me on the side that gave me a clear view of it. Sweet noticed my father walk up to him and he swatted the girl’s hands away. He also stiffened up when he noticed the women from my club who wandered in behind my dad.
“Ready?” Quick asked with a worried look on his face. I gave him a ‘what the fuck do you think’ look and he sent the puck my way. I blocked, and sent the damn thing back with such force that it slammed into the goal before he knew what happened. Immediately, I broke into the victory dance he and I used to taunt each other with as kids. Knees bent, hands in the air, and laughing my ass off as I swiveled around in a full circle with my tongue sticking out at him was a memory I could never forget. It was almost muscle memory to repeat the performance we must have put together when we were like ten years old. Quickshot burst out laughing, as did our growing audience, who thought we were far more entertaining than the women currently dancing mostly naked on the stage in the corner.
Angel Girl (S.H.E. Book 1) Page 17