Because that was what he was really saying—that at some point, my senses would come back, and I’d realize I didn’t want him because he didn’t come from the circles of society I was used to.
I would’ve been offended if I didn’t know the place it came from—like Eve said, the place where Mick was too good to realize that what he was doing was wrong.
“No, I don’t think that and neither should you. Yes, you were injured but you’re going to be fine. The doctors said everything returned to normal, it would only be your memory that could take a bit to come back if it was going to come back at all. But no”—she shook her head vehemently—“in fact, I think since that night, you are more yourself than you have been in a long time.”
My head fell as tears pooled in my eyes. I was more myself lately, and I was so ashamed it had taken so long for me to find my way back there.
“Hey,” she said quietly, her hands reaching around mine. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just meant that the Jules I knew was always wanting to talk to people, help people; she was so determined and set on her dreams.” Her fingers tightened around mine. “I mean how many times did I have to swear a blood oath our first year of high school that I would go to nursing school with you if I didn’t end up working at Roasters?”
“A few times.” My smile grew knowing it was well more than a few. “I’m not upset with you. I’m just frustrated with me. I feel like even though I know what I want, I keep second-guessing it, worried that maybe I’m doing the wrong thing.”
“Jules,” she chided with a heaviness that belied the truth of her confession. “You don’t know how many times I second-guessed coming back here, how many times I second-guessed my feelings for Eli—convincing myself it was just grief or that it meant nothing or it wasn’t worth it because I could lose him, too. I think… all the best things in life have to come with doubts.” She squeezed my hands. “That’s how we know they are worthwhile.”
She pulled me in for a hug I gratefully returned with a long sigh.
There was no question that I couldn’t afford my current lifestyle just by working at Roasters. Even as a nurse it would be like reaching for the moon. But I couldn’t think of one thing that I had that was worth more than this—more than the feeling of earning something for myself, more than the feeling of being around friends and family who supported me and didn’t just buy things for me when I was upset, and who didn’t brush me off or discourage me when I wanted to talk about what I wanted for my future.
Guilt made my stomach turn. I loved my parents, I reminded myself. I just wished I could understand how they put no value on any of this, maybe then it wouldn’t be so easy to be hurt by how they’d shaped my life.
We pulled apart as the bell dinged and she asked, “What’s this all about?”
Sighing, I repeated the words, reveling in the warm rush they created in my body, “Mick and I kissed at the Lookout.”
Laurel’s eyes flew wide and she cupped both hands over her mouth. Her gaze flickered, like she was trying to process more than one thing, before she gasped, “What? Really?”
“And she wants him to do it again,” Eve chimed in.
I rocked back on my heels, bringing one hand and the backs of my knuckles up to my lips, unsure what to say next.
“You—you do?”
I nodded sheepishly.
“Jules!” She hugged me again. “Oh my God… you and Mick. Since when?”
In rapid fire, I told her how I was attracted to him from the first time I saw him at Rock Beach, feelings that only grew over the last couple of weeks seeing and talking to him at Gwen’s, and finally topped off with what happened at the Lookout.
“And after the kiss,” I ended. “I’m starting to realize nursing isn’t the only new thing I want to pursue. I want the dream I was never allowed to have, but I also want all of this, too. I want the friends and family I was sheltered from. And I want more toe-curling kisses.” I let out a small groan, seeing Eve silently clap her hands in excitement. “I want it all.”
“Oh, Jules,” Laurel gushed. “And you deserve it. You deserve every happiness.”
The bell on the door dinged and Josie, the owner of the Carmel Bakery, walked in with her daughter. Laurel shot me a look like this conversation would be continued later, leaving me and Eve to the discussion and moving to chat with the newcomers.
“What if he just doesn’t like me?” I asked Eve. “What if this is just a nicer way to let me down?”
“Jules, he likes you. He’s just being a little bit of a doofus about it, but he definitely likes you. I mean, he kissed you.” She laughed. “Granted, I don’t have much experience in that department, but men don’t kiss women they don’t like, especially honest men like Mick. Especially when he looks at you like he does.”
“Oh, and how’s that?”
Eve hummed and tapped a finger on her lips before grinning. “How a hammer looks at a nail—like he wants to tap that.”
We burst out laughing, drawing the attention from the rest of the ladies in the room. I tried to wave them off with a strangled apology, quickly wiping the tears before they ran down my cheeks.
The facts stung, but at least I was laughing; Eve was always good for a well-placed pun.
She tugged me into the back so we didn’t create more of a scene and declared, “We are going out on Friday.”
“W-What?” My laughter stopped abruptly.
She nodded and pulled out her phone. “Yup. We should go out for drinks Friday night down at the Pub and celebrate your first week of work.”
“Oh.” I blinked. I’d never celebrated anything of my own before. “Really? I mean, I’m not sure—”
“Also, so you can see Mick again and make him realize there is such a thing as being too chivalrous.”
I balked. “And how am I supposed to do that? How do you know he’s even going to be there?”
“He’ll be there,” she assured me. “If they’ve been out on a job all week, Miles will definitely be there on Friday making his usual rounds.” I didn’t miss the slight flush that crept into her cheeks. “Which means Mick will be at his side to make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.”
“Are you sure this outing is for me and Mick?” I drawled slowly.
“Who else would it be for?” she asked without meeting my gaze.
“You just… seem to know a lot about Miles, that’s all.”
Her fingers froze, and I watched her contemplate her answer.
“Let me put it this way,” she began. “I’ve seen the way Mick looks at you—like you are the most beautiful gem that’s ever existed on this earth. And that’s how I know it doesn’t matter what I feel for Miles, he’ll never see me like that.” She sighed. “He’s determined to not see anyone like that.”
The sadness in her voice was palpable. She was such a beautiful, funny woman, she deserved to be looked at like that, too.
“How do you know?”
But it was the complete and utter resignation in her gaze that gutted me. “Because to see me like that, he’d actually have to look at me. And, according to Mick, he’s too busy looking behind him rather than at anything or anyone in front of him.”
My mouth parted. I didn’t know what to say—I didn’t know what could make it better. And I couldn’t argue with her. Even recalling the night at the Lookout, I hadn’t seen him give the table of women a second glance from the bar.
“It’s okay,” she gushed, not wanting to make it a big deal. “It’s just a crush. I’m sure I’ll get over it once my Prince Charming shows up.” She winked at me. “So, to answer your question, yes, Friday night is all for you.”
She pushed her glasses up on her nose and that was how I knew it was harder than she made it out to be for her to get over Miles, but she did want this night to be about me.
“I don’t know—”
“We’re going! No arguments.” She pointed a commanding finger at me and pranced off to the back of the building, leaving me
speechless but with a smile.
I paused for a moment and chewed on the inside of my cheek. Normally, I’d worry how to broach this with my parents, but they’d been so preoccupied with meetings and resort business since they’d returned from LA, I’d hardly seen them.
Strangely, they were my last concern.
Figuring out how to convince Mick to stop treating me too carefully, on the other hand, had my stomach in somersaults.
Jules
I peered over the rim of my glass, biting into my lower lip as I drank in the sight of the gorgeous man whose guilt for kissing me was about the only thing larger than him.
When we’d walked into the Carmel Pub, I wondered if Eve had taken me to a bar located inside of oak tree—the solid dark wood of the bar and furniture, grew up from the floor and wrapped through the room like the roots of a tree. Even the shadows shimmered in the dim lighting provided by the numerous small lights doused with emerald green lampshades and flickered like leaves in sun.
My handsome giant sat at the ornate L-shaped bar, talking to Miles and Bennett Covington—also known as Benny the Bartender. He wasn’t as large as his private security-trained siblings, but watching him toss bottles and whip shakers around behind the bar showed muscles and coordination that was just as lethal.
For the past five minutes, since the Madison brothers arrived, my and Mick’s gazes had been playing cat and mouse with varying degrees of intensity.
Eve and I snagged one of the high-top tables instead of sitting at the bar. It was pretty crowded inside, but the thrum of lively energy was intoxicating. It was hot, but not stuffy. I was looked at but not on display. And the people were here for friendly familiarity, not fancy frivolity. Basically, it wasn’t like any of the bars or events held at Rock Beach.
The other thing that struck me was how good the bar smelled. Like mint. Crisp and clean and refreshing.
“It’s the cleaner Benny uses to treat the wood every night,” Eve leaned over and said into my ear. “That’s what smells like mint.”
My lips formed a small ‘o.’
Setting down my mule mug, I checked my phone once more. I’d messaged and invited Gwen earlier, but hadn’t heard back. Still, I smiled, savoring the feeling that I had girlfriends again, only dimmed slightly by the dismay at how I’d let my life dwindle to such seclusion.
‘Life gets away from us all, Jules. Can’t look at the past because you can’t change it. Can only start where you are.’ One of the last things my pap had said to me at Roasters before he passed away—something I found myself repeating more and more. Beating myself up over how I’d let my life get away—or be taken away—from me wasn’t going to do anyone any good.
“Maybe it’s a good thing they’re staying over there,” I mused, crossing my legs and marveling at the comfort of the dark jeggings I’d purchased on Eve’s recommendation after my first day at Roasters; they were a devilish combination of skin-tight style and easy comfort. And I was going to need a few more pairs.
“Why do you say that?” Eve asked, her copper mug coming to rest back on the table.
I went to take another sip of the blackberry lemon mule she’d ordered for the both of us only to realize it was gone; light and sweet with just the right amount of tart, I’d finished it without realizing it was gone.
Possibly because my focus had been preoccupied with the man making my mouth dry.
“Maybe I was too eager. Maybe he was right. With everything I have going on right now, the last thing I should be doing is getting distracted with a guy.”
Eve rolled her eyes at me and chuckled. “Sorry, I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Why not?” I charged.
“Because we’ve talked about it every day this week and now, you keep looking at him like he’ll disappear if you don’t, and the way you keep checking your shirt and shifting in your seat. You have it bad. Incurably, unavoidably bad.”
I glanced down again. “It’s not my fault this tee is really tight, and I’m afraid my bra is showing through.”
Unimpressed by everything in my closet that was meant to impress, I’d asked Eve if she just had a plain t-shirt I could borrow that wasn’t dark like the ones I’d purchased for work; I didn’t want to wear all dark tonight. She’d loaned me a long-sleeve light blue shirt which looked great, except I’d forgotten the black bra I’d put on this morning—okay for underneath a black tee, not-so-okay underneath this.
“It’s fine,” she promised me for the fifth time. “Alright, why don’t you go order us round two? Maybe invite the boys over to sit with us?”
I shot her a stare, hesitating for a moment before grabbing our empty mugs.
Who was I kidding?
Mick didn’t feel like a distraction from my dream, he felt like he was a missing piece—a very large, very good kissing, missing piece.
I chickened out and stood a few feet down from where the Madison brothers were sitting, waiting with my gaze blindly scanning the bottles of liquor that stood on display behind the bar.
“What can I get you?” Benny appeared in front of me, blonde locks draping smoothly across his forehead and that carefree smile youngest siblings always tended to have lit up his face.
“Can I get two of the same? Blackberry lemon—”
“Mules? Got it.” His hands whipped out with lightning speed to grab the copper mugs, rinse them, and reach for new.
I sighed and let my gaze travel from the liquor up the carved wooden frame that enclosed the shelves. The designs were intricate and hand-carved and, if I had to guess, quite old. If there was another thing I was good at, thanks to my mother, it was knowing quality craftsmanship when I saw it. Only the best at Rock Beach, Julia.
“Hey there, gorgeous.”
I took my time turning toward the voice because I truthfully didn’t think it was directed at me. But there was no mistaking the look in the eyes or the smile on the face of the man now sitting next to me—I was his interest. And it only took one second more to realize I knew him already.
“Mr. Mulroney?” I gaped, recognizing Riggs Mulroney, a frequent golfer and guest at Rock Beach.
He was well-known to me by design. As the nephew to the Mayor of San Francisco and related on his father’s side to two California congressmen, he was on my parents’ Very Important Persons list.
It took him a second to make the connection to me, probably because I’d left my hair down tonight, knowing how much Mick liked it.
“Julia Vandelsen?” His tone was still less surprised than it was appreciative, doing another once over down my body.
Meanwhile, I didn’t have to look closely to see that Riggs stuck out like a sore thumb, with his white linen pants topped with a pale orange and purple polo. But what was worse than all that was the way his collar was popped like he was still in high school, and the way his smug smirk belied how cool he thought he was.
“Can’t say I was expecting to see you here or looking like this. I thought it would be fun to venture downtown tonight, but had I known you would be here, I would’ve started coming here a long time ago.”
I really wished he would stop looking at my chest. His gaze was like one of those pool toys that lingered on the surface for a moment before drifting down; and no matter how many times it was brought up to my face, it inevitably sunk back onto my breasts.
“Well, it’s my first time down here tonight, too,” I offered, trying to angle my body so his view of it was obscured.
He chuckled, and I flinched, the sound like nails on a chalkboard. “Can’t say I’m not thrilled to be a part of your… first time.”
I coughed, turning away from him and shoving my face into my elbow before I vomited at his crude insinuation. Maybe I should have. Maybe with vomit all over him it would put a damper on his slimy desire.
Then I remembered how Mrs. Potts always sent some of the older housekeepers to take care of his room when he stayed, and my stomach rolled, wondering if he’d done something more than verbally in
appropriate to one of the younger girls.
“You alright there, Jules?” I looked up to see Benny slowly delivering the drinks I’d ordered in front of me. He wasn’t just checking on my cough, he wanted to know if I was alright with the sleazeball sitting next to me.
“Just a little cough,” Freddy spoke for me. “She’ll be just fine.”
Worse than answering for me, he planted his hand on my back—and not my upper back where you would normally clear a cough, no, he put it in my lower back, dangerously close to the edge of my jeggings.
I sucked in a violent breath.
Benny ignored him, demanding my answer. “Jules?”
It wasn’t Benny I was worried about.
I caught Mick’s gaze from the other side of the bar where he and his twin sat near the door. He stared at Freddy and me—at Freddy’s hand on me—like a lion glares at something threatening his pride. Hard. Unblinking. Ready to kill. And the tension cut through his body, making him practically vibrate with rage, one wrong breath from Riggs and he was ready to move.
This was my night out with my friend—something that I really hadn’t done ever before and I was not going to let this jerk ruin it by sending the whole place into a fighting frenzy. I just wanted to come here, have a drink with Eve, flirt with Mick, and go home with less of an ache than I walked in with. Was that so much to ask?
I took a deep breath and plastered a smile on my face. Always diffuse the situation, Jules.
I played out the moment as though it were happening at Rock Beach. Even with my hair up and even being the owner’s daughter, it hadn’t stopped men from coming on to me over the years. Even though that wasn’t the real me, I let go of the real me for a minute in order to get her to safety.
“I’m fine, Benny. Thank you.” I let my smile grow and took the drinks from him.
I could handle this.
Step one, get Riggs’ hand off of me.
Pretending like I’d forgotten something, I quickly shoved one in Freddy’s direction. “Oh, can you just hold that for me for a second?” I pleaded, my voice coated with sugar.
Bespoken: An Opposites-Attract Standalone Romance (Carmel Cove Book 2) Page 13