by Mary Neasham
If the marriage were to break down then the groom would be expected to return to his family, taking with him any property he originally came with. Sometimes families would pay a commissary payment to whomever they felt deserved it. For example, if a wife committed adultery and her husband duly found out, he could leave the marriage and she may have to pay him back any monies given by her husband’s family and vice versa. An Irish husband could in pre-Christian times take on as many wives as he could afford, something supported by the Drom Ceat meeting of 575 AD.
The Druid priesthood responsible for the spiritual and moral fibre of their community took the whole business very seriously. They were the intellectual mediators between people, expected to advise kings on the fairness of rule, and were extremely intelligent. These were days when marriage was definitely seen as a reason to rejoice, but a visit to your local knowledgeable one was expected before decisions were made. A couple would have to prove not only their love for each other but also their suitability and serious intent. A period of betrothal would be advised during which the couple could practise for the real thing. Although a precursor to modern day engagements, these betrothals included actually living as husband and wife.
If a child was born or expected by the couple during this time, then they would now be considered married and only the formality of a binding to declare this would now be expected. If on the other hand they changed their minds during this period, then provided they were still childless they could simply extract themselves from the engagement at the end of the year.
It is believed the Irish practised hand fastenings, so-called, as recognition of this betrothed year, and the wedding itself became the binding, so cementing the deal. Contracts were drawn up by both families and approved or otherwise by the local Druid order.
Saxon Weddings Most of these weddings would be arranged. It is possible that the bride and groom had already met and may well have known each other fairly well through their families. Opportunities for them to get together would be provided by the families and hopefully they would like each other. It was an added bonus for the tribes if the couple could be guided into matrimony, as this gave the marriage a better start. The groom would have a modicum of say over his bride and could refuse her on the grounds of him finding her wholly unattractive. Any forced union such as this would be unproductive, to say the least.
People lived in smaller groups and had greater distances between them, so pressure for marriages was intense, causing many a headache for all those concerned.
Lower down the social scale marriage was based on the fertility of the mother of the bride: if she had borne several healthy strong babies then it followed that her daughter would too, and yet again we see women viewed much like cattle or other such domesticated animals.
Questions a prospective groom’s father might ask were: ‘Is she a good worker?’, ‘Is she from good healthy stock?’, ‘What does her father/tribe have to offer me?’, ‘Will this bond prove beneficial to my tribe?’—not very romantic but extremely relevant in those times.
During Saxon England everyone had their price or, as it was known then, wergild. Prospective wives had their own wergild and the larger this wedding payment was, the higher up the social scale the groom would be expected to be. A Kentish law of the time explains the effective power of wergild brilliantly: ‘if any freeman lies with a freeman’s wife let him pay for it with her wergild and provide for another wife out of his own money’. That is, she would relinquish her property to her estranged husband as compensation, and her lover would have to pay for her keep from then on out of his money.
These were times when fines and compensation was the order of the day for any breach of moral or royal law—not unlike today really.
If, for example a man were to lay with a virgin slave of low order working for the royal household, he had to pay the price set then at about twelve shillings. This was an inordinate sum, quite outside the means of ordinary folk, so only rich men could afford to take such risks.
As non-payment of fines incurred greater punishments, usually of a vile and torturous kind, most often ending in death, people would pay up even if it meant starving or being reduced to outlaw status. Only fairly young fit men stood any chance of survival under these circumstances, but very few chose it as an alternative, knowing only too well how lonely, hungry, cold and fearful it would be for them.
King Alfred lay down some interesting laws regarding physical violation or attempts thereof. For a man to merely fondle the breast of any woman uninvited could cost him five shillings. To fully rape a freewoman would cost him sixty shillings, with all fines payable to the woman concerned.
Everything had its price and marriage was no exception. The marriage payment was determined through intense negotiation of the two fathers concerned and was called the morgengifu (of Viking origin), that simply means the morning gift payable by the husband the morning after the wedding night. This gifu/ gyfu or gift went to the bride if she managed to maintain her virginity before marriage, hence the reason for giving it the morning after. This seems a little hard on girls, as we now know that it is perfectly feasible for women to break their hymen accidentally and proof of virginity does not always totally depend on this as a sign these days.
If the newly-married groom had reason to believe his wife was lying about her virginity it was up to him to decide which course to take. He could say nothing and the gift would duly arrive the next morning as expected, or he could choose to take umbrage with her and the marriage would be annulled and all gifts returned with her. Most Anglo-Saxons didn’t worry too much about virginity unless his wife happened to be carrying another man’s child, then it was a different matter and he could use the full force of the law against her.
The Saxons didn’t mess about when it came to adultery. Any man found guilty of it would have to match his wife’s wergild as compensation and her family could literally fight him to death if they so wished, but if he did die through such vengeance then that was an end to it and no further action on his family would be condoned.
Any woman found guilty of such an act would expect harsh treatment also: her husband could cast her out and keep her wergild. In Canute’s time she could expect bloodier treatment and possibly lose her nose and ears. Ouch!
For the single young women of child-bearing age the pressure was on to comply with their family’s wishes. Some could be as young as twelve and their grooms fourteen, although marriages of mixed ages, i.e. with large age gaps, were not uncommon.
Most girls hoped to be married by sixteen to eighteen years old and would often have strong ideas themselves as to prospective suitors. Often couples would meet and fall in love without any parental interference, but whether any marriage could come of this was a different matter. It was possible to approach their families and ask, the tradition being for the groom to try to impress his loved one’s father, as continues to this day, and his chance of success lay in persuading the father that he was a good deal. If he could prove himself worthy, financially or otherwise, then he had some hope; but if the father concerned had a negative view of the marriage it was almost definitely doomed to failure. Couples who dared to defy their parents would be risking alienation from their tribe and would find themselves being cast out of the society. This only ever happened in extreme circumstances and very rarely. They could start a life for themselves but unless they could find a village that would take them in then they were risking leading a harsh life alone, relying on their wits and ability to forage, and trying to avoid being victims of crime themselves. Life was hard enough and no one deliberately reduced themselves to begging unnecessarily. To be outcast from any group made it difficult to gain acceptance elsewhere and without that protection and security their chances of survival were slim.
Most young women were painfully aware of this and would do everything they could to attract the young man of their choice in the hope it would be an acceptable union in the eyes of their families. Some girls had to acc
ept marriage to a suitor of greater years but many took this quite willingly as it assured them a secure place in society.
Going back to the legend of King Arthur, we see Guinevere being put in exactly this position despite her feelings for Lancelot. As in this story, many affairs and indiscretions occurred and sometimes it resulted in the creation of illegitimate heirs. Marriage was probably a far more complex issue then than it is today, with many disputed titles and lineages.
Marriage for those farther up the social scale followed a similar path but more emphasis was placed on political and military gains, and this set the scene until relatively recently. If a marriage joined two previously separate tribes then they would be expected to have greater strength in battle with the amalgamation and more political clout regionally. Marriages were often arranged between the leaders of such groups purely for these gains. Again, love came very low down on the list of priorities for the couple concerned. The actual ceremony, however, would have been as grand an affair as the bride’s family could provide, a tradition continued to this day with many people. If the wedding were of high status then a public holiday would be announced with everyone joining in the celebration.
There would be the formalities of the ceremony itself, many of which depended on the local customs, followed by feasting and drinking with entertainment laid on. Gifts would be exchanged, as would any payment for the bride herself. The ceremony would be a religious affair, most probably held in the open air but within the enclave of the settlement, weather permitting, or inside if the groom’s abode lent itself to such an occasion.
Early Christian churches were being built by Saxon times and if converted the couple may have used one for their wedding. If they still followed the old ways then a priest would officiate and call upon whichever fertility god or goddess the families still worshipped to recognise and bless the union, with the emphasis being placed on the future fertility of the impending union.
It is also interesting to note at this point that the responsibility of fertility rested with the woman until relatively recently and to be barren was seen as a very bad omen, possibly indicating some evilness of the female’s doing. It was dangerous to be found infertile and male infertility was not recognised.
Other members of his or her order would be present to protect, record and oversee the legal implications of the marriage. Various methods of protection were used to deter any evil or malevolent forces, including appropriate chanting, incenses and herbs. The couple would exchange vows whilst holding hands, which could possibly be bound symbolically, but we have no real evidence of this, as I have said, until later times. The throwing of grain over the newly-weds after the ceremony originates from this period. Again, this was to help ensure their fertility and general good fortune.
An interesting tradition that continued up until 1929, but had its roots in Saxon times, was the practice of selling the wife on if she did not come up to scratch. This may have been a blessing or a tragedy to the wife depending on the circumstances.
Tudor Weddings By now the Catholic church was very much in control of most of the British Isles and the contractual or binding marriage ceremony was completely established. Very few people still worshipped in the old way or practised any magical arts except for medicinal herbcraft, which was still tolerated for obvious reasons.
As part of the groom’s payment, the giving of a ring to the bride had been introduced and a popular innovation was the Gimmal ring resurrected from an earlier Roman tradition. This ring was in fact three rings that interlocked and represented the Holy Trinity. The first part was given upon the couple’s betrothal, the second presented on the day of the actual wedding ceremony, and the third on arrival of the first child. The significance of this particular finger owes its origins to the Romans, who believed that an artery led from there directly to the heart.
The wedding cake, traditionally a simnel cake, had also been around since Roman times, but it is believed that the Tudors dropped the previous tradition of breaking the cake over the couple’s heads for the more sensible practice of sharing it among the guests.
In some parts of the British Isles, predominantly Scotland, Ireland, Wales and Cornwall, where many of the indigenous Celtic peoples still survived, the physical binding of hands has been recorded as still occurring in Tudor times. The wedding ceremony now took place inside a church or cathedral, depending on the couple’s status, and was carried out by a priest in Latin.
Despite many laws being placed on marriage, both the ancient pagan ones and subsequent Christian ones remained optional for the common people. The Tudors changed all this by introducing the concept of legality where children were concerned. Considering the phenomenal implications of proving patriarchy until then it is amazing it took us this long to do something about it. The introduction of the Trent Council Act of 1537 made it a legal requirement to be married by clergy in a consecrated church. Children born out of Christian wedlock were for the first time considered illegitimate, and the seeds of the ‘shotgun’ marriage were sown. An illegitimate child could not take its father’s name or inherit from either parent, and a stigma built up because of this.
An official service had to be introduced that would lay the foundations of today’s ceremonies. All the legally recognised marriages in England now took place exclusively in a church. The symbolism of the four elements were still represented and in some areas after the service the couple were often required to circle the altar three times deosil (clockwise). The couple would be expected to face each other at the end of the ceremony and the giving of a ring replaced the practice of hand fastening or holding.
Fathers were now expected to give their daughters away whereas previously they gave themselves away by consent. Although becoming a complicated affair, the ancient morality laws still stood regarding marriage and one famous historical figure that came up against these laws was Henry VIII. His first wife, Catherine of Aragon, was older than he and although she gave him a daughter, Mary, she was considered unlikely to be able to produce any more children.
This left Henry in a predicament: he wanted a male heir and had fallen in love with a lady-in-waiting, Anne Boleyn. To obtain a divorce was difficult and required papal permission, which was rarely ever given. Henry tried to prove the illegitimacy of the union by claiming he’d already broken a Catholic law by marrying his dead father’s wife, but the Pope of the time did not concur. Henry took drastic measures and began the now famous reformation and dissolution of the monasteries instigating the complete pillage and breakdown of power within the Catholic church in England.
Setting himself up as the newly appointed head of the Protestant Church of England, he set about radically changing the marriage laws to suit. It worked as far as his divorce and subsequent marriage was concerned, but started a war with Rome and other Catholic nations.
Another Tudor figure who caused a furore over her decisions regarding marriage was Henry’s daughter Elizabeth. Once on the throne, pressure to marry was her biggest problem and one she resisted at all costs. To Elizabeth, who had experienced her mother’s execution due to her father’s radical reforms on marriage and divorce, it represented a fearful act that could result in death. Having had her own heart broken by a man who lied about his married status didn’t help either, so she managed to avoid it even though she was under extreme pressure to do otherwise by her privy council. Marriage by now had become an institution and one that had the severest penalties for indiscretions or breaking of its laws—even execution! But we do have Henry to thank for re-introducing legal divorces.
Traditional Legacies
Let’s look at what has survived from days of old regarding wedding ceremonies and superstitions. 1. Hand-fastings, bindings, tying the knot and the exchange of rings are all thought to have evolved from pagan times, with actual hand holding or binding being the most probable common denominator.
2. Laws regarding incest, bigamy, age, barrenness and impotence being reasons for divorce or annulment.
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3. Representation of the four elements, earth (gifts, dowry), air (vows exchanged), fire (either to leap over or candles) and water or wine (sometimes sprinkled over the couple).
4. A priest or official and witnesses as in today’s ceremonies, whether church or registry office.
5. Symbols of fertility—appropriate flowers, herbs, cake and grain or more recently confetti.
6. Stag nights and hen nights thought to originate from Greece.
7. A period of betrothal before marriage.
8. Gifts exchanged replacing dowries.
9. Wedding feast.
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Modern Hand-fastings
The most important fact to digest about a pagan wedding is that, in the eyes of today’s society and the laws put upon it, it is NOT legal in the British Isles, which is worth remembering. There are some States in America that do recognise pagan marriages but unless you happen to live there it’s a nice to know rather than a need to know; but for those of you hand-fasting over the water Hand-Fasted and Heart Joined by Lady Maeve Rhea provides an excellent list and is included in the bibliography. Some couples like to have a certificate drawn up to sign, but it will not be recognised officially.
The examples of such certificates I have seen are usually either computer designed by the couple for the occasion and signed on the day by the priest/priestess, or scribed by hand which is nice if you are, or know of, a skilled calligrapher.
If you wish to be thought of as legally husband and wife, in this country, today you have the same two options as the rest of us, and that is church or civil service. It surprises most people to learn that although these take several elements from the ancient past, it is impossible to define how accurate they are to weddings held BCE. The practice of these ceremonies has come about during the past century due to the revival of interest in all things pagan. Actually openly holding such a ritual is even younger and thought to be post Gardnerian (Gerald Gardner, founder of modern Wicca at some time between 1930 and 1950), or about fifty years old, which coincides with the repeal of the Witch Craft Act of 1951.