by Mary Neasham
Spiritual energies/deities Offerings
Budget
Choosing what is appropriate Which season? Moon phase Date and time Venue Where?
Booking required?
Budget
Telephone numbers and addresses Invitations
List
Telephone numbers and addresses Binding method and material Clothing and Accessories
Where from?
Budget
Catering What kind of food and drink? Budget
Who to do it?
Telephone numbers and addresses Altar
Flowers and decorations Rings and things
Budget
Where from and what types Cake Where from?
Budget
Telephone numbers and addresses Entertainment
Budget
What kind? If any
Telephone numbers and addresses Hair and personal grooming
Personal gifts to each other
Budget
Telephone numbers and addresses Travel
Budget
Guests
Telephone numbers and addresses Photography
Budget
Telephone numbers and addresses Honeymoon
Budget
Telephone numbers and addresses Thank-you letters and gratuities Telephone numbers and addresses End Note If you have the time, shop around for the best deals but make sure everything can be done in plenty of time. You don’t want to order a new gown for the day only to find it cannot be finished until after your hand-fasting. This goes for everything really.
If you both lack organisational skills or become overwhelmed by it all, there are usually family members and/or friends only too willing to take over some of it, so pass your tasks around. Then all you have to do is check up on them and write down their achievements in your planner.
As you can see from their roots, hand-fastings are very open affairs with the minimum of rules and regulations.
It would be a sad day if hand-fastings and other pagan rites of passage came under some sort of all-encompassing definitive law. Due to the fluid evolving nature of paganism, I think this highly unlikely although some paths, Wicca in particular, are beginning to show very early signs of this. I hope most practising Wiccans can remain true to their own individual path and not feel the need for direction and guidance in a set and structured way over everything, which I feel would limit future personal growth.
I understand that for any coven to work there has to be understanding and agreement over rites and rituals, but too many people these days are getting into paganism as a way of boosting their own egos and use it as an opportunity to ‘priest it up’.
There was a couple I heard about several years ago who wanted to be hand-fasted but didn’t know where to go or whom to ask. They announced their intention at their regular Moot and had several prospective priests and priestesses volunteer, anxious to see to their rite. This confused them further. One of the couple came to see me for a tarot reading and while with me asked whom they should have ‘do it’. I asked her to forget the offers for a minute and just feel instinctively whom they would like to ‘do it’ if they could choose anyone. She suggested one of the women who hadn’t offered, but was worried whether to approach her. I suggested she did.
She asked the friend she really wanted, who agreed nervously but was surprised and flattered that she had been chosen. Ironically this chosen one came to me for advice and we discussed various issues before she carried out the hand-fasting. It went brilliantly but, I suspect, the over-inflated egos of the original volunteers were not happy.
The popularity of hand-fastings is increasing daily for many reasons, one of those being the growth of interest in paganism, and another that they lack discrimination. For the latter of these reasons they have become attractive for gay couples to enter into, which is some compensation for the continued reticence of governments to allow legal marriages of this type. I am not about to get into the heavy politics of sexuality but it seems a shame that people don’t get the chance to express their love and devotion conventionally if they so wish.
These days we consider marriage to be about love and commitment to each other and the legality of children has been relegated to a secondary issue. With the world’s population still ballooning out of control in relation to the resources available, perhaps this is a valid evolution of marriage in the twenty-first century.
Hand-fastings are beautiful and magical days far exceeding any civil affair and well worth holding if you follow a pagan path or prefer a non-Christian alternative. I hope this book has provided you with ideas and inspiration for the planning of your handfasting and that you have enjoyed reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. Maybe once paganism is a recognised and acknowledged belief system, people will be able to have legally binding hand-fastings and save us poor pagans the trouble of having to hold two ceremonies! I look forward to that day!
In love be joined
On this merry day
Two souls as one
In their own way.
Pagan Federation
BM Box 7097
London WC1N 3XX
www.paganfed.demon.co.uk
The Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids PO Box 1333
Lewes
Sussex BN7 1DX
Shelagh Gotto
Jewellery designer/maker
Handfasting rings
[email protected]
Morrigans Raven
Hand made ceremonial robes and incenses www.morrigansraven.co.uk
Pans Pantry
Incenses, resins and rare gums
33 Damgate Street
Wymondham
Norfolk NR18 0BG
www.panspantry.co.uk
Caduceus
Specialist jewellers
35 Carnarvon Road
Leyton
London E10 6DW
Coppice Craft
Suppliers of natural wooden wands and besoms 10 Klondyke
Bury St Edmunds
Suffolk IP32 6DB
www.gaia.force9.co.uk
Ceilidh bands
Two web sites worth checking out
www.witchhazelmusic.co.uk
www.ftech.net/~webfeet/eceilidh/bands
Oakilia
Supplier of magical goods and services Mole Catchers Cottage
North Road
Alconbury
Weston Huntingdon
Cambridgeshire PE28 4JZ
www.witchwaycrafts.co.uk
Bibliography Folklore, Myths and Legends of Britain The Readers Digest Association
Second edition 1977
The Druid Source Book
John Matthews
Blandford 1996
ISBN 0-7137-2572-9
The Penguin Atlas of British and Irish History Various authors
The Druid Renaissance Philip Carr-Gomm Thorsons
ISBN 1-85538-480-9
The Year 1000
Robert Lancey and Danny Danziger Abacas
ISBN 0 349 11278 9
Ritual and Desire
Catullus 61 and 62 Ole Thompson
Aarhus University Press ISBN 87 7288 288 3
A Handbook of Anglo-Saxon Food Processing and Consumption Ann Hagen
Anglo-Saxon Books
ISBN 0-9516209-8-3
Two Fat Ladies
Obsessions
Clarrisa Dickson Wright and Jennifer Paterson Ebury Press 1999
ISBN 0-0918707-39
Magickal Weddings Joy Ferguson
ECW Press 2001 ISBN 1-550224-61-1
Handfasted and Heartjoined Lady Maeve Rhea
Citadel Press 2001
Teenage Witch’s Book of Shadows
Anna de Benzelle and Mary Neasham
Green Magic 2001
ISBN 0-9536631-5-9
Gourmet Cooking for Vegetarians
Colin Spencer
Andre Deutsch Ltd 1979
ISBN 0-8600720-35-7
In
Search of England
Michael Wood
Penguin Books 2000
ISBN 0-140-24733-5
Wiccan Spirituality
Kevin Saunders
Green Magic 2002
ISBN 0-9536631-6-7
Alternative Weddings
An essential guide for creating your own ceremony Jane Ross-Macdonald
Taylor Trade Publishing 1997
ISBN 0-87833-977-9
Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions
Carley Roney
Broadway Books
New York
ISBN 0-7679-0248-3
Suggested Further Reading Tree Wisdom
Jacqueline Memory Paterson Thorsons 1996
ISBN 0 7225 3408 6
Sacred Celebrations
Glennie Kindred
ISBN 0906362482
Sacred Tree
Glennie Kindred
ISBN 0953222713
The Complete Dictionary of European Gods and Goddesses Janet and Stewart Farrar and Gavin Bone
Cappall Bann
ISBN 186163 048 4
The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
ISBN 0-722540-45-0
Wicca
Vivianne Crowley
Thorsons 1997
The Teenage Witch’s Book of Shadows
Anna de Benzelle and Mary Neasham
Green Magic 2002
Acorn, 45
Adultery, 27, 30
Agriculture, 13
Alcohol, 81, 103, 104, 117
Alfred, King, 29
Altar, 34, 40, 43, 47, 77–79, 85, 87,
89–90, 95, 132
America, States of, 36, 50, 103
Ancient powers, 61
Anglo-Saxon, 18, 20, 30, 38, 100, 102,
146
Apples, crab, 60, 115
Aphrodite, 18
Arthur, King, 31
Ash, 26, 79
Athame, 79, 85, 88–90
August, 22, 40
Autumn, 22, 40, 49, 107–108
Bard, 57, 143
Bath/ritual, 64, 88, 96
Beltane, 16, 22, 40–41, 61, 76, 100 Betrothal, 16, 22, 25, 27, 33, 36, 39–40,
69, 90
Broom/besom, 25–26, 45–47, 62, 79,
85, 95
Beverages, 103, 116
Blessings, 55, 84, 88, 90–92
Bonfire, 25
Bride, 12, 18, 20, 26–29, 31–33, 40–43,
45, 58, 61–67, 76, 86–89, 97–98,
100
Brodgar, ring of, 15
Cake, 33, 36, 65, 82, 115, 134
Candles, 23, 35, 46
Catholic, 16, 22, 25, 27, 33, 36, 39–40,
69, 90
Cauldron, 102, 111
Celtic, 11, 13, 15–16, 19–20, 23, 25,
33, 38, 52, 56–57, 59–62, 69, 75,
80, 82–83, 94, 98–99
Celtic Knot, 69, 71
Ceremony, 7, 11, 16–17, 23, 25, 31–34,
38–40, 45, 47, 54–57, 60, 63,
65–66, 68–74, 76–78, 82, 84, 89,
92, 95, 123, 147
Chalice, 44, 55–56, 76, 79, 86
Christianity, 19, 21
Cleansing, 56, 84–85, 96
Colour, 61, 64, 75–76
Community, 13–14, 16–17, 22, 24,
26–27, 45, 54–55, 65
Contract/s, 15, 28, 57, 59–60, 72, 87 Crystal, 79
Death, 16, 19, 29–30, 35, 41
Decoration, 46, 132
Dowries, 18, 27, 35, 63
Dress, 44, 57, 75, 106
Druids, 16, 20, 23, 27–28, 57, 60–62,
143
Eclectic, 38, 46, 69, 82
Hand-fasting: A Practical Guide
Elemental/s, 46, 52, 70, 80, 84, 86 Energy, 10, 41–44, 46, 55, 73, 75, 78, 84–85, 87–88, 90–91, 93
England, 25, 28, 34, 46, 55, 103, 147 Elizabeth I, 34–35
Lammas, 22, 40, 61, 76, 100, 128 Law, 17, 20–21, 23, 26, 29, 33–34, 36,
38, 60, 64, 141
Location, 60, 66, 68, 80–81, 101 Family, 15, 17–18, 27, 30, 46–47, 58,
61, 63, 65, 67, 78, 88, 96–98,
112, 120, 141
Fertility, 9, 14, 18, 25, 28, 32, 35 Flowers, 35, 41, 46, 53, 76, 80–81, 96,
106, 113, 119, 132
Food, 16, 44, 61, 63, 65, 68–69, 80–81,
97, 100–103, 110, 112–113, 119,
131, 146
Friends, 41, 46–47, 57, 65, 67–68, 73,
78, 88, 96–98, 103–104, 110, 120,
141
Gifts, 10, 30, 32, 35, 45, 65, 81, 89, 137
Gimmel ring, 75
Gods, 13, 20, 56, 62, 70, 79–80, 100, 113, 124, 148
Goddess, 11, 13, 18–20, 32, 37, 42–44, 50, 53, 55–56, 61, 63, 70–71, 75, 79–80, 82, 85, 87–89, 100, 113, 124, 148
Guests, 33, 40, 42, 44–45, 65, 67, 70, 77–78, 80, 99, 103, 108, 110, 117, 137
Honeymoon, 69, 139
Home, 47, 49, 51, 55, 59, 65–66, 77, 79–80, 83, 96, 101, 116
Magical, 41, 44, 61, 83–85, 99
May, (Month of ), 16, 22, 25, 37, 40, 78 Mead, 103, 116–117
Medieval, 16, 21, 23–25, 77, 104, 115 Moon, 9, 12, 40, 42, 48–50, 55, 74–76,
79, 83, 87, 94, 127
Music, 62, 98–99
Nature, 16, 47, 49, 65, 83, 141
Oak, 26, 46, 60, 79 Pagan, 9–10, 13, 15, 18–25, 33, 35–36,
38–39, 45–46, 51, 54–55, 57,
65–66, 68, 75, 78, 82, 84, 93, 98,
100–103, 105, 110, 141–142 Parents, 15, 17, 26, 31, 93
Photography, 97, 140
Rings, 33, 35, 50, 56, 64, 70, 75–76, 89, 133
Ritual, 11, 16, 22–23, 25, 36, 39, 43–44, 46, 55, 61, 64, 72–75, 78–79, 81–82, 84, 88, 91–92, 99–100, 103, 119, 141, 146
Robe, 75, 84, 143
Romance, 9, 16, 19–21, 24, 59
Romans, 18–20, 33
Rome, 18–19, 35, 64–65, 113
Rose, 41, 68, 79–80
Incense, 23, 32, 44, 56, 77, 79, 86 Invitations, 77, 81, 119, 128 Ireland, 16, 23, 25, 33, 103
Kings, 26–27, 101–102, 107 Knot, 35, 51, 64, 69–71, 105
Sacred, 18, 42, 47–48, 51, 53, 60, 85, 88, 91, 93–94, 112, 141
Samhain, 22, 40
Scotland, 16, 25, 33, 38, 62
Skyclad, 54, 68
Sun, 9, 41, 48–50, 76, 96, 94
Trees, 17, 57, 60, 76 Wand, 55, 76, 79, 85, 88, 145 Wicca, 36, 38–39, 42, 45, 69, 71, 76,
Vegetarian, 104, 110–112 82, 85, 141, 147
Venison, 100, 104, 108 Wild boar, 104, 107
Vows, 12, 19, 23, 32, 35, 39, 48, 50, Wine, 35, 61, 67, 103, 116–117 56, 85, 89, 94, 147 Witchcraft, 38