by Ford, Brynn
I swallowed, “Yes, V.”
“I mean it, Blue. Don’t you ever try to fake it with me again. I will punish you if you do and not in a way you’ll like.”
My breath hitched and he smiled broadly in response to my obvious arousal.
“See? I know a few tricks of the trade, baby. But seriously, you will not fake it again. You’ll tell me what you need from me to make it happen, but you will not fake it,” he leaned in closer and his lips were nearly touching mine, “I will work you all night if I have to just to get you there and you’ll fucking enjoy it. Understood?”
“Understood, V."
His hands were on my waist now. The tenderness of his touch mixed with the fire burning in his gaze dampened my panties. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and it disarmed me completely. He kissed my cheeks, along the line of my jaw, up and down the side of my neck. He leisurely dragged me into a world that was occupied by only the two of us. I was lost in the feel of him on my skin. I had to put all of my efforts into hearing what he was saying to me between languid, lingering kisses.
"You and I are going to make love to each other, Desi. You're gonna let me spend as much time as I want touching every part of you, making you come completely undone for me. We're not leaving this room until you come at least twice. Even if that means we're in here until tomorrow morning. If you get thirsty, I'll get you something to drink. If you get hungry, I'll get you something to eat. But you're staying right here, in our bed, until I feel satisfied that I've gotten the best of you. Do you understand me, Blue?"
I hadn't noticed it happening, but by the time he finished talking, I was laying back on the bed, pinned beneath his weight. Because I'd finally let him in, because I'd finally let him win and have control over my senses, I had lost myself to the gentle timber of his voice in the way he commanded me.
No guilt.
No shame.
No hesitation or fear.
Just feeling.
He pressed his hips down over mine, his jean clad erection brushing against the delicate fabric of my underwear. I wanted the barriers of clothing between us gone. I could hardly breath for the way I wanted him in that moment.
Why had I denied him for so long?
Without reserve I replied, "Yes, V."
* * * * *
We had to stop when the sun went down, hours and three mind-blowing, full body orgasms later.
I had a seriously hard time getting there the last two times. My body had changed a lot from the pregnancy and childbirth and it turned out I didn't seem to know myself all that well anymore.
Vaughn overwhelmed me with sensation, to the point of frustration, after the first climax. I'd tried to get Vaughn to dig out my vibrator an hour after I came the first time because I just couldn't take the torture. I felt like I needed the quick and powerful release.
But thank God he refused to do that. He was intent on driving me insane and making me come again with his hands or his tongue or his cock. He was determined to prove to me that he was committed to pleasing me, no matter the time or effort it took. He wanted me to be patient.
The patience paid off with deep, Earth-shattering, toe curling happy endings. Not the superficial surface orgasms that a vibrator would have forced. They were true, deep, and fucking spiritual. It was probably a ridiculous thought, but I felt as though each climax that Vaughn worked diligently to give me threaded a stitch through the torn apart edges of my soul, slowly starting to pull me back together. It wasn't the release, but his commitment and effort to give me what he knew I needed that mended me.
Eventually, we decided to call it a night and curled up together on the couch to binge-watch a show we'd both been wanting to see. We were both exhausted, sated, perhaps even a little delirious when Vaughn's cell phone rang. That was the first time all day I realized that mine was still off, sitting on the dining table, ignored and unnecessary.
My head was on his shoulder as he leaned forward carefully to pick up his phone from the coffee table. The screen read the caller's name as Mother Fucker.
"Seriously, Vaughn?" I chastised, knowing immediately it was Law.
Law.
There was a part of my soul that Law had mended by showing me his world, too. I still had a curiosity for him and how he might shape Vaughn and I as a couple.
Vaughn grinned at me and answered, putting the call on speaker phone.
"Hey," Vaughn said casually, "You've got us both here."
"Hi," I could feel my cheeks flush pink.
"I trust you both enjoyed the rest of your day?" Law's voice sounded stronger than it had when he'd left this morning.
"Desi enjoyed it three times," Vaughn told him.
I slapped his arm, "Oh, my God."
"That's the fourth time she's said that today," he joked and I could feel my face get hot.
"Well, it sounds like it was overall a productive Saturday.”
“Indeed,” Vaughn replied.
“Tell me what you learned about your wife today, Vaughn.”
“In regard to…” Vaughn trailed off in questioning.
“In regard to anything. What did you learn about her after I left?”
“You want the gritty details of how we spent our day in bed?”
Law was quiet on the other end of the line.
Waiting.
I looked at Vaughn expectantly and bit my lip, “I’d be curious to know that myself, V.”
His eyes smoldered mine with the smirk that pulled at his lips, “Okay. One thing I learned is that she follows my lead in the bedroom.”
“Shocker,” I deadpanned, speaking sarcastically given that we’d just decided to be in a dominant-submissive relationship that morning.
Law chuckled, “If she didn’t, I guess you’d have a lot of work to do with her now, wouldn’t you?”
“That’s not exactly what I mean. What I mean is that if I’m playing rough, she wants me to play rough. If I’m being gentle and slow, she wants me to be gentle and slow. She mirrors my mood to a point where I’m not entirely sure she knows what she wants on her own.”
Vaughn’s expression changed as he spoke, as if only just coming to that conclusion as he said it out loud.
“She knows what she wants," Law told him, "She wants to please you. She's connected to you on a deeper level than you realize, so she's in sync with you when you take the lead,” Law analyzed, “You have to become aware of how important your role is to the woman she will become. You are helping her to know herself better, to know what she wants on her own. She needs the freedom of your dominance, the liberty of letting go that comes in submission to your will. That subspace gives her mind the peace it needs to see what she truly wants in her life."
I found myself drifting as Law spoke, curiosity wondering what expression adorned his face. He was endlessly insightful and magical in the way he crafted his thoughts. His words made butterfly wings flutter in my belly.
I looked at my husband and found him lost in thought, a look of concentration and consideration on his face. I could see that something Law said had struck him, something he was trying to analyze, no doubt, but I didn’t know what.
“What is it?” I asked him softly.
He reacted quickly to the sound of my voice, stirring him from deep in his mind, “I need to talk to Law alone, babe. Sorry, I just, I’ll be back, okay? Watch the show without me.”
He stood, making sure the blanket we shared was covering my lap after he moved, and left the apartment, going out into the hallway.
What the hell just happened?
There were three ideas that popped into my head just then and I realized two of them were bad. The first was to go press my ear against the apartment door in hopes of catching glimpses of their conversation as they spoke in the hallway. The second was to burst through the door, go out into the hallway, and demand that Vaughn tell me what was going on in his head.
Bad and worse.
The third idea, the only good one, was to unpause the sho
w we'd been watching and try to trust that everything was fine. I had to convince myself that it was a good thing that Vaughn wanted to talk to Law alone. That was what this whole new thing was all about. Trust. I hadn't given it to him before. Now was as good a time as any to start, even though it was hard.
I restarted the episode we'd been watching. Five minutes in, my eyelids drooped, utter exhaustion from the emotional roller coaster of the past two days bringing my head closer and closer to the toss pillow at the end of the sofa. I laid down and decided to rest for just a second, knowing Vaughn would be back in any minute now.
I closed my eyes to give them a brief rest after another ten minutes had gone by. Soon after, I slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep on the couch.
* * * * *
My eyes opened the next morning beneath the dark blue down comforter of our bed, bunched cozily around my face. I remembered falling asleep on the couch, but not coming into the bedroom.
Some big, strong man must have carried me in last night.
I heard the sizzle of food in the frying pan and smiled to myself that Vaughn must be making breakfast.
Did I sleep myself into the future where everything was perfect and happy in our lives again?
I peeled off the covers and sat up slowly, taking a few moments to stretch before strolling out toward the kitchen in just a t-shirt and panties. Vaughn must have heard my footfalls. He turned his head back to smile at me for just a moment before bringing his attention back to the bacon he was frying on the stovetop.
“Hey, baby, I made you breakfast," he stopped what he was doing and handed me a plate of blueberry pancakes, "Bacon will be ready in a minute if you want some."
“Thank you,” I smiled as he went back to the stove.
I sat down at the dining room table, just steps away from where he stood in the tiny kitchenette, "Did you carry me to bed last night, babe?"
"Nah, asked the neighbors to move you," he joked.
I grinned, "The frat boys at the end of the hall or the little old lady next to the stairwell?"
"I tried the frat boys, but they were all passed out drunk. That little old lady sure can dead lift, though. Gave me a run for my money."
I shook my head with a small laugh as he brought a plate of bacon and pancakes for himself to the table, sitting across from me.
"You're too much," I told him.
He hesitated before forcing a smirk, "Maybe I am."
The flicker of something behind his soft eyes had me curious. It was a look I couldn't place.
I took a bite as I recalled his phone call with Law last night. I was suddenly desperate to know about the conversation but I knew I shouldn't be so eager to ask him first thing in the morning after he'd just been kind enough to make me breakfast. Still, the question shot out of me like a sneeze.
"How was your phone call last night?"
"About as well as you'd expect a phone call to be. What kind of question is that?" he chuckled, "Don't you want to ask me what we talked about? How long we talked? Why I wanted to speak with him privately?"
Yes, yes, and yes.
"You've been so patient and forgiving and just…fucking amazing to me given what I did to you. I know it's weird, this whole thing with Law and the dominance I'm asking you for in our marriage. I'm trying to respect your boundaries," I took another bite to hide my eager expression.
He laughed, "Baby, I think you've got to know what the boundaries are before you can respect them."
"I have no idea what you mean by that."
"It means you and I are going to have a lot of fun knocking down your poorly placed border walls while we figure out where the true boundary lines lie."
My breath caught at the confident way he delivered lines like that, full of innuendo for my submission to him.
I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, "Who says there are any border walls, V?"
He grinned and his eyes sparkled, "They exist. I'll find them. And if you let me, I'll destroy them all."
I stared at him, speechless. My lungs stilled, having forgotten how to collect oxygen.
He glanced at my full plate, "Eat your breakfast, Blue."
His voice was more assured than I'd ever heard it before. Vaughn had a tendency to come off as cocky or arrogant in the way he spoke, so I was no stranger to that mode of communication from him. But the way he sounded today wasn't cocky or arrogant. It was self-assured and powerful and holy fucking hell, it was hot.
I bit my lip, "Yes, V."
My voice came out as a soft whisper, directly contrasting his power. I felt perfectly balanced with him in that moment and realizing that was the nail in the coffin on how our relationship had been before. It was done. Our dynamic had shifted. And it felt so, so right.
He spoke to me between bites, "I have a fear in this, you know. It's what I was talking to Law about last night."
"Oh?"
"I know you decided this dominant-submissive thing is what you want. But when Law asked me what I'd learned about you yesterday, I had a strong concern that maybe you don't really know what you want. That you don't really know what you've consented to with me. I get that you've done the pain thing and you've seen the kind of kinky shit that goes down at places like Black Ties. But we're talking about our whole marriage here, Desi. How can you be certain you want this?"
I caught his eyes, "My certainty is soaking through my panties right now, V. If you want to put your fingers between my legs, you can see for yourself."
He dropped his fork and it clanged against the table as he leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair with a lust-filled smile.
"Shit, Desi. Don't tempt me like that."
"I'm sorry," I couldn't stop myself, "You should punish me, V."
He exhaled sharply, his eyes filling with desire, though I could see he fought it, "I just might do that if you keep it up, Desi. I'm being serious here and I want to talk about it."
I sighed, "I'm being serious, too, V. You don't need to worry about my certainty in this. I'm certain this is what I want. The beauty of being married is that we have a long damn time to figure out how this will look for us, how to make it fit in our lives. We also have time to change our minds about whether it works for us. Vaughn, I promise you, I will tell you if I change my mind. I won't change my mind," I smiled, "But I promise to tell you if I do. That should be enough for you."
"Desi, I just worry that I haven't been completely honest with you. You want me to be dominant. You want me to give you pain. I can do those things and I can do them well, but I don't think you know how much that scares me. For you."
His expression was somber, concern scratching across his chiseled features.
"What exactly are you afraid of, Vaughn? Tell me."
"I'm afraid I'll go too far. I'm afraid I'll really hurt you. I'm afraid I might lose myself."
He was afraid of his impulsivity, his violent reactions that had gotten him into trouble. I knew the details of his past. I'd seen the police records of his two assault charges when he was seventeen and nineteen. I knew who he'd hurt and why and it was all justified as far as I was concerned.
I think he must have been fearful of crossing the line of abuse. He'd seen Hazel go through that with her ex and I think he was afraid that giving him control would give him license to abuse that power. It was true, it could be a slippery slope for some men to explore power exchange in a relationship. But it wouldn't be for Vaughn. I wasn't afraid of that. None of that scared me, not for a second.
He'd worked so hard and come so far and hadn't gotten into trouble with the law since his second conviction seven years ago. Sure, he'd had a couple of scuffles defending my honor, the most recent one with Law, but nothing serious. He had control now, discipline.
I wish he understood what I knew, that he could never hurt me because he was so desperate to protect me. No different than the two assault charges he was given just for trying to protect Hazel.
Besides, I knew he wasn't
aware of the fact that his brutality, his raw masculinity, was far more than just appealing to me. It made me feel safe, protected, cared for. More than that, it really turned me on.
I knew telling him that wouldn't be enough, though.
"Vaughn, we're all at risk of losing ourselves, one way or another. You know I lost myself. I know doing this with you will help put me back together, as twisted and bizarre as that may seem. You have to trust that I've developed an appetite for this. I did things I shouldn't have and got a taste for it with Law. But a taste with someone else is nothing. I want you to satisfy my craving every day."
God, the way my heart beats for this man.
How I had forgotten?
"Besides," I added, "There's a reason for safewords. They're non-negotiable."
"Yeah, I know that, babe. But it scares me that I might hurt you or scare you badly enough to use a safeword."
What could he possibly do?
I looked deep beyond his eyes to make sure his soul could hear mine, "I'm not afraid, Vaughn. Not of this and certainly not of you. I want you to push my limits. It doesn't scare me to think you might push me straight past Yellow to Red. It's what I need. I like it when you're aggressive, rough, when you take control of my body. Please give me what I need, V. I promise you, I'm yours. I just need you to be strong for me. I need you to keep me and take care of me. I need you to call out my bullshit. I want you to punish me for it, make me a better version of myself. I want you to claim me as yours."
Unexpected tears coated my eyes as I spoke. I was still so fearful that he might end it all and leave me for what I'd done. I was still scared he wouldn't want me anymore, even after the way we'd reconnected yesterday.
He watched me carefully with eyes narrowed in concern, "Come here."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Why?
Because he spoke?
Because he commanded?
Both.
I stood and moved around to the other side of the table to stand in front of him. He looked up at me from his seat, his hands landing delicately on my waist. I melted at the touch of his fingertips on my skin as they slipped under the hem of my t-shirt and held me tenderly in place. I wanted him to take me and my twisted, masochistic soul and make me his forever with his unconditional love.