My hand slid down my body, beneath my shorts and panties. When my fingers hit that spot and spread me open, I was already soaked. Between talk of him in the shower and then me riding him against the wall, I was already so damn horny. Then seeing him hard and ready with his stomach muscles tight, I wanted the man inside of me. Thinking of his hand moving up and down his shaft, I couldn't help but want to lick him. I wanted to take him into my mouth and have his hand gripping my hair, as I took him in deeper and sucked him so damn hard. I wanted to taste him.
My fingers moved up and down my wetness, and I knew it wouldn't be long at all. I'd never had an easy time getting there before, but something about Sawyer had me ready to explode in seconds. I rubbed my clit, as I thrust a finger into me, and my hips jerked forward to meet my finger with each move inward.
“Fuck,” I whispered, as I continued moving in and out faster and deeper.
With my eyes closed, I could see myself in the shower with him. His wet, naked skin glistening as the drops of water moved over his muscles. His arms tight as he held my ass in his hands. His grip on me so tight that his fingers marked me as he rocked in and out of me. He lifted me up and then dropped me down as he thrust up hard and hit me deep. My back rubbed up and down the wall hard, but I didn't care. My legs stayed wrapped around his waist, and my heals dug into his ass hard, as I grabbed onto his shoulders to lift myself even higher. Then I cried out his name, as I dropped down over him.
My fingers moved fast, and my hips rocked hard, as I chased what I knew would be an amazing orgasm.
I cried out his name, as I came hard. When I tightened around my fingers, I gasped for air, but I didn't stop. I continued moving them in and out, and when I finally pulled them from inside of me, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to soak up every tiny moment of pleasure I'd just had.
I heard Sawyer's ding come from my phone. When I picked it up, I barely opened my eyes, not wanting to ruin the blissful feeling that was filling me. Then I read his text.
Sawyer: You will never know just how badly I want to lick those fingers right now.
I let out a sigh, as I shook my head, but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. As badly as I wanted to reply with something cocky, I didn't. Instead, I set my phone on my nightstand and drifted off into the best sleep I'd had in days.
Chapter 20
Grace
The two weeks that followed passed quickly. When I got home from dropping Noah off at school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I found a coffee and breakfast waiting on my porch. Some of the breakfasts were danishes or donuts and some were biscuits and gravy, omelets, or pancakes. How Sawyer made it there and was gone each time before I saw him, I had no idea. The other two days of the week, he left me alone to get the things I needed to get done finished.
Every afternoon, I'd get to school to find him waiting outside for Ava, and each time, both kids would run straight to him. To say my son was beginning to offend me was an understatement, but I got it. I was a child once too. Some days other moms would be around, and I never missed the single ones checking Sawyer out. They were so damn obvious. The two kids would ask to play for a few minutes, and every single time it turned into more.
Each morning, I received a lighthearted text, and each night, I'd receive another text. That one was always a bit more personal. The man never let me go to bed without a blush covering my cheeks, but there was no way I'd ever let him know that.
Sawyer asked over and over if he could see me. I said no each time, but he kept right on trying the next day. I felt bad. Honestly, I wanted to see him, but I knew I couldn't let myself feel the things I was already feeling toward him. If I met up with him on the side, my feelings would grow, and I couldn't have that. There was no way. Nothing could happen, not again. There would be no future between us. There couldn't be.
By the end of the second week, I was exhausted. My father's birthday was that weekend, and while I was going, I was dreading it. By Saturday, it was all I could think about. I didn't have to go. My dad would have been just fine if I hadn't, but Noah needed to see him. He needed family in his life. I needed the relationship with my parents to get better. I wanted my son to know them, and I wanted him to see that it was important for a child to have a good relationship with their parents. I was the only parent Noah had left, and I wanted to remain close to him. How could I do that if I couldn't even have a relationship with my own parents?
As I stared up at my ceiling that night, I couldn't sleep. Just thinking about the following day had my stomach in knots. I was already stressed out about school, my mother-in-law, making sure Noah had what he needed, and trying as hard as I could to not be a failure. Knowing I was going to see my parents had me at my limit. I truly couldn't take one more thing, so when the familiar ding of Sawyer came, I wasn't in the mood for his shenanigans, and what I read when I opened his message was even worse than I'd expected.
Sawyer: See me tomorrow, and before you even say something about Noah, don't. I'll bring lunch, and we can just hang out there. I'm not asking for much. I just want a few minutes with you that isn't us standing against a fence outside. That's all I'm asking for.
I let out a long breath before I replied.
Me: Can't tomorrow.
Sawyer: Why not?
Me: Busy!
Sawyer: You can't be busy every single day, Grace.
Something about that sentence pushed me over the thin line my patience had been so carefully walking, and I snapped. What did he mean I couldn't always be busy? Who the fuck was he? I'd been trying to make it alone for almost two years. I had a son I needed to care for. I had to deal with a set of adults that treated me decent and then suddenly turned on me, well one of them did anyway. Then I had my own parents to deal with. On top of that, I was going to school so that I could make my own money. While I was doing okay, I knew that the money I already had would run out one day, and that was always in the back of my mind. So, yes, I was busy. Then Sawyer came into my mind. He had no one to take care of but himself, and he was living with his sister. I hadn't heard him mention a job or anything else. He dropped off and picked up Ava each day. That was it. What did he know about being busy? I was so worked up when I hit the button to reply that I didn't even think when I typed the words and hit send.
Me: We can't all just sit around and suck off of someone else without a care in the world. Can we?
As soon as I read the words I'd already sent over again, I felt awful, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to take them back. Tears immediately slid from the corners of my eyes. I couldn't have stopped them if I'd tried. There were just too many. They'd been building up for days. It had all been building up for days, weeks, or even years honestly.
Sawyer: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
When I sent my next text, I knew it wouldn't matter.
Me: I'm so sorry!
I was right. Sawyer didn't reply. He was pissed, and I couldn't blame him. I stared at the ceiling for hours, and when I still couldn't sleep, I sent another message.
Me: I didn't mean it. There's just so much going on. We're going over my parents tomorrow, and that has me a wreck. That's no excuse though. I really am sorry.
When he messaged right back, I knew I'd messed up so much more than I'd even thought.
Sawyer: Got it!
The tears came all over again as I silenced my phone and begged sleep to take me, but it didn't work.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
I'd been on my best behavior, much better than I'd wanted to be. The mornings she had school, I'd left her a coffee and breakfast, but I hadn't stayed. I'd done everything I could to give her the space she needed to learn and study. Did I want to? Hell no! I wanted to be there spending time with her. I'd wanted to throw her over my shoulder, put her on the back of my bike, and take her right back to that same spot. I wanted to be buried so damn deep inside of her. Instead, I'd spent my time with my own hand wrapped around my cock as I thought a
bout her, the only woman I'd ever felt anything for.
I wasn't perfect though. I'd asked her to meet up, just not when she'd needed to be studying, but each time she'd turned me down. The woman had more excuses than anyone I knew, and my patience was wearing thin, so very thin. It had been two weeks, and I'd had enough of those damn excuses. I was done excepting them. So, when she'd said she was busy even though I'd said I could just bring lunch and the three of us could hang out, I was tired of it. She'd pushed me one too many times.
When I sent the text, I knew it was rougher than it should have been, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to see her. Why was that so hard for her to believe?
Me: You can't be busy every single day, Grace.
What I got back, however, was something I never would have expected from her, not in a million years.
Gracie: We can't all just sit around and suck off of someone else without a care in the world. Can we?
Who the fuck did she think she was? How dare her say I was sucking off of my sister.
Me: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I was beyond pissed, like to a level I hadn't felt since I'd lost some of my guys and I'd made it. Of course, it didn't come close, but it was the closest I'd been since.
When her text came, it didn't matter. Nothing she sent was going to change what she'd said, not a single thing.
Gracie: I'm so sorry!
She was sorry. Really? What the fuck ever. My phone landed a foot away on my bed. If I'd held it one second longer, it would have landed against the wall. How dare her question my life choices? That was bullshit. She'd done it. She'd accomplished what she wanted. She'd successfully pushed me away. I was done.
I'd tried to sleep, but my blood was boiling so bad. It took all I had not to get in my truck and drive to the nearest bar. I had more than enough going through my head daily. What I didn't need was Grace telling me she thought I was a piece of shit too. Fuck that!
When another ding rang out from my phone, I didn't want to check it, but I couldn't stop myself. The damn woman had such a hold on me.
Gracie: I didn't mean it. There's just so much going on. We're going over my parents tomorrow, and that has me a wreck. That's no excuse though. I really am sorry.
Me: Got it!
That was it. I knew better than to type anything else. It would have been awful if I had, and after the way she'd made me feel, you would have thought I would have wanted her to feel that way too, but I didn't. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Before she could reply, I turned off my phone and threw it to the side.
After about an hour, I was still thinking about what she'd sent, so I turned my phone on, sent one last message, and then turned it off again.
Me: You don't know shit about me. If you did, you never would have typed those words.
“Screw her!” I growled out, as I let my head flop back against my pillow and fought with everything in me to stay in my bed, and I did.
I did it for Ava. I did it for Julia. I did it for me and the life I knew I wanted one day.
Chapter 22
Grace
When I finally got out of bed, I was exhausted. When I grabbed my phone, I saw his name. Then I read his text, and my heart broke.
Sawyer: You don't know shit about me. If you did, you never would have typed those words.
He was right. I didn't know, and that was my fault. He'd tried to talk to me, but I'd pushed him away. I had to. It was my only option. Noah liked him, and so did I. There was no way either of us needed to get too close to him. Neither of us would be able to take the pain that would come if he left, and he would. He'd done it before.
I didn't want to get ready, but I knew I had to. Noah deserved to see my parents. He deserved a family that consisted of more than just me and two other people that saw him for a few hours once a month. My parents weren't there yet, but they would be if I kept pushing. I knew they would. They'd have to. He was their grandson.
Noah woke up, got ready, and ate faster than ever before.
“We have to get a present and cake,” he said, as he shoved his feet into his shoes without bothering to even untie them.
“Slow down,” I said, looking at the shoes I knew I'd be replacing soon if he kept that up. “We have plenty of time.”
“It's his birthday,” he yelled out, as he ran toward his room, “and we get to be there.”
I was tying my shoes when he came running back through the room and straight to the front door. As soon as I was done, I grabbed my purse, keys, and phone and locked the door as I followed him out. He was at the car in seconds, and as soon as I unlocked the doors, he hopped in, closed his door, and pulled on his seat belt.
Wishing I could feel that same excitement, I plastered a smile on my face and backed out onto the street. Then I put the car in drive and headed to the store with the worst feeling in my stomach. Seeing my parents was always a very stressful time for me. Add to that what was going on with Sawyer, and it was taking all I had not to lose the tiny bit of food that I'd actually been able to force down before leaving.
Noah picked out a tie and a wallet for my dad. He was so excited about them both, so there was no way I was going to make him choose one over the other. We got a card, gift bag, and some tissue paper. Then we headed to the bakery section of the store. Noah picked out a cake and refused to take his eyes off of it as the woman took it out of the case, wrote on it, and brought it back to us. He carefully took it from her hands and set it in the cart. Then he watched as everything he'd picked was put into bags at the register.
As soon as we got to the car, he put the gifts and paper in the gift bag. I didn't have the heart to have him fix it as the tie stuck up out of the bag. He was so proud, so as far as I was concerned, it was perfect. Once the card was signed, he was happy and ready to go.
When we got to my parents' house, Noah grabbed the bag and card and took off for their front door before I could stop him. He hadn't seen them since Christmas, and even then, they'd only come by for an hour before leaving. I'd tried to set up a time to see them, but they'd always had a reason it wasn't possible. I hadn't let them know we were coming for my dad's birthday, so I had no idea how they were about to react to the little boy jumping up and down as he knocked on their front door.
When the door opened, I saw my mom smile for just a moment before looking up at me as I walked toward them with the cake in my hand. Then her smile, the one I'd loved so much growing up, was gone, and her serious face had taken over. That was the face I'd seen every time I'd seen her since the moment I told her that I was pregnant with Noah.
“Where's Grandpa?” Noah asked excitedly, as he walked right by her and into the house.
“You should have called,” my mother said sternly. “We could have been gone.”
“So you could tell me that you were busy?” I asked. “Noah wanted to see dad for his birthday.”
By the time I was allowed to walk into the house, Noah was already in the living room.
“Happy Birthday!” he yelled out happily.
“Lower your voice,” my dad said, as he looked at Noah and then up at me.
“We brought you a cake and presents,” Noah whispered, watching my dad for his reaction.
“Why?” my dad asked, and any hope I had of having a nice day with them had vanished.
“Because it's your birthday,” Noah said. “Everyone needs presents and cake on their birthday. Open it. I picked it out myself.”
My dad paused whatever show he'd been watching, and with a huff and look of disgust, he pushed the paper aside.
“A tie and a wallet,” he said, as he looked up at me. “Thanks.”
Then he set the bag on the floor next to his chair and moved to pick his remote back up.
“Noah picked them out himself,” I said.
“I know,” my dad said, still not looking at Noah.
Before I could stop him, Noah had climbed up onto my dad's lap. When he didn't move to put Noah on his
feet, I let out a sigh of relief. My boy didn't deserve that kind of treatment. It wasn't his fault that I'd gotten pregnant.
I set the cake on the coffee table and sat down on the chair that sat a few feet away, feeling that tiny bit of hope return.
“What have you been up to?” I asked my dad, as I looked around for my mom.
She wasn't there. I'd had no idea where she'd gone after we'd walked in.
“Not much,” he answered. “I've been working a lot and trying to relax when I'm not there.”
The way he stretched out the words trying to relax let me know that we were invading that time, but I pushed forward.
“Have you seen any good movies lately?” I asked.
“Nothing amazing,” he answered dryly.
“We're learning to dance,” Noah said, as he looked up at my dad from over his shoulder.
When my dad didn't speak, I quickly tried to recover the conversation for Noah.
“We went to the Valentine dance,” I said. “You remember it, right, dad? The one at the elementary school. Where the girls and dads are in one room and the boys and moms are in the other.”
I couldn't help the smile that slipped from my lips at the memory of dancing with my father all those years ago. He really had been a great dad, until that moment, the same moment that changed my mom too.
“Yeah,” he said, with aggravation filling his tone. “I remember a lot of things.”
“You want to see my new motorcycle, Grandpa?” Noah asked.
The second I saw the toy in his hand as he held it up, I thought back. How did he get that out of the house without me noticing? He'd been so excited and moved so quickly that I'd totally missed it. Luckily he'd brought his small new toy and not tried to bring the big one.
I knew my dad wasn't going to be thrilled. He wasn't a fan of motorcycles, but it was only a toy. How bad could it be, right? Wrong! What happened next was something I hadn't seen coming.
A Forever Love, Part 2 Page 9