by Alia Hess
What have I gotten myself into?
She rubbed her face, then took Aki’s hand, which jerked from her grip as the girl pulled away. Owl put her hands on her hips. “Well, guess you can go hungry then if you’re not coming out of here with me.”
She returned to the front room, plopping into a chair. I’m not sure I’m cut out for motherhood. I’m already frustrated and I’ve only been around this kid for a few minutes. Am I going to be like this with the baby?
Aki wasn’t her kid, though. They couldn’t communicate, and the little girl was in a strange place with unfamiliar people. Owl sighed and put a hand over her eyes.
Eventually, Aki came to the table, where she dropped the teddy bear and snatched an apple slice. She ate ravenously. Before long, there was a knock, and Seasalt entered with her twin daughters.
She smiled at Owl. “Hey! I hope you don’t mind, but I brought my girls. I thought they might want to play with the mysterious little castaway.”
Aki let out a cry of fear as First and Second Daughter of Seasalt ran to the table. Owl slid from her chair, then leaned down and wrapped Seasalt’s girls in a hug. She smiled at Aki.
“See? They’re nice.” Owl poked one of the twins in the nose and the girl laughed.
Aki’s brows bunched as she clutched an apple slice in one small fist. She looked up at Seasalt.
“Seasalt is nice too.” Owl gave her a squeeze. “See?”
Aki slid out of her chair and clutched at Owl’s dress, watching the girls warily. One of the twins pulled a scallop shell from her jumper and offered it to Aki. She smiled shyly and took it.
“Girls, why don’t you take her outside and teach her a game?” Seasalt said. “She doesn’t speak our language, but I’m sure she likes to play as much as you do.”
Second Daughter of Seasalt held her hand out to Aki.
Owl patted Aki’s head. “It’s okay. Go play with them.” She looked at her cousins. “Her name is Aki.”
Aki looked at Owl, then took Second Daughter of Seasalt’s hand. The twins opened the door and led her outside.
“Don’t let her chase the chickens!” Owl called.
Seasalt sat in a chair, eyebrows raised and a grin on her face. “Everyone is calling you a hero.”
Owl let out a short laugh as she parted the curtains. The twins stood in the grass with Aki, gesturing. A small smile grew on Aki’s round face.
“Yeah right.”
“It’s true. It’s all I heard on the way over here. The people on the beach kept trying to pick that girl up, or just talk to her, and she wouldn’t have it. Then you come along, scoop her up, and take her home just like that. And she likes you! People are going nuts.”
“It’s not a big deal. The poor girl was scared and hungry. Someone had to help. And she didn’t want to go with anyone else.”
“You know, I hear gossip more than most, being the Elder’s wife—”
And dish it out more than everyone else. She smirked inwardly.
“And you’d be surprised what people say about you.”
“I doubt I want to know.”
“No, no. Good things. People hated Roadtraveler when he was younger, because that’s what we were taught to do, or saw others doing. I admit that I picked on him when I was a kid too, because I didn’t know any better. But when you and Trav came here, people couldn’t get over the fact that you were a Mainlander in love with an Islander. And not just an Islander, but Trav. And then you were nice to everyone in the village—genuinely nice, not fake-polite. And now… taking in this foreign orphan just like that? You know what people are calling her? Daughter of Owl.”
Owl reeled. “Whoa. What? No. I’m not keeping her. I have a kid of my own on the way to think about. And what would I tell Trav? She needs a home, but not mine.”
And I really need to childproof this place. Vases, seashells, and other fragile items filled the room.
Seasalt gave her a patronizing look. “I don’t know what you’re going to tell Trav, but no one else is going to want her. Getting the island to warm up to you and Trav is one thing, getting someone to adopt an orphan that looks like a Mainlander, and raise her as their own child? No way. She has a much better chance at a good life with you two.”
Owl rubbed her face and shook her head. How did one good deed become a life commitment?
“And I’d take her, but I’ve already got two four-year-olds and another on the way. And despite what Quietbird hopes, I don’t want a huge family like his. Three is enough.”
“I agree she needs a happy family, but I can’t keep her. I don’t want to keep her. She’s not mine.”
“I’m sure she’ll make a great big sister for the baby.”
“No, no, no.” Owl shook her head vigorously. “Stop saying that, Seasalt. I can’t keep her.” Frustration rose inside her and threatened to bubble over.
“I don’t think you have a choice.” Seasalt gave her a sad smile. “Trav might be mad at first, but I’m sure you can soften him up. And hey, you still have a day to think about what you’ll say to him.”
That wasn’t comforting. She didn’t like anything about this. With all of the gossip already swirling around town, Trav would get an earful before he even got home.
And he’s going to think I consciously made this choice. Impulsive Owl, just like old times—making decisions on a whim without thinking about consequences. And then not being able to take them back.
The front door opened, slamming into the wall and rattling knickknacks on the shelves. The three girls ran inside, laughing. Aki grinned, her chubby cheeks rosy.
“Look what we did!” First Daughter of Seasalt said. She bent to Aki. “What’s my name?”
“Firsto!” Aki chirped.
“And what’s my name?” Second Daughter of Seasalt asked.
“Secon!”
Aki pointed to herself, beaming. “Aki!”
“We taught her American,” First Daughter of Seasalt said matter-of-factly.
“That’s great.” Owl sighed. “She’s going to need it.”
Aki spent the evening playing in the yard and chasing the chickens as Owl tended the garden. She tried to teach her some words, holding up carrots or pea pods and telling her the names, but the only words she seemed to remember were “chicken” and “baby.”
Owl sat in the grass, plucking ripe black pearlberries from a vine and depositing them into a ceramic bowl. Aki ran up to her.
“Hey, you want to try one? They’re good.” Owl held up a berry.
Aki put it in her mouth, then spit in back into her hand. “Uck.” She wiped her hand on her shirt. “Mama wa doko da?”
Owl raised her eyebrows.
“Mama. Mama wa doko da?”
Her heart sank, and she shook her head. “You’re mom’s not here. No mama.”
Aki’s chubby face scrunched into a frown. “Mama!”
Owl shook her head again. “I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Tears formed at the corners of Aki’s eyes and her lip quivered. Owl hugged her as she started to cry. She awkwardly picked the girl up and carried her into the house. She grabbed a book from the nursery, then carried Aki into her and Trav’s bedroom, setting her on the bed.
Aki wiped her red, wet cheeks as Owl removed her scuffed white shoes and set them on the floor.
“You’ve had a big day. How about I read you a book? I know you don’t know the words, but there’s pictures.”
Owl sat next to Aki and opened the handbound book. She leaned against Owl, still wiping her face.
“In the forests of Nis lives a creature called a Speckled Lyrit. If you can catch one, it will grant you a wish. But make sure you have it’s favorite food.”
Aki let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes. Owl’s mouth pulled to one side and she turned back to the book.
20 ~ Abandoned ~
“Where is she?”
Trav’s mouth drew tight as he stood in the front room, his traveling pack still in his hands.
�
�She’s taking a nap in our bed.” Owl stood away from him uneasily with her hands clasped over her belly. “She kept waking up in the night, screaming.”
He shook his head. “I’m gone for two days and you adopt a kid.” It sounded like a joke, but wasn’t.
“I didn’t adopt her.”
Trav set his pack on the floor and sucked in a breath. “That’s not what people are saying around town.”
“I know. But she wouldn’t go to anyone else. Only me. What was I going to do? Just leave her on the beach?” She frowned and looked at the floor.
Trav sighed. “Of course not.” He put an arm around her. “That motherly instinct is kicking in already.” He ran his hand down her braid and kissed her.
“Yeah, I doubt that. She’s frustrating the hell out of me.”
Trav’s brows furrowed. “What are we going to do with her?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping Quietbird might know what to do. I talked to Seasalt and she told me the girl will make a great big sister to our baby.” She rolled her eyes.
“Shit.” Trav tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and put his hands over his face. “I don’t want to talk to Quietbird right now. We got in an argument on the way home about his habit of ‘taking care’ of people. No one else will take her?”
“No one has even offered. And she’s scared of everyone. Misses her mom. She did warm up to Seasalt’s kids, though.”
“So, what then? We’re stuck with her?” Trav paced the room. “She gets pawned off on us because we’re the resident misfits? People see a strange orphan and think, ‘Hey, give her to the weird albino and trashbilly that live down the street. It’s perfect. She’ll fit right in with their half-breed baby.’”
Owl pursed her lips, a knot of anger forming a hard ball in her chest. “I wish you wouldn’t use the word ‘half-breed’ when talking about our child.”
Trav was still pacing, his voice steadily getting louder. “I’m just making a point, honey. I mean, we’re trying to get ready for our own family and now there’s this—this wrench in everything—”
“She’s not a wrench, Trav. She’s a little girl without a family, in a strange place; she probably saw her parents die. She’s scared of everyone around here—”
“All the more reason to take her somewhere else.”
Owl frowned. “Where? Some random town? Just dump her on a doorstep? We can’t do that. I want to make sure she’s safe.”
“What about the Russians?”
“Why? Just because she’s foreign too? They don’t speak her language either. And I don’t think a town full of scientists and budding adventurers is going to want a rambunctious three-year-old.”
Trav stopped. “You’re shooting down all my ideas, so I guess we’re stuck with her. That’s what you’re saying? I don’t get a choice?”
“I didn’t get a choice either! But nothing else feels right.”
“You got that right.” Trav disappeared down the hall and returned with his bedroll. He hefted his pack.
“Where are you going?”
“Camping. I need to clear my head. Besides, I don’t want to scare Daughter of Owl with my terrifying face.”
“Trav—”
He opened the door and left, slamming it behind him.
Aki woke up screaming several times during the night. Trav did not return. The next morning, Owl did her best to dress nice and look alert, fighting her emotional and physical exhaustion. Taking care of the housework and garden while pregnant was laborious, on top of keeping a sharp eye on Aki.
Trav’s probably fishing at the lagoon right now without a care in the world.
“Okay, you look great.” Owl wrapped a tie around Aki’s braid. “With your hair done up and this hand-me-down dress from the twins, you almost look like you belong here. Me too.”
Aki stared at her blankly. Owl gave her a tired smile. “No one liked me when I got here either. But you can win them over. And probably easier too, because you’re a lot cuter than I am.”
She felt a little bad about dressing Aki up and parading her around town like a market special, but she wasn’t sure what else to do. She couldn’t keep her.
What if Trav won’t come back until Aki’s gone?
Owl slid Aki’s shoes on her feet and took her hand.
Then Trav is an ass.
“Okay, let’s go.”
Owl led Aki out of the house with one hand, carrying her basket of eggs in the other. Aki slipped from Owl’s grip and wrapped her little hands around a Stargazer, ripping the head from the stalk.
“Kawaii hana da!”
“Aki, no!” Trav planting the Stargazers played through her mind, his hood up over his shaved head and dirt smeared on his face.
Owl grabbed the flower and jerked it from Aki’s hand, the petals tearing into pieces. There was a loud crunch against the ground—several eggs had fallen from her basket, becoming a smashed, gooey mess.
“Uh-oh,” Aki uttered.
Owl looked at the mangled Stargazer, then at the broken eggs. Her vision turned to a blear, her lip quivering.
I can’t do this. My life is falling apart. She wiped her eyes and tried to smile at Aki. We’re both abandoned now.
“It’s okay.” She said it more for her own assurance. “Let’s go.”
They walked up the path by the little churning river, Owl keeping a tight grip on Aki’s hand. Sunlight dappled on her black hair, her little white shoes plodding across the cobblestones. Seasalt materialized around the bend with the twins. As she neared, the girls broke away, running up to Aki. Aki squealed and hugged them.
“Hey!” Seasalt called. “I was just coming over to see how things are going.” Her gaze rested on Aki. “Oh, she looks adorable! You guys going to the market?”
“Yeah.”
Seasalt looked at Owl. “You look terrible.”
“Thanks.”
Aki and the twins pulled tiny blue flowers from the path’s edge and held them up to each others’ noses, giggling.
“You know, I got a little worried yesterday, thinking about how frustrated you were. How’d Trav take it? Is she warming up to him?”
“Trav went ‘camping.’”
“Ooh, no. I’m sorry. And he just left you with her, in the state you’re in?” Seasalt shook her head, cringing. “Let me take her off your hands for a while. She can have a sleepover with the girls tonight. You need to go home and get some rest.”
Owl tried to hold back the tears spilling from her eyes. “I thought that maybe if I did her hair like a Nisian, and put her in island clothing, that people would see how cute she is and maybe someone else would want her. …I can’t do this.”
Seasalt hugged her, then chewed her lip and frowned. “It’s a long shot, but I know everyone here. I’ll ask around. …You really don’t want her? It seems like a perfect match.”
“It’s not a perfect match.” Owl’s voice cracked. “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mom. And my perfect match left me to go camping—”
“You’re going to be a great mom. …with your own kid. But thinking about it now, I think you’re right. Someone else needs to take Aki if possible. I don’t want this to break you and Trav up—”
“Oh, God—”
“I’ll do what I can. I’ll bring her back tomorrow afternoon. Go rest.” She took Owl’s egg basket.
Owl wiped at her face as the twins tucked the little flowers into Aki’s braid. “But you’re just as far along as I am. And you’ve already got your twins to look after.”
“Quietbird is home, and my mother lives just up the road if I need extra help. Don’t worry yourself. It will be fine.”
“Thanks, Seasalt. At least I can count on someone.” Owl turned to Aki. “Aki, you’re going with First and Second Daughter of Seasalt. I’ll see you later.” She waved.
Aki frowned, then First Daughter of Seasalt took her hand and led her down the path. She looked back at Owl, then smiled at the twins.
Owl walked bac
k home, wiping her eyes. She stood in the bedroom, then yanked the tie from her braid and pulled off her dress, kicking it onto the floor. She rooted through the closet for one of Trav’s ratty, stained shirts he wore on the Mainland. She pulled it on and slid into bed.
She awoke to a hand slipping around her waist. “I’m sorry,” Trav whispered. “I was so overwhelmed—”
“And I haven’t been?” Owl shoved him away and sat up. “Having to do all the chores, and tend the garden, and taking care of this kid—”
“I know. I’m sorry. You’re a lot stronger than me, darling. I chickened out at the idea of something different.” He frowned, his hands in his lap.
“I’ll say. Running off to go camping and leaving me here all alone to deal with all of this stuff by myself, while pregnant!” Her lip quivered, face contorted. “How could you do that? Trying to live here with you has been so hard. Everything is different; people don’t like me. They call me your ‘wife.’ I wear Nisian clothes, eat Nisian food, do things the Nisian way. But I’m not Nisian. And I miss the Mainland. All those overgrown, abandoned places you thought were so ugly. I miss them. I miss my family. The only thing I have to hang onto here is you. And if you break up with me—”
Trav wrapped his arms around her. “No, no, no. I would never do that. I’m so sorry. And you never told me you were homesick. I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Because I didn’t want you to know! Because I want to be here with you. But I’m having such a hard time adjusting. And now, when I needed you most, you took off. Abandoned me.”
He pushed his face into her neck, stroking her hair. “I’m sorry.”
“And I’m not strong. I feel like I’ll be a terrible mother.”
“No. You’re going to be great. And I’m going to be the best dad that I can be—to our baby, and to that little girl, if need be. I promise I won’t take off again. That was really stupid. I’m so sorry. …Where is she, anyway?”
Owl pulled away. “Having a sleepover at Seasalt’s. She could tell I needed a break.” Trav’s face filled with shame. She continued. “I’m struggling, but if she needs me as a mom, I want to be there for her. I feel responsible for her. Do you understand?”