“It was great the first few days. I met you and Theo and Sebastian, and it was a new school district, so it felt like I was finally getting a new start. No one knew me.”
Zain squeezes my hand. “I’m glad you came here.”
“I was too. The Schneiders even said they’d fight to get Milo. I stopped drinking. Started to relax. Got a boyfriend.”
Zain smiles.
I take a breath, getting to the worst part.
“Then Percy was in my bed.”
Zain gasps but doesn’t speak.
“He told me if he couldn’t have me, he’d have Izzy. Izzy is so small. So young. And he promised he’d get Milo for me. So, I let him have what he wanted. Again and again.”
Zain shakes his head. “This whole year?”
“Yeah.” I look away. Now he’ll get why I’m an awful person. I dated Sebastian and never told him. I pressured him all the time for sex, not caring about his convictions. I wanted to use him for my own sexual gain, making me just as bad as my abusers.
“Then you held a knife to his throat, and he kicked you out?”
“No. It’s worse.”
“How?”
“I can’t tell you everything because some of it isn’t mine to tell, but Percy is dangerous. Even with me gone, he thinks he controls me. He has Milo and Izzy, and I know what he’s capable of. I just don’t know how to stop him. If I report him, Milo will be moved again. And Izzy—”
“I believe you. I want to help.”
“Zain, I’m—”
Zain runs his hand over my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“When I wouldn’t give Sebastian details, he assumed it had something to do with you. I broke up with him because I realized he didn’t understand me the way you do, and I don’t want to settle. I’m sorry I got you into this. It wasn’t really about you, but I guess part of it was.
“He couldn’t handle me not telling him, but you’ve been patient with me this whole time, and you’re still here, holding me, knowing all that you know.”
“I care about you, Bray. I want to be here for you even if it’s hard. And I’ll try not to get emotional because this isn’t about me. You need support, and I want to be that.”
I swallow then take a deep breath. I let him hold me while I sob because with a few words this will all end. I prepare myself and get it out as fast as possible. “I hope so because there’s one last thing. I’m pregnant, and it’s Percy’s.”
I breathe easier than I have in months. It’s out. Everything is out. Even though I know this is too much for any teenage guy to handle, I feel better having shared my burden. It was selfish, but it’d be worse for me to lead him on then drop the bomb. This way is cleaner. He knows exactly why we can’t be together, and he’ll stop showing interest so I can focus on what to do with the baby and not on how well he kisses.
Zain sighs. “I need a minute. I’m not freaking out. I just need a minute.”
He slides out of bed and spends a few minutes in the bathroom.
I feel so much better no longer keeping secrets from him.
When he comes back, I’m prepared for the let’s-be-friends speech, which is way better than the get-out-of-my-house one I’d initially expected. Goes to show I shouldn’t underestimate Zain’s capacity for compassion.
He climbs into bed. “Can I kiss you?”
“What?” That is the last thing I thought he’d ask.
“I don’t know what’s going through your head, but I feel like you might have some doubts about what this means for us after all our kissing today. So, I want to kiss you now that I know everything. Nothing has changed for me. I still want to be with you. I’m not a fan of abortion, but if that’s what you want, I’ll be there to hold your hand. Adoption, same. If you want to keep the baby, you can say it’s mine.”
“Zain, that’s a big decision. I didn’t tell you so you’d feel obligated. This is my problem, not yours.”
“Bray.” He laughs like I’m being ridiculous. “You’re my best friend. More if you want to be. You’ve trusted me this far. Let me see you through to the end.”
I shove him away from me. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“You can kiss me.”
He grins like he’s won a ride on Santa’s sleigh, and his lips meet mine like the raging storm I’ve longed for.
My whole body comes alive as I let all my problems fade to tomorrow and focus on us. Here. Now. Together.
For the first time, I’m not scared. Zain gives me hope.
Chapter 33
When my alarm goes off, all I can think is snooze. It feels too good having Bray in my arms, sleeping next to me, her head on my bare chest. The auburn tendrils making wave patterns against my pale skin.
Five minutes later, my alarm sounds again. One more snooze. Yeah, I’ll be late to practice, but it’s so worth it. Besides, I’m giving Bray a few more precious minutes of warm sleep before I banish her to the attic.
At five minutes after six, I’m the last one to roll into the gym.
“Abner, you’re late,” Coach says.
“Sorry, sir. Had trouble getting the car started this morning.”
I’ve never told so many lies in my life. I need to stop this craziness. Maybe now that Bray has let me in, I can stop the fibbing, except to my parents. I want to keep her safe. And to do so, I have to lie to them.
I hop in line behind Theo for suicides. Sebastian and I had made some progress in being able to communicate, but yesterday morning changed that. It doesn’t help that I feel incredibly guilty for kissing Bray and having her in my arms when I woke up this morning.
“You’d better watch out.” Theo lifts his right leg behind him and stretches his quad. “He’s on a rampage this morning. He was waiting when I got here and asked where you were.”
“He’s pissed at me for the wrong reasons. I’ll talk to him after practice.”
“If he doesn’t kill you first.”
I scoff. Sebastian has had the upper hand the past two times only because I wasn’t prepared. I don’t want to beat his ass, but I will if I have to.
Luckily, Sebastian stays as far away as possible the entire practice and attempts to leave before stretching.
I grab his hand as he goes for his gym bag. “You need to stretch, then we’re talking this out. You need to know what’s going on.”
He jerks his hand away. “Oh, I know what’s going on.”
“No, you don’t. You have it all wrong. So, get your head out of your ass and go stretch.”
Theo lingers around after everyone else leaves, and Sebastian takes the bag of balls to Coach’s office.
“We’re good, man,” I tell Theo. “Go on home.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, if he tries to mess with me again, I’ll take him down.”
Theo shakes his head and laughs. “Later, man. And Merry Christmas. I can’t believe Coach is giving us a few days off right before the tournament.”
“Me neither.”
Theo fistbumps Sebastian at the door. I grab my bag, take a deep breath, and walk to the hallway—to either my doom or his. Maybe, just maybe, we can talk this out and put a band-aid on our fractured relationship. He’s always been like a brother to me.
“Why don’t we head to Hattie’s Cafe and have a cup of coffee?” I say.
Pools of black and blue hang above his cheeks. “Honestly, Zain.” A blood vessel bulges in his forehead when he speaks. “What’s the point? You won. You knocked her up. You want to know what bothers me the most?”
He’s not going to listen to me. He’s surrendered. In our thirteen years of friendship, Sebastian has been the most stubborn of the three of us. When he makes up his mind, he sticks to it, no matter what kind of evidence is presented that should sway him to the truth.
<
br /> I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at the ends in frustration. “For once in your life, listen to me. Listen and comprehend what I say. What I said earlier is the truth. You have it all wrong.”
“Oh, so the photo is some other dude’s baby?”
“I don’t know what photo you’re referring to, but yes.”
He curls his fingers into angry cannonballs. “I knew she was a slut.”
My fist responds automatically before my brain does. Crack. His nose immediately swells, and red fluid gushes, turning the white tile floor into a pool of blood. Sebastian’s hand covers his face as he tumbles to the ground.
He so deserved it.
I pull a towel from my gym bag and lean down, catching the dripping blood.
“That really hurt,” Sebastian whines.
“That’s what you get for calling Bray a slut.”
“Don’t you call a spade a spade?”
“Shut up, or I’ll break something that may cause you to warm the bench for the rest of basketball season.”
“Just go away. Our friendship is over.” He tries to stand but immediately falls back down.
I grab his hands and help him.
He slaps my arm away. “I said go away.”
“Sebastian, I’m not going anywhere until you listen to me.” I have to tell him the truth. Bray is going to be pissed, but I’ve got to do it.
Air fills my lungs. I’m sorry, Bray. “It’s not my baby. It’s her foster father’s.”
Sebastian gasps and leans over, placing his hands on his knees. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Don’t you feel great about yourself now?” I pat his back.
“I think I can go for that cup of coffee.”
“I can’t believe it,” Sebastian says, pouring a boatload of sugar into his coffee. “She has to forgive me.”
I take a bite of my cinnamon roll. Gooey icing slides down my chin. “I think that ship has sailed, brother. She feels pretty deserted by you. And now that I’ve spilled the beans, she’s going to feel betrayed by me.”
He hits himself on the forehead, causing a tiny trickle of blood to leak out of his swollen nose. “I need to talk to her.”
“Give it a couple days.” I’m not going to let him weasel his way back into her life.
“Zain, please. Let me talk to her. I know her. She needs me.”
I bit my lip. “She wants nothing to do with you.”
“Why not?”
“Look, this isn’t something you can sweep under the rug.” I clang my fork on the table, causing other diners to look our way. “She’s dealing with difficult issues, way more than the average human being has to deal with. You couldn’t face it that she didn’t trust you enough to tell you the truth.”
He slams his back against the booth. “But she can tell you?”
“Because I don’t pressure her. I gave her time and was there for her, no questions asked. She opened up to me after I earned her trust. If you hadn’t pushed her, I’m sure she would’ve told you.”
“So, you guys are like together now? Or have you been all along?”
“I don’t know what we are, but I’ll be honest with you; I care about her a lot. And I have for a while, but you’re my best friend, and I never once acted on those feelings. It’s a different story now.” Maybe he can accept it, and I won’t have to feel guilty.
He rubs his eyes. “So, I kicked her out and you swoop in to play the hero.”
His loss is my gain. “Why don’t you stop by Christmas afternoon.” I lean forward, placing my elbows on the table. “Maybe she’ll be in the spirit to listen.”
Chapter 34
When Zain got home from basketball practice, Mrs. Abner wanted a tour of the attic. Seeing it was done save for a few boxes, she declared they’d spend the morning taking unwanted items to donation centers.
With a bit of quick thinking, Zain taped up a few empty boxes and blocked the alcove, declaring they contained family memorabilia he hadn’t found a spot in the house for yet.
Since I can’t leave, I’ve been on Zain’s iPad going through social media. Now I understand why Zain said Sebastian was being a douche. It’s hard to read all the horrible things he said about me. Then something weird happens. The posts go away. I check the sidebar to see a green light by Sebastian’s name, and open the chat box.
Maybe I shouldn’t message him. I’m on Zain’s profile since Sebastian blocked me. I needed to know how he’s doing after finding out I’m pregnant. Luckily, none of his posts mentioned that.
VIA TO
You okay?
TO VIA
No, man. I really fucked it up. You think she’ll forgive me?
I glance at the Bible I found while sorting the final box. It’s bound in red leather with a woman’s name embossed in gold. She wrote tons of notes in the margins and used the Bible as storage for pressed flowers and loved ones’ funeral cards.
Half the Bible is highlighted and underlined, making me wonder how her system is useful. She obviously thinks the whole book is important. Still, it was entertaining to read the passages she went to town on. Coincidentally, many of them were about forgiveness.
Though I’m not sure if God exists, the thought of redemption for those who are truly sorry is appealing.
VIA TO
She already has.
He responds with a crying SpongeBob emoji, and I’m tempted to invite him over to explain Zain’s not at fault and what the truth is, but I can’t be seen here.
TO VIA
Tell her I love her, and I’m sorry.
I wipe my tears.
VIA TO
Okay.
His shift in attitude makes no sense. He goes from yelling at me to punching Zain to apologizing. Maybe Theo had enough and called him out on his crap. He has always been the peacemaker of the group.
TO VIA
And tell her to be happy, though I guess she is if she’s with you.”
VIA TO
It wasn’t planned, but she is.
TO VIA
And I’m sorry about your face.
I send him a GIF of a guy with multiple double chins.
As it’s loading, the iPad dies, so I have no way of knowing if it went through. Hopefully, Zain won’t be too mad I impersonated him, though the conversation was really for me.
I return to the Bible as my sole source of entertainment until footsteps ascend the stairs.
“It’s me,” Zain whispers.
I crawl out. “Is that a heater?”
He nods and plugs it in.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lift myself to his lips. “Thank you.”
He holds my hips and kisses me back. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Wait until my stomach gets huge.”
“Hey,” Zain says, “big stomach, big boobs.”
I laugh so loud I start coughing, and he has to pop open a soda. I take a swallow, but before I’m settled, his mom is here, staring at us with her hands on her hips.
“You didn’t ask to have a friend over,” she says.
My smile drops. Oh, crap. I should’ve stayed in my hiding place. I glance to make sure it’s still tucked away, but it isn’t. The boxes are to the side and the sleeping bag dangles out.
When I look back, she’s eyeing it and moving forward. She pulls out the sleeping bag. The Bible slides off.
Zain takes my hand and squeezes it. All I can do is drink the soda and wait for all hell to break loose.
“She’s been helping me,” Zain says. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“It looks like she’s been sleeping here for days.”
She points to the Rolling Stones t-shirt I’m wearing. “I’m pretty sure I washed that.”
“I’m homeless,” I blurt. There’
s no point in lying. “I got kicked out and stayed at a homeless shelter, but then I saw a person I had sent to prison, and I was too scared to stay there. Zain saw me, and I begged him to help me and not say anything. It’s not his fault. He’s just being a good friend.”
She touches her face and shakes her head. “I didn’t even get half of that.”
I take a deep breath and start again. This time at a speed humans can understand. My palms are sweating, but Zain doesn’t move.
Mrs. Abner purses her lips. She’s going to kick me out. Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? My nose stings as tears bubble. I have no place to go. And I thought things were turning around. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Every time I get comfortable. I should’ve known we’d get caught. Now Zain will be in trouble.
I slide free from his hand, unwilling to make this worse by making her think we’re together, though I guess we sort of are, even if we haven’t defined our relationship.
“Who in their right mind would kick a child out in the middle of winter? I oughta call and have them arrested for child neglect.”
I gasp for air. She’s on my side. Just like that. It feels so good, but I can’t have her take down Beth or screw up my chances of seeing Milo.
“It’s more complicated than that,” I tell her, “but Zain’s been helping me figure it out.”
“Well, come downstairs,” she says. “If you’ve been slaving away up here, I’m sure you could use a cup of hot cocoa.”
“Really?” I thought she would make me go out in the snow, not offer me refreshments.
“Yep, and you can use my heating pad. A floor can’t be good for muscles. You’ll stay the night, and we’ll figure out a plan. No escaping, you hear me?”
“Loud and clear, Mrs. Abner. Thank you.”
She heads downstairs.
I squeeze Zain’s arm. “Pinch me.”
He smiles and kisses me instead.
Chapter 35
“Mrs. Abner,” Bray says, “really, thanks. After Christmas, I’ll figure out my options. I appreciate you letting me stay here until I do.”
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