“Zain, I haven’t picked adoption yet.”
“I thought—”
“I wanted to enjoy Christmas without thinking about it, but Christmas is over. I didn’t want to include you in my decision, but it does affect you. What do you—”
Zain puts his finger over my lips. “I want you. That’s all that matters to me. Pregnant. Not pregnant. You’re still you. If you really want my opinion, I’ll give it to you, but don’t feel like I’m going to resent you for whatever you decide.”
My eyes swell. He’s the person I need, the guy Sebastian couldn’t be, and it feels incredible to have him.
He begins to speak again, but I silence him with a kiss and lower our bodies to the attic floor. I take off his shirt, feeling his muscles.
He lowers himself on top of me as I run my hand over his back. We’re breathing heavy, all emotion and lust.
“I want you,” I say in a breathless voice.
He takes my mouth, nibbles my lower lip, and gropes my breast. The weight of his body is too much. It reminds me of Percy, the last person I want to think of. I push against his chest.
“I need on top.”
He doesn’t question me. He rolls over.
“I wanna rassal,” Milo says.
I sit up. “How’d you find me?”
“Izzy.” Milo sprints toward me with clawed hands. “Rarr.”
Zain searches the floor for his shirt. I toss it to him, soaking in the last few seconds of him without one. He’s so muscular but smooth and soft. He clears his throat. “I should go to bed.”
Milo tugs his sleeve. “Bedtime story.”
“I’ll read to you, bubba.”
“No! Zain.”
Zain looks at me and laughs. “Looks like I’m the favorite.”
“Shut up.”
“Okay, Milo,” Zain says. “Pick something out, and I’ll be down in a minute.”
Milo runs downstairs. “Potter! Potter! Zain’s gonna read us a bedtime story.”
“Cute little cock blocker,” Zain says, helping me up.
“The cutest.”
Zain squeezes my butt and kisses me again. “Night, Bray.”
“Night.”
Zain walks ahead of me and apologizes to Izzy in the playroom before heading to Potter’s room.
“Do you love him?” Izzy says once I’ve laid down.
“Zain?”
“Yeah.”
Heat warms my cheeks. “Mhmm.”
“And Sebastian?”
“I thought I did, but things change. People change.”
“I thought I loved Percy,” she says.
Thought. Past tense. I try not to smile. “I know. It’s okay.”
“Sorry about the abortion thing.”
“I’m considering it,” I tell her. “But hearing the heartbeat makes it harder to decide. I know it’s a baby now, and there are people who want kids and can’t have them. I just don’t know if I can make it through the pregnancy when people start staring. I don’t want to think about the father.”
“Does Sebastian know that it’s Percy’s?”
“Yeah.”
“And he didn’t want you anymore?”
I take a second, knowing what she’s really asking. Will anyone want her?
I pat my lap, and Izzy lies down so I can comb through her hair the soothing way Beth does when one of us is upset.
“That’s not why we broke up. The right boy will take his time with you and show you he loves you. He’ll care that you’ve been hurt, but it won’t change how he feels about you.”
“Like Zain?”
“Exactly like Zain.”
She rubs her eyes, though I don’t see any tears. “Thanks, Brayleigh.”
“You’re welcome. Try to get some rest. This is only the beginning.”
Chapter 41
“I’ll take care of the dishes, Mrs. Abner,” Bray says after breakfast the next morning. All of us sat around eating pancakes and bacon and sharing our favorite part of Christmas this year.
I got a little cheesy and said Bray being here, but it’s true.
My mom brings in a stack of plates from the dining room table. “You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s the least I can do.” Bray takes the plates from Mom’s hands. “Go finish reading that romance book we keep interrupting you in.”
“Oh. I can go for that. Thank you.” She walks toward the sunroom then pauses before opening the door. “Zain, help her. And when you’re done, you two come in here. I have something I want to talk to you about.”
She turns and faces everyone else in the family room who are piled on the sofas watching Home Alone. I’m so over Christmas movies. “You guys go watch that upstairs,” Mom says. “I need peace and quiet.”
The twins grumble, but everyone heads upstairs except Izzy.
“Izzy, go upstairs with everyone else,” Bray says.
“But I’m not a kid.”
Bray pauses and looks Izzy up and down. “You’re not, are you? When did you grow up?”
“I’m only one year younger than you. I’ll be seventeen in twenty-three days.”
Bray hugs her. “I think Mrs. Abner wants to talk to us in private. So, go upstairs and keep an eye on Milo and Potter. The twins are not very observant.”
“It’s because they don’t care.” Her eyes spiral. “They’re brats.”
“The twins or Milo and Potter?”
“The twins. Sorry, Zain.”
I playfully swat her with a dish rag. “Oh, I agree with you there. But just yesterday, I thought you were a brat, too.”
She flares her nostrils then smiles. “I deserve that.”
After Izzy leaves, Bray asks, “What do you think your mother wants to talk about?”
I shrug.
“You don’t think someone heard us in the attic last night? Are you sure they don’t have any hidden cameras around?”
I laugh then rub the wrinkles from her worried forehead. “No one heard us except your bad-timing little brother.”
She leans over and puts the last plate in the dishwasher.
Running my hands up the sides of her hips, I wrap my arms around her and pull her butt toward me. “I’ll have to thank Mom for making me do the dishes with you.”
She turns and swats me with the dish rag.
“Shut the door,” Mom says when we enter the sunroom.
I didn’t think anyone heard us last night. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the twins were hiding out in the attic. They’re always willing to tattletale.
After shutting the door, I sit down on the love seat and lift Bray’s feet to my lap.
“Your dad didn’t want me to tell you this story, but I want to. I thought maybe it would help you, Bray.” She takes a deep breath and squinches her face. “I got pregnant when I was sixteen—the summer before my junior year and Mark’s senior year.”
Mom had me when she was twenty-six. She always tells the story of how she and Dad were high school sweethearts up until his senior year. Then they didn’t talk until they ran into each other at church after graduating from college. I guess I now know the reason they broke up.
My stomach clenches; everything I ate at breakfast might make its way back up.
“Zain?” she says. “Are you going to be able to handle this story? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I shake away the thoughts running through my head. “Sorry, just don’t know what to say to that. What happened?”
“My parents found out and made me have an abortion. That upset your father, and it’s the reason we broke up.” The grandparents I’ve never met.
“Your dad lost it. He started drinking and dealing weed, and he was in a severe state of depression. I couldn’t help him. He wouldn’t look a
t me or listen to me.
“Halfway through my junior year, my parents moved us to Ohio, and I finished high school there. I always wanted to come back, but I didn’t until I graduated college.
“Everything was so unresolved, and I couldn’t have a meaningful relationship with anyone. I thought moving back would help me face what happened.
“The truth is, I didn’t regret the abortion. And that’s what upset your father the most. In college, I was in a sorority. I had friends. I had boyfriends but nothing serious. I had a great time. I couldn’t imagine being tied down with a kid, and I knew it was the right thing.
“I never regretted my decision until Zain came along. That’s when the gravity of it hit me. I was depressed for the first few months of Zain’s life. Maybe it was postpartum; I don’t know. I just know I was grieving. And even though Mark and I were married, I don’t think he forgave me until I finally regretted it.”
Bray lifts her feet and sits up, squeezing my hands.
“I’m not really telling this to you, Zain. But if you guys are going to date, it’s important that you support Bray with her decision, no matter what it is. And Bray, I’m not telling you this to try to say that abortion shouldn’t be an option. I’m just sharing my own personal experience, and how I didn’t regret my decision until many years later.”
She walks over and kneels in front of Bray. “No matter what your decision is, you will live with it. It may haunt you day in and day out. Making the wrong one for yourself out of fear isn’t something you’ll ever forget.”
She kisses Bray on the forehead then leaves us alone, closing the door behind her.
I’m in shock from Mom’s admission. Bray wraps her arms around me and holds me. I’m the one who should be comforting her.
Chapter 42
When afternoon comes, we put on our coats and pile into the Abner’s large van. Allie complains about sitting next to the booster seat since it digs into her side and Potter likes to pick his boogers and smear them in her hair.
Milo has a loud Leap Frog toy he got for Christmas that gives me a headache, and we haven’t even left yet.
Izzy and Addie share a row, and Addie’s trying to play travel Scrabble, but no one wants to play with her. I slide into the second row that’s two separate chairs like the front row but without a console to separate them.
Zain pushes a button to slide our doors closed.
Mrs. Abner starts a movie, and Mr. Abner sets up the GPS.
I clutch my chair arms and take deep breaths. I want to get out and stay home because there are too many sounds, and my morning sickness is back, and my jeans feel too tight, and I’m twelve to fourteen weeks pregnant, and—
Zain touches my hand. “You okay?”
Mr. Abner backs out of the driveway, and the opening credits of Rudolf begin.
“I can’t do this.”
“Go to the tournament?”
“Have this baby.”
“You sure?”
I look at all the kids in the backseat, at what could be my life, and it’s not what I want now or anytime soon.
“I’m not ready for this.”
He squeezes my hand. “Okay.”
“Ha!” Addie says. “Twenty points. Beat that, Iz!”
I close my eyes and try to relax with Zain still holding my hand.
“Can we stop by a gas station? Bray needs some Sprite and crackers.”
He’s right, but I don’t know how he can tell.
We stop on the way, and it does help. As all the sounds meld into everyone singing Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, I have time to think about what Mrs. Abner said. About how she was glad she went to college without a kid, but her abortion had ruined her relationship with Mr. Abner, and when she was ready to have a kid, she felt the regret.
I touch my stomach, but I don’t feel connected. I can’t let myself because I don’t want to keep this baby and see it grow into someone resembling Percy. I want to move away from the past. But if there’s a possibility that I’ll never move on from it if I terminate the pregnancy, then I don’t want that either.
And then there are people like the prayer tree couple who desperately want a child. Can I let people see I’m pregnant and make assumptions, or even know the truth, if it means letting the baby live and giving a couple their dream life?
The dreams. The tree. The Christmas party. Mrs. Abner’s experience.
Crap. All signs point to toughing this out, but I just don’t know if I’m capable.
Zain touches my cheek, smiling at me, always offering support when I need it.
“What if I give it up for adoption?”
He grins. “I love that idea. But, Bray, I’m going to stick with you no matter what, okay? You’ve got a support system. You don’t have to do this alone.”
With his words, I become a blubbering mess. Mrs. Abner turns around and takes my hand. “Not to eavesdrop, but I know a couple I think you should meet. They’ll be at the game today if you’re up for it. Actually, you may have already met them.”
“Ethan and Bailey,” Mr. Abner says.
I cry harder.
“Sorry, dear,” Mrs. Abner says. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to see them today or at all.”
“No, it’s the hormones,” I say. “I was reading that Bible you gave me, and I thought I’d give God a shot. I told Him to make the answer clear to me, and now this. Maybe God doesn’t hate me, and the hard times are over.”
“God loves you, sweetheart,” Mrs. Abner says. “And I do too. Zain won’t be the only one to see you through this.”
Zain leans over and kisses my cheek.
Mr. Abner gives me a tissue from the console.
Maybe Reverend Hulbert was right. God does have a plan for me, and it’ll work out soon.
Chapter 43
I never played basketball for a girl in my life, but tonight, I played for Bray. And I had my best game ever in front of several college coaches.
I tap my phone. 1:19 a.m. I need to get some sleep, but my mind won’t shut down. It’s so hard to lie in bed knowing she’s just on the other side of my door. I can feel her in the other room. Seeing her breakdown in the car earlier makes me want to hold her. And when Bray said she wanted me last night, my heart exploded.
My door creeps open, and Bray walks in looking like a goddess bathed in the pale moonlight filtering in from my window. I think I’m imagining her, but I don’t have that great of an imagination.
“You’re still awake?” I say.
“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.” She locks my door.
Nope. Not imagining it. “Same.”
She crawls under the covers and rests her head on my chest, weaving her legs in mine. “Do you always sleep in just boxers?”
“Yep. I get hot when I sleep. I sleep without covers except during the winter.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“It is?”
“Yeah, because I’m always cold. You can be my heater, and I’ll be your air conditioning.”
“Okay, then. A.C. That’s your new nickname. Ace, for short.”
“I actually like that. An ace is always the best card, right?”
“Yep, Ace.”
“For tonight, I think I want you to sleep naked.” She clears her throat. “Yep, definitely want you to sleep naked based on what I just felt against my thigh.”
I laugh. “I’d be more than happy to sleep naked, Ace. As long as you sleep naked with me.” I pull her closer and our lips meet.
I lose myself in her, more than I already have. She straddles me, and I sit up wanting to feel her as close as possible through our clothes.
“I want you, Zain,” she says like she did last night, only this time, her voice is coated in even more ecstasy.
I run my hands through her hair
, and she allows me full access to her throat. “Are you sure, Ace?”
“Yes, I need you.”
Placing my hands on her cheeks, I gaze into her eyes. It’s not just lust that fills them. It’s something else.
“Please, Zain. I need you,” she whines.
In her eyes, I recognize it.
She needs me to take it all away. To help her heal the years of pain. The years of abuse.
I do everything in my power to make her feel worthy. To make her feel beautiful. To show her what love is.
And we come together, two raging rivers colliding into one. The water surges between us, and we tumble over a magnificent waterfall and end in calm, soothing waters.
I love this girl. And I think I have for a while now.
It was just after Thanksgiving last year when she walked into homeroom for the first time. Our eyes met and she had me then. Because of Farren, I pushed that magical attraction aside. Then Sebastian came along, and I tried to forget about it.
But now, it’s our time.
Chapter 44
It’s day two of the tournament, and having seen Sebastian and Zain play every game this year, I have to say Zain has never played better. Zain’s being weird, though. He meets my eyes and points at me every time he shoots and the ball goes in, like he wants everyone in the stadium to know he’s playing this game for me.
My cheeks are on fire when Izzy nudges me. “Your boyfriend is in love with you.”
“We aren’t official yet.”
“Official enough for me to say I’m happy for you, but girl, you’re gonna miss Sebastian’s hot bod.”
“You take him,” I say, glad she’s coming off her delusions of Percy and interested in someone more appropriate. I might not like the idea if Sebastian were the let’s have sex type, but knowing from experience he’ll keep it in his pants, a year and a half age difference isn’t too bad. Besides, even if she has a crush on him, Sebastian has never shown any interest in her—unless I count the time he swung me into a locker, but I try not to remember him at his worst.
Zain passes to Theo. His shirt rises just a bit, and I remember all his clothes off—how good it felt to be with him and feel loved like that, when all other times were a nightmare come to life. I’m so fixated on the memory that I don’t notice the ball go in until the Knights side of the bleachers stand and cheer.
Unwrap My Heart Page 16