“Just eat your fucking steak.” She winced again and almost tossed her creamer at him. But then the waitress came and put their plates in front of them. She had the steak and eggs with an extra side of toast because she loved dipping her toast in her eggs. Liam got the same thing, with a side of pancakes, as well as strawberry topping with whipped cream.
Her mouth watered just looking at it, and she almost ordered a side herself, but she knew she wasn’t even going to finish her lunch, let alone an extra side of pancakes.
The two of them didn’t talk about anything that was important, just about skiing and the antics of Liam’s siblings. He had three siblings just like she did, but unlike her, he was the oldest.
She didn’t know her cousins as well as she would like, but they all tried to stay in touch with social media. It didn’t matter that all of them lived in the same state, they were all adults and had jobs, so it was hard for them to get together in person. It was only when there were big family groupings and gatherings that they got to meet up. Those were few and far between these days.
As soon as they finished, Liam paid, and she growled at him. But when they actually did get to go out to eat after one of their trips into the mountains, he always paid for her. She didn’t know if it was pity or if it was just the fact that he was a male and that’s what he liked to do. But she’d likely always argue with him because she enjoyed doing it.
He had to leave, so she went grocery shopping on her own because she was an adult and she could do this. Just because she had been ignoring what was important didn’t mean that she would always do that. She was just having a bad time of it. But she could do this. After she’d picked up her staples, she went home, put everything away, and ordered even more groceries to get her by for a little bit longer. She just didn’t want to deal with humans, didn’t want to deal with the public. So, she didn’t. And then, knowing she was sweaty and gross and probably shouldn’t have been out in public like she was, she got into her shower and let the tears fall. Because she hurt. She hurt so damn much.
This time, it wasn’t the pain in her legs or her side or her lungs. This time, it was the hollow emptiness that seemed to grow into a cavern in her body. She didn’t want to die, but she didn’t want to live like this anymore. She just didn’t know the alternative.
She didn’t know anything.
So, she let the tears fall, let them rack her body as she fell to the floor of the shower, crying until the spray grew cold and she had to wash out the conditioner in her hair using ice-cold water. But it woke her up enough that she could finish her shower and know that she would be okay. Because there wasn’t another option.
And when she stood naked in front of her mirror, she wiped the rest of the tears from her face and put on her face cream and the rest of the things that helped her shield from the rest of the world, and knew that she would find a way to be okay. Because she had to be. She had to be brave.
Even if there wasn’t a brave bone in her body.
She missed him.
She missed Carter so much.
And she couldn’t help but wonder why she’d let him walk away.
Chapter 7
Carter cursed as he scraped his knuckles against the engine he was working on before he pulled away, resisting the urge to put his mouth on the newly bleeding wound. He didn’t need grease, dirt, and bacteria on it, and he sure as hell didn’t need any of that in his mouth.
He wasn’t supposed to be working on engines that day. Instead, he should have been in his office working on the mounds of paperwork that he still had to get through. He was so far behind on everything that he needed to do it was getting ridiculous, but one of his men had called in sick, and that meant he had to work on this engine. And then he had to work on an oil change, then maybe a couple of additional cars, and then he could take his work home—at least to the home that he was living at for the moment. And he would sleep with his paperwork surrounding him, the sad state of exactly what he was doing with his life like oil on the skin.
It had been a month since he walked out of the only home that had truly been a place that he could call that. He hadn’t seen Roxie since, their schedules making it so he could get anything he needed from the house without having to bother her with his presence. She hadn’t asked him where he was staying, but he had a feeling she knew, especially since he’d told her where he planned to start out, just not where he’d ended up. They were friends with the same people, but they were all doing their best not to talk about exactly what was going on. He hadn’t seen any of the other Montgomerys since he left. Hadn’t heard their words, didn’t know if they hated him for what he had done. He owed them the courtesy of speaking to them and letting them know that as long as Roxie was okay, nothing else mattered. But he didn’t know how to go about that. He knew that he likely wouldn’t be getting another tattoo from a Montgomery, wouldn’t be finishing the piece on his back he’d been working on for over a year.
He knew he wouldn’t be walking into the bakery again, wouldn’t be getting a cup of coffee and one of the cinnamon rolls that he loved. He probably wouldn’t even be going into the tea shop owned by one of their friends. He wouldn’t be picking out a blend that he knew Roxie liked whenever she was stressed out and needed to calm down.
He wouldn’t be doing any of that. His friends were still friends of her family, but other than the men at his shop, he really didn’t have any connections that weren’t also hers. But that shouldn’t have mattered because he should have been able to make it work with her. He should have been able to make it work so he didn’t feel like he was doing everything wrong.
But ever since that night, ever since the loss that had changed everything, he hadn’t been able to say the right words. And then he hadn’t been able to find any words to say at all.
“Boss, you need help with that?”
He looked over at Anthony, one of his newer hires, and shook his head. “I’m doing fine, I’m just going to wash my hands and take care of this cut in the back. Can you take a look at this if you have a second? That way, I can make sure I don’t screw anything else up.”
Anthony nodded and hopped over. He was young, energetic, and made Carter feel ancient. Not that Carter was old, far from it. But these days, between the limp that he had whenever he got too tired, to his sleepless nights, and the fact that he felt like hell most days, he could have sworn he was in his eighties not his thirties.
“You’re not screwing anything up, boss. I don’t know why you think that.” Anthony started humming to himself, his head down as he went back to work.
Of all of his men, Anthony was the only one who hadn’t met Roxie. So, he didn’t know what was going on in Carter’s life. Of course, none of the other men truly knew either, but they had all heard that Carter was no longer sleeping at home. Carter didn’t think that anyone knew there were actually divorce papers in play, but they did know that he was currently sleeping in Landon’s guest room.
Carter had tried to move out a couple of weeks before, but Landon wouldn’t have it. The man was a broker and used to be a financial planner, and it seemed he was going back to the latter soon. He refused to let Carter leave the house without a plan.
And considering that Carter didn’t have a plan, other than to try and not fuck up his life any more, and not hurt Roxie in the process, he had just let Landon take over.
That probably meant that he needed to grow some balls, but he didn’t really know what else to do. So, he stayed in Landon’s guest room and tried not to take up too much space, just going about his day-to-day business. He needed to save some money, needed to just figure out what the fuck to do.
He just wasn’t good at it, damn it.
And…he really needed those balls.
Carter went to the bathroom of his office and washed his hands before putting some ointment on his knuckles and bandaging them up. He had gotten an infection the first year he’d been working as a mechanic, and now he was doubly careful not to mess with
his skin. Plus, his body might have healed from the fire, but he knew that one misstep could fuck everything up. He didn’t have to fight the infection on his wounds anymore because those had all healed, but he still got achy in the mornings, and when it got really cold, he could feel it in every single bone and in every little tug on his skin. Thankfully, his wounds hadn’t been as bad as he had thought at first. And for that, he was grateful. Because if it had been any worse, he didn’t know what he would have done. He didn’t know if he would have been able to stay at Roxie’s—hell, at their place—any longer than he had. Yeah, he would have needed to if his healing required it, but thankfully, he hadn’t. And he sure as hell didn’t know what he would’ve done if he’d had to stay away from the shop any longer than he had been forced to.
Because he was working himself to the bone, trying not to lose the only thing he had left. He had put everything he had into this place before he found Roxie. He’d done the same thing when he tried to put all of himself into their lives, only it hadn’t worked out. His shop was in the black, but just barely. If he missed any more days or got any more behind, they’d be in the red, and that loan paperwork would start to curse at him and haunt his sleep.
Carter really didn’t want to deal with that, didn’t want to lose everything he had left.
So, he’d fight for this, even though he had tried to fight for everything else and failed.
And that was enough of that. This whole poor-me situation was really getting to him, and he just needed to work and not think about anything else.
Of course, as soon as he thought that, he walked out and saw Landon and Ryan with their coats on, looking completely opposite of one another.
Landon had one of those knee-length, black coats on that looked double-breasted like a peacoat and was very fancy. He looked like he should be walking down the streets of New York rather than into a mechanic shop in Colorado Springs. Ryan had on an old, beat-up leather jacket with the collar of his flannel showing. They both had tattoos, but Ryan’s were far more visible. Landon did his best to hide his from the rest of the world since not everybody trusted their money with a man who had tattoos. Carter had a feeling that, eventually, his friend would say fuck it all and get a hand tattoo or something as equally in your face just to mess with people. Because that was Landon, he would screw with people if they tried to judge him.
“What are you guys doing here?” Carter asked, walking up to them. He held out his hand and gave each of them one of those half-hugs that he didn’t really understand.
“We’re taking you to lunch.”
Carter raised a brow. “Seriously? You never come here to take me to lunch.”
“That’s not quite true,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “We’ve tried, but you were always in your office on the phone dealing with some distributor or another or were too busy. But this time, we’re not taking no for an answer. We will kidnap you if needed.”
“And while I may look slender and very suave, I can still kick your ass.” Landon winked.
Ryan snorted, rolling his eyes. “Really? Who the hell calls themselves suave?”
Carter couldn’t help but smile, the first real one to cross his face in what felt like far too long. “You’re both idiots.”
“So? Though if we’re honest, don’t you think that one of us is far more of an idiot than the other?” Landon said it with such a sophisticated tone, one that almost bordered on sneering, that Carter nearly punched his friend and roommate in the face.
Landon had done so much for Carter, and so had Ryan. The two of them hadn’t let him feel totally isolated and alone. But there was still a part of him that did. That was.
“I’ve got a lot of work to do today, guys.”
“So do we. And we don’t give a shit. You’re coming to eat lunch with us. We won’t even take an hour. But you’re going to have some food. And you’re going to actually have a conversation. And you’re going to try to not cover yourself in grease.”
“You guys…” But he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he shook his head and walked away, knowing he was beaten.
Because, frankly, he missed doing those things. Landon worked long hours like Carter. Plus, the man was dealing with his own relationship issues with Kaylee, not that Carter actually knew anything about it because Landon was worse than Carter at explaining himself and talking things through. Well, maybe not worse, but similar enough that it was eerie.
“Hey, guys, I’m going out to lunch. Handle the fort?”
Anthony and the others nodded, waving Carter off.
“Take your time, boss, it’s good to see you getting out and about.” The others glared at the younger guy as if they’d been talking about Carter behind his back. Hell, they probably had been. Anthony just shrugged it off and went back to the engine.
Carter shook his head, wondering what the hell he was going to do with these guys and the fact that they cared about him. He didn’t know how to repay the fact that they hadn’t let him feel alone. Just like Landon and Ryan were doing now.
The three of them walked to a local café that wouldn’t mind the fact that one of them was in a suit, the other in jeans with a flannel over a Henley, or that Carter was covered in grease. He’d tried to wash most of it off, but he knew it was futile most days.
He ordered a Reuben with a side salad since even though he really wanted some fries, he didn’t work out as much as he used to, and didn’t go on his walks or hikes with Roxie. Those were the times where he had worked out the most. That and being in bed with her…not that he was going to think about that. Nope, wouldn’t think about that at all.
“So, you want to talk about it?” Landon asked, playing with the ice in his Diet Coke.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You know that. I’m in your guest room.”
Ryan leaned forward, concern on his face. “You know Dimitri, Mace, and Shep would be here. I told them I was coming. But it’s going to get awkward. More than it already is. You know?”
Carter stiffened for a moment before giving his friends a tight nod. “I know. It’s not even them taking sides because there are no sides in this. There’s Roxie and her family, and then there’s me. A non-Montgomery. Never was, never will be. I get that. And you guys don’t have to take sides if you don’t want to either. Because Kaylee and Abby are both Roxie’s friends. So, if it gets awkward for the two of you, know I’m not going to judge you for that. Okay? I understand if you need to stand by your women.”
Landon held up a finger. “First, Kaylee is not my woman.”
“Bullshit,” Ryan coughed into his hand. Carter snorted but let Landon continue.
“And second, we are your friends. The others are your friends too, but they are literally married into the family or are blood. And I think once you actually sit down and talk to your wife, maybe we won’t have to take sides at all.”
Carter sighed. “Landon.”
“No, you need to talk to your fucking wife. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I do know that you were sullen and not thinking about anything but making sure she was okay. Because that’s the kind of guy you are. You’re the knight who does whatever it takes to protect his fair maiden. But your fair maiden needs a conversation. And so does the knight. Both of you deserve that. I just don’t understand it.”
“Landon,” Ryan said, his voice low. “We’re not here for that. You know it.”
Carter shook his head again. “There are things you don’t know.”
“Things you won’t tell us. But I get it, it’s hard. Believe me, I know. But if you’re just going to give up, then give up completely and move on. Or do something. Because it’s killing me to watch you like this. And it’s killing me to watch Roxie the way she is. Even though we don’t see much of her.”
Carter’s head shot up. “What?”
Ryan was the one who answered. “She’s basically cut herself off from the family, dude. She doesn’t come into the shop, doesn’t come in for tea or coffee. She’s miss
ed a couple of game nights and family dinners. She says it’s because of tax season, but Shea still comes.”
Shea was Shep’s wife and also an accountant. She had a little girl, as well. Carter barely resisted the urge to wince at that thought. A little girl. Dammit.
“So, you don’t know if she’s okay then?”
“Maybe if you asked her, you would know?” Landon snapped and then ran out of breath. “Sorry. I’m stressed about other things, and I’m taking it out on you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I probably deserve it.”
Ryan just looked between the two of them before looking like he was about to give up. “Roxie’s so far into her head it’s a little unnerving. Just like you. But I know the two of you will figure it out. Because you have to. I know you have to. Now, what I know about Roxie? She’s breathing a bit. Taking space for herself, I think. She’s off doing that cross-country thing with Liam.”
Carter didn’t know why, but his gut clenched. Who the fuck was Liam? And why did the fact that her going cross-country skiing—something she hadn’t wanted to do with him because she’d said she didn’t want to do it anymore or was too busy and would rather just spend time with him—hurt so much?
“Liam Montgomery,” Landon added, his voice low. “As in her cousin from Boulder.”
Carter did his best not to look like he was being in any way soothed by that sentence. Because if he were, then that would mean that it mattered whether or not she might be moving on. It shouldn’t matter. Because they were not living together anymore. They weren’t talking anymore.
They were going to get a divorce.
They were not Roxie and Carter anymore. If she wanted to go out with a man named Liam, then she should be able to. But the fact that Liam was her cousin helped just a little. Carter was going to be at least a little bit honest with himself, even if he didn’t actually say it aloud.
“I hate this.” He hadn’t meant to say that, but he was kind of glad that he did.
“We hate it for you, too.” Ryan’s words were soft, and the three of them paused in their conversation for a moment as they got their food.
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