"Where is it?" I frantically threw the lids off of every box on every shelf. There had to have been fifty or more. "There's nothing."
"That can't be."
I turned on him. "Was this a trick?" I accused. "Is that why you've gone along with everything?"
He stared, wordless.
I was about to come unnerved when I noticed something. "Wait a minute." Walking to the front corner, I ran my hand down the wall until it met the opposite side. "The building is longer than this." I grabbed the thin metal shelf shielding the wall and shoved it to the floor. Empty boxes and lids bounced across the concrete in a clatter. Ren watched, remaining silent, while I inspected the bare wall. When my search for a knob failed, I looked for pressure points.
"Ah-ha." Leaning against the wall just shy of the middle, something dislodged, releasing a hidden door. I pressed it inward, exposing a dark room.
"We should have lights." Ren disappeared, searching for a switch or button, trying to be relevant.
Standing in the musky darkness, I hoped for hope. If something was there, it would bear hope.
"Hope lives anywhere darkness blooms," I whispered to myself, needing to believe the words more than ever.
The lights overhead sparked until the bulbs buzzed alive. Ren appeared in the doorway. The entire wall in front of us was lined with bins. Approaching the first bin of many, I slowly removed the lid. Bright yellow seeds almost poured out of the top.
The side of the bin read 'Maize.'
I opened another bin on the same shelf. 'Lintels.' Cupping the round, light brown seeds in my hand, I listened to them tick tack tick back into the bin on the rest of the mound.
I took a step back, reading the labels: 'Carrots,' 'Wheat,' 'Sweet Potatoes,' 'Rice,' 'Strawberries'… There were so many more. It was like one thousand Christmases under one tree.
It didn't take long to search the first room, finding small, empty canisters.
"Here." I shoved some into Ren's arms, ignoring the guilt I felt from accusing him. "Fill them all."
"Just take the bins they're already in."
"I told you, we take only what we need."
Holding the tins up, he asked, "And how do we know what we need?"
"Two eastern clans need corn. Fill two. The Southern clan needs tomatoes." After a moment of thought, I garnered, "We all do. They produce well. Only fill three."
He was shocked. "You memorized what each clan needs."
"That's my job," I bit back, aggravated that he hadn't started filling yet. Exasperated, I turned to him. "Fill them."
He wanted to say something nasty in reply, thinking better of it. Rather, he turned around stiffly and began doing what I demanded.
It took longer than I'd liked to fill and label each canister. We took care to return the original bins to their rightful places, chemical packs in place. I debated taking some of the tiny packets, but they were only necessary when seeds sat for a long time, needing something to wick the moisture buildup while in storage. All of the seeds I was taking would be planted soon enough.
I upended my bag, dumping everything out. Other than the lopsided lump of soap and jar of clanship seeds, everything else stayed on the floor as I gently packed the new seeds in their place of honor.
Standing, I slid the heavy bag out of the room, taking one last glance at the amazing sight of hope. Thousands of seeds, different colors, different shapes, would offer many generations to come with the hope they needed to survive. To succeed.
Once we were finished, Ren helped shut the hidden door and place the dummy shelving and bins back in place. He turned the light off and we walked into the light of day, my pack heavier, my heart much lighter.
Ren closed the door. When he turned to me, I grabbed his face and pulled his lips gently down to mine. They were warm and dry. He couldn't have been more surprised had I lassoed the sun to earth and kissed it right there in front of him.
The world awoke into a place of magic and music. Birds hummed, and the wind swooned under our touch. What started as a gentle kiss accelerated into a full embrace. Our lips flirted in that space between firm and overpowering.
Had we stood there for a lifetime, it would have been too short. Hushing every firing neuron in my brain telling me to hang on to Ren like the last sunset, I forced myself to pull away. "Thank you," I said, grinning like an idiot.
He whispered, "You need to run." He must not have been paying attention to his grip because he was squeezing my bandaged wrist. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
His words scorched me to the core like a bolt of lightning as he warned, "They're coming."
"Who?"
"Men with guns."
I was immobilized by sickening waves of fear. How had the men with guns found me?
"Run!" he screamed.
When I jerked my wrist free, the bandage came off in his hand. I felt the first cool stir of air brush the perfect bite mark I had been hiding. As Ren's eyes fell to the angry, pus-filled abomination, his jaw dropped. The shock of my secret began sinking in. A bite was a death sentence. The sickness was transmittable.
He charged me. I back-peddled, really wishing I had my knives in that moment. Before he could reach for me a second time, I jabbed the hard edge of my palm into his wounded shoulder. It tore open.
Ren gasped, shielding his injury too late. When he brought his hand up from the soppy, devastated bandage, it was drenched in blood.
I expected to see a hint of deception cross his expression. Instead, he just looked broken.
He slowly reached his bloody hand out to me. "Trust me."
My mind and heart warred between running and taking his hand. It didn't take long, however, to remember my mission. To remember who I was.
As he dared take three steps closer, I inhaled a deep, cleansing breath, before kicking him in the knee. Rather than collapse, as I'd hoped he would, he accepted the full impact of the kick, lunging into me. His arms wrapped around my torso. The weight of the seeds in the bag on my back worked in his favor, as he knew they would.
Air was displaced as we hit the earth, leaving my lungs traumatized and empty. Wrestling free of the bag's strap, I coughed furiously, not taking one breath for granted.
"You told me to run," I reminded him once my lungs recovered.
We grappled on the ground. Ren tried to hold me down, though he was unable to keep me still for long.
"When do you ever listen to me?"
He was sure now that he had the upper hand.
It was a double-edged sword that we had to fight to be this close. To smell the natural musk of his unwashed hair. To wrap my legs around his waist, feeling his muscles flex. The heat of his breath across my cheek. It was laced with the grief of losing him. Of knowing that he was already lost to me, because he was fighting against a cause I'd gladly give my life to protect.
"You've been bitten. You're infected. You must come with us now."
"No!" I kicked him the moment he raised up, trying to pull me to my feet.
He grabbed my ankle, refusing to let go, and twisted it. I rolled out of the twist, kicking him again with my free leg. It was enough to loosen his grasp and hop to my feet.
A humming sounded through the woods. Something was coming.
Before I could run, he yelled, "You'll die!" Motionless, holding his shoulder, his voice cracked. "You'll disappear into the world and die out there, alone. It will swallow you."
Shocked by the tender emotions of his revelation, I was dumbstruck. He cared about me.
"That's…okay," I replied slowly. "That doesn't scare me."
"Well it scares the hell out of me, and nothing scares me."
"It's not your decision. This is my world."
He tried to move towards me again but stopped when he saw my muscles tense, anticipating my getaway. "It doesn't have to be."
"It does. This world needs me because it's beautiful and deadly, and I love it like a child who has a limitless future ahead of her. You can't und
erstand that." Gripping the rock I had hidden in my palm tighter, I held it behind my back, ready. Approaching him, I tried not to frown. "Thank you for being human with me," I said sincerely, right before I slammed the rock into the side of his head.
He collapsed, and I managed to catch his head, cradling it safely to the wiry grass.
A vehicle was just over the hill, behind a massive cluster of trees.
I snatched my bag of seeds off the ground and hugged it to my body. Ren began moaning, rubbing the side of his head. When his eyes opened, they were heavy with confusion. His mouth was moving but I didn't wait to hear what he was saying. My legs carried me on wings into the forest.
I ran hard. I did as he said before fear clouded his judgment. I ran far. So far, I made it to the camp where Darsha and Tish had hidden. They were shocked at my arrival as dusk loomed closely.
"She came for us!" Tish celebrated.
"Listen." I gathered the girls close. "You must leave here at first light. North."
"Why?"
"Without you?" Darsha asked.
"You have a job," I told them. "Take these seeds to the sacred tree and hide them. If I don't come for them by the last freeze, split them up between the clans in the area. Can you do that for me?"
Tish nodded. Darsha merely looked on with wide eyes.
"Can you do it?" I asked Darsha.
Looking from me to her sister, she gathered enough courage to sound convincing. "Of course we can."
"Thank you," I said, smiling at them.
I felt it was safe enough to start a small fire for the night. No one had followed me. I moved as quickly as I could with the extra weight of the seeds.
"We have squirrels." Tish held up two furry forms dangling from strings.
Proud of their mindfulness to stay strong, I instructed, "Find something to use for skewers and I'll open them up." I placed the meat on the sticks the girls collected and turned them evenly over the lapping flames of the fire for some time. The meat was extremely tender and felt good in our stomachs.
With full bellies, I said, "Now, let's get ready for bed."
Once we were tucked into the lean-to shelter, side-by-side, Tish pulled my dainty knife from her pocket. "Do you want it back now?"
I shook my head. "That's for you to keep. I'll have more made soon enough."
She beamed with pride, her little head burrowing into my arm. The knife was probably one of the nicest things she would ever own, besides the hat her mom made for her.
"Thanks." Darsha leaned her head against my right shoulder. "It makes us feel safe."
"Good."
Tish poked my arm. When I looked down, she held up a grey knit cap. "This is for you."
"Thank you so much."
The hat stretched over my hair, stopping just below my ears. It was a perfect fit.
I slept hard that night. The harrowing details of the day eroded into a dreamless void. I was thankful for the peace, because the thought of Ren finding his way into my dreams haunted the backs of my eyelids as they had grown heavy. His absence hadn't gone unnoticed by my heart.
When morning came, the girls shared a handful of baked pumpkin seeds, along with some of the jerky I had given them before.
"It's okay to eat them, right?" Tish asked of the pumpkin seeds. "Momma made them, but she wasn't sick. Not yet, anyway."
"They're safe to eat. And maybe your mom didn't get sick."
The little girl looked up, a smile spreading from ear to ear. "Do you really think she could be alright?"
"There's always hope."
Bounding to the tin for another piece of jerky, Tish hummed. While I didn't recognize the tune, it reminded me of the melody the sick woman had hummed in the clanship. It was hauntingly familiar.
Darsha appeared from a thicket of trees, hustling right for me.
Quietly, she whispered, "I was down the way and heard voices."
"What kind of voices?"
"Men talking to each other, looking for somebody."
No! Had the men with guns found us?
Putting the lid on the jerky tin, I handed it to Tish. Darsha hung the bag of seeds across her shoulder and wound her hands under it for extra support, as if a baby was strapped to the young girl.
"Go," I told them. "I'll lead them in the opposite direction."
"Will you be okay?" Tish asked.
Darsha was staying calm. I was proud of her.
"Always. Now go."
I shooed them out of camp and promptly poured water over the smoldering ash that had once been our fire. It wasn't long before I heard the voices Darsha had warned of. They were so much closer than I anticipated.
Leaving the lean-to camp, I stayed true to my word. I took off to the south, making sure to snap a few tree branches and pat down some leaves. If I gave them a trail they wouldn't have reason to follow the girls.
In the distance, voices yelled, giving directives. Above all others, I heard Ren.
Chapter Seven
"I heard something over here!" a voice barked.
I dug deep, finding it in my soul to move like a feral animal, all the while scanning for any signs of the men. Running faster was impossible. Between the twists and thickets, along with my tender feet and ill-fitted sandals, an escape felt hopeless.
My only chance was to keep moving, cross my own path a few times, and head towards Bleeker Clanship, as much as it gave me the shivers to ever think about seeing their sick again. I'll never think of a chicken the same way for as long as I live.
I reminded myself of a decent river crossing before the clanship. It would be safe. Maybe I would be able to avoid the clanship altogether.
While I dodged and zigzagged, my traitorous mind fell to Ren. Had he been a lie? Why were so many people after me? How had they gotten to the seed bank so fast, or known we were going to be there at all?
There was so much I didn't understand. All I had in my power was to keep moving, to walk and walk, churning these questions over and over until they garbled into a ball of mush.
It was bordering on mid-day and my feet were nothing more than overactive pain sensors when leaves swished in the distance, alarming me to someone's presence.
Immediately, I dropped to the ground, hovering on my haunches. My sable hair swung over my shoulder, and I twisted it until it tucked easily under the thin grey hat. When there was no sign of movement, I turned slowly, surveying all directions.
Voices echoed lightly from the south. They were stationary. That much, I could tell.
Creeping through the winding brush, under the dark, thick tree canopy, I took my time, not wanting to alert anyone to my presence. I had stopped manufacturing a trail for them to follow hours ago, once I was content that no harm would come to the girls and their mission.
On my belly, I slunk to the edge of the woods, still hidden amongst the mixed foliage. The crows continued their incessant squawking overhead. I had a clear view of a very compact opening, where the trees shied to the vast sky. And under the watchful eye of the clouds, I saw two men.
Ren being one of those men.
He sat on a fallen tree, his arms crossed, talking to the other man. His clothes were crisp and bright. The chestnut shirt told a different story than the one I had given him in place of his nice material. He wore new pants, as well. They looked like the pants the other men wore, with vertical pockets lining the sides.
The second man stood next to him, resting a large rifle against his shoulder, dressed in camouflage with a shaved head. I had never seen him before in my life, but I didn't like that man.
The rippling of water caught my ear right before the murder of crows overhead took to the sky, shrills of danger echoing through the forest as they escaped the disturbance.
That's all it took. I knew someone had been tracking me. Their voices spoke low, carried on the wind to the doorstep of my fear.
There wasn't enough time to make it to the proper crossing. I had to make it to the river right now. The crossing nearby
would be too wide, the water deep and tumultuous, but it would have to do.
In that solitary moment, I wished I was a better swimmer.
Without a backward glance, I burst from the safety of the woods onto a thin path, in tune only with the sound of the water. It was as if it called to me, promising safety. And I answered. Every footstep pounded the ground, the pain nothing more than a distant annoyance.
"Jolee?" a familiar voice called.
Bodies hustled behind me. There was no time to see how many. Only one mattered. Only one would fight with all of his being to keep me from disappearing into the forest again.
"Stop!" he demanded.
My legs powered through. Even as the muscles constricted and burned, I refused to slow down. I refused defeat. It wasn't until the trees parted and I saw water that my left foot sunk into a dip in the earth, wrenching my kneecap. I tumbled head over heel.
The pain was immediate, my leg brutalized.
"Aahhh!" Had I screamed out of pain or frustration?
"Come back!" Ren's pleas boomed through the pain. He was extremely close now.
Springing to my feet, I limped until the earth turned to slick rock underfoot. My knee throbbed and a sickness burrowed into my stomach. The kind that warned of serious injury.
Turning, I faced the glorious rush of water. And it was glorious. Everything about it. The ability to mask, to nurture, to heal. The drop from the rock formation was no less than twenty feet, but the river was deep here. Deep enough.
Ren's voice was directly behind me when he ordered, "Jolee, stop."
"No." I spun to face him, the river at my back. Balancing the brunt of my weight on one leg, I yelled, "Who are you?"
He held his hands out to his sides, a sign of surrender. "I'm still me."
"Why?" I wanted to sound more articulate. Everything sounded strangled and raw.
"They knew you were coming to the outpost. I was supposed to bring you in."
"Instead, I took you. You let me take you."
He nodded. "The lure of adventure was a greater reward."
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