by J. K Harper
The sky lowered more, deepening the dark around them. The creek gently bubbled beneath the bridge as Haley talked. Cortez hadn't said a word or even moved. A single glance at his face told her he was working hard to keep his tension in. "We did really well,” she went on. “Really, really well. People thought we were wunderkinds, but it's just that we got really lucky. For two years, we made really good money.” Her voice got softer as she talked. It was hard to tell the story, to share how naive and dumb she'd been, but she wanted Cortez to know everything. “We talked about the house we would buy, fancy cars we would get, just how amazing it was to finally have some money. I could help my parents, we could save for college for the kids we planned to have one day”—Cortez's face twitched at that, but he still stayed silent—“and we'd be just fine. I was working crazy hard, but he was too. He not only came up with all the ideas, he did all the marketing and advertising, and of course he was the face because it was his name. In social media and everything, he was the one talking about the books like he was the sole author. No one knew we were a team. No one knew that I was the one who actually wrote them. He's really not a very good writer—he just has creative ideas. And I just didn't realize at the time that being the writer, the one who brought life to those ideas, was a very important part of the process. The most important part, really. Without my words, there would be no books."
She caught Cortez slowly curling and and uncurling his fingers, as if fists were ready to punch out of him but he was trying so hard not to. She looked at the dark ribbon of icy water below them as she went on. This part, she had to force out. It still hurt. Not because she missed Justin. Never. What hurt was the realization of how badly she had been played and betrayed.
"To make a long, ugly story short, about a year ago I found out the hard way that Justin was not the person I had made him out to be since I was fifteen years old. I finally saw him for who he really was. He and another writer online had started collaborating, without me knowing. Then he met a woman in real life and they were having an affair. By that point he knew the other writer would be able to write books for him as well as me, or so he said. And he was in love with this other woman he'd met, or so he said. One day when I came home, he had divorce papers ready for me to sign. He was done with me, ready to move on. It totally blindsided me.”
Cortez still didn't say a word. She didn't look at him in case steam was coming out of his ears.
“He said he was really sorry, but it just wasn't fair to me that he couldn't give me the life I'd always thought we would have together. He said he didn't want to hurt me that way. I was sobbing, just completely hysterical with shock. I'd been with this guy since I was a kid.” She huffed out a short, sharp laugh. “But eventually I signed the divorce papers because he wore me down, and frankly, he was just so damned nice about it. So considerate.” The word came out of her mouth in a sarcastic way. “The way he made it seem was like he was just being so kind to me. That he was only thinking of me, not wanting to hurt me anymore. Divorcing me was the kindest, most compassionate option, he said. And I totally bought it."
Shaking her head for the millionth time at how dumb she'd been, she chanced a quick glance at Cortez. His face was like solid granite in the faint light from the lamps on the bridge.
"I figured I'd be okay financially speaking, because I had my share of the money from the books, right?" Another snort of laughter, again short and pained. "No. I was so, so stupid. As it turned out, everything was in his name. Everything. He copyrighted the books under his name, bank accounts that I thought were joint were only in his name, the one car we owned was in his name. Every damn little thing was in his name.” She swallowed. Naked, frightened vulnerability smothered her as she told this part of the story. Such a dumb little girl she had been back then. “I had been so blindly in love that I just didn't realize it. I didn't realize he was an utter monster who'd calculated everything. It took me a long time to understand that he had emotionally abused me for years, so that I thought I deserved nothing and he deserved it all. He left me with nothing. Literally nothing.” She shifted on her feet, half wishing she could just run away, half wanting to finish the story fast so she could see what Cortez would think of her now. “Maybe worst of all, I didn't realize that when I signed the divorce papers that I was signing away my rights. They said I'd never contest him for anything, and I stupidly signed. Probably because I was in shock and I didn't even read them, but that was no excuse. I had to move back in with my parents for six months. Honestly, I was basically comatose during that time.”
These days, she could finally find some compassion for the little idiot she'd been, but it was still hard to expose that foolishness about her. “It was such an enormous shock to realize that not only was he a monster, I had been such a gullible little fool ever since I first met him. But eventually my parents and my best friend, Pix, managed to help pull me out of my own moping so I could try to start living again. I had to take a job waiting tables in the meantime, and it actually wasn't all that awful. It was reasonably good money, and I got to do a ton of people watching. So I was able to save some money, and it reminded me that I still loved to write, and all those people gave me ideas for stories and characters. Especially," she smiled faintly, knowing it was bittersweet, "romances. It was a romantic little restaurant, so there were always people there on dates or celebrating anniversaries, stuff like that. I realized that I always loved reading romance novels, and I am a good writer. My family and my best friend convinced me that even if my own romance had been shot all to hell, I could still write one. Then I found out about this housesitting gig and it was perfect. So,” she concluded with a small shrug, “here I am. And that's my story."
She didn't mention Justin's email from earlier. She didn't want Cortez to look at her like she had a stalker or something. Which she didn't. She just had a grade A asshole for an ex.
A very long silence descended. It was so quiet without her voice now. Just the sound of the stream running beneath the ice. Finally, she looked over at Cortez. His fists were definitely clenched by his sides and his face...Oh, his face. Ooh, yeah. He was mad. Furious. He looked as mad as she'd felt when she had finally, finally woken up and realized how badly Justin had tried to ruin her life. What a sick monster he was.
In a dark, heavy voice, Cortez snarled, "If I ever meet that ex of yours, there's gonna be a problem. A really big problem, and he's not gonna come out on the good side of it."
Before she could respond, his voice punched out again, ragged and harsh. "Haley, my bear is crazy right now. He's raging inside me.” Cortez looked at her. His eyes roiled with the anger of his bear. “I don't know if I can manage him right now. I don't want you to see me completely out of control. Fuuuck," he gritted out, clearly fighting himself. He took a step backward, like he might leave.
Wait. He was going to run away from her? She caught her breath at the gut punch of that thought. No. Absolutely not. She reached out her hands and grabbed his hard fists, gently caressing her fingers over them, trying to loosen them. "Cortez, don't you dare run from me. I trust you, I want to see all of you. I need to see all of you. Justin hid everything from me so I wouldn't know who he really was. I want to see everything about you. I want to know every single thing about you. Please," she whispered, trying to will him into stillness with her voice, her gaze. “Please don't hide from me.”
Her hands moved up his arms, feeling the corded muscles there. Up past his elbows, over his forearms, smoothing in over his chest. Feeling him through his jacket, and pushing one hand up to caress his neck, his cheek.
His body went from tense to pliable beneath her touch in an instant. With a groan, he caught her hand where she rubbed it against the soft stubble on his face, pushed his face into her touch, his eyes not leaving hers. With his other hand, he reached forward, behind her waist, pulled her unresisting body into his. "Haley," he murmured, his piercing eyes, so bright like they were glowing, searching hers in the dim light. "I'll never run from yo
u. I just don't want to hurt you."
She wound both her hands behind his neck now as he pulled her into him. “You can't hurt me,” she whispered, feeling the truth of those words, then she couldn't speak anymore. He feathered his lips across hers. Soft, oh, he was so soft and tender with her. She opened to him, tasting him with her lips, then her tongue. He groaned again, his mouth moving more strongly over hers, seeking and tasting as if he wanted to swallow her into him whole, meld them together.
With a soft kitten mewling sound, she let him possess her. Open her. Taste her, stroke her until she was a giant bundle of quivering nerve endings, so lit up that she just wanted to shuck his clothes off, then tear her own off too. She wanted to fling herself onto him right here on this bridge over the gurgling creek in this sweet little town that felt like home. She wanted to feel him slide inside her, filling her, claiming her as his. She gasped at how strong her longing was. She never felt this crazy heated up like this, ever. Cortez made her want to do bad things with him. Very bad, sweet, beautiful, sexy wild things with him.
He seemed to have similar thoughts, because he pushed her back against the railing of the bridge until her ass hit it, then reached down to lift her legs up so she had to wrap them around him. She squeaked with surprise. Gentle but rough at the same time, like sandpaper covered in a stroke of velvet, he growled, "Kissing you right now feels like the best thing I've ever done. I need to have you leaned up against this railing, have you hang on me so tight, because otherwise I might fall down from this feeling so damn good, Haley. Haley," he groaned, her name like a prayer on his lips.
She went breathless at that. So turned on, in a topsy-turvy, dizzy and excited thrill of sensation all at once. They kissed more, more. He reached his hands under her jacket and up her back, stroked his thumbs up and down her spine. The simple caress about drove her wild. Her hips pressed into his, and she felt him big and hard against her. His tongue was in her mouth, she was wrapped up with him, and nothing else existed in the world, nothing else.
He moved against her, with her, led the dance. Set the pace. Stroked her back, dipped his tongue in and out of her mouth, bit her lower lip with gentle teeth, turned her limbs to fire and her thoughts to one sweetly pounding cadence: Cortez. He was hers. He was who she wanted. She wanted him, all of him. Not just his body, even though ooh, yes, this kiss was setting her on fire like a roaring volcano. She wanted every single bit of him: body, soul, fierce warrior heart, kind and considerate man, huge savage bear shifter. Beautiful, big, stunning man. She wanted all of him.
As his lips nipped at hers, as she moaned into his mouth, she knew it felt real. Right. But at the same time, she knew she was still broken and sad, scared and hurt. And she knew he was too. She wanted to hold onto him forever, but at the same time she was afraid. Afraid they were both too broken to be able to patch themselves up and make one another whole.
Instead, they might rip each other up even more until there was nothing left.
9
Haley stood in the beautiful little sunroom in the Walker residence where she had started to take her breaks during morning writing sessions. She clutched a steaming hot mug of coffee in her hands, taking sips as she enjoyed the morning sunshine bathing her through the window. Last night's storm had broken away today to reveal fresh new snow piled up everywhere, dazzling in the bright light and the bluebird skies.
Aside from the beauty of the day and a deep appreciation for whoever had invented coffee and hazelnut creamer, all she could think about was Cortez. Oh, that man. That sexy, sexy man. They'd kissed one another to within an inch of their lives last night, huddled so tight together on that bridge she was sure a thin sheet of paper couldn't have fit between them. Finally, they'd slowly walked all the way back to the house, where he kissed her again on the front porch. He said it kind of weirded him out to kiss her on the doorstep of his parents' house even though they were half a world away, which made her laugh. But then he said he wasn't weirded out enough to stop kissing her, so they'd kissed some more right on the porch, with the softly falling snow just behind them.
Oh, it had been such a hot make out session. She wanted to do wild, crazy things with him. Bad, delicious, naughty, incredible things. But then he lifted her hand to his lips, grazed the back of it with his mouth, trailed little kisses all over it. His eyes still bright with his bear, he murmured, "Good night, pretty Haley. I'm really glad you shared your afternoon with me. Really glad you saw where my cabin's gonna be one day when I finish it. I'm glad you wanted me to show you some fun. Most of all, I'm glad you let me kiss you. I think I wanted to kiss you the first second I saw you dressed in your crazy jammies and that orange bathrobe."
She'd been caught between laughter at his words and a soft gasp as he kissed the back of her hand like a total gentleman. A gentleman like her ex had never been. He let go, softly said, “Talk to you soon, beautiful,” and went to his truck. But he wouldn't drive away until she closed the door behind her. It was another gentlemanly thing that just made her feel warm from head to toe. Cared for. He cared for her. Such a brute of a man, an enormous grizzly bear shifter, so strong and powerful yet so tender and kind with her.
The part that was totally screwed up, she thought with a frown, was that even though she knew it was real, and she loved that he touched her and cared for her so much this way, she couldn't help but wonder deep inside if she was really worth it. That she wasn't worthy of something deep, true, real.
She shook her head, hard. No. That was the old, cruel shit that Justin had managed to worm into her head. She had to refuse to believe it.
Her phone jingled in the living room. She went right to it, half terrified it would be Justin, mostly hoping it was Cortez. When she got her phone and saw the name flashing there, she yelped with delight and swiped it on immediately. "Pix!"
Her best friend's voice bubbled with laughter over line. "Haley, girl! Guess what?"
"What?"
"I'm heading your way. You ready for a houseguest?"
Haley shrieked with excitement. "Yes! I've missed you so much. Deep Hollow is so cute, I can't wait for you to see everything. When will you get here?"
"Is a few days from now okay?" Pix's voice was just as excited.
Haley shrieked again. "Definitely!"
"But I don't want to ruin your writing schedule," her friend added in a more serious tone. Aside from Haley's family, Pix knew more about Haley's hard journey and her current goals than anyone else in the world.
And now Cortez knew too. Oh, she liked that. A lot.
"You won't wreck my schedule, Pixie girl. I've been learning that it's really important to take breaks and have fun."
Pix's teasing, interested voice said, "Ohhh, really?"
They both laughed.
"Does this is mean my hard-working friend Haley has perhaps met someone who is showing her that life can be fun?"
Haley grinned. She and Pix had known each other since they were little girls. Pix could read right between the lines.
“Yes," she said through a smile she couldn't get rid of. "Oh, Pix, he's amazing. And he sees me. He really sees me for who I am.” Her skin shivered at that truth.
"Sweet girl, that's it.” Pix sounded relieved and sympathetic at once. “That's the tone in your voice I've missed hearing for way too long now. You deserve this so much. I'm so excited for you. Tell me about him?"
"He's a bear shifter, he's so big and strong. But he's gentle and kind too, even though I think he could rip the head off anyone if he needed to. But he'd never do that unless he was forced to defend himself. He's the absolute opposite of Justin, and he just feels so good. Pix, I'm terrified. Terrified I'll screw this up. But it just feels so right with him." The wonder in her voice was real.
“Hooray! I can't wait to meet him. He sounds like a keeper, Haley. And you deserve that more than anyone I know.”
He sounds like a keeper. Just the thought of it made Haley glow after she and Pix hung up. Yes. Cortez was a keeper. A keepe
r in a way her ex had never been. A keeper in a way she had never truly imagined before. Their kisses, the ones that set her soul on fire and allowed her imagination to fly up and be brilliant, filled her memory again. Cortez had opened himself to her, and she had opened herself to him. She could trust him. Sure, he said he still didn't feel like he could trust himself. But when she had watched him shift into his bear so fast, had seen how he instantly was driven to protect her, charging off into the unknown to challenge back the intruder mountain lion, she'd known then that he was ready to keep her safe.
Realization hit her so suddenly that she went stock still in the middle of the living room, eyes wide.
She believed she wasn't worthy, but Cortez didn't believe that and he didn't see that about her. He thought she was worthy of everything good there was.
And while he believed he wasn't fit to keep those he cared about safe, she knew that was wrong. He would have died to protect her from that strange shifter yesterday.
They each thought they both were screwed up, but that wasn't the truth. No, what was true was that they were both still scared. Just scared. And while fear might suck, it wasn't real.
She vowed to herself on the spot that whatever this incredible thing flaming between them was, they would make it true and whole. She had to see him again. Soon. She had to tell him, no, show him, how much she cared. That she was with him all the way. That her past might be shitastic, and his past might be filled with tragedy and pain, but just maybe, Haley and Cortez could make a future together that would be something that looked more like completely awesome.
10
Cortez stepped out of the shower, the day's grit thankfully washed off, but he still felt tired as hell. He'd taken some clients out that morning, and they'd had an awesome time snowshoeing up above Silvertip Ridge and then enjoying the gourmet lunch provided by the lodge that he'd packed along. They tipped him really well at the end, telling him he was a damn good guide and that they would be back again soon, this time with friends. That had been great, and he felt somewhat cocky as he returned to the lodge to find Quentin so he could help his older brother make some repairs on one of the maintenance buildings.