Matters of the Heart
By Heather M. Green
For Julie who inspired me.
For Fran and Kaidence who are fighters.
And for Courtney who gave me the courage in the first place.
Acknowledgements
A special thanks to Breanna Chandler for letting me interrupt her busy schedule to get medical info. And to Eric for schooling me on Texas lingo.
More special thanks to the doctors and nurses who work to provide our loved ones with a greater quality of life. You do it with a smile on your face even after twelve plus hours on the clock. One doctor, in particular, inspired a portion of James’ story. Elder Russell M. Nelson, a talented heart surgeon and pioneer in operations on the aortic valve, told of his failures and subsequent intense study and education to save lives. Your story touched and inspired me deeply. Thank you for not giving up.
A gigantic thank you to my proofreaders- Hadlee Green, Courtney Green, Breanna Chandler, Paula Maddock, Amy Church, and Shanda Richey. I could not have done it without you. Last the best of all the game is my husband, Gil. Your patience is endless. Especially when the glare of my computer screen is your unnecessary night light into the wee hours of the morning. Your helpfulness is constant. Especially during my freakouts with missing computer files. This book wouldn’t exist without you. I love you.
Chapter 1
Sophie
“I give up,” I sighed morosely, slowly pushing the front door closed with both hands, and dramatically flinging myself down on our second hand sofa. I pulled my shirt away from my chest a couple of times to encourage some air flow. It seemed I'd traded the uncomfortable San Antonio night for our sweltering three bedroom apartment.
“What happened this time?” my roommate and best friend, Adri, asked from the kitchen." Air conditioning is out again, by the way."
“So you decided to help out by turning on the oven? Thanks," I said wryly. "You don’t even want to know about the date. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you,” I called in to her.
Adri appeared in the doorway, a bowl of cookie dough in one arm. “Come drown your sorrows in cookies. They’re fresh from the oven I turned on to help us appreciate the very limited times our air conditioner actually works. Ha.”
I jumped up, my ridiculous excuse for a date and the miserable heat wave forgotten, and made a beeline for the kitchen counter where warm chocolate chip cookies awaited. I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, a cookie, and the praline ice cream from the freezer and layered a sundae calorie bomb topped with caramel syrup and sliced almonds.
“Mmm,” I moaned around the first therapeutic bite and took a seat at the table. “This is what was missing tonight. You know me better than I know myself.”
“No. I know your dating record and wanted to be prepared with comfort food that we can spend hours working off tomorrow,” she told me, sliding another tray of cookie dough into the oven.
“I knew I loved you," I told her, my eyes closed to better concentrate on the mingling flavors. "What I would like to know is, where are all the normal guys? What about me is so offensive to the dating gods that I am continually subjected to these abstract-type people of the male species?” I took another bite of my sundae and chewed slowly, letting the comfort flavors of warm cookie and cold vanilla and caramel ice cream meld and reduce my spiked post-date blood pressure. “It's my fault really," I acknowledged. "I should have had enough sense to lock the door when Flavius the Gladiator arrived to pick me up."
“His name is Flavius?” Adri asked dubiously, a giggle working its way past her grinning lips. "I knew I should have skipped that last work meeting." She eagerly joined me at the table for the retelling.
“Count your blessings," I told her, swallowing another bite of ice cream. "But his nicely defined quads would have made you proud." Adri choked on her cookie and I pounded her on the back as I muttered, "I averted my eyes during the entire car ride.” Who knew a tunic could make you blush. I gave up on the pounding when her choking started to sound suspiciously like laughter.
"Flavius is his gaming name,” I explained over her amusement. "It went well with the apparent theme of the night as evidenced by the other costumed couples we challenged. I stuck out like a sore thumb."
“More like an achilles heel,” Adri laughed at her own joke. "It was really rude of you to miss the costume memo." She giggled again. "Next time maybe you will listen to me and avoid those who would ruin your life by setting you up on blind dates."
I groaned. "A friend of a friend of my parents. With you and this ice cream sundae as my witnesses," I crossed my heart with my spoon, "I will never go on another blind date."
Adri raised her own partially eaten cookie in silent support and took another huge bite. "How did the rest of the night go?"
“He graciously apologized to the others on my behalf for my lack of proper gaming attire. For a minute I thought they’d chain me to something like Jaba did to Princess Leia, only I was a little more fully clothed. They were willing to overlook it this time, but could not overlook the fact that I didn’t have an avatar. When Flavius suggested we set one up for me so I could join in the gaming, I thought, okay, it’s worth a trial run. So we did. I hate to be the party pooper, but two and a half hours later --he and the two other couples were in character the whole time, mind you-- I got his attention long enough to ask if he had something else planned for the evening. Guess what he told me?”
The buzzer on the stove brought Adri to her feet. “I have no idea.” She glanced up from transferring cookies to a cooling rack, fascination evident on her face.
“He said he could go all night. He didn't even acknowledge my cry of shock because suddenly Brutus and men had forced their way past the blockade and the war was turning. And not in Flavius' favor. Apparently, he has these parties that do go all night. They dress up in costumes-"
"Of course..."
"-and like fourteen hours later-- no sleep, very minimal food, and even more minimal bathroom usage-- he sleeps for a couple hours and is at it again.
“On the upside, he told me he’d let me know when the next game night was so I could come in costume. I’m really considering that Princess Leia bikini thing…”
Adri snorted.
“He just quit his third job this month because the company wouldn’t work around his gaming schedule,” I continued. “I don’t know... Maybe I’m a snob, but what happens when his electricity gets shut off due to nonpayment? He’d probably only notice because his game would be interrupted.”
Adri pointed the spatula at me. “He’d probably go to someone else’s house and play there.”
“Well, he’s not coming here. How do people live like that? Life isn’t real to them anymore-- the game world is. It’s nuts,” I said shaking my head.
“They wrapped things up pretty early for you,” Adri commented.
“No. I’m sure they’re still at it,” I told her with a sigh.
“How’d you get home?”
“I called an Uber. Flave probably doesn't even know I'm gone. But I'm seriously thinking about getting a toga.”
Adri's head jerked up from the cookie dough to stare at me in disbelief. My lips twitched and we both burst out laughing.
“They seem pretty lightweight and cool, as opposed to our suffocating apartment," I reasoned between laughs.
When our laughter subsided a few moments later, I said, “On a more serious note, I’m checking out that building I saw the other day over in the strip mall near the Riverwalk. Hopefully this time next week, you will be looking at the proud owner of some office space.” I high-fived her happily. “Where is everyone?” I asked as I headed out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
/>
“Hope is on a date. Ideally having more success than you had-”
“Amen,” I called back to her.
“-And Kortney is still at work. As soon as these cookies are finished, I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day.”
“Do you want me to finish them?” I asked her around a mouthful of toothpaste. “An wha tie do oo wanna run to’orrow?”
“Go spit. That’s gross,” she whined. “You’re dripping on the floor!” She pushed me toward the bathroom, muttering under her breath. I laughed all the way. She knew me, but I knew her better.
“Good night,” I sang out as I shut my bedroom door.
James
“Hey, Kaley bug. What’s up?” I answered around my water bottle after the third ring.
“So, that friend of mine has been asking about you again. Can you come for dinner this weekend and meet her?” my sister, Kaley, asked.
“Can pigs fly yet? ‘Cause you know that was the stipulation,” I responded, wiping my sweaty face with my shirt and motioning for Andy to go ahead without me.
“Come on, James. She is pretty and nice and successful. You’d love her. I promise.”
“How pretty? How successful?” I asked warily.
“Oh, sheesh. You want a frumpy hermit? One of those ladies who has like fifteen cats and- ” she asked in exasperation.
“No…” I interrupted. “Who said I want anyone? I just…I’m not ready.” I reminded her, shouldering my gym bag and pushing against the door with my body before heading out of the gym and into the dark Portland night. “You’ll be the first to know when I am.”
“It’s been like seven years, James. When will you be ready? You are too young to spend the rest of your life alone. You aren’t getting any younger.”
“Am I too young or not young enough, Kaley? Which is it?” She huffed in response. “I’m thirty-two and I’m not alone. I have all my patients at the hospital. And I have Andy,” I teased. The sooner I could get her upset, the sooner she’d end this conversation.
“Now I know you’ve lost it,” she muttered, irritation seeping through the phone. Perfect. “Our cousin, Andy? Is that who you are referring to? He’s as much company as a Chia Pet.”
I laughed in amusement at her Chia Pet comment. It’s funny how we come to view those closest to us. Andy was anything but inorganic. Cocky? Yes. Overbearing? At times. But stone-faced and still? Never. I laughed at the very idea. Absurd. My mind conjured the image of Andy perched on the counter, expressionless, awaiting my return from work each day. Ha!
Kaley continued undeterred. “It’s time to let go of the past and move on.”
All thoughts of laughter gone, I sighed and pushed a hand through my sweaty hair. It needed a trim a couple weeks ago. “No, Kaley. No.”
“Fine. I’m just trying to help because I love you and want you to be happy,” she said, playing the martyr.
“You’re just trying my patience. And I’m telling Andy you called him a Chia Pet.”
“You do that. He’ll think it’s a compliment.” She hung up.
I sighed again. I knew I infuriated her, but for crying out loud… I was happy. I was. Having a woman on my arm wouldn’t make me any happier. Unfortunately, I knew that from experience. I unlocked my apartment door and headed for the shower. Another twelve-plus hour day at the hospital with no one to come home to other than the “Chia Pet.”
I was happy.
Chapter 2
Sophie
“I found it,” I sang to my brother through the phone. “It’s beautiful and I’m finally going to go for it!” I went on without a pause. “I may be pushing thirty and not married-- well, okay, technically I’m only twenty-nine-- but I’m only pushing thirty and ready to set up my own business. Finally,” I sighed with relief. I would have gone on. I was just getting started, really. But the distinct silence on the other end of the line when there should have been exaggerated gushing-- if brothers ever gush-- made me pause mid start.
“Trev, aren’t you excited for me?” I asked, a little wounded by his lack of enthusiasm. After all, he was the one who had been pushing me for at least a year now to quit playing second string and strike out on my own in the world of sports therapy. Now that I had finally dug deep and found the courage, he was silent.
“I’m sorry, Soph, but we just got back from the ultrasound and it looks like there might be something wrong with the baby.” I could hear the anguish in Trevor’s voice and was instantly contrite. And worried.
“Wrong? What do you mean wrong?” I questioned. “What did the OB see? What makes her think something is wrong? And why are they only finding it now?” I tend to ramble on without much room for breathing when I am nervous or excited. It’s a habit that drives my brother-- and only sibling-- up the wall most of the time. This time, especially, was no exception.
“I don’t have all the answers yet, but we are meeting with a pediatric cardiologist next week and will go from there. If there is a problem, I may need some help out here. I hate to ask, especially with the news about your sports therapy office, finally, but we have to go C-section, so Stacy will be down for the first six weeks or so anyway. That’s when we’d need the most help. Then there is the possibility of an extended stay for the baby in the NICU to think about. Visits, feedings, I don’t know what all else. And then Jeran…” He blew out a loud breath.
Trevor was referring to my spitfire two year old nephew, Jeran. If he weren’t so cute, I think Trevor and Stacy would have sold him to the gypsy’s long ago. But how can you resist those blond curls and cherub cheeks? Beneath those angel cheeks and curls, I hate to say, brewed the heart of a little devil. What a stinker! But I digress and I hadn’t heard anything Trevor had been saying.
“…some friends from church, but they obviously can’t be here full time. I really hate to ask with the recent major announcement of your therapy business-”
“You said that already,” I interrupted. “Sorry. Go on.”
“-But would it be possible for you to put your career on hold for a few months to come out here when the baby is born?” He pushed on without a pause, reminiscent of my prattling tendencies. Must be hereditary. “I know how that sounds, believe me, but we’d pay you, of course, kind of like a nanny. With Mom and Dad out of the country on a humanitarian mission and Stacy’s mom’s health on the decline, we don’t know what else to do. I’m really worried.” A pause then, “Sophie, what are we going to do?” I felt tears well in my eyes as my strong big brother’s voice broke.
“Trev, of course I’ll come,” I reassured, gulping back tears. “Since I found the perfect spot for the new office, I was going to quit at the clinic soon anyway. I was only going to start out by leasing the new space until I get established. Let me find out what that entails and then I’m there,” I told him, mentally going over all that I needed to do before I could make a two thousand plus mile road trip from Texas to Portland, Oregon to live as a nanny for an undetermined amount of time. My room in the shared apartment, my Sunday school class, my volunteer reading tutor position at the elementary school…
“Stacy’s due in six weeks, right?” I asked. “If I get everything squared away here, I could be there in a little over two weeks with drive time. That would give me time to get settled in before the next little devil joins the family.” I smiled in relief when I heard Trevor chuckle.
“Soph, I don’t know how to thank you.” A little of the tension and worry dissipated from his voice. “I know it’s a huge sacrifice to put your life on hold like this, but we’ll love you forever. And who knows, you may find the perfect guy in your spare time. You know, different sea, different fish.”
“Yeah, well, you’d better love me forever anyway, buddy. And what spare time? I’ve met my nephew, remember?” I responded. “Just take care of that wife and baby and I’ll see you soon. Love you, Trev,” I told him, then pushed end on my phone.
“I can’t believe you are driving all the way to Oregon by yourself instead of flyin
g!” Adri said over lunch at the Riverwalk the next day. “If you knew how long you’d be staying, I’d go with you. Wouldn’t it be fun to do a road trip?”
“I love a good road trip,” I said, laughing. “Remember that time back in college you had this crazy idea at midnight to go for a road trip. We drove for hours trying to find that beach and finally gave up. We had to split a hotel room to get some sleep so we didn’t get in a car accident.”
“I totally remember because you wanted to just pull into a Walmart parking lot, sleep for a few hours, and then drive back home to make it to our classes.” Adri was working up a belly laugh.
“You were so afraid we’d get arrested if we stayed in the parking lot.” I grinned, pointing at her.
“We probably would have, but that’s not the best part,” she said, barely containing her laughter. “We drove all that way and gave up, but when we woke up the next day, we realized,” she clapped her hands and we practically shouted in unison, “we were only a mile from the beach!” We burst into uncontrollable laughter and I had to cover my mouth to muffle the sound so we didn’t get ourselves kicked out of the restaurant.
When our laughter finally died down, I wiped my eyes and said, “I can’t believe I’m really doing this. It’s going to be so strange to live with my brother again. Strange and a little horrible.” I shuddered. “You sure you can find someone to take my spot at the apartment? I’ll be there for two months at least. I worry that you won’t find anyone and then be stuck with my portion of the rent every month.” I charged on, not waiting for her response. “If you find I left anything you think I’ll need, ship it and I’ll send you reimbursement. You know, I don’t have a memory in the last five years that doesn’t have you in it…” I mused, feeling the melancholy set in.
“You’re doing that sentence vomit thing again. But it does feel kind of final.” Adri agreed, absently stirring her drink with her straw.
“Yeah. It does,” I sighed. “Thanks, Adri, for everything. I don’t know how I would have made it through the last couple of years' dating fiascos without your calming influence.” I reached over and squeezed her hand. “You are a good friend.”
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