“Mais il faut choisir: vivre ou raconter” [“But one must choose: to live or to narrate”], says Sartre.
March 4, 1964
Raconter…but this is not a story. It is not an event and I am certain that I need to write in order to stay relatively honest or to become relatively honest. Not all writing is narration and one must also know when to stop. Certainly one thing is true–much of my writing is useless (and dishonest perhaps?) and the General’s mind (not altogether crazy) is rightly armed against a kind of agitation and intellectual activism in the Order. I know that to some people I give a distressing impression of agitation and ram-bunctiousness. That is more their problem than mine, I believe. But I have to be careful to look for the greater good that goes with all obedience, and is hidden in it. And to see that this care truly does give honor and glory to God–otherwise we doubt His wisdom and His power. At the same time I must also have a care for the other aspects of His will, that justice be done and truth be defended–leaving to Him the manner in which I am to attempt these things.
Hence the thing is perhaps now to cut out unnecessary and hasty projects for magazines. Looking back on the Peace articles, the truth is they were ephemeral. There is no need for them to be published in book form now anyway. And a monk should not be writing mere editorials. Again–less writing for quick publication, less writing in debate on immediate controversial issues, more creative writing, deepening of thought, etc.
South wind. Thunder and lightning. (There was a cat running in the windy dark, through the light cast by the boot room window.) Last night when I came in to my room before going up to bed there was a copy of a new form of Compline, in English, by Brother Basil, waiting for me to examine and approve and support apud abbatum [with the abbot]. Liturgy and politics. I am not too eager to get involved in either one.
Proceeding in peace in the line of God’s will–perhaps a deeper Biblical base for such solid views as I may have. A Protestant writer, A[mos] N[iven] Wilder, says: “The solitude of the Christian to the world and its institutions will be based on the word of the Cross, upon the Good News of God, upon the revelation of the righteousness of God, upon the post-resurrection faith of his disciples…(not) a social ethic based primarily upon the…Sermon on the Mount, or on natural law, or the inner light or the Holy Spirit. Rather the grace of God discloses itself to us in the Gospel message and impels us to what we should do to further the purposes of redemption in the world around us.” (The Background of the New Testament and Its Eschatology, pp. 5–7)
On the other hand Ida Göerres writes that under pretext of “openness to the world” monastic and religious spirit is simply being extinguished in Germany and that last year a Dominican was crowned King of Fools at Mainz, in a carnival, on TV She says her friends in convents who take the ascetic life seriously are “The Last of the Mohawks” (sic).
March 6, 1964
Dom Damian left for California and Japan yesterday–a good, simple, sincere man. He was held up a long time at the airport and there met and conversed with another visitor who had been held up on his way here. The Czech Protestant Theologian, Jan Milic Lochman. Quite providentially, due to a sudden change of plans, he came to Louisville instead of Richmond, Va. and John Heidbrink arranged for him to see us.
I had a good conversation sitting up late with him last night. About Barth (impressed, of all things, with Catholic “psychology”). He said Barth’s book on Anselm is one of Barth’s own favorites. Barth, like most Protestants, was profoundly impressed by Pope John and said of him that he must make Protestants take another look at the Papacy. He is an admirer of Bonhoeffer, naturally. Twice quoted Bonhoeffer as saying that to qualify to sing Gregorian chant under Hitler one had to identify himself with the Jews. But he does not go along with a one-sided enthusiasm for Bonhoeffer’s plunge into the world, with no roots in Bonhoeffer’s “concentration.”
Theology in Czechoslovakia and East Germany seems very alive because it has to be a complete expression of life lived in confrontation with, in dialogue with godlessness. But a confrontation without the privilege of any battlements behind one, or without the benefit of a drawbridge, in fact without a crusade. This is the most important discovery of the Church in those countries. (I say “The Church” though Catholicism is being slow to discover it. There are still plenty of battlements in Poland.)
We agreed completely on Hochhuth.
It was a very moving and Christian conversation in which we agreed on Christ’s word in the world, manifested in the problems that face us, found in the problems themselves (not in evasion). He spoke of the marvelous way in which a monk of Chevetogne had come to his place in Prague, and of the discussions of Catholic and Protestant laymen there and of the great openness that is beginning and of “In the confusion of man is the providence of God.” At one moment I felt we were sitting in Emmaus, and when I left he gave me an offprint on Bonhoeffer signed “in the joy of the fellowship of pilgrims.”
March 7, 1964
I am coming to see clearly the great importance of the concept of “realized eschatology”–the transformation of life and of human relations by Christ now (rather than an eschatology focussed on future cosmic events–the Jewish poetic figures to emphasize the transcendence of the Son of God). Realized eschatology is the heart of genuine Christian humanism and hence its tremendous importance for the Christian peace effort for example: the presence of the Holy Spirit, the call to repentance, the call to see Christ in Man, the presence of the redeeming power of the cross in the sacraments: these belong to the “last age” which we are in. But all these do not reveal their significance without a Christian Mission to peace, the preaching of the Gospel of unity, peace and mercy, the reconciliation of man with man, and so with God. The duty, however, does not mean that there will not at the same time be great cosmic upheavals. The preaching of peace by a remnant in an age of war and violence is one of the eschatological characteristics of the life of the Church. By this activity of the Church the work of God is mysteriously accomplished in the world.
March 8, 1964
Yesterday Dom Aelred Graham came and in the evening Miguel Grinberg from Argentina and Ron Connally from Washington with his little blonde baby in his arms and his wife in the Volkswagen family bus.
First copy this from the remarkable “Message to the Cronopios” of Grinberg. “How”–in what sense? Not “the latest” which will immediately be left behind.
“Se va más allá del poema suelto…para buscar la unidad poema-poeta.” [“It goes further than the free poem…in search of poem-poet unity.”]
“…el oficio de poeta sigue siendo un asunto de fe y de fidelidad creativa. El poeta auténtico es primeramente fiel a sí mismo, única manera de no tracionar a quienes ama.” [“…the role of the poet continues to be a matter of faith and creative fidelity. The authentic poet is first of all faithful to himself. It is the only way not to betray those whom he loves.”]
“Vivir la poesia es el ejercicio global del acto de existir, un desafío a la vanidad actual, un rechazo a la búsqueda del exito…” [“To living poetry is a global exercise of the act of existing, a challenge to vanity everywhere…”]
“La poesia:–alerta pennanente…un rechozo de la mentira…una proposición de sólidaridad hacia hermanos más débiles…una manera de participar de la realidady de trabajarpor la paz…” [“Poetry:–Piercingly attentive…a rejection to lie…a proposition of solidarity with the weaker brothers…a way to participate in reality and work towards peace…”]
“El poeta es…un agente de paz, un ser solidario y creador que no fabrica re-spuestas masivas, sino que se presenta como respuesta, existiendo en la medida total de sus possibilidades. Redescubre permanentemente el mundo y hurgo constante-mente su capacidad para hacer emerger todo lo que late en sus profundidades.” [“The poet is…an agent of peace, a solitary being and creator, who does not fabricate massive answers, but presents himself as the answer, existing in the complete realm of his possibilities. He per
manently discovers the world and constantly stirs up his capacity for allowing all that exists in his depths to surface.”]
“…un poema…un puente hacia otro ser…un acto de amor.” [“…a poem…a bridge to another being…an act of love.”]
“Saquémonos la careta, dejemos de aspirar a la inmortalidad.” [“Let’s unmask ourselves, let’s stop aspiring towards immortality.”]
“Al margen de la indignación o la saturación resulta indispensable cesar un mo-mento tanta avalancha de letra.” [“At the margin of the indignation or saturation, it is indispensable to stop for a moment before the avalanche of words.”]
“¿Y sinos nos planteamos seriamente la posibilidad de dejar de escribir deuna vez y para siemprey hacemos de nuestra propia vida un acto poético?” [“And what if we were seriously to pose the possibility of stopping writing once and for all and making our life a poetic act?”]
March 10, 1964
Heavy and steady rain with high winds for two days on end–and much rain before it. The Ohio Valley must be flooded. Here there is water everywhere, streams come from everywhere, and all night the air is full of the rushing of water and of wind. Wonderful black skies over the woods, great strong expectancy of spring in all the wet, black trees. Yellow waterfall over the new dam at the waterworks.
Last night I dreamed that a distinguished Lady Latinist came to give a talk to the novices on St. Bernard. Instead of a lecture she sang in Latin, with meters and flexes and puncta, what must have been a sermon of the saint–though I could not quite recognize it. The novices were restive and giggling, and this made me sad. In the middle Dom Frederic [Dunne] entered.21 We stood. The singing was interrupted. I explained in an undertone that I had just now remembered the violation of enclosure and would remedy matters as soon as possible. Where did she come from? “Harvard,” I said in a stage whisper she must have heard. Then the novices were in a big semi, loaded on the elevator (how?) to go down from the top of the building and instead of the Latinist coming with us, I left the novices to escort her down safely by the stairs, but now her clothes were soiled and torn, she was confused and sad, she had no Latin and nothing much of anything to say. Is this my dream of the Liturgical revival and of Anglicanism, etc. Perhaps some Anglican anima of my own?
Good talks with Dom Aelred on Sunday. He is very open and sympathetic and one of the most pleasant, understanding people I have ever run into. A lot has gone under the bridge since the Atlantic article22 (which in any case was not so far wrong!). This is something to be grateful for and a real manifestation of the life of the Church in us.
With Miguel Grinberg yesterday. Rain. We could not go out. Mostly exchanging ideas and addresses. People I must find out about like Julio Cortazar and Witold Gombrowicz–and all those new poetry magazines in South America. Wonderful initiative and courage with which people start magazines and publish books (publishing is cheap and people read poetry: people, that is, not Mandarins). I think the Nueva Solidaridad is one of the most hopeful signs of life in the hemisphere.
Last night as I was finishing my turn on the night-watch, the fire alarm went off and the signal indicated the calf barn. But there was nothing there except a lot of bewildered calves and a lot of hay. Everyone turned out in the rain–Brother René got there extraordinarily fast, and the fire engine dutifully traveled forty feet to be right on the scene. Nothing but rain.
Miguel Grinberg in Washington wrote a fine long poem about three windows (about the whole country). His apostolic account of the meeting of poets in Mexico, and Raquel Jordowsky who sold her piano to come from Peru, and the Venezuelans of St. Techo de la Ballena, etc.
March 11, 1964. Stephen of Obazine
John Harris says he is going to the Lot and Tarn area–and can he do anything for me there? It is still cloudy and rainy (only one dim star tried to look momentarily through the covering). Floods in Louisville and Cincinnati. Dan [Walsh] says that in Louisville the water is up to Market Street.
I finished the letters of St. Anselm this morning (volumes of Schmitt to go back to West Baden). Miguel Grinberg left yesterday, after we had walked a little in the cold, dark hillside to the south of the farrowing house taking pictures, talking of Nicanor Parra, Manuel de Cabral, and the unkindness of Vicente Huidobro to Vallejo.
At a building committee meeting yesterday it was decided to transfer the library to the Novitiate building.
March 14, 1964
The other day I saw the floods in Shepherdsville–a drab little town, almost a non-town–small houses and dark trees standing in the water of the Salt River. The turnpike was not covered and all the cars and trucks of the town were parked on embankments and overpasses where the water could not reach. Absence of people. The people had vanished and were nowhere except in the newspapers.
I read Camus’ Discours de Suede in the University of Louisville library. Fed up with Louisville. Wish I did not have to go there.
Am reading the life of Christina of Markyate (recluse near St. Albans in the twelfth century) and find it marvelous [The Life of Christina of Markyate, a Twelfth Century Recluse, 1959].
March 15, 1964. Passion Sunday
Still cloudy and rainy. Two dogs yesterday worrying a dead woodchuck in the fields, disturbed me when I was writing a review (book on Protestant Monasticism) [François Biot, The Rise of Protestant Monasticism, 1963]. Brother Finbarr who had a wisdom tooth out has been in the infirm[ary] refectory for a couple of days. The Abbot is getting rid of Finbarr’s pigs, and our meat business is shutting down. Calendar in the infirm[ary] refectory shows now the Temple of the Emerald Buddha in Bangkok–a “top tourist attraction.” Buddha too is in the tourist business in spite of himself, along with St. Peter, and the Christ of Corcovado, and Niagara Falls and Islands in the Sun and old Vienna and the Alps, etc.
To insist on living by the Law is to annul and reject the gift of God in Christ (Galatians 3:15–21). It is a refusal to live in and by Christ. It is a refusal to be Christ in nakedness and simplicity before the Father. “Death” is in “living” by the Law which constitutes me as separate, isolates me in my own judgment and justification, and confirms my isolation by giving me a “standard” with which to judge and reject others.
March 19, 1964. St. Joseph
Moved by the antiphons and music of this Feast which means more to me as years go on. Jan Lochman said Barth was much impressed by the studies of Catholic theologians on St. Joseph. I am beginning to be glad I learned (barely) to read German in school, and regret that I have let it go for so long, because it is a very rich language. The perfect language for an existential theology. And how much language has to do with expressing a particular facet of reality? Things can be discovered in German, that can be perhaps reproduced afterwards in other languages.
Deeply moved for instance by [Heinrich] Schlier’s magnificent article “Eleutheria” [Freedom] in Kittel. A superb investigation of the relation of sin, death and works–which explains for one thing my disillusionment and exasperation with the proofs of my new book (The Black Revolution again). I am wrong, and wrong over again to expect some definitive meaning for my life to emerge from my works. All it points to is the end: death. It leads others to deception and hurries them along to their own death, yet even in this I must witness to life. Monastic implications of this fine article.
“…self and others consumed in the Death Might in the ownmighty life!” The forfeited Dasein [being present]–forfeited to self and death, driving from Law to own life and therefore to death. Law awakens works which establish one in “ownlife” and therefore make one a gift to death, one draws death to himself in the works that establish one in “ownlife.”
Ambivalence of obedience as a “work” which makes me “something”–a prey of death, as does ambition! Obedience presented as a “work” that is pure, that justifies, that is disinfected of self. But what obedience? Obedience to a collective will to power, to assertion, a collective might.
March 21, 1964. St. Benedict
The relic of St. Benedict not exposed. Hushed rumors going about that this is due to a letter of Father Chrysogonus from Rome who “cannot see how any relic of St. Benedict can be genuine.” (It was exposed later.)
Today I finished after several days of continuous work, Schlier’s splendid article “Eleutheria” in Kittel. Amazing how much Zen there is in these insights which are nevertheless so far beyond anything Buddhist, or passive, or negative. The fullest and most positive concept of freedom from death in our death-forfeited dasein (!!) in which the Flesh slavishly works to attain Lordship over itself. Emphasis on the works of love and freedom, of self-forgetfulness, that show us as free from death because free from concern with self-assertion and self-perpetuation and entirely open to others.
March 24, 1964
The frightful novel of Piotr Rawicz. Blood from the Sky is a true descent into hell, so much so that it seems to be a voice of Christ–that is, of the not damned–often innocent–even from hell. The innocence of the work, in all its honor, comes from its realization that all is sin and horror in the absence of mercy. The relentless, seething, objective, existentialist revelation of the betrayal of the Jews by the leaders of the people, by all the wise, all the just, all the capable, all the intelligent, all the holy–picture of the total degradation of everyone and everything, and totally fruitless. Conclusion–the stripping off of the desire for survival and “love of life” and showing it as horror, nausea, hatred, death-dealing selfishness, headed inexorably toward its own extinction. A terrible and honest revelation that pulverizes the silly optimism of those Christians who do not take those realities into account. (Imagine any one of our “movements” addressing itself to those people in the Ukraine and in that situation!!)
Dancing in the Water of Life Page 13