by Sabrina York
With us? He meant the whole family.
Her mind spun a little. Probably because she’d been expecting a different question and dreading it. And wanting it and not wanting it. But he hadn’t asked that. Of course, he hadn’t asked that. This was Danny Diem. The man to whom marriage had always been a forbidden subject. Still, it took a second for her to process the shift.
Would they like to come and live at the ranch?
No doubt the fresh air and absence of crowds would be good for Emma as she continued to heal. Being near her father would be good, too. Emma was crazy about Danny.
And so was she, Lizzie had to admit. Being with him again—in every way—simply felt...good.
She liked his family, too. Which was a good thing, because, if she moved there, they’d be living together. In the same house. She had reservations about that, too.
How much privacy could there be with that many people sharing a home? They’d be bumping into each other all the time. And how would she keep an entire ranch house sanitized if Emma got sick again?
Even worse, what if they did move to Butterscotch Ridge and Emma loved it...but things didn’t work out between Lizzie and Danny? Her heart clenched. What then?
But she knew. Some part of her brain had already worked it out. As she had for the last five years, Lizzie knew it was just smart to always have a plan B. As much as she didn’t want to need one, she had to have one.
With a start, she realized that Danny was still waiting for her answer. They all were.
“Well?” he asked, a little breathlessly.
“I... Can we talk about this in private?”
His shoulders drooped. “Sure.” Of unspoken accord, they turned to her room in tandem.
“Seriously?” Sam muttered.
Mark chuckled. “What is this privacy of which you speak?”
“Leave them be. Let them talk,” Luke said.
But once she and Danny were alone in her room, she didn’t know what to say.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention this before. It’s just that, well, things have been...”
“I know. I know. It just...surprised me. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry about that. But I really would like you to come. Please?”
All the possibilities, all the potentialities flooded her mind. They weren’t all great, but Lizzie knew that if she and Danny were ever to be together again, she had to give him a real chance. Living five hours apart was not a real chance.
She glanced at him, staring at her, waiting. Perhaps holding his breath. It wasn’t fair for her to keep him dangling when she knew her answer. Whether he’d like it or not, well, that was to be seen.
“You realize that’s not going to be possible for at least six months.” Even though Emma was doing well, she needed to be close to the hospital for daily and weekly tests, even after she’d been released.
He raked his hair. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I just... Well, I’d like something to look forward to, you know? I’m going to have to go back to the ranch soon.” When she didn’t respond, he cleared his throat and said, “Will you and Emma come? Once the doctors say it’s okay?” His expression was sincere.
“All right,” she said, her tone somber. “Emma and I will come for a visit.”
“A visit?”
“You know. To see how it goes.” Lizzie hated the wounded expression on Danny’s face. “You know. Take it slow.” And when he didn’t respond, “I—we—have Emma to think of. We have to consider what’s right for her—”
“She’s going to love it there. You both will. And we will do everything we can to make it as safe as possible for her. I promise.”
“You can’t promise something like that.”
He took her face in his hands. “I can. I do.” He lowered his head and kissed her gently. His lips quirked against hers. “How long is a visit, anyway?” he murmured.
She chuckled. “We’ll see.”
“I can’t wait,” Danny said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her on the temple.
“Me, either.” Lizzie smiled up at him. Yes. Once Emma’s doctors said it was safe for her, they would try it, living on the ranch. With Danny. And his family.
But if things didn’t work out, it wasn’t like they had nowhere to go. Nan would always welcome them back.
If things didn’t work out, there was always a plan B.
* * *
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Danny asked later that night as he held her in the afterglow of their quiet lovemaking.
“Hmm?” Her brain hadn’t returned yet.
“With moving... I mean, visiting the ranch once Emma’s got the doctor’s approval?”
“Sure, I’m okay with it.” She nuzzled closer. “I do think it would be great for Emma.”
He bit his lip. “Yeah. Great for Emma. But what about you? Your job? Your life here?”
“I can work remotely. I’ve been doing it for so long it shouldn’t be a problem. Emma’s my life, other than Nan, but she’ll be fine without us.”
He swallowed. Heavily. Then cleared his throat. “So you don’t mind moving to the boondocks?”
“Visiting,” she reminded him with a smile.
“Visiting. You don’t mind?”
She didn’t dare tell him she was looking forward to it. Excited about it, even. “You seemed to adjust to the country, and you’re a Vegas boy. Maybe I can, too?”
“Then why are you so worried?”
She frowned at him. “What makes you think I’m worried?”
He levered up and gazed down at her. “Because you’re visiting. In case it doesn’t work out. If you think both you and Emma will love it...why would it not work out?”
Heat crawled up her cheeks. Well, crap. She hadn’t wanted to go there. But maybe it was better if she did. Take a page out of Sam’s book and just throw it out there in a big sloppy mess. “Okay. What if...we don’t make it?”
His eyes widened, as though he’d never even contemplated such a thing. “Why wouldn’t we make it? We’re both Emma’s parents. Look at how we found each other again, after everything that happened between us. And this...” He waved at the sheets tangled on the bed. “This is pretty freaking awesome, too.”
“But we didn’t make it the last time.” It hurt to remind him, but it was true.
He paled. A muscle in his cheek flexed. “We were different people then. I’ve changed. You’ve changed. Lizzie, we can make it work. I promise.”
She sighed as she leaned up to kiss him. “We’ll see.”
“We’ll see?” His expression tightened. “Lizzie, do you know what it did to me when you left? How it crushed me?”
“I had to go. You know why.”
He shook his head brusquely. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I...” He took a deep breath, as though preparing to reveal the dark well of his soul. “I never forgot you, Lizzie. Never stopped thinking about you. Never even looked at another woman. I couldn’t.”
Her pulse thudded at his confession. It broke her heart, but warmed her at the same time.
“Did you...?” He paused.
“Did I what?”
“Were there other men for you?”
Was he kidding? She was a single mother with a full-time job. “No.” Her response was on a laugh.
He peeped at her. “Not even... Dr. Blake?”
Oh, good glory. “Not even him,” she said.
Tension left him. “Good.” He smiled crookedly and pulled her close once more. He made love to her again, and she enjoyed it, but she didn’t miss the silent desperation in his attempt to show her that this, the passion they shared, was worth the risk.
It was a valiant effort on his part, but she wasn’t fooled into abandoning her prudence. After the last five years, restrain
t was too deeply ingrained in the fiber of her being. Being cautious was who she was now, and being cautious around a man who could cause her so much pain was only practical.
* * *
Danny wasn’t thrilled with Lizzie’s hesitation. He’d been hoping for a little more enthusiasm. He lay awake most of the night trying to think up clever plans to win her heart, but most of them were inadequate.
The next morning, after the family had left, he and Lizzie went together to the hospital to tell Emma the news. He hoped her reaction to the prospect of coming to Butterscotch Ridge was more enthusiastic than her mother’s.
To be fair, he understood Lizzie’s concerns. How could he not? And, hell, he had plenty of concerns of his own, given his own terrible upbringing. What if he did something horribly wrong? What if he hurt Emma the way his mother had hurt him? Or worse, the way his father had?
Though he tried to be the best dad he could with Emma, there was always that little voice in the back of his head, reminding him how bad some parents could be. Reminding him of the role models he’d had—or rather, not had. He worried that someday, such ugliness could come from him, though he couldn’t imagine himself ever savaging her piggy bank for drug money, or leaving her alone in the house with nothing to eat for three days while he partied with a new lover. He couldn’t imagine denying her existence, either, as his father had done, or refusing to help his child’s mother in the most basic of ways.
As he always did, he stuffed such fears away. Out of sight, out of mind. He wanted more than anything to be a good father to his child. A great father. All he needed was the chance.
He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Emma didn’t want to move to the country. Or visit. He couldn’t move here. Not until he’d fulfilled his promise to work the ranch for three years.
So he worried about what Emma would say and what the doctors would say all the way to the hospital. Lizzie must have been thinking about that, too, because neither of them spoke much on the short trip.
Emma was on her bed, wearing her thinking tiara and working a puzzle, when they walked into her room. “Hey, sweetie,” Lizzie said, giving her a kiss. “Did you have a good night?”
“Yep,” Emma said, holding up a half-finished maze. “Look.”
“Nice. What’d you have for breakfast?” She lifted the dome on the bedside tray and sniffed.
“Waffles. They were good.” She shot a look at her mom. Her brow wrinkled. She frowned. “What is it?”
Lizzie jerked upright. The dome clanged back down. “What? What makes you think there’s an it?”
Emma flopped back on the pillows and sighed. “Mommy. You know I can tell. You get the face.”
“The face?” Lizzie grimaced. “I have a face?”
“It’s your bad-news face.”
Danny frowned at Lizzie. “Is that your bad-news face?” He put his hands on his hips and asked, “Why is this bad news?”
“This is not my bad-news face. This is my good-news face.” She forced a grin and showed it to Emma.
“It is good news, Emma, honey.” Danny sat down next to her and took her hand. “When you get all better, and the doctors say it’s safe, I’d like for you and your mom to come stay at the ranch for a while.” He was very careful not to use the words visit or move, because apparently they hit tender spots with Lizzie. “Are you okay with that?”
Emma stared at him. “Stay? At. The. Ranch?” She huffed each word on a breath. Her eyes sparkled and her wispy hair trembled.
“Visit,” said Lizzie.
Emma ignored her. “With Uncle Luke and Uncle Mark and Uncle DJ and Grandma Dorthea and Auntie Sam?”
Danny blinked. “Um, yes. And me, too, honey. I’ll be there.”
She squealed and bounced on the bed and nodded her head so hard, her tiara fell off. “We’re going to live at the ranch with Luke!”
“Visit,” Lizzie reiterated, but with a smile.
Danny grinned back.
Okay. Sure. Emma was excited to see Luke. But at least she hadn’t refused.
* * *
It was tough for Danny to leave Emma and Lizzie to return to the ranch, but they understood he had made a commitment. The only reason he left was because Emma was doing so much better on her anti-rejection protocols. She still had at least another week in the hospital, and then another six months or so of testing until they could even consider a change of scenery. Thankfully, they weren’t that far apart, and he knew he could come visit at any time.
Going back to Butterscotch Ridge and getting back into the routine on the ranch wasn’t easy, either, but what was? He’d made a promise to his siblings, and to DJ in particular, and he fully intended to see it through.
At the start of all this, he never imagined he’d fit in with his siblings at all, not really, so it was surprising to find himself frequently embroiled in long discussions with DJ about philosophy and football, or raucous exchanges with Mark and Sam...even somewhat comfortable silences with Luke as they worked side by side.
Strange as it seemed, he started to feel at home there. Like he’d finally found a place he belonged. If only Emma and Lizzie were here, it would be perfect.
Each evening the siblings gathered after a hard day for a big family dinner and, when they weren’t too tired, boisterous conversation and hilarious chatter, but for Danny, the bright moment in his day was when he could relax and talk to Emma and Lizzie.
He couldn’t wait until they were here, with him. When he had time off, he spent it preparing the two rooms across the hall from his. There was an adjoining bathroom, so it would be perfect for Lizzie and Emma. More to the point, it would assure her she had her own space, so she wouldn’t get spooked. A space she could sanitize to her heart’s delight.
Danny’s room was larger and had an en suite. He couldn’t help thinking maybe, eventually, Lizzie would sleep here. With him.
How could she think they might not work out?
How could they not work out?
They were perfect together. And if they weren’t, they could work on perfect. Life was a journey, right?
Meanwhile, his life consisted of sleep, food, work, repeat, so it was something of a thrill when Mark invited him over for dinner at his place one night. He appreciated Mark asking him over. Of all his siblings, he was the easiest to be around.
So at the end of the day’s ride, Danny clapped off as much of the dust as he could, washed his hands and slicked back his hair, then made his way in the waning October sunlight to Mark’s cabin—one of the six built for crew with families, back by the bunkhouse.
A chorus of barks rose to greet him as he stepped onto the porch. Mark opened the door and the hounds rushed out. He’d already met them all, but Tallulah Bell gave him a crotch sniff just to be polite. His brother ushered him in. “Beer?”
“Sure.” Danny let the dogs nuzzle his hand, because who wouldn’t?
Mark made his way around a couple of yapping fur balls to the stove. “I made chili. I hope you like it.”
“Love it.”
“It’s Grandma’s recipe, so if you want it spicier, I have the goods.” He pulled a tray out of the pantry with a selection of hot sauces.
“Oh, wow.” Danny checked the labels and chuckled. If he ate that hot sauce, he’d be in a fetal position tomorrow. “I’m sure it’s great the way it is.”
While the chili finished simmering, Mark gave Danny a tour of his cabin, which was really much larger than it seemed. He had a living room and kitchen, a master bedroom with a private bathroom and another bedroom that he used for storage.
“Nice place,” Danny said as the tour ended, back in the kitchen.
“Yep.” Mark dropped into an overstuffed chair and gestured for Danny to do the same. “I think one of these places would be perfect if you and Lizzie decide not to stay in the big house. Besides, it’d be nice having neighbors.
”
Danny nodded, though he hadn’t even thought that far ahead.
The conversation continued over dinner, which included a pretty damn good side of cornbread—Maria’s recipe this time. And, of course, more beer. It was a pleasant discussion. Mark talked about the town, and the people Danny might meet if he stayed, and shared more stories about his childhood.
At one point, Mark sighed and said, “I’ve got to say, I’m sure glad you came along. It’s nice having another brother.”
“Thanks.”
“I can’t wait for Emma and Lizzie to get here. Everyone is so excited.” He snorted a laugh. “Did you see what Luke is building next to the vegetable garden?”
“I saw he was doing something there. Some miniature house?”
“A rabbit hutch. He’s determined to have it ready before Emma gets here. He’s planning a swing set and a sandbox, too. Think he’s excited?”
Danny grinned. “Maybe a little. It’s going to be months, though.”
“I know.” Mark sighed. “But he loves that kid.” Yeah. He did. “It’s so cool the way he and Emma have bonded.”
“Sure is,” Danny said, ignoring that tiny prick of...was it jealousy? Of course she loved him. She should love Luke. He’d saved her life. Danny, on the other hand was...the sperm donor.
“I mean, after what he’s been through... I can’t even... Man. It’s been a miracle for him. He’s so much...happier.”
Happier? Happier than what? Danny took a sip of beer. “Um, are we talking about the same Luke?”
Mark chuckled. “Yep. Believe it or not. I mean, he was always quiet and serious, even as a kid. But when he came back from Afghanistan, he was a completely different person. Bitter, wounded and lost. I think bonding with Emma is showing him the way back. That’s what I mean by miracle. She needed him and he needed her. And they found each other at just the right time.”
Well, that was good to know, that some kind of good had come out of Emma’s illness. “Afghanistan couldn’t have been a picnic.”
“Not even. It was hell to begin with, and then Luke lost his best friend over there. To come back alone without him was really tough.”