“That must be very emotionally and physically draining for you, Lacey. Pregnancy even when planned brings a lot of emotions out of a woman, but being unplanned those probably double.”
I nod, staying quiet. I already feel the tears forming in my eyes.
“It’s been a little hard, I’ll admit.”
Nico puts his hand out to touch my knee and I glare at him, shaking my head.
“Tell me what has been the hardest part,” Rose says eyeing Nico’s hand.
“I guess just wrappin’ my head around the fact that…” I look up at the ceiling and curse these hormones.
Rose reaches for the tissues on the side table and hands me the box. I take one and dab underneath my eyes, sniffling.
“I guess the hardest part has been gettin’ through the fact that this baby won’t have a normal home. I...I always thought that Nico and I would...we would be great, lovin’ parents together and now…”
I can’t continue my thoughts because I’m crying now, ugly crying and blowing my nose in the tissue with Nico’s hand on my back.
“Would you like some water, Lacey?” Rose asks.
I nod and Nico gets to his feet, walking over to the water cooler and pouring me a glass. I mumble a thank you and drink it all down, wiping my nose as I get myself under control.
“Let me ask you something, Lacey. What was your childhood like?”
I take a deep breath and fiddle with the tissue in my hand.
“My mother left my father and I when I was a baby. I don’t remember her, and I haven't seen her since. I uh...used to get into fights a lot at school. Moving around a lot sucked and when I was seventeen my father remarried. My mother signed over all custody to him. She gave my father a letter to give to me and it was...it was horrible…”
Eight years ago…
“I'm so happy we're stayin’ in Louisiana. Does that mean you and Daddy are gonna get married? Are you gonna live here with us?” I ask Savannah Gavinwood excitedly.
She's been dating my daddy for the past few months and gave me an internship at her company, Double Play Sports. I really love working with her and helping with events. It's been such an awesome job and when I go to college next year, I'm definitely gonna major in Sports Management so I can go to work for her full time. She already offered me a job when I'm ready. I was nervous about our move to Louisiana, but it's been the best thing that's ever happened
“Actually, when your daddy comes down, we do have somethin’ we wanna talk about with you,” Savannah says, her voice laced with sadness.
Dammit. They better not be breaking up. I've gotten too used to being around the Gavinwood’s and Bella has become one of my best friends. I don't want to give this up, I shouldn't have to.
“Mornin’ ladies,” I hear my daddy say walking over to me and kissing me on my forehead.
I smile up at him, but Savannah says her greeting quickly and goes back to stirring.
“What do ya wanna talk to me about?” I ask not wasting any time.
“We uh...a couple of things actually. How about we eat first,” my daddy says motioning towards the table.
Great. This conversation is going to be awesome.
I nod instead of responding with some sassy comment as Savannah finishes breakfast and we eat in silence for the first couple of minutes.
Alright, I tried, I can't take this.
“Are y'all breakin’ up?” I ask putting my fork down on my plate.
“What?” my daddy asks shocked.
“Savannah looks upset and y'all said you had news. I asked her if us stayin’ here meant she was gonna move in, but she said we gotta talk. Everyone knows when people say that, it ain't good.”
“It's good news. At least I hope you're gonna think it's good news,” my daddy says glancing over at Savannah.
They do some weird back and forth couple look and Savannah looks like she’s gonna puke. What the heck is going on?
“You uh...you're gonna have a little sibling,” she says exhaling.
What the...I didn't expect that! I open my mouth to say something, anything and nothing comes out. I try again and open my mouth to speak.
“That little boy...Tucker, right?” I ask.
Back a couple months ago, Savannah took me to an orphanage while my dad was away. We hung out with this cute little boy Tucker, about five years old. Before she even told me her plan, I knew that's what it was. She's got a lot of love to give, I was hoping some of that was gonna be shared with me.
“Yes, Tucker, but I’m pregnant too,” Savannah says slowly interrupting my thoughts.
“I uh...really?” I ask my face breaking out into a smile.
No freaking way!
“Really,” Savannah says smiling back at me.
I scramble up from the table and run to Savannah's side wrapping my arms around her neck in a tight embrace.
“A baby and a little brother? Thank you,” I whisper.
“For what?” Savannah asks laughing.
“For bein’ you. For bein’ amazin’ and lovin’ us both, even though we’re damaged goods,” I say my voice breaking a little.
She doesn't understand what this means to me. How many years I've dreamed about what it would be like to have a strong woman on my side, to confide in about my girl problems, give me advice when I go to college, braid my hair, let me cry on her shoulder, be my rock. I love my daddy with all my heart but it's different with him.
“Lace, you and your daddy ain't damaged goods. I thought I was for a while there but believe me we're not. We've just been through things that have made us strong and I would be happy to call y'all my family. We’re buildin’ this family full of strong people. I wouldn't have it any other way,” Savannah says cupping my cheek.
I smile at her, my heart so full, nothing could break this happiness.
“Speakin’ of family,” my daddy interrupts. “We also have some other news.”
Savannah squeezes my shoulder and I look at her, her expression hard and I’m so confused.
“Lacey, I just want you to know that your daddy and I love you more than anything in this world. You have become such a strong young woman these past few months and anyone that doesn't see how amazin’ and lovin’ you are, can go to hell,” Savannah says with conviction.
I look over to my daddy, confused with the sudden tension in the room. He reaches his arm out for me to walk over to him.
“Your mama sent over some papers to officially hand over all parental rights to me.”
I thought nothing could ruin this happiness, but that just did it. I tense at the mention of her, my egg donor. The woman that wanted drugs more than me, left me, left us. She's done with me, officially. I hate her, I hate her so much but a small part of me thought one day she would come and find me, explain everything to me and apologize. I don't need her in my life, but I needed an explanation. Why wasn't I enough for her?
“My mama is right here,” I squeak out pointing to Savannah, trying to cover up my hurt. “If you’re referrin’ to Kat, then...well...it’s her loss,” I say with more emotion in my voice than I want to let on.
Dammit.
“You’re right pumpkin, it is. We love you Lacey, so much and I know this is hard to process and understand. We do have somethin’ that may make you feel a little better though,” my daddy says glancing at Savannah.
I look over at her and her eyebrows shoot up, surprised. Okay, now I'm confused.
“Savannah wants to officially adopt you. I know you really only have one more year until you're 18 and you don't really need all this, but it's up to you.”
Savannah is crying and I try to hold back my own tears. She wants me. This woman who didn't have to love me, didn't have to give me an internship, something I love, something to make me feel accomplished. She wants me. This can't be real.
“I already consider ya one, but you’d be my mama officially?” I ask with hope in my voice.
Pinch me, someone please pinch me.
; “If you want me to be, baby, of course. But that's just official stuff. You know you got me as your mama regardless of all that, like ya said.”
“Yes! Okay, yeah,” I yell running back to Savannah. “I...can I cash in a mama moment now? We have so many years to catch up and the girls at school have been fillin’ me in, but we need to talk about a few things.”
I've waited so long for this moment, never thinking that it was actually going to happen. I pull Savannah from the chair, down the hall to my room catching up on many, many teen/mom years that I've missed.
----
“Pumpkin?” My father says knocking on my door.
“Come in Daddy,” I respond.
“I don't wanna ruin the happiness of today, but this is for you. I debated back and forth if I should give it to you, but it's for you and you're a young woman and should be able to make this decision for yourself.”
He hands me an envelope and I eye it suspiciously.
“What is this?”
“A letter from your ma-Kat. She gave me one too.”
“What did yours say?” I ask curiously.
“That she's sorry she abandoned me, she has a disease and it hurts everyone in her life. She's happy that I stepped up and became a great dad to you, she loved me, other stuff like that.”
“You never really talk about your relationship. Did you love her?”
“I uh…”
“You can tell me the truth Daddy. I know you weren't plannin’ on havin’ a baby at 21. I can do math.”
He laughs at my sassy tone and rubs the back of his neck.
“No, I didn't love her. Truth be told, I didn't know her very well. I was always gonna step up and be the father you deserved though, regardless of how I felt about her.”
“Okay.”
I look down at the letter and he stands, getting ready to leave the room.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“For what pumpkin?”
“For finally givin’ love a chance. I'm really happy today. Really, really happy,” I say smiling.
He walks over to me and wraps me in a hug that I swear lasts for hours.
Savannah knocks on the door, standing in the doorway.
“I'm gonna head to bed, baby, I don't feel too good.”
We break the hug and I look at Savannah with concern.
“Just mornin’ sickness,” she says shooing away my worry. “Or night sickness, all day sickness actually,” she laughs.
I shake my head and laugh.
“Not excited for that when I'm older.”
“Much, much, much older,” my daddy says pointing at me.
I laugh along with Savannah and shake my head.
“Go take care of my mama, Daddy,” I say smiling at Savannah.
She walks over to me and hugs me too and I feel a tear forming.
“Love you, Lace. So much, never forget it, okay?”
“Love you too, Mama. Love you too.”
They both leave the room holding hands and as much as their affections gross me out, I long for that one day. One day down the line I'll have that too.
I reach for the envelope, debating on whether to open it or rip it up. I want the closure, I want answers, but this is such a coward’s way to do it. I shouldn't expect anything else though, this is as good as it’s gonna get.
I rip open the envelope and start to read, each line worse than the next. I shouldn't have opened this letter. I really shouldn't have opened this letter.
-----
Dear Lacey,
You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this letter instead of saying all of this to your face. The truth is, I don’t even want to see you. You’ve ruined my life, so now it is my turn to return the favor. You will never know happiness for as long as I live, I'll make sure of that.
I spiraled into a terrible addiction after having you. I lost your father because of it, I lost my body because I carried you in it. No one wanted me, just like no one will want you. You're destined for heartbreak, just like I was.
One day you may think you’ve found happiness, you think you may have escaped me, but you have my DNA Lacey. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, it'll never leave your veins. Your DNA is too damaged to make anyone happy, even yourself.
One day soon, I’ll see you again, but only know it will be out of pure desperation. As much as I despise you, and you probably me, I know your determination to prove me wrong will outweigh your hatred. You will make something of yourself, Lacey Lee and when you do, I’ll come to collect what I am owed, what you took from me. I gave you life, it is only fair that you give me something in exchange.
Your mother,
Katerina Winters
---
“Are you okay?” Nico asks from next to me.
I nod and shrug his hand off my back.
“That must be a hard pill to swallow, Lacey. A mother that could write such harsh words like that. How is your relationship with your father and his new wife now?” Rose asks.
“It’s great. I’m very close with my father and Savannah. She introduced me to somethin’ I absolutely love doin’ and after I graduated, she gave me the event coordinator position. I own one third of the company alongside her and my aunt,” I say proudly.
“Congratulations, it sounds like you’ve accomplished a lot,” Rose says smiling.
“Thank you,” I say smiling back and she writes something down in her notebook.
“How were your romantic relationships when you were younger, before Nicholas came along?” she asks.
My stomach sinks again and I remember Weston and all of the men after him.
“I...they weren’t really relationships.”
“What would you consider them?”
“I guess...scratchin’ itches?” I say shrugging.
“Have you ever had a relationship or were they all just ‘scratching itches’?”
“I...aren’t we gonna talk about Nico too? Why are all the questions directed at me?” I ask defensively.
Rose smiles and checks her watch.
“How about you both think about that. Nicholas, we’ll focus on your childhood next time, okay?”
He nods and we both stand walking towards the door.
“Have a good day you two, this has been a great session. Thank you for openin’ up so much, Lacey,” Rose says squeezing my shoulder.
I nod and Nico and I walk to the parking lot in silence. I’m heading into the office so we took two separate cars.
“I...I didn’t know all the details of that letter. Why didn’t you tell me any of that?” Nico asks softly.
“I...it’s horrible. I mean my own mother said those words to me, I might as well just rip open my chest and let you see my organs.”
We stand in silence and I reach inside my bag for my keys.
“Well, I have to get to work,” I say turning towards my car.
Nico is there, opening my door for me and I nod a thank you.
“Can I call you tonight? Maybe bring over takeout instead of ordering it? I...I was reading up a little bit last night and it says you could get swelling in your feet and maybe I can help.”
This caring, unsure Nico is breaking my heart. A few weeks ago he would barge right into the house and demand that he rub my feet and he won’t hear a thing about it. He would threaten to smack my butt raw if I complained. Now he stands before me, asking permission, his posture like a misbehaved puppy waiting to be scolded. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much.
“Okay,” I relent. “But...just dinner and maybe a foot rub. Nothin’ more.”
He nods, his face breaking into a boyish smile and I curse myself and want to take it back. All the memories in my house, our house, how am I going to escape this love, this need I have for him? You’re so screwed Lacey, so frigging screwed.
Chapter 3
Nico
“Hey Miguel, it's Nico Johnson. Mind if I come by the studio? I got a favor to ask,” I say through my phone getting
into my GTR.
“Sure thing man, come on down. As long as you're not looking for a fighting buddy. I'm bowing out on that one.”
I laugh and start my car.
“No man, just a favor. See you soon.”
I hope to God he can help me because I can't stand the distance between me and Lacey. The heartbreak and agony on her face that I put there. I'm wracking my brain day in and day out to try and figure out what the fuck happened that night. There is no scenario in the world where I would cheat on Lacey, none whatsoever.
Walk Off (Double Play Series Book 5) Page 3