Ah, her kindred spirit, at it again.
With a roll of her shoulders, she joined them, Perry on her heels. Within seconds, Valerie plopped a plate of sandwiches and tarts in the middle of their table. It might be worth enduring craft time for the finger foods.
She grabbed a pinecone and a paintbrush. To the teenager, she said, “Can I borrow your screw-Christmas black paint?”
He grinned and passed it over.
Perry also grabbed a pinecone and paintbrush, as well as gold glitter. He’d undoubtedly paint the prettiest pinecone in all the land, and Sasha suddenly resented that.
She ripped into another fig and goat cheese tart, then gobbled up a salmon and caper salad tea sandwich on soda bread.
The atmosphere in the room was cozy and festive, everyone laughing and enjoying themselves, but Sasha couldn’t fake it. She felt more separate from the happiness of the season than normal.
She was halfway done painting her pinecone black with hot pink seed tips when Andie interrupted her concentration.
“So, Sasha, how long have you been working in”—Andie threw a hasty glance at the teenage boy at their table, her eyes shining—“uh, sales?” Today Andie was wearing a chunky wool stocking cap over her short fro and bright purple lipstick that popped against her dark skin.
Sasha smiled. “I got my degree in marketing but started working at my current company after my best friend founded it seven years ago. She needed a marketing manager, so I stepped in. What do you do?”
“I’m getting my PhD in microbiology, but I also bartend a couple nights a week because the tips are stellar.”
“I hear that,” Sasha said. She’d waitressed in addition to her Lady Robin’s Intimate Implements job until the company had exploded into success. “Where do you bartend?”
“It’s a place in midtown called Rod’s.” Andie then mouthed, “Strip club.”
Sasha smiled and nodded. She knew of Rod’s. It was a fancy, upscale place that had a women’s night once a week where there were male dancers. She’d known a guy in college who had worked there. She imagined the tips were more than stellar considering the rich clientele.
“Did you ever think you’d be marketing the type of … umm …” Andie trailed off, obviously at a loss in how to describe sex toys in front of the teen boy, who didn’t seem to be paying them any mind.
“Gizmos,” Perry said, without glancing up from his pinecone. His ornament looked straight out of a West Elm catalog. He’d painted the seed tips dark green and was finishing them with golden glitter. It was the fanciest fucking pinecone Sasha had ever seen.
Andie laughed. “Yes, gizmos. Did you plan to go into gizmos? Or did you fall into it?”
Sasha shrugged. “Robin and I had been talking about it for years, almost as a joke. Then one day it stopped being a joke. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
The teen boy glanced up then and grabbed a cucumber and cream cheese sandwich. “I don’t know why you’re all talking in circles.” He pointed his sandwich at Sasha. “You sell sex toys.” Then he turned to Andie. “And you work at the only strip club in the city that has male strippers.”
Silence descended on the table until Sasha couldn’t hold it in any longer. She burst into laughter.
“What’s your name?” she asked him.
He blushed and flipped his black bangs out of his eyes. “Ryker.”
“I think you’re going places. How did you know what I sell?”
“I heard the laughter during the private party last night, so I snuck down to see what was going on. Kind of hard to miss the dildos being passed around.”
“Oh geez.” Sasha laughed into her hands. The whole table was trying to stifle their giggling.
“Highlight of this whole stupid family-bonding time,” Ryker grumbled. “I hate Christmas.”
“Why?” Andie asked him.
“My mom died around Christmas.”
A hush of silence hit the table. Sasha glanced at the other tables that were occupied by Ryker’s siblings. He was several years older than the next oldest, so they were probably half-siblings.
Perry tentatively said, “I’m really sorry. My dad died right before Thanksgiving when I was ten. It’s hard to celebrate a holiday when a person you love is missing, isn’t it?”
Ryker nodded. “Yes. That. But my dad and stepmom try to force it.” He turned his attention back to his goth Christmas tree, where he’d started to paint tiny white skulls as ornaments.
Sasha’s chest hurt suddenly, like someone had scooped her heart out with a spoon. She knew heartache, but she couldn’t imagine losing a loving parent at such a young age. Neither of her parents had ever played a role in her life, and she couldn’t say that she missed them much. But she did miss her grandmother every day, especially this time of year, when so many families came together to celebrate.
Sasha, Benji, and Rosie were their own support system now. Those first few years after their grandma had died, Sasha had overcompensated, feeling this need to keep her little family close and tied together. Basically, she’d become a Christmas nut.
Sasha had gone all in on Christmas, building it up as this uber-important holiday, giving it meaning that wasn’t there. When P.J., her ex, had proposed, Sasha had pushed for a Christmas Eve wedding, thinking it would bring some of that specialness back to the season.
Instead, P.J. had left her at the altar and ruined Christmas for her for good.
Bile thickened in Sasha’s throat, old hurts rushing up at her. She couldn’t be here any longer. She needed out.
She started to stand as Valerie swept back into the room.
“Great news!” Valerie said loudly, so everyone could hear her. “Supposedly, there will be a bit of a break in the storm tomorrow morning. They’re expecting the snow to slow down and the temperature to rise above thirty-two degrees for about four or five hours tomorrow before the second wave of storms hit us. It should be enough time for the interstate to open and for us to get a crew out here to clear the driveway. It looks like a jail break is imminent.”
Sasha couldn’t help herself—she glanced at Perry, and he was staring at her, sad shock on his face. She hadn’t expected to get to go home tomorrow, and she should be ecstatic.
She was ecstatic!
Truly.
Mostly.
“That’s awesome,” Sasha said, her voice as measured as she could make it. “I think I’m going to try to catch a bit of a nap, if you’ll excuse me.”
She left her pinecone ornament on the table. It was too ugly for a tree anyway.
Chapter Six
Perry thought he’d escaped the crowd. Everyone else was playing Risk in the breakfast room or watching Christmas movies in the den, so he settled down with a book in front of the fire and nursed a beer.
It only took thirty minutes for his sister to find him.
“What’s up, little bro?” she said as she melted into the chair next to him.
“Not much. Reading.” He held up the old-school bodice ripper he’d nicked from her library in the attic.
Valerie laughed softly and leaned her head back. She had dark circles under her eyes. This whole snowed-in situation had to be stressful for her. She had several staff that helped run Winterberry Inn, but none of them had been able to make it out here in the storm. Also, the inn didn’t usually have to feed its guests more than breakfast, but Valerie had been determined to make everyone’s stay exceptional, even with a snow-pocalypse.
“How are you doing, Val?”
“Fine. I’ve got several pots of soup and chili going for dinner, as well as crusty bread. It’ll be a nice, homey meal. Perfect snowed-in dinner.”
“Sounds great. If you need anything, please ask me. I’m happy to help you.” She didn’t react, so he continued. “I can help with the Soiree too.”
Valerie blew out a big breath, her cheeks puffing out, before she opened her eyes. “I’m a bit behind on that actually.”
“You always are,” Pe
rry teased. It was a large, extravagant party. Not an easy thing to plan on your own. “What do you need help with?”
“The decorations mostly, which you’ll be awesome at. Eden is in charge of the menu, so no worries for me there. But transforming the inn into a romantic winter wonderland is a tad stressful. So many candles. Normally, I’d be setting up already, but with all the guests stranded here, I decided to wait.”
“Makes sense. Once the storm passes, we’ll hit the prepping hard.”
Valerie smiled and stole his beer from his fingers. “I’m so happy you’re here. I wish you lived closer, then you could help me all the time.” He started to open his mouth, to dump his truth on her, but she didn’t give him a chance to break in. “Man, if you lived here, you could try for something real with Sasha. You guys are adorably awkward around each other. And don’t lie. I know you’ve been getting up to some hanky-panky, Mr. Disappeared-With-The-Sex-Toy-Lady all afternoon.”
Perry laughed uncomfortably. “So, I have a lot of things to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.”
“Start with which sex toys you’ve used.”
“Ew, no. I’m not giving you details. And tomorrow, she’ll go back to her exciting, interesting life and forget about boring ol’ me.”
Perry jerked when Valerie punched his arm. “Stop the pity party. It looks ridiculous on you.”
He smiled at his sister. She knew exactly how to break him out of his moods.
“So I told you Brit and I broke up earlier this month.” he said.
Valerie nodded, her brows furrowing down. His ex-girlfriend and Valerie had never exactly gotten along, which should have been a warning signal. He was obviously good at ignoring his gut instinct when it came to his life, though. He’d done it with his accounting job for almost eight years.
“Well, we broke up because I got laid off and then decided to use my severance package to go back to school.”
“Oh, thank God.”
Perry gaped at her. “What?”
“You were miserable in that job, but it’s like you thought that hating your job was part of being an adult. If that’s true, then I don’t want to grow up. What do you want to do instead?”
This conversation was not going how he’d expected. “I enrolled in the horticulture and landscape architecture program. Here. In the city.”
“Shut the fuck up! You’re moving here?”
“My car is full of my shit. I sold my furniture.”
Valerie hugged him. “My little brother is back. Oh my God, I’m so happy. Best. Christmas. Ever.”
Perry laughed. “Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
She leaned back. “Absolutely not. You’ll be so great at that. I’m asked all the time who did our landscaping! I’m excited for you.”
“Thanks, Val. I’m nervous. I’m essentially jobless and homeless right now.”
“You’re not homeless. Hell, you can stay in the Red Cedar Room for a while. I can mark it as booked for the foreseeable future. Or you can move into your childhood bedroom in the carriage house.”
They both laughed. Once Valerie had taken over the Winterberry Inn, she’d also renovated the carriage house. It didn’t resemble their childhood home in the least, but it reflected her farmhouse-chic style. His childhood bedroom was her quilting room.
“I’m happy I’m here,” he said and stole his beer back.
“Maybe …” Valerie glanced at him and frowned. “Never mind.”
“What?”
“I was scheming.”
“About what?”
“Matchmaking.”
Perry turned in his seat to face her. “Valerie, no. Whatever you’re planning—don’t.”
“I’m just saying … we host the ‘most romantic Christmas party in the Midwest’ according to Midwestern Living. It’d be the perfect party to invite someone’s new fuck buddy to.”
“That’s not a good idea. She’s made it pretty clear she doesn’t do romance. Or Christmas.”
“Maybe she simply needs the right person to bust her out of her shell?” Valerie said.
“Maybe you’ve been reading too many romance novels?”
Valerie tapped the old romance in his hand. “You too, brother. Anything can happen at Christmas. Isn’t that the magic of the season? People open their hearts and miracles happen.”
“Sasha agreeing to come with me to the Soiree is about as likely as a flying reindeer.”
“If you don’t believe, you won’t receive, Perry.”
He laughed. “Oh, fuck off.”
“Fine.” She lightly kissed his cheek after standing up. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
“But you still owe me a 2013 Venge Vineyard Late Harvest Zinfandel.”
“Shit. Sorry,” he called after her as she waltzed out of the room, throwing a cheeky smile over her shoulder.
He stared down at the cover of the romance he’d been reading. It showed a couple in a sensual clench, both partially undressed and seemingly wrapped up in each other.
Maybe one day he’d have that, but it wouldn’t be with Sasha. Hell, right now, with his life in total upheaval, it was undoubtedly the worst time to fall for someone, but he was.
Falling.
He wouldn’t push Sasha. There were a million reasons Sasha might not want a relationship. Even more reasons not to want one with him. It wasn’t his place to try to change her mind. Part of his heart, his mind, was screaming at him to fight it, to help her see that they could be great together. But he respected her too much.
He’d read one too many romance novels if he thought two days of sex with an unemployed accountant was going to change her mind. He returned to his book.
Dinner snuck up on him a few hours later. He was half-asleep next to the fire when Andie and Karen found him.
“Hey, lover boy. Time to eat,” Karen said after snapping next to his ear. “Your sister made chili. She says it’s spicy, but I don’t trust that girl to know her way around spicy.” Both Andie and Karen laughed at that, and Perry stretched.
“It won’t be spicy. She’s a weenie.”
“Figures. Why so glum?” Karen asked. Perry had known Karen for over five years, and he recognized the sudden seriousness in her voice. She’d always been able to get the young members of the Staunchly Raunchy Book Club to open up when they needed to. She’d probably been trained in interrogation.
Andie patted Perry’s shoulder and left the room, giving them space.
“I’m fine,” he said, wishing it were true.
“Sure you are.” The sarcasm pitched Karen’s voice deeper. “Does this have to do with Ms. Sasha Holiday?”
He shrugged and tried to put on a relaxed smile. “I’m fine. Promise. I barely know Sasha.”
“Sometimes we just know that it’s special. I’d never been with a woman until I met Andie.”
“Really?”
“I was with Devon for over twenty years, and I miss him every day, especially this time of year.” Perry nodded, recognizing the name of Karen’s late husband. She smiled. “When I met Andie, I knew immediately that we were meant to be, that we would be incredible together, but I was scared and mourning. So I moved slow. And she let me. She let me take my time, get my bearings. I’m so thankful for that.”
“That’s a beautiful story.”
“Do you get what I’m trying to tell you, hon?”
“Not exactly.” He tugged on his hair, trying to wake himself up.
“Sasha lit up like a Christmas tree when you first walked in the other night. She can’t keep her eyes off you. And you’re the same. Maybe it’s only sex. Maybe it’s attraction that will fizzle out. But I think it’s more, and I’m pretty fucking smart.”
Perry’s stomach clenched. “I wish it was more, but she doesn’t want that.”
“And I’m saying, let her be scared. Give her time to get her bearings. Give her space to figure it out. Maybe she won’t come to her senses, but maybe she will.”
>
“I don’t want to get hurt.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I don’t want that for you, either.” Karen reached over and squeezed his knee. “Sometimes love is a risk. The best kind of risk, and you deserve all the love.”
He smiled at her as a sudden jingle of bells sounded behind them. He turned in his chair to see Sasha, wearing her reindeer antlers again, walking out of the room.
I don’t want to get hurt.
I don’t want to get hurt.
Those words rang through Sasha’s ears through dinner. She’d donned the stupid-ass reindeer antlers and a Christmas sweatshirt from Valerie in the hopes that a little cheer would do her some good. She’d fake it to make it and all that crap.
After the talk with Ryker earlier, she’d decided it was worth it to pull on false merriness like an ill-fitting Santa costume this evening. She only needed to make it through a few more hours of cozy Christmas social time, then she was home free come morning.
And yeah, the thought of leaving tomorrow left her breathless and hurting, a physical ache from her ribs to the pit of her stomach. She’d never see Andie and Karen, who were the biggest troublemakers ever. Never see Louise, who was sweet and shy, or Valerie, who could so easily become a friend.
And she’d never see Perry Winters.
She kept trying to convince herself that they could somehow continue this no-strings affair, that it didn’t mean anything and they were on the same page, so it was okay to keep seeing each other once the storm passed. But she couldn’t lie anymore.
I don’t want to get hurt.
She didn’t want to hurt him. Their goals, their hopes were too incompatible. He deserved a woman who would cuddle up to him while roasting chestnuts in the fire or who would help him trim the million Christmas trees in this adorable bed and breakfast.
He deserved a partner who would happily dance with him at the Winterberry Sappy Christmas Twosomes’ Extravaganza or whatever it was called. And that would never be her.
She was almost sure it could never be her.
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