by E. M. Leya
"Not at all. Only making it stronger." Jess smiled as he closed his eyes again.
Andy watched him, taking in how Jess looked in his arms, against him. God, why hadn't they done this sooner? It was like the missing piece in his life had been found and snapped into place.
"What time is it?" Jess whispered.
Andy reached on the nightstand and looked at his phone. "Almost nine."
"Shit, have to work at ten." Jess took a deep breath and sighed, but he didn't move. "Will you be here tonight?"
"If you want me here."
"I do. We need to talk. Nothing bad, but I need to know…" Jess lifted his head and looked at Andy. "I just need you."
"I'll be here. In fact, I'll pick you up from work and we can get takeout. We'll come home and talk about everything." He caressed his hand down Jess's back. "How do you feel? Are you sore?"
"My stomach and chest are a bit tender, but not bad. You were gentle." Jess rolled to his back so they could see his chest. A few red marks were visible, but nothing more showed from their play the night before.
"Good. I don't want to hurt you. Just make you feel good."
"That's something else we need to talk about."
Andy's throat tightened. Was Jess going to tell him he didn't want to play that way anymore? Andy had just opened himself up to accepting his role as a Dom. He wouldn't change his mind about being with Jess if he decided he didn't want anymore, but it would be a letdown. "We'll talk about everything. I want us both on the same page going forward. No more secrets, no more hesitation. We'll lay it all out on the table and decide what works for us. "
Jess nodded, then sat up. "I need to shower and get ready for work."
"I'll go scramble you an egg."
"Just toast. I'm not really hungry. I'll get lunch at work, I promise." Jess met his gaze. "I'd ask you to shower with me but…" A blush worked up his neck.
"But you'd end up being late if I did. It's better to wait anyway. I don't want to be rushed when we start exploring things. I want to take my time and do it right. We'll have plenty of other times in the shower. Go get ready. I'll get your toast." Andy leaned in and meant to brush a soft kiss over Jess's mouth, but Jess slipped his hand around the back of Andy's neck and held him there, taking over the kiss and deepening it.
It was their first real kiss, one that wasn't fleeting. Their lips pressed together and they paused for only a second before both of them responded, moving their lips over one another's, licking, sucking, and taking everything the other offered. By the time they parted, they were both breathless.
"Go now or I'm making you call in sick." Andy stared at him. "The urge to keep you in this bed all day is too strong."
Jess grinned, but quickly rose from the bed. "We'll continue it tonight."
"I'm holding you to that." Andy watched as Jess rushed to the bathroom. With a sigh, he climbed out of bed, taking a moment to find his clothes, and slip them on. He needed a shower too, but he'd wait until he got home. He wasn't going to do anything to keep Jess from work. He knew how tight money was. Maybe now, he could get Jess to consider getting an apartment together. Or even just moving into one they already had. They'd only need one bedroom if they were going to be together.
He smiled as he made his way to the kitchen, feeling better than he had in a long time. It should have been overwhelming dealing with all the changes in his life recently, but somehow it was all coming together. He wouldn't rush things. They'd talk, see where they both wanted to go with everything, then decide together how to move forward.
Frowning at how little Jess had in his fridge, Andy pulled out the butter, then used the last two slices of bread to make his toast. Even more reason to live together. Andy's fridge was never empty, and he enjoyed cooking. He could make sure Jess was eating. Not nag him, but help him stop seeing food as an expense he couldn't afford because he was sure that was most of the problem.
Jess walked out, wearing his work pants, but carrying his shirt just as the coffee finished brewing. His hair was wet and a towel was draped around his shoulders. He looked amazing. Several red marks marred his pale skin, and a rush of pride washed through Andy at the knowledge he'd put them there.
"You look good enough to eat." Andy moved to him, grabbing the ends of the towel, and pulling Jess to him. "I should have planned this better and so you didn't have to work the next day."
"I work almost every day." Jess grinned. "But I agree. I hate leaving right now."
"It will give us both time to think and sort out our thoughts. We aren't in any rush. You and I always have time. Neither of us is going anywhere." Andy kissed him lightly. "Eat and caffeinate while I gather my things, then I'll give you a ride to work." He released his hold on the towel and forced himself to step away.
"I have a question." Jess looked nervous.
"What?"
"Did you sleep with Al? You know, when you met him? Did anything happen?"
Andy grinned, liking the look of jealousy on Jess's face. "No, nothing happened. There's no attraction to Al. You're the only one I want. There's been no one since Beth. Al and I talked, that's it. I'll tell you everything tonight so you don't have to wonder, but I promise you, you're the one I want. The only one."
Jess nodded. "Thanks."
"Now eat. I'll be right out." Andy hurried to the bathroom, then back to the bedroom to gather his things. He left the flogger, butt plug, rope, and lube so they would have it later. Someday, maybe they'd have a dungeon like Master Tony and Maggie had. Hopefully, Jess would like that. If not, it was a side of his life he would miss, but he'd give it up if he needed to.
Jess was putting his plate in the sink when Andy walked back in. Jess turned and smiled as he reached for his coffee cup and took a long sip.
It was a sight Andy could get used to. They'd shared a thousand breakfasts together, but this morning it was different. "You ready?"
"Almost." Jess set his coffee down and pulled his shirt on. He finger-combed his hair, somehow making it look perfect, then nodded. "I was thinking that maybe one day when we have time, you might take me to that store you talked about. The one where your friend works. I'd like to see some of the stuff myself."
Hope that Jess would continue to explore things welled inside Andy. "Sure, I'd love to. And Al mentioned he had a dungeon we could use if we wanted to try some things. It was one of the things I figured we'd talk about later. I wasn't sure how into it you really were. If it was just something you did for video with Al."
"I like it a lot and want to know more. I'm nervous. I won't deny that, but I love everything. It's something I want to explore more. I wouldn't mind seeing what a real dungeon looks like."
But would he want to play in it? Andy imagined Jess tied to the St. Andrew's Cross. He bit back a moan at the image. "We'll talk tonight and see what we both want. We aren't going to rush things. I don't want too much going on in that head of yours and have it get in the way of us exploring what's going on with us. I don't want you ever thinking that what happens between us is dependent on what happens in the bedroom."
"I know it wouldn't be. Not with you. You wouldn't do that to me." Jess stepped close to Andy and cupped a hand against his cheek. "Are we really doing this? Me and you? A relationship? Is that what you want?"
It was something he'd planned on discussing later, but there was no reason not to say it now. He knew in his heart what he wanted. "Yes, if it's what you want. I want to try and see where it goes. I want us together."
"So I can call you my boyfriend?" Jess's eyes filled with hope.
"You can and I'll call you mine." Andy kissed him softly. "We'll make this work."
"Good." Jess let out a long breath as if he'd been holding it, scared of the answer.
As they walked out the door, Andy swore that no matter what he'd do right by Jess. He'd be the boyfriend he wanted and needed, committed to making it work and not making the mistakes he'd made in his other relationships. For the first time in his life, someone mattere
d more than he did, and he wasn't going to let that person go.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jess slid into the truck beside Andy and smiled. "Thanks for picking me up. What a long day." He clipped his seatbelt into place and sighed so glad to be out of there.
"Not a problem. I grabbed some Chinese for us. I hope that's okay." Andy pulled out on the road.
"Perfect. I ate lunch at two, but I'm starving now. How was your day?" He was almost nervous and unsure what to say now that things had changed between them. He hoped that didn't mean that this was wrong. He wanted to have the same connection they had as friends and not let all the typical relationship stuff be an issue for the two of them. He hoped that because they were such good friends, they wouldn't go through half the shit most new relationships did.
"Typical Saturday. I caught up on laundry, did some grocery shopping, and cleaned up a bit." Andy reached over and rested his hand on Jess's thigh. "How was work?"
"Long. We had two cooks call in sick, so food was slow coming out. That's always fun because the customers blame the waiters. I'm just glad it's over. I'm dreading going back in tomorrow." Jess sighed. "I can't wait to graduate and get a job nursing."
"You're so close. I'm proud of how hard you've worked to get through school. I don't think I'd have had the dedication. For a while, after your parents disowned you, I worried you'd give up on your dreams, but you've stuck it out."
Jess settled his hand on top of Andy's, linking their fingers. "I can't tell you how many times I thought about quitting. I don't know what kept me going other than the fact I hope somehow my parents will hear that I made it despite them. There's a part of me that wants to prove I didn't need them or their money. But days like today when I'm so tired, it's all I can do to keep going. If the end wasn't so near, I might just bag it all."
"How about we eat, then take a long shower together and I give you a massage?" Andy asked.
Jess stared at him for a moment, trying to process the changes in their relationship. Showers and massages were never part of their life together before now and getting used to the fact that they now could be part of it was going to take some getting used to. "I'd like that. I still want to talk too. I have a lot of questions."
"So do I. We'll talk and work everything out. You still want this? Haven't changed your mind after having a day to think about it?"
"God, no. I want it more than I did this morning, I think. It just feels like it's right. The natural progression of our friendship. My issue is are you going to start questioning being with me? Being with a man? It's new to you. You've never shown interest in a guy before and suddenly you're okay with it? I'm scared it's just an experiment." He hoped he wasn't hurting Andy by admitting his fears. But he needed to know. He had to be sure that he wasn't going to get his heartbroken if they did this. Not that there was ever a guarantee, but he had to know they would both at least give it a shot.
"I'm right where I want to be, Jess. This isn't some game to me. I know what's at stake. I wouldn't risk our friendship on some experiment. You mean too much to me for that. Oddly, from the moment I found myself attracted to you, there hasn't been any hesitation other than how would it affect our friendship. I never got squeamish about being with a man or thinking of myself as gay or bisexual. I didn't feel any doubt. I just suddenly knew it was right. You were what was missing in my life. Even though I had you all along, I didn't have all of you. I wanted the whole package. I can't promise this will work. No relationship is a guarantee, but I can promise I'm not playing around. I'll give it my all and try to make this work. I'm not going to get tired and go looking for another man or woman. I've never wanted another man besides you, and you know my luck with women." Andy sighed. "All I'm saying is, this is real for me and I hope it is for you too."
Jess laughed. "I feel like I need to tell you all my flaws. Explain why being with me isn't good. Why I struggle to make relationships work, but then I realize that you already know all that. You know me better than I know myself sometimes."
"That's why I think this can work. We've already faced shit most couples don't face for years. We've been through hell and back together. Our biggest fights will be over our eating habits. You'll want fish while I want a burger. We've made it this far together as friends. I think we can make it as lovers too."
Jess watched Andy as he drove, looking at him in a way he never really had before. He saw him as a boyfriend. He was right, they had been through a lot and had proven they had staying power through bad times. "What about your parents? Will you tell them?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I? I don't plan on hiding us. They are fine with Brad being gay, and you came out to them before you came out to your own parents. They are going to be happy for us. Mom might moan about grandkids, but other than that, they'll be excited."
Grandkids? Wow, was Andy really thinking long-term? Was he committing to this and thinking it would last forever? God, he hoped so. He wanted this so badly. "We can always adopt down the road. Give her the grandkids she's always wanted." He bit his lip, hoping he hadn't suggested too much.
"We can. I'd love having kids with you someday." Andy squeezed his hand. "Don't be scared of this, Jess. I'm not." He parked the truck and turned it off. "Whatever we decide, we'll decide together. None of it has to happen right away. I want us to have time to get used to this. To get our lives in order. I think it will be easier for both of us now that we're together. Things will start coming together for us. Let's get inside and eat. I'm starving and the smell of that food is making my mouth water." He reached for the bag at Jess's feet.
Jess climbed out of the truck, still stuck on the image of having children with Andy. He shook his head at how in just one night they'd gone from friends to talking about the future. He wouldn't rush things. He couldn't afford to, neither of them could, but he loved the idea of a future like that. It was okay to have the dream as long as they didn't rush. It would all fall into place in time. "I'm going to change clothes before we eat," he said as they walked into the apartment.
"Go ahead. I'll get this stuff ready. Do you want to eat at the table or in the living room?" Andy asked.
"The living room." He wanted to be beside Andy, feel his leg brush against his. He hurried off to change. As he walked into the bedroom, he thought about everything they'd done the night before. His cock stirred at the memory of Andy touching him, of his taste. It almost felt like a dream, but he knew it wasn't. His body still ached in places from everything they'd done, and there was a bit of rope burn on his wrist that Andy hadn't seen. That little mark was like a trophy that Jess had touched off and on throughout the day to remind him how real this really was.
He wanted more, but tonight they had to talk. If anything else happened, it would be after. Jess needed to know where they stood. What exactly Andy wanted, and exactly how far into this Dom sub lifestyle they were going to get involved in.
Jess changed quickly, longing for a shower, but willing to wait since Andy had promised to shower with him. He smelled of Italian food and sweat. Not the worst smells in the world, but after spending the day around it, he wanted to be clean. He pulled on a pair of shorts and grabbed an old t-shirt before making his way into the living room.
Andy had everything set up on the coffee table, with silverware placed beside it. Jess grinned at how Andy knew simple things like his inability to use chopsticks.
"This smells so good. Thanks for picking it up for us." Jess sat down.
"Pork chow mien." Andy handed him a container. "Also got you orange chicken and those pea pod things you like." He wrinkled his nose.
"They're good. You should try them."
"Nope. I've gone this long without dying from lack of peas. I'm not worried. They don't need to be part of my life." Andy took his own container, probably filled with something sweet and sour, and leaned back against the couch. "I sent Al a text earlier and let him know you're okay. He worries about you after we play."
"Why? We didn't do anything major l
ast night."
"No, but still, you can delve into subspace quickly, and sometimes it's hard for some people after. You were in a pretty good place last night." Andy grinned. "You looked stoned."
They'd experimented with pot in high school and neither one of them had enjoyed it. "It was better than being high, but you're right, it does take me to a place mentally that I can't explain. The pain pushes me there. It's peace, it's a high, it's almost like flying, but I don't think last night had everything to do with subspace. I think it was you. You touch me and I feel it so deeply that I can't control my need. When I opened my eyes and you told me to suck you off, God, I wanted to die I was so happy."
"I wasn't too rough?" Andy asked.
"Hell, no." Jess grinned.
"You've always complained your exes haven't been rough enough. I hoped you could take it. The sight of you swallowing my cock nearly made me lose control. It was the hottest thing I've ever done."
"Were you scared? Nervous I would say no?"
"A little. Not so much you'd say no, but that you'd do it only because we were doing it for Al. I worried you wouldn't want anything between us that wasn't for a client."
"Honestly, I forgot Al was watching for most of that. You were all I could think about." Jess stirred his fork around in the box. "I was afraid you only wanted it for the same reasons. That I was only going to get to be your sub when you were putting a show on for Al."
"I wasn't doing anything last night for Al. It was all for us. I like Al, and I have to admit that having someone watch us is a huge turn on for me, but it wasn't about that. I want that even when we're alone. I want so much more than that."
"So you do want to do more of this Dom stuff?" Jess asked.
"Yes, but that isn't what I'm talking about when I say I want so much more. I want the Dom sub play, but I also want to do the boyfriend stuff. I want to make love to you slowly, want you as my partner, not a sub all the time. I want to play when we can, but I also want us just to be normal guys too. I don't want a Master and slave relationship. I don't want a fulltime sub. I want a little of both worlds depending on our mood. That said, if you tell me right now that you don't want to get involved in any more sub play, it stops right now and we just go on as normal." Andy wiped a spot of sauce off Jess's chin. "I'm not with you because I want that and you'll give it to me. I want you. No more, no less."