by Jerilee Kaye
I knew him. He wouldn’t be gone from my future. He could never cheat on me because he wasn’t my boyfriend. And whenever I thought of my first time, I would think of him dearly. I wouldn’t loathe myself or the guy. I wouldn’t want to turn back time and take it all back.
But he didn’t want me. Because I was a virgin? I was inexperienced? I knew nothing about pleasing a guy! I was boring! No man would want me. Not even Travis, who was supposed to be a player...who craved a woman’s company more than anything else. I wasn’t good enough…not even for him.
Chapter Eight
Everybody forgot about the girl whose body was dumped a few miles from our town. She wasn’t a local. She was tattooed, and there was evidence of use of drugs. Her body was probably dumped after an accidental overdose, as there were no signs of violence on her, not even bruises.
I was glad, because if there was a murderer in town, Travis would have to hang around to make sure I was safe. And I didn’t want to see him again after that night. I was too embarrassed, too ashamed.
I believed he felt exactly the same. He was gone when I woke up the next morning. Therese, my maid, told me that Travis sat on the couch all night that night. He waited until the house was up at sunrise, and then he left.
“I was startled to find him sitting like a statue in the couch. He was not moving, lost in his thoughts,” she had said. “He didn’t look like he slept at all.” Well, he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t able to sleep that night.
The last thing he had said to me was that he didn’t want to be in the same room as me. He was a gentleman. He didn’t say the words to my face. He didn’t want me, and it was best he walked away.
Now it was one week to prom, and I didn’t have a date.
“A lot of guys are thinking of asking you out. Find out who is decent enough, at least,” Cindy advised.
“I wanted someone as hot as Trip so I wouldn’t look like a loser to him.”
Sure enough, three days before the prom, a guy named Alexander Jackson pinned a rose to my locker, with a note that said:
Roses are red, violets are blue, I may be football captain,
but I guess I lack the courage to ask you…
But I’ll only get my answer if I ask, really…
So here goes: Will you go to prom with me?
I had to smile at his attempt at poetry. It was sweet, actually. I pulled up a picture of Alexander Jackson in my mind. Football captain. Broad shoulders, muscular build, blond hair, dark eyes. He wasn’t as handsome as Trip, but he was more charming. Plus, his eyes were always laughing. I guessed he’d do well to replace Trip as my prom date.
I placed the rose inside my locker. Then I stuck a post-it outside my locker and wrote: Yes.
I was nervous to go to art class. For the three classes that I’d had, Mr. Atkins had asked us to paint in our own chosen locations. It was great for me because I didn’t want to see Travis. But now there was no escaping him. We’d have to hand in our masterpieces.
We were asked by Mr. Atkins to express, in whatever form, the meaning of life…our lives. My art piece was a little bit dark and sad. It was a combination of colors and hues in an abstract form. Greens, violets, and oranges mixed beautifully on the canvas. Somewhere there was a tree, somewhere there was a boy standing at the end of a road. I liked to think it was Thomas. Waiting there for me. The only reason why I was able to move on. He was gone, but I lived. And I would keep on living for both of us.
“Mr. Cross submitted his work earlier this week. He won’t be able to make it to class today,” Mr. Atkins announced.
Honestly, I was relieved.
Relieved because I didn’t have to see him. But I was also a little upset. Because it meant that he was employing all means possible to avoid me. I didn’t want him to. I had lost Thomas; I didn’t want to lose Travis, too.
Mr. Atkins looked at my drawing for a while, and then he smiled.
“You don’t always have to be sad, Miss Montgomery,” he said quietly. “But I admire your talent. You should consider art school when you graduate.”
Before Mr. Atkins dismissed us, he handed me a piece of parchment rolled into a scroll.
“This is Mr. Cross’s work,” he said. “Kindly give it to him. I’ve already graded it.”
“Can’t you give it to him next time?”
He shook his head. “Mr. Cross will not be in for the next three classes. He’s taken a special assignment for me outside of class.”
He handed me the rolled parchment, tied with a black ribbon.
“No rush. I’ve already told him what his grade is.”
When I went home that night, I decided to clean up my paint cabinets and organize my paintings.
I found a familiar painting of candles and a romantic bed in a hotel room. I scowled at it and then threw it in the bin.
I figured that wasn’t going to happen. I needed to let go of that dream. I needed to accept that high school boys were just not that romantic—or even considerate.
I was disappointed to have painted such a romantic picture of how my first time was going to be. The image was so vivid, so accurate. And it was never going to happen. It was just a dream. Maybe someday, when I found the right guy, it could come true. Now, I just didn’t care anymore.
With Alex…I would just let things flow. I won’t sell myself out but I would stop thinking that fairy tales exist and boys are all prince charmings. If things get deeper with Alex, then maybe he’s the one. Although if I had a choice I know who I really wanted to be my first. If I would shoot for special moments and unforgettable firsts… there was only one perfect guy who deserved it. But sadly, he didn’t want me.
The next afternoon, Cindy and I planned to go to the mall to buy clothes.
“Aren’t you going to buy some nice lingerie?” she asked.
“What for?”
“Well, who knows? Maybe that will be the day. Don’t you want to wear something that will haunt Alex’s nights and make him ask for more?”
“Is that necessary? I mean…I am curious about sex. But I don’t have high expectations about my first time anymore, you know. I’m not even sure if I am going to like it. And besides, I’m just letting things flow. Not sure if the moment or the guy would be right. I’m letting fate decide.”
“Okay.” Cindy rolled her eyes. “But just in case Alex does some grand gestures in the next couple of days and he turns to out to be your romantic whirlwind romance, don’t you want to at least look nice under your prom dress?”
“I have nice Victoria’s Secret lingerie.”
“Yeah, like Lycra gym bikinis!” She rolled her eyes.
“What else could be better than that?”
“Silk. Strings.”
“I don’t want to look like a slut!” I rolled my eyes.
“All right. Whatever suits you. You would have made more effort with Trip, you know.”
“Because I thought I was in love with Trip and he was in love with me. And I was sure I wanted to keep doing that with Trip…exclusively!”
“And with Alex?”
“I haven’t known him long enough to feel anything deep. I am curious. He is sweet and good-looking. I think he’s a good guy. But maybe I’m overthinking this. I was dreaming too much that I’d give my V-card to some guy who would treasure it like it was some God-given gift or something. But look what Trip had in mind for us, and he was my boyfriend for a year.”
“You know what, you are overthinking this. Just rip off the bandage! At least Alex won’t cheat on you…because…you aren’t officially dating exclusively yet. He might ask you to go steady after that, though. Would you agree?”
I shrugged. “We’ll see. I’m not in a hurry to get heartbroken again.”
The prospect of dating Alex is… okay, I guess. If the world wasn’t mad, then I would have a better prospect than Alex. It’s not that he’s bad. He’s… okay. But he didn’t charm me as much as Trip did on our first date. And his kisses didn’t make me insane li
ke… Travis’s nerve-wracking kisses.
Travis. Yeah, I didn’t know he could send my emotions spiraling through the roof in less than a minute of making a move on me. How could he instantly make me want to go to bed with him with just a couple of kisses? Was that the side of him that he was hiding from me? The charming side that even Tom didn’t want me to see?
Now there’s something worth trading my V-card for, I thought glumly. Then I groaned. I have got to stop thinking like this about Travis Cross! He’s like my designated guardian for Christ’s sake!
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a commotion behind us. Some kids were rushing toward the gym.
“I wonder what that’s all about!” Cindy said.
“Maybe Trip was caught on top of a cheerleader again. That would be a lovely second!” I said wryly.
“Hey, Matt!” Cindy called one of the guys rushing past us. “What’s going on?”
“Fight! In the boys’ locker room!” Matt replied and he rushed toward the gym.
“Interesting!” Cindy said excitedly. “I wonder who.”
“High school boys!” I said, rolling my eyes. “Come on, Cindy, let’s go.”
She pouted. “Can we at least hang around for ten minutes? I want to know what that was about.”
“I never figured you to be a gossip,” I muttered under my breath. But I didn’t have a choice. I was catching a ride with her and I knew she wouldn’t rest until she found out what the fight was all about.
“Let’s go closer!” she said, pulling me with her.
I let her drag me to the direction of the gym. However, I froze in my tracks when I saw Travis going out of it, looking like he was on a warpath.
Since that night I kissed him… I haven’t stopped thinking about him. And now that I’m seeing him in the flesh again made my heart pound in my chest, and I think I forgot how to breathe. If I were to be really honest, I would say that my curiosity for sex was only encompassed by my keenness to feel Travis’s mind-blowing kisses again.
“What’s the matter with you?” Cindy asked me, noticing my stiff reaction. Then she followed my gaze and saw Travis coming closer toward us.
“I think we should go!” I said to her.
But Cindy looked star-struck, staring at Travis heading toward us. His hair was wet and disheveled. He had an angry look on his face. It took me a moment to realize that he was staring at me as he came closer to us.
“I think he’s headed this way,” Cindy whispered.
I should have run, or made an effort to hide. Travis was excellent at getting ahold of his emotions and keeping his feelings to himself. But right then, he was not making it secret that he was furious…raging mad, even.
He stopped in front of me and searched my face. My heart probably stopped beating altogether, and I wasn’t sure how I was able to breathe.
“You’re not going to prom with Alexander Jackson!” he muttered under his breath.
“What?”
“Tell Alexander Jackson you’re not going to prom with him! Not in this lifetime!”
How could he ask me to drop my prom date at the last minute? He wasn’t my boyfriend, nor my brother!
I shook my head. “I’m not going to prom without a date!” I said angrily.
He raised a brow. “You’re not!” he said. “I’m taking you!” And he started to walk away.
I stared at his back. How could he make this choice for me after he rejected me… after he made me feel wanted for one minute before shooting me down the next?
And then suddenly, I realized… did he change his mind about what I asked of him too?
With all the courage I could muster, I said, “This isn’t just about prom, you know!”
He stopped on his tracks and stood motionless for a second. Then he turned around to look at me in the eyes. He took a deep breath and said, “I know.”
My heart suddenly dropped to my toes. I don’t know how I knew, but I was sure that we were referring to the same thing. In his eyes, I saw concern, pain, and the overwhelming desire to…protect me.
He nodded slightly, and then he turned around and headed toward his car and sped off. I was left standing there like a statue, staring after him.
“Oh my God!” Cindy breathed behind me. “What just happened?”
“I’m…not sure actually.”
“He’s…taking you to prom! This is a game changer! I know you weren’t sure about Alex. But come on, no matter how hard you deny it, you and Travis Cross have the hots for each other.” Cindy said, almost jumping up and down.
“I wonder what happened to him in the boys’ locker room,” I said.
Matt walked past us.
“Hey, what happened?” Cindy asked him.
Matt gave me a weird look first and then he said, “Well, Trip Jacobs and Alexander Jackson were bantering about some sort of bet.” He looked at me again. “Cross was there. He didn’t like what he heard, I guess. He went for both of them.”
“What?!” Cindy was shocked. “Where’s Trip and Alex?”
“Still there. Trip lost a tooth. Alex had a bad shiner, I think,” Matt replied, and then he started to walk away.
“Wait!” Cindy called. “What was the bet about?”
Matt shrugged. “I’m not sure. But I was told it has something to do with you, Brianne.”
“Wow!” Cindy breathed. She turned to face me as soon as Matt walked away. “Well, there goes your knight in shining armor.”
I pulled her toward the parking lot. “Let’s go.”
When we got into the car, Cindy smiled at me mischievously. “So? Have you changed your mind about buying lingerie?”
Chapter Nine
I looked at my reflection nervously. I was wearing a bright lavender gown that hugged my body to perfection, with a skirt that flowed flirtatiously a few inches above my knees.
I hadn’t spoken to Travis since that day he told me he was taking me to prom. I found out later that Trip had been making bets with his friends about who would be able to pop my cherry at prom. I said yes to Alex, who was more than willing to do the job that Trip was supposed to have done had I not caught him on top of that cheerleader. It was all a bet for him. Alex was cunning enough to use flattery and poetry to lure me into his lair. They had been bantering about it in the locker room, cheering that prom was the day. Trip had apparently been cajoling Alex into taping the whole thing to make sure he wouldn’t cheat on their bet.
The whole campus must have known their evil plans. I’m pretty sure that, had Alex caught our fornicating on tape, there would have been a scheduled film showing.
I was on the Campus Bulletin Gossip Board again, of course!
Whose virtue was up for grabs? Looks like football team captain’s plans blew up in smoke when a rebellious heartthrob chose to defend our girl’s unwanted honor. What interest could our heartthrob have in our girl, I wonder?
Travis must have just finished gym class and overheard Trip and Alex. He got furious and was not able to stop himself from demonstrating his martial arts skills to them. Alex wanted to complain about the whole thing, but Trip was still on probation and he didn’t want further trouble. So Travis got off the hook. Not that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. I’m pretty sure one phone call from his father to the school board would prevent the whole drama from ever being on his record.
I stared at my reflection again. I didn’t put on much makeup. I didn’t want to overdo myself. This was Travis, after all. He’d seen me at my worst. I wasn’t trying to impress him. If he hadn’t changed his mind about tonight, I didn’t want him to think I was trying to look pretty for him. He had more than half the girls on campus already doing that for him. He was just there because he was saving me from humiliation. And because of my stupid curiosity and need to conform to the dictates of high school drama. Just like he will be there for me if I’m unmarried at thirty and I’m giving in to the dictates of the stupid family tradition.
But that didn’t stop me
from buying a fresh pair of Victoria’s Secret undergarments. I was wearing a light lavender slip and string bikini underneath my cute prom dress. I didn’t know what to buy, but Cindy suggested it looked classy and just a little bit sexy. If Travis (or any guy for that matter) saw beneath my clothes, I would at least want to look elegant and classy.
I showered in chamomile and jasmine bath oils for like an hour. I applied the same scent of lotion and the same scent of perfume. I was sure I smelled sweet, innocent, and fresh, not that it was the first time I’d ever bathed in floral oils. I did it at least three times a week anyway. I liked to smell good…even for myself.
I curled my hair and tied it in a bun at the top of my head. Some tendrils escaped to frame my face. I looked simple but nice. I wasn’t planning to catch any attention. Two days wasn’t enough to make people forget about the locker room fight that Alexander and Trip had with Travis Cross. In fact, two days wasn’t enough to make anybody forget the show of emotion from Travis Cross. If he hadn’t been such a hottie, he would almost have been the campus outcast, as he seemed so uninterested in any high school drama.
I wasn’t sure if he really meant he would take me to prom. If he didn’t show up, I wouldn’t go at all. Not after slapping Alex in the face and telling him that he needed to find a new prom date quickly!
The doorbell rang. I jumped up from the bed. I took my purse and staggered downstairs to the door. When I opened it, I found Travis looking down to me, wearing a white tuxedo. His hair was sleekly brushed up, with a lock falling over his forehead, giving him a sleek and mischievous look. He was as dashing as ever.
My heart pounded in my chest.
This is Travis! I reminded myself.
“You look…” he started but trailed off.
“Nice?” I asked, uncertain. That was what I was aiming for.
He shrugged. “Yes, if that’s the word you prefer.”
I smiled. “Yes. You’re not too bad yourself.”