Rose looked down into the sweet brown eyes and smiled. How could she fault this little angel for wanting to be near what was familiar to her? “Back home, from my momma. She tried to teach me all her special recipes.”
“Will you teach me someday?” Lilly licked the spoon clean before dipping it back into the sweet delight. Apprehensive excitement splashed across her face at the prospect of turning apples into a pan of goodness.
“Yes, yes I will. But not until you are a bit older.” Rose padded over to the stove and spooned two more cups for Logan and herself. She’d wait to top them off with the cream until Logan returned with the water, cool pudding that’s meant to be warm wasn’t very tasty.
“What did you want to ask me, Miss Rose?” Lilly smiled at her, a pudding ring on her pink lips.
Rose’s heart raced against her breast with fear. She looked away, feigning to wipe up something on the stove top. “Do you think you might one day just call me Rose instead of Miss Rose?”
“Mm-hmm,” Lilly replied, shoveling the last spoonful of pudding into her mouth. “Do I have to call you Momma?”
“Not if you don’t want to. Rose will do just fine.” Rose put up the last of their supper scrambling her brain for a recipe to use it for tomorrow’s lunch.
Logan pushed his way through the back door, water sloshing onto the floor. “Sorry. I decided to check on the horses and make sure they were bedded down for the night. Once I get settled in by the fire, I won’t want to go back out.”
Rose moved the pan and two cups of pudding onto the table, then poured cream over them. “You can put the bucket right there on the stove, it is still warm enough to heat for dishwater.”
Logan nodded, then placed the nearly full bucket on the stove with ease. Rose blushed as his muscles flexed under the rolled up cotton shirt sleeves. He turned, grinning, and sweet sensation floated over her. Keep in mind he doesn’t want anything more than someone to care for his daughter and his household. You’d best remember that, Rose!
“Lilly, I don’t think you need to lap up that cup and spoon like a dog!” Logan scolded his daughter, taking the items from her hands. “Now, wash up and say good-night. And get down on your knees and say your prayers, young lady!”
Lilly’s lower lip hung so low she’d have tripped over it as she walked over to the wash bowl. Splashing water on her hands and face, she said good night and trudged up the stairs, grumbling all the way.
Logan shook his head, then with warm pudding cup in hand, took a seat near the stone fireplace. “Come and sit with me, Rose. The cleaning up can wait a bit longer.”
Rose paused her scrubbing the table for a moment, set the dishrag down, draped the apron over a chair, then took the chair next to him. A spoonful of pudding slid into her mouth, and she gazed at him through those thick lashes of hers. Suddenly his pants got a bit snugger in places he’d nearly forgotten about.
Shoving a spoonful into his mouth, he averted his gaze from hers, leastways she’d see his building desire. “I’ve never had anything so delicious, not even in Chicago,” Logan remarked reaching his hand over to cover hers. A spark singed the air between them.
“Thank you,” Rose settled her spoon amongst the creamy apples nestled in the cup. “Logan, I think…”
“We need to talk about Montana Sue?” Logan looked from the fire to her, a sense of chill in her otherwise friendly eyes. “Rose, I’ve been meanin’ to—”
Losing his nerve, he looked away from her accusing gaze. How this woman had made such an impact on him in so short an amount of time baffled him. It had taken months of courting Katie before he’d even begun to feel half of what Rose made him feel in a day.
Rose has been here twenty-four hours, and all I want is to hold her close. Then kiss her the way a husband should kiss his wife…slow and tender. There are too many things that need to be said and done. The truth about my work. Montana Sue and her misguided affection. And, in good time, a proposed change in our marriage contract.
“Tell me about her? Montana Sue?”
“About that.” His gaze flashed over her face, and his heart ceased to beat. What in the devil happened in Collar’s today? Was Rose wanting to go back to her family? Damn it! He knew he shouldn’t have left the two of them alone with only Toby there to pull them apart. The poor boy probably hid in the backroom hoping any sparks didn’t set the place on fire.
“Yes, please do tell me about that.” Rose sighed, her face suddenly soft with curiosity. “You do know she’s in love with you. Or at the very least believes she’s in love with you.”
“She’s what?” Logan stammered, not quite sure if he’d heard Rose right. “Are you sure she said that?” He tightened the grip on the cup of pudding, denting the metal slightly. This can’t be happening. When had he ever given Montana Sue a notion that he was interested in her for more than friendship?
He sensed she was telling the truth. How could he have been so blind?
“Lilly about burst at the seams telling me how sad Montana Sue was that you married another woman. At first, I didn’t believe that you’d shun someone so close to Lilly for a woman you knew nothing about. But there she was, in her satin dress and fancy earbobs, telling me how shocked she was to hear the reason you didn’t show up for work at the Lady Gay was because you married some woman no one knew.”
There, it was out. She’d told him she knew about his deception about being a businessman. He flushed with anger. Why in the world would Montana go and try to ruin his marriage? He was at the fork in the road. Did he continue the lie, accusing Montana of being a liar as well? Or come clean with the truth? He had to decide in a matter of moments what was important to him. His secret or the life he yearned for with Rose.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you about my job...and other things.”
“I’m listening.” Rose gazed at the fire, the flickering flames dancing upon her sweet face. “The woman thought you were hers, it was plain to see by the way her eyes sparked and her cheeks blushed talking about you.”
Was it possible that Rose was jealous, that she was actually developing feelings for him too? It seemed too much to hope for. Logan stared at Rose, his heart cracking loudly in his chest. They had miles to go and lots of leveling to do with each other before that could happen. “Montana Sue is a good friend. She’d been very caring and patient with Lilly from the first time we’d arrived. I didn’t stop to think that she’d believe…”
“That you might love her? Yes, I see that. But she, in not so many words, also insinuated that you work behind the bar at the Lady Gay.” Rose’s chin pointed at him as if he were the worst sort of man. And he guessed she was probably right. He’d been less than truthful since she’d arrived.
Montana Sue and her attempt to run off Rose wasn’t going to take root. It’s now or never. I’ve got to tell her the truth about the Lady Gay. And that I’m on a case undercover for the Pinkerton Agency.
“Will you hear me out until the end?” Logan hung on to his nerve; if she took too long, he’d lose it and her all in one fair swoop. “It could take all night if you’re willin’ to listen. To give me a chance to say what needs to be explained.” Logan wasn’t one to explain anything to anyone, let alone almost begging them to listen. There was something about Rose that pulled at him. He didn’t know if it was the way she looked at Lilly right off as if she were her own. Or the way she moved about preparing their meal that night, so natural like this was really her home.
“Yes, Logan, I’ll hear you out.” Rose spoke so softly he wasn’t sure if he’d heard her or not. When she looked over at him, he thought there was a glistening in her eyes. Damn, the last thing he wanted to do was cause her pain or misery.
He took a deep breath and stood near the fireplace. He needed to move out of the chair, or he’d go crazy sitting. “After the war, I met Katie during Harvard law school, and we wed in 1870 right after graduation. She was the daughter of the man I did some apprentice work for, and we seemed well suited for each
other. Soon after, we moved to Chicago where I became employed by Winston & Blodgett. It didn’t take long for me to move up from petty cases to a few criminal cases that were high profile. We were happy Rose; I’d be a liar if I said otherwise.
“When Katie told me there was a baby on the way I felt my world was complete. I had a wife I adored and a little one on the way to spoil rotten. Lilly came into this world full of joy. She was a good baby, never once crying in the middle of the night.” His heart swelled with love, and he couldn’t keep the smile from seeping onto his face.
The next part was the most difficult to talk about, even now several years later. He paced for a moment, grabbing strength to go on. He wouldn’t allow that sadness to take hold of him again.
“Then Katie got sick, real sick. By the time the fever took her, she wasn’t my Katie anymore. And I wasn’t myself either. I wanted to die, Rose, right along with Katie. I quit the nice, safe job at the law firm. I quickly joined the Pinkerton Agency, hoping to put myself in danger as an undercover operative. Coming to Dodge was a way for me to do that. Then one day I realized I had a little girl depending on me. Who needed me.”
“…And that’s all there is, Rose.” Logan sat down in his chair after wearing a path across the already threadbare hearth rug. “That’s everything out in the open. I’ve only loved one woman in my life. I don’t know if one day I’d want to change our agreement. It certainly couldn’t be until after I find those cattle rustlers and return to Chicago.” It was next door to her hometown. Would she leave him then? Why wasn’t she saying anything? She wouldn’t even meet his eyes.
Logan knew if she wanted to go back to Wisconsin, he’d lose something very special he believed he’d never regain again. Lord, I understand why you took one love from me. Please don’t take another without good reason. Lilly needs a woman like Rose to help her grow into a young woman. We may never have her heart, but she’s got a good start on mine.
Rose nodded her head, her cup of pudding clenched tight in her hands, and got up from the chair. The gold band on her ring finger gleamed with the reflection of the flames, reminding him that he’d pledged to protect her. Now he hoped the truth didn’t chase Rose from their lives.
Rose sat staring at the fire, trying to digest everything Logan had told her. Starting with his beloved wife’s death, to leaving the law firm and working for Pinkerton in hopes of joining Katie, to working undercover at the Lady Gay. He’d explained the reason he’d come to Dodge City, having been assigned to find the men rustling cattle coming up from Texas. His job at the Lady Gay gave him the opportunity to ferret out information from drunk cowpokes, and to keep his ear open to talk about the cattle drives.
Rose turned and looked into Logan’s shadowed gaze. She placed the cup she’d been clenching tightly on the table next to the discarded dishrag, his words echoing through her mind. “I’ve only loved one woman in my life. One day I’ll love another I suppose, but not until after I find those cattle rustlers and return to Chicago.” Fearing he’d see the tears welling in her eyes, she walked slowly up the stairs to her room without looking back. She knew she should have said something. Should have run to him to try and ease his pain. She had no right to do so; it took all her will to not go against her word of no emotional connection. She was his wife in name only, there’d never be a place for her in his heart.
Reaching the top landing, she put a trembling hand to her heart. The man she was married to needed her, and she had to walk away from any feelings of love toward Logan. At least she didn’t have to walk away from Lilly. She stood at Lilly’s bedroom door, looking in on her before going to her own room. The open window allowed the night breezes of a spring night to fill the small space. Lilly lay under the quilt, puffing short breaths of air, her rag doll tucked safely in her arms, totally unaware of the turmoil rolling through both her daddy and Rose. Rose never imagined this sweet little girl she’d never known before could make her feel so much love and yearning. Swiping away a tear, she retired to her own room. She had so much to sort out. To think about. To worry about.
Rose slipped out of her day dress and into the makeshift nightgown she’d fashioned out of an old meal sack. Once she patterned out a dress or two for both Lilly and herself, she’d use the rest of the cloth for a proper nightdress for them both. Splashing water on her face from the pitcher and bowl, she finger-combed her hair before braiding it.
She blew out the lamp and slid into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. It was a clear spring night, the moon full and bright. Stars twinkling like firebugs. She stared out the window, tears weeping from the corners of her eyes, and she let them escape.
Was Logan feeling as much pain as she was? He had to be with all that he’d told her. He’d truly loved his wife, Katie, before the fever illness took her from them. Rose understood his misguided desire of wanting to be with his deceased wife. She saw the lingering sorrow deep in his eyes from time-to-time. She thanked the Lord, then Mr. Pinkerton for sending Logan to Dodge City, and finally to her, even if Abby was the wife he’d first expected.
Regardless of the possible danger, she could live with his undercover life here in Dodge. With his experience in the war, Rose was confident Logan would be able to handle himself if the need called for it.
As for Lilly, he said he couldn’t bear to leave her behind in Chicago or send her to his parents’ ranch in northern Montana. So Logan arranged to have a catalog house sent to Dodge City to make a home for Lilly. He’d done his best, thinking the arrangement he’d made with a couple of the Lady Gay girls to watch over Lilly while he was working, was a good plan. They’d seemed to love having her to spoil and fuss over. He’d never paid much attention to their feelings toward him or Lilly. He’d didn’t think he’d ever given Montana Sue any indication that he was interested in her in a wifely way. To the best of his knowledge anyway.
He’d assured Rose he wasn’t in love with Montana Sue, nor any other woman from Dodge City. When she’d looked into his eyes, there was moisture skimming the surface of his sad brown orbs. Then he’d said something she couldn’t quite hope for the reasoning of it. He’d thought that he one day may want to change their marriage contract if she was agreeable to it, but how could she take that risk if love wasn’t involved?
Tears flowed unabated softly over her cheeks. Logan Granger was a Pinkerton Agent. Her husband could very likely put her in jail where she may never see Lilly again, and then send her back to testify against Mr. Griswold.
6
Rose woke to the aroma of coffee and bacon wafting through the floor vent. Panic gripped her. She’d done it again, slept past the time to prepare breakfast. Throwing back her covers, she hastily splashed water on her sleepy face and slipped into her dress. She tidied up her hair into a braided bun at the back of her neck.
Lilly’s door stood ajar and the girl’s bed made in the way of a six-year-old. Rose chuckled, then trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen. Logan stood at the stove cracking an egg into a hot pan.
Any joy of the morning disappeared with the reminder of last night’s conversation with Logan. Nothing had been settled between them. She’d gone to bed without telling him how she was beginning to feel. How could she, after all, he’d confessed? She’d waited all night for Logan to come knock on her door, telling her he’d made a mistake in sending for a mail-order bride. That he had no right to marry another when he still grieved so heavily for Katie. That he’d provide a room for her at the Dodge House until she could get on the first train heading East.
She kept telling herself it would be for the best. Rose never expected to have growing feelings for her little family. The last thing she wanted was to cause them anymore heartache than they’d already endured.
She cared for Logan and Lilly too much.
“I’m so sorry, seems I’ve done it again.” Rose was motionless. Had Logan decided to send her back after last night? “I meant to have breakfast complete with biscuits and gravy prepared before…”
L
ogan smiled, and her stomach fluttered. “It was a long night. I couldn’t sleep.” He poured her a cup of coffee and set it on the table, motioning for her to sit.
She took a deep sniff of the rich aroma, settling her nerves a bit. There was nothing like a good cup of fresh coffee in the morning to make the day seem a bit brighter when storm clouds lingered. She spied Logan over the steaming brew.
His normally combed black hair now ruffled and unruly, making him look like he’d just taken a towel to it. His usually pressed shirt was half-tucked in looking like he’d slept in it. The complete picture had Rose’s belly fluttering like a hummingbird over a flower full of nectar.
“Where’s Lilly?” Rose sipped the coffee, feeling the warmth in her cheeks increase as she watched Logan’s every move.
“I took her to Etta May’s with a strict order not to go to the Lady Gay.” Logan tipped the sizzling pan over two plates, and an egg slipped easily onto each one. A few of slices of crisp bacon followed the perfect eggs. “I thought it was best given our conversation last night. There is something that needs to be settled between the two of us.”
Rose felt a faint glimmer of hope in her heart but quickly dashed it away. She braced herself for the blow she felt certain was coming. He wanted their marriage annulled, ended as if the past few days didn’t exist. “If you think so. You are her father after all.”
“And you, Rose, you’re her mother.” Logan sat across from her, pushing the eggs into the bacon until the soft yolks finally oozed out. “The girl needs to get used to it. And so do I.”
“I thought…” Rose began, looking at Logan. His gaze was fixed on his eggs and bacon, he played with them like a child. Or a man trying to figure out how to say something important and didn’t know where to start.
“I’d send you away?” When his gaze matched hers, her heart did a flip-flop like a rock tumbling down a hill.
Yes, because one day you might when you find out I’m not the woman you think I am. You’ll want me as far from Lilly as possible. Rose nodded, afraid her voice would betray her thoughts.
Brides Along the Chisholm Trail Boxset Page 6