by John Galt
CHAPTER XXXIX--THE NEWSPAPER
Shortly after the foregoing tribulation, of which I cannot take it uponme to say that I got so well rid as of many other vexations of a moregrievous nature, there arose a thing in the town that caused to me muchdeep concern, and very serious reflection. I had been, from thebeginning, a true government man, as all loyal subjects ought in duty tobe; for I never indeed could well understand how it would advantage,either the king or his ministers, to injure and do detriment to thelieges; on the contrary, I always saw and thought that his majesty, andthose of his cabinet, had as great an interest in the prosperity and well-doing of the people, as it was possible for a landlord to have in thethriving of his tenantry. Accordingly, giving on all occasions, and atall times and seasons, even when the policy of the kingdom was overcastwith a cloud, the king and government, in church and state, credit forthe best intentions, however humble their capacity in performance mightseem in those straits and difficulties, which, from time to time,dumfoundered the wisest in power and authority, I was exceedinglytroubled to hear that a newspaper was to be set up in the burgh, andthat, too, by hands not altogether clean of the coom of jacobinicaldemocracy.
The person that first brought me an account of this, and it was in aprivate confidential manner, was Mr Scudmyloof, the grammar schoolmaster,a man of method and lear, to whom the fathers of the project had appliedfor an occasional cast of his skill, in the way of Latin head-pieces, andessays of erudition concerning the free spirit among the ancient Greeksand Romans; but he, not liking the principle of the men concerned in thescheme, thought that it would be a public service to the community atlarge, if a stop could be put, by my help, to the opening of such anettering sore and king's evil as a newspaper, in our heretofore andhitherto truly royal and loyal burgh; especially as it was given out thatthe calamity, for I can call it no less, was to be conducted on liberalprinciples, meaning, of course, in the most afflicting and vexatiousmanner towards his majesty's ministers.
"What ye say," said I to Mr Scudmyloof when he told me the news, "is veryalarming, very much so indeed; but as there is no law yet actually andperemptorily prohibiting the sending forth of newspapers, I doubt it willnot be in my power to interfere."
He was of the same opinion; and we both agreed it was a rank exuberanceof liberty, that the commonality should be exposed to the risk of beinginoculated with anarchy and confusion, from what he, in his learnedmanner, judiciously called the predilections of amateur pretension. Theparties engaged in the project being Mr Absolom the writer--a man nooverly reverential in his opinion of the law and lords when his clientslost their pleas, which, poor folk, was very often--and some three orfour young and inexperienced lads, that were wont to read essays, anddebate the kittle points of divinity and other hidden knowledge, in theCross-Keys monthly, denying the existence of the soul of man, as DrSinney told me, till they were deprived of all rationality by foreign orBritish spirits. In short, I was perplexed when I heard of the design,not knowing what to do, or what might be expected from me by governmentin a case of such emergency as the setting up of a newspaper sodeclaredly adverse to every species of vested trust and power; for it waseasy to forsee that those immediately on the scene would be the firstopposed to the onset and brunt of the battle. Never can any public manhave a more delicate task imposed upon him, than to steer clear ofoffence in such a predicament. After a full consideration of thebusiness, Mr Scudmyloof declared that he would retire from the field, andstand aloof; and he rehearsed a fine passage in the Greek language onthat head, pat to the occasion, but which I did not very thoroughlyunderstand, being no deacon in the dead languages, as I told him at thetime.
But when the dominie had left me, I considered with myself, and havinglong before then observed that our hopes, when realized, are always lightin the grain, and our fears, when come to pass, less than they seemed asseen through the mists of time and distance, I resolved with myself tosit still with my eyes open, watching and saying nothing; and it was wellthat I deported myself so prudently; for when the first number of thepaper made its appearance, it was as poor a job as ever was "open to allparties, and influenced by none;" and it required but two eyes to discernthat there was no need of any strong power from the lord advocate tosuppress or abolish the undertaking; for there was neither birr norsmeddum enough in it to molest the high or to pleasure the low; so beingleft to itself, and not ennobled by any prosecution, as the schemersexpected, it became as foisonless as the "London Gazette" on ordinaryoccasions. Those behind the curtain, who thought to bounce out with agrand stot and strut before the world, finding that even I used it as aconvenient vehicle to advertise my houses when need was, and which I didby the way of a canny seduction of policy, joking civilly with Mr Absolomanent his paper trumpet, as I called it, they were utterly vanquished byseeing themselves of so little account in the world, and forsook thething altogether; by which means it was gradually transformed into a verysolid and decent supporter of the government--Mr Absolom, for his pains,being invited to all our public dinners, of which he gave a full account,to the great satisfaction of all who were present, but more particularlyto those who were not, especially the wives and ladies of the town, towhom it was a great pleasure to see the names of their kith and kin inprint. And indeed, to do Mr Absolom justice, he was certainly at greatpains to set off every thing to the best advantage, and usually putspeeches to some of our names which showed that, in the way ofgrammaticals, he was even able to have mended some of the parliamentaryclishmaclavers, of which the Londoners, with all their skill in thecraft, are so seldom able to lick into any shape of common sense.
Thus, by a judicious forbearance in the first instance, and a cannywising towards the undertaking in the second, did I, in the third, helpto convert this dangerous political adversary into a very respectableinstrument of governmental influence and efficacy.
CHAPTER XL--THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME
The spirit of opposition that kithed towards me in the affair of RobinBoss, the drummer, was but an instance and symptom of the new nature thengrowing up in public matters. I was not long done with my secondprovostry, when I had occasion to congratulate myself on having passedtwice through the dignity with so much respect; for, at the Michaelmasterm, we had chosen Mr Robert Plan into the vacancy caused by the deathof that easy man, Mr Weezle, which happened a short time before. I knownot what came over me, that Mr Plan was allowed to be chosen, for I nevercould abide him; being, as he was, a great stickler for smallparticularities, more zealous than discreet, and even more intent tocarry his own point, than to consider the good that might flow from amore urbane spirit. Not that the man was devoid of ability--few, indeed,could set forth a more plausible tale; but he was continually meddling,keeking, and poking, and always taking up a suspicious opinion of everybody's intents and motives but his own. He was, besides, of a retiredand sedentary habit of body; and the vapour of his stomach, as he wassitting by himself, often mounted into his upper story, and begat, withhis over zealous and meddling imagination, many unsound and fantasticalnotions. For all that, however, it must be acknowledged that Mr Plan wasa sincere honest man, only he sometimes lacked the discernment of theright from the wrong; and the consequence was, that, when in error, hewas even more obstinate than when in the right; for his jealousy of humannature made him interpret falsely the heat with which his own headstrongzeal, when in error, was ever very properly resisted.
In nothing, however, did his molesting temper cause so much disturbance,as when, in the year 1809, the bigging of the new school-house was underconsideration. There was, about that time, a great sough throughout thecountry on the subject of education, and it was a fashion to call schoolsacademies; and out of a delusion rising from the use of that term, tothink it necessary to decry the good plain old places, wherein so manyhad learnt those things by which they helped to make the country andkingdom what it is, and to scheme for the ways and means to raise moreedificial structures and receptacles. None was more infected with hisdistemperatu
re than Mr Plan; and accordingly, when he came to the council-chamber, on the day that the matter of the new school-house was to bediscussed, he brought with him a fine castle in the air, which he pressedhard upon us; representing, that if we laid out two or three thousandpounds more than we intended, and built a beautiful academy and got arector thereto, with a liberal salary, and other suitable masters,opulent people at a distance--yea, gentlemen in the East and WestIndies--would send their children to be educated among us, by which,great fame and profit would redound to the town.
Nothing could be more plausibly set forth; and certainly the project, asa notion, had many things to recommend it; but we had no funds adequateto undertake it; so, on the score of expense, knowing, as I did, thestate of the public income, I thought it my duty to oppose it _in toto_;which fired Mr Plan to such a degree, that he immediately insinuated thatI had some end of my own to serve in objecting to his scheme; and becausethe wall that it was proposed to big round the moderate building, whichwe were contemplating, would inclose a portion of the backside of my newsteading at the Westergate, he made no scruple of speaking, in acircumbendibus manner, as to the particular reasons that I might have forpreferring it to his design, which he roused, in his way, as more worthyof the state of the arts and the taste of the age.
It was not easy to sit still under his imputations; especially as I couldplainly see that some of the other members of the council leant towardshis way of thinking. Nor will I deny that, in preferring the moremoderate design, I had a contemplation of my own advantage in the matterof the dyke; for I do not think it any shame to a public man to serve hisown interests by those of the community, when he can righteously do so.
It was a thing never questionable, that the school-house required theinclosure of a wall, and the outside of that wall was of a naturalnecessity constrained to be a wing of inclosure to the ground beyond.Therefore, I see not how a corrupt motive ought to have been imputed tome, merely because I had a piece of ground that marched with the spotwhereon it was intended to construct the new building; which spot, Ishould remark, belonged to the town before I bought mine. However, MrPlan so worked upon this material, that, what with one thing and whatwith another, he got the council persuaded to give up the moderate plan,and to consent to sell the ground where it had been proposed to build thenew school, and to apply the proceeds towards the means of erecting afine academy on the Green.
It was not easy to thole to be so thwarted, especially for such anextravagant problem, by one so new to our councils and deliberations. Inever was more fashed in my life; for having hitherto, in all my plansfor the improvement of the town, not only succeeded, but givensatisfaction, I was vexed to see the council run away with such aspeculative vagary. No doubt, the popular fantasy anent education andacademies, had quite as muckle to do in the matter as Mr Plan's fozeyrhetoric, but what availed that to me, at seeing a reasonable undertakingreviled and set aside, and grievous debts about to be laid on thecommunity for a bubble as unsubstantial as that of the Ayr Bank. Besides,it was giving the upper hand in the council to Mr Plan, to which, as anew man, he had no right. I said but little, for I saw it would be of nouse; I, however, took a canny opportunity of remarking to old MrDinledoup, the English teacher, that this castle-building scheme of anacademy would cause great changes probably in the masters; and as, nodoubt, it would oblige us to adopt the new methods of teaching, I wouldlike to have a private inkling of what salary he would expect on beingsuperannuated.
The worthy man was hale and hearty, not exceeding three score and seven,and had never dreamt of being superannuated. He was, besides, a pridefulbody, and, like all of his calling, thought not a little of himself. Thesurprise, therefore, with which he heard me was just wonderful. For aspace of time he stood still and uttered nothing; then he took his snuff-box out of the flap pocket of his waistcoat, where he usually carried it,and, giving three distinct and very comical raps, drew his mouth into apurse. "Mr Pawkie," at last he said; "Mr Pawkie, there will be news inthe world before I consent to be superannuated."
This was what I expected, and I replied, "Then, why do not you and MrScudmyloof, of the grammar school, represent to the magistrates that thepresent school-house may, with a small repair, serve for many years." Andso I sowed an effectual seed of opposition to Mr Plan, in a quarter henever dreamt of; the two dominies, in the dread of undergoing sometransmogrification, laid their heads together, and went round among theparents of the children, and decried the academy project, and the cessthat the cost of it would bring upon the town; by which a public opinionwas begotten and brought to a bearing, that the magistrates could notresist; so the old school-house was repaired, and Mr Plan's scheme, aswell as the other, given up. In this, it is true, if I had not thesatisfaction to get a dyke to the backside of my property, I had thepleasure to know that my interloping adversary was disappointed; thewhich was a sort of compensation.
CHAPTER XLI--BENEFITS OF NEUTRALITY
The general election in 1812 was a source of trouble and uneasiness tome; both because our district of burghs was to be contested, and becausethe contest was not between men of opposite principles, but of the sameside. To neither of them had I any particular leaning; on the contrary,I would have preferred the old member, whom I had, on differentoccasions, found an accessible and tractable instrument, in the way ofgetting small favours with the government and India company, for friendsthat never failed to consider them as such things should be. But whatcould I do? Providence had placed me in the van of the battle, and Ineeds must fight; so thought every body, and so for a time I thoughtmyself. Weighing, however, the matter one night soberly in my mind, andseeing that whichever of the two candidates was chosen, I, by my adherentloyalty to the cause for which they were both declared, the contestbetween them being a rivalry of purse and personality, would have as muchto say with the one as with the other, came to the conclusion that it wasmy prudentest course not to intermeddle at all in the election.Accordingly, as soon as it was proper to make a declaration of mysentiments, I made this known, and it caused a great wonderment in thetown; nobody could imagine it possible that I was sincere, many thinkingthere was something aneath it, which would kithe in time to the surpriseof the public. However, the peutering went on, and I took no part. Thetwo candidates were as civil and as liberal, the one after the other, toMrs Pawkie and my daughters, as any gentlemen of a parliamentaryunderstanding could be. Indeed, I verily believe, that although I hadbeen really chosen delegate, as it was at one time intended I should be,I could not have hoped for half the profit that came in from the dubietywhich my declaration of neutrality caused; for as often as I assured theone candidate that I did not intend even to be present at the choosing ofthe delegate, some rich present was sure to be sent to my wife, of whichthe other no sooner heard than he was upsides with him. It was just asport to think of me protesting my neutrality, and to see how little Iwas believed. For still the friends of the two candidates, like thefigures of the four quarters of the world round Britannia in a picture,came about my wife, and poured into her lap a most extraordinaryparaphernalia from the horn of their abundance.
The common talk of the town was, that surely I was bereft of my wonteddiscretion, to traffic so openly with corruption; and that it could notbe doubted I would have to face the House of Commons, and suffer theworst pains and penalties of bribery. But what did all this signify tome, who was conscious of the truth and integrity of my motives andtalents? "They say!--what say they?--let them say!"--was what I said, asoften as any of my canny friends came to me, saying, "For God's sake, MrPawkie, tak'tent"--"I hope, Mr Pawkie, ye ken the ground ye stand on"--or,"I wish that some folks were aware of what's said about them." In short,I was both angered and diverted by their clishmaclavers; and having someneed to go into Glasgow just on the eve of the election, I thought Iwould, for diversion, give them something in truth to play with; sosaying nothing to my shop lad the night before, nor even to Mrs Pawkie,(for the best of women are given to tattling), till we w
ere in our beds,I went off early on the morning of the day appointed for choosing thedelegate.
The consternation in the town at my evasion was wonderful. Nobody couldfathom it; and the friends and supporters of the rival candidates looked,as I was told, at one another, in a state of suspicion that was just acuriosity to witness. Even when the delegate was chosen, every bodythought that something would be found wanting, merely because I was notpresent. The new member himself, when his election was declared, did notfeel quite easy; and more than once, when I saw him after my return fromGlasgow, he said to me, in a particular manner--"But tell me now, bailie,what was the true reason of your visit to Glasgow?" And, in like manner,his opponent also hinted that he would petition against the return; butthere were some facts which he could not well get at without myassistance--insinuating that I might find my account in helping him.
At last, the true policy of the part I had played began to be understood;and I got far more credit for the way in which I had turned both partiesso well to my own advantage, than if I had been the means of deciding theelection by my single vote.
CHAPTER XLII--THE NEW MEMBER
But the new member was, in some points, not of so tractable a nature asmany of his predecessors had been; and notwithstanding all the couthyjocosity and curry-favouring of his demeanour towards us before theelection, he was no sooner returned, than he began, as it were, to snaphis fingers in the very faces of those of the council to whom he was mostindebted, which was a thing not of very easy endurance, considering howthey had taxed their consciences in his behalf; and this treatment wasthe more bitterly felt, as the old member had been, during the whole ofhis time, as considerate and obliging as could reasonably be expected;doing any little job that needed his helping hand when it was in hispower, and when it was not, replying to our letters in a most discreetand civil manner. To be sure, poor man, he had but little to say in theway of granting favours; for being latterly inclined to a whiggishprinciple, he was, in consequence, debarred from all manner of governmentpatronage, and had little in his gift but soft words and fair promises.Indeed, I have often remarked, in the course of my time, that there is asurprising difference, in regard to the urbanities in use among those whohave not yet come to authority, or who have been cast down from it, andthose who are in the full possession of the rule and domination ofoffice; but never was the thing plainer than in the conduct of the newmember.