by Beck, J. L.
“Yes,” I answer, sounding breathless. “I would like that…”
Hearing my answer, I drop the phone. It slips out of my trembling hands and falls to the hardwood floor landing with a loud clunk. Moaning sounds fill the room before Sullivan can snatch the phone from the ground and turn off the recording.
My cheeks are on fire, and my head feels like it’s about to burst into flames. I basically just watched myself in a porn video while three guys were watching me.
Though embarrassing, it was needed, because it showed me that they weren’t lying. I had sex with Sullivan, not all three of them, but I wanted to sleep with all of them, that much was obvious which all but tells me they all mean something to me.
“So…” Banks clears his throat. “Did that help jog your memory?”
Someone, please kill me now. Or at least let me disappear for a little bit.
“You don’t have to feel ashamed, Harlow,” Oliver says. “All three of us knew what we were getting into. We had talked about it at great lengths when things started to change between us. We want you just as badly as you want us.”
“Wanted, you mean?” I correct him, though, we all know that I’m lying. Even if I don’t remember them fully, in some ways my body does, it’s drawn to each of them in its own way, each of them taking something different from me, and giving me a little piece of themselves back.
“Stop denying it. We know you want us, and you know that we want you. Enough damage has already been done, enough time has been wasted, and I don’t want to play games anymore.” Banks states, matter of factly.
“It’s not that easy for me. My body remembers you, but my brain doesn’t. I’m afraid, okay? How can I trust anyone or anything, when I can’t even trust my own brain?”
“You can trust us,” Sullivan assures, his hand reaching for mine.
“Brain injuries take a while to heal, and sometimes the memories never come back, but that doesn’t mean we’re just going to walk away or let something happen to you.” Sullivan’s fingers interlock with mine, and for the first time today, I feel safe.
“Why don’t we get something to eat and talk about what happened today?” Oliver suggests, and everybody nods their heads in agreement.
They must have had this planned because both the fridge and pantry are stocked with food. Sullivan heats up some ready to eat grocery store meals, and we all sit at the small dining table. The guys shovel food into their mouths at an alarming rate, while I take small bites, trying to decide if I’m hungry or not.
Looking between the three of them, I start to talk. “It was just Caroline and me at the table. So, if someone rigged the burner, it happened before we came into class. The only other person who came to our table was… Tiffany.” I really tried to say her name in a normal voice, but the dislike for her clearly reflects in my tone. “She told me you guys had a thing…”
Banks chuckles, “Of course she did. You don’t have any reason to be jealous of her though. We used her to make you jealous, nothing more than that.”
“Did you sleep with her?” I don’t know what compels me to ask, but I have to know.
“No, none of us slept with her or any of her friends,” Sullivan cuts in. Through all of this, I know I should be more apprehensive, should be concerned about what’s happening, but I’m not. The brothers are the only people who have been honest with me. They’re the only people that have made an effort to tell me about my past, our past.
“Well, I guess that makes me feel a little better,” I say the words out loud, though, I didn’t mean to.
“We missed you, so much, and we did kick Sullivan’s ass for you. After what he did, he’s lucky we didn’t disown him,” Oliver states, before laughing and the sound slices through me. It’s so deep, and warm, and I just want to tell him to keep talking, and laughing, but that would be weird, right? Dropping my gaze down to my food, I shove the pieces around with my fork.
It hits me all at once why I’m here then, all the pieces stacking up inside my head, leading me to this very moment. My father had said I was in danger, and now the brothers were saying I was in danger. But who was I in danger from?
“Who would want to hurt me?”
“Honestly, we don’t know. First, it was the…” Banks’ words cut off when a soft knocking sounds against the door. All three brothers exchange a look as if they’re talking with nothing more than their eyes. Oliver pushes away from the table and goes to the door, letting in whoever is on the other side. Immediately, I start to feel nervous, dropping my fork onto my plate.
“How is everything? Is she okay?”
Caroline? I shove from my chair, nearly sending the thing to the floor. She’s stood in the doorway, her face scrunched together, guilt flickering in her eyes.
“Harlow, I’m sorry,” she says, as soon as she crosses the threshold. Deep down, I know I should be angry with her for leading me here, but I’m not. I can’t be. It seems the Bishop brothers and Caroline are the only people telling me the truth, or really anything right now.
“Don’t be. It’s okay.” I assure her with a soft smile. She nods as if accepting my word, and Oliver closes the door, sealing us all inside.
“What’s the lowdown, Cuz?” Banks implores.
Cuz? I stare, thinking maybe I’ve misheard him. Sullivan catches my bewildered facial expression and interrupts before Caroline can start talking.
“Caroline is our cousin,” he announces, and I stare at him blankly. I have half a mind to say no way, really, but I feel like sarcasm really isn’t needed at this point.
“You didn’t tell her yet?” Caroline whispers, elbowing Oliver in the side.
“When would you have liked me to tell her? Trying to keep her in this cabin has been enough work.” Oliver quips before giving me a dashing smile, the effects of said smile send a ripple of heat all the way down to my toes.
Caroline shrugs, “I guess, it doesn’t matter though. It’s a good thing you got her out of there. I don’t know what the hell is going on. There was no evidence of anything, no foul play, they’re claiming it was the burner that malfunctioned, but we all know that would just be too much of a coincidence.”
The way she says it, with so much conviction, it scares me a little.
“We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, Harlow,” Sullivan says.
“Want something to eat, Cuz?” Banks offers and Caroline nods furiously.
“I’m starving… let me get some of this,” Caroline points at the meatloaf. I realize that there are only four chairs, and all of them are taken, so I get up to sit on the couch.
“I’m done eating, you can have my chair,” I say, but when I try to walk past Banks, he reaches out and grabs me by the hip, pulling me into his lap.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can sit with me,” he grins, as my ass makes contact with his leg. I should pull away, but sitting on his lap feels normal, and it feels even better to have his heavy arm wrapped around my middle, holding me tightly to him.
Jesus. There has to be something wrong with me.
Caroline eats and talks a little more before saying her goodbyes. When she leaves, I’m left feeling anxious and unsure.
One cabin. Three brothers, and me.
8
The guys talk amongst themselves for a while, and then we all move into the living room and watch a little tv. The room seems so small with all four of us in it, and I swear the temperature rises too. Sandwiched between Banks and Sullivan on the couch, my eyes start to grow heavy with exhaustion.
“Ready to go to bed?” Oliver asks, obviously seeing my drooping eyes. I glance over to the lone bed in the room. “To sleep, nothing more,” he clarifies, seeing my apprehension.
“Are we all going to sleep in one bed?”
“Nah, we’ll make Sullivan sleep on the couch. It’s a king-size bed, it will fit three of us, so, you, me, and Oliver can sleep in it together. Unless you’re not okay with that?”
“No… it’s fine.” My eyes dart ba
ck over to the bed. It’s huge, and it wouldn’t be fair to make two of them sleep on the floor while I had that huge bed all to myself. “You’re right, it’s big enough for the three of us.”
Banks smiles, and I get this stupid urge to trace his lips with mine. I wonder what he tastes like. If he’s as intoxicating to my taste buds as he is to my other senses?
Sullivan gives me an oversized shirt and shorts to wear to bed, and I get changed in the bathroom. I have the weirdest feeling in my gut as I do so. It’s a mixture of excitement and wrongfulness. I’m about to sleep in a bed with two guys, with a third one in the same room. All guys that I admitted wanting to sleep with. I’m not sure what that says about me, if anything.
Shaking the feeling off, I step out of the bathroom and find they have already gotten comfortable. Sullivan is sprawled out on the couch with his hands behind his head, his shirt’s missing, and his perfectly sculpted body is on display. Wetting my lips with my tongue, I try and look away, but it’s so damn hard. The dips and planes of his chest beckon me onward.
Finding some internal strength, I pull my gaze away and mumble a goodnight beneath my breath. Oliver and Banks are both in bed, laying on either side shirtless just like their brother, and having left me a lot of space in the center.
Sweet baby Jesus. My ovaries are going insane, and the heat I felt once before pulses low in my abdomen. From the foot of the bed, I crawl into my designated spot and slither under the covers. Oliver rolls then, one of his thick muscled arms wrapping around me, drawing me into his chest.
“If this bothers you, tell me, but I want you close. Just to hold you, nothing more,” Oliver whispers into the shell of my ear, and I shiver at the hot breath skating across my cool skin. I can feel the hardness of his body molding against mine like two pieces of clay coming together.
Tucked tightly into his side, I inhale the clean scent of soap and rainwater. It calms me and makes me feel warm and cozy. Banks shifts against the mattress before rolling over to face me. Like his brothers, he looks like a Greek god, carved from stone, his body perfectly sculpted, his jaw tight, and his hair tousled. Our eyes collide then, and in the depths of his gaze, I see a hurricane of emotions swirling.
With a gentle hand, he reaches out and brushes away a few stray strands of hair from my face.
“I never thought we would see you again.” Banks’ admission surprises the hell out of me. He comes off as the jokester of the group, but right now he looks anything but to be joking. In fact, he looks serious, so serious it’s almost scary.
“Well, I’m here now.” The words barely make it past my lips. It feels like I’m caught between fire and ice, my body being pulled in two different directions.
“Yes. Yes, you are.” He smiles, his thumb drifting over my bottom lip. His eyes follow the motion, the color of them darkening, lust, and need swirling around, and around.
Kiss me. I scream internally, though, I’m not sure why. The pull I have toward these guys is magnetic, and even if my brain can’t remember why they matter, my body and my heart do.
“Goodnight, Harlow,” he whispers a second later, pulling his hand away, pouring an ice-cold bucket of water all over my desire at the loss of contact. His eyes drift closed, and he rests his hand against the mattress in the small space between us.
“Sweet dreams, Harlow.” Oliver nuzzles into my hair, and I feel his words in my bones. The room grows quiet, and it seems to take me forever to close my own eyes. After a while, the heat in my veins dulls, and exhaustion wins out, pulling me deep into the darkness. With all three brothers in the room, nothing can touch me, hurt me, and I let that sink deep into my mind as I lull off sleep.
I’m standing on the deck of a boat. My hands are on the railing as a brisk wind blows through my hair. It’s cold, so cold, and I bite my lip to stifle the sob threatening to rip from my throat. My emotions are out of control, short-circuiting. Out of nowhere, a hard shove from behind me causes me to lose my grip, the cold metal disappearing out from underneath my fingers. In seconds I’m flying through the cold night air, my body waiting for the pain to come.
A gut-wrenching scream rips from my chest, rushing past my lips a moment before my body hits the unforgiving sea. Pain ripples through me on impact, petrifying my bones as a terrorizing darkness swallows me whole. Sinking like a rock to the bottom of the sea. Panic grabs onto every cell in my body, robbing my brain of any thought but one. Survival.
It takes everything inside me to push aside the feeling of a thousand needles prickling across my skin that the ice-cold water leaves me with. My lungs burn, begging, pleading for air, but I have none to give them. Squeezing my eyes shut, I overcome the stiffness in my limbs and start kicking my legs with everything I have left. I will not die without a fight.
I swim through the darkness and toward the surface, giving it my all, but it’s not enough. The current is too strong, the water too dark. I’m too weak.
The sea is swallowing me whole…and all that is left is death.
It’s finally come for me...it’s finally time.
Air fills my lungs, and my eyes pop open as I feel around me to gather my bearings. Where am I? What’s happening? For a moment I’m suspended in time, unsure of everything around me. Sweat dribbles down the side of my face, and the sound of my heartbeat swooshes in my ears. Something moves beside me, and I look over, slowly coming back to my senses.
“It was just a nightmare, everything is okay, you’re okay,” Oliver soothes. My throat tightens, words refusing to come out at that moment. I wasn’t okay though. I was dying, drowning, alone in the darkness. The sea swallowing me whole.
Tremors of fear ripple through me as I remember the dream as if it actually happened to me, and then I realize… it did. I almost drowned. Someone did push me off a boat. Someone wants me dead, and I don’t know why. The fear inside me spikes and I find myself rolling over, and burying my face into Oliver’s bare chest. Inhaling his masculine scent, I try and push the worries away.
“Shh, I’ll never let anything happen to you again,” Oliver murmurs, his lips ghosting against my forehead. My entire body is shaking now, but I believe him. The hand slung over me rubs soothingly up and down my back, the motion alone pulls me from the foggy fear surrounding me. With every stroke of his hand, I feel less afraid, and more turned on. A fire sparking deep inside my gut.
Tipping my head back, I peer up at Oliver, his face is creased with sleep, but his eyes are magnificent, deep and dark, like melted chocolate.
“Are you okay?” Banks’ muffled voice sounds from behind me. The sheets rustle and then I feel him closer, his hard body brushing against mine. Oliver moves his hand and Banks moves even closer until he’s sandwiched me between him and Oliver.
“I almost died. In my dream, I was dying, and no one saved me, and the water was rushing in,” I whimper, unable to hold it together a second longer. Oliver caresses my face with his hand, his thumb brushing against my lip, while his eyes bore into mine.
“I jumped into the water that night to save you. There was no way I was going to let you drown. You weren’t alone, Harlow, and you never will be again.”
He saved me? He jumped into the water and saved me? Before I can fully grasp the significance of the statement, his lips are on mine. I’m vaguely aware of Banks’ fingers sinking possessively into my hip, pulling my rear into his hardness. With Oliver’s lips on mine, Banks brushes away the hair at my neck and peppers my skin with kisses. Instantly my body melts, my insides turning to molten lava.
Oliver cradles my face in his hands, and continues his assault on my lips, kissing me like a man starved of food. He sips from my lips like I’m a sweet nectar, his tongue slipping into my mouth and caressing my own. The tiniest of whimpers slips past my mouth as the hold Banks has on me grows harder, his fingers digging into the tender flesh. Oliver swallows up my whimper but not before Banks can hear it. Again, he squeezes the flesh, kneading it in his hand, his fingers playing with the waistband of my shorts.
Oh, hell, I want his fingers in me, no, I need them in me. I need the ache forming between my thighs elevated before I combust.
Breaking the kiss, I suck in a precious breath of oxygen before I whisper, “I want to do with you what I did with Sullivan.” I speak to both of them, and, though, I can’t see Banks’ face at that moment, the deep growl that emits from his mouth and against my skin tells me he approves.
“You don’t have to. That’s not what this is about. Yes, we want you, but it’s deeper than that. It’s so much more than sex, Harlow.”
I can’t comprehend his words right now, not with Banks’ lips on my skin, and Oliver beside me, his lips swollen and his eyes wild with need. He’s saying one thing, but his body is reacting in another way, the large bulge pressing against my thigh giving him away. He wants this so badly, just like I do, and I need to prove it to him.
“I know it’s not about sex, but I want you, both of you. It feels like I’m burning up inside. I don’t understand the need, or why, all I know is that I have this connection with each of you, and I want to strengthen it. It pains me to be so close and not have the same things with you two that I do with Sullivan. I want that connection to grow.”
“Sex or no sex, we’re connected. That won’t ever change,” Banks whispers against my skin, his voice deep and smoky.
“Please,” I plead one last time, and as if the word alone holds power, Oliver’s resolve snaps. Pulling away, he shucks his shorts. Banks does the same, and then together, they help me out of my own clothing. Rolling me over onto my back, Oliver slowly peels my shirt off while his brother does the same with my shorts. It doesn’t take them long, and before I know it, I’m completely bare, not only in a physical sense but in an emotional one as well. It feels like I’m giving each of them a piece of my jagged heart.
Banks leans forward, pressing his lips to mine, his kiss is hotter, deeper, wilder than Oliver’s and he brands me with his lips, leaving me burning. I can feel Oliver moving against the sheets, and then I feel his fingers, gently skimming over my tummy, moving lower and lower. My legs part all on their own, and I tremble with anticipation.