by Beck, J. L.
“What’s going on? Needed saving?” he asks.
“Yes, I really just need to get away from my mom for a few hours, and my parents won’t let me out of their sight unless I’m with you so…”
He nods in understanding before asking, “Are you hungry?”
“God, yes. My mom has me on a ridiculous diet, so I’ll be extra skinny for the wedding,” I explain while buckling myself up. Matt’s eyes leave my face and briefly roam my body, making me immediately feel exposed even though I'm fully dressed.
“I don’t know how much skinnier you can get without looking sick.” He turns his attention back to the road and pulls out of the parking spot. “So, burger place?”
“Hell yes.”
After a short drive, we pull up to a little diner. Matt parks upfront, and we both get out at the same time. The hostess greets us with a friendly smile as we walk in, and then seats us, handing us menus as we sit down. I flip through it right away, my mouth watering at the pictures I see. I want one of everything.
“I’m glad you called. I had planned to ask you out tonight or tomorrow anyway, so it was perfect timing,” Matt tells me.
“Yeah, I’m glad I called too,” My eyes stay glued to the triple bacon burger. I can almost taste the savory goodness on my tongue. Shit, hopefully, I’m not drooling.
“I was going to give you this,” Matt’s voice is soft, and I peek over the menu and look down. In his hand is a small black velvet box. That isn’t… lord, please tell me that isn’t what I think it is. At the thought, I lose my appetite.
“I figured people would raise eyebrows when they get to the wedding and realized I never gave you an engagement ring.”
My throat tightens, and my ears swoosh with the sound of my heartbeat.
I drop the menu, laying it flat on the table as Matt slides the ring box across the wooden surface. Pausing, I stare at the box like it’s going to jump up and attack me.
Part of me still wonders if all of this is a dream. Hesitantly, I reach out and grab it. The box is soft, but the meaning of what’s inside it is what terrifies me the most. It makes all of this real, it’s not just something inside of my head anymore. It’s real, physically real. Opening the box slowly, I gasp at the first sight of the ring. Massive, glittery, with enough diamonds to weigh my hand down. How will I even wear this thing?
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper. “It really is.”
“Are you going to put it on?” he asks after I stare at it for a few more seconds. I nod and take the beautiful piece of jewelry out of the box gently like it might break. It feels just as heavy as it looks. Slowly, I slide it into place on my ring finger.
Of course, it fits perfectly, almost like magic… almost.
“My mom must have measured my finger while I was sleeping or something.”
Matt chuckles as he brings his cup to his lips, "Honestly, I wouldn’t doubt it. Your mom’s a little on the crazy side.”
You have no idea.
“Oh, my god, did you just get engaged?” Someone next to us squeals, looking up, the waitress is standing by our table, pencil, and notepad in hand, ready to take our order.
“What? No! We’ve been engaged for a while,” I say quickly, wanting to defuse the situation before it gets worse. Judging by her excited facial expression, she is ready to bring out a celebratory cake and have the whole staff sing us a song. That would be embarrassing and draw way too much attention.
“Oh, well, congratulations. That ring is to die for. He must really love you a lot,” the waitress giggles, her eyes big, and her cheeks red like she just walked in on some secret. Yes, tons. I look up at Matt, who is watching me, his face is a mask of nothingness. He’s impossible to read, and I’m not sure if I should even respond. Does he love me? Will he ever? Through all of this, I never really bothered to ask what his feelings on our marriage were? He just always seems okay with it.
“I’ll take the mammoth burger, and she’ll have the bacon cheeseburger, both with fries.”
“Of course.” The waitress doesn’t miss a beat, as she jots down our order and then grabs the menus practically skipping back to the kitchen.
Placing my hands down in front of me, my eyes catch on the ring again. It’s going to take some time before I get used to wearing this thing.
“Do you like the ring?” Matt asks.
“Yes, I do. It’s… it’s almost too much. You didn’t have to get me something extravagant. A simple band would’ve been fine.”
“Not for my girl. You deserve the best, and I told you, I would take care of you. This is merely the start. The moment you have my last name, I’ll provide you with everything you need and more. You’ll never go without.”
My heart thumps heavily in my chest. I’ll be taking his last name soon, forever sealing my fate of never being with the Bishop brothers again. It hurts, bad, so bad, but I have to remind myself that this is what must be done. I’m doing this for them.
“Hey, are you okay?” Matt’s gentle voice interrupts my thoughts, and I blink them away, my heart still heavy in my chest as I find his hand resting against mine. I should feel something, anything at his touch, but I don’t.
“Uhh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just lost in thought.” I force a smile.
We make small talk until our food finally arrives and after that, I’m so busy stuffing my face with greasy goodness that I don’t have time to talk.
“Wow, I didn’t think you were really going to down that whole burger,” Matt’s eyebrows lift in surprise, as I stuff the last few French fries into my mouth.
“I didn’t either, but I was starving,” I point out. “Not anymore, though, I’m stuffed. I’m gonna go to the ladies room, and wash my hands. They smell like bacon, and I don’t want my mom to have a heart attack when I get home,” I excuse myself while Matt finishes up his burger.
Walking through the restaurant, I follow the large restroom sign above me. When I enter the bathroom, I find it empty and sag against the sink, thankful for a calming moment alone. I wash my hands, lathering them with soap thickly, all while my eyes are glued to the diamond ring that now adorns my finger.
The door opens behind me suddenly, and I look up from my hands and into the mirror, ready to fake a smile for whatever woman just walked in. But it isn’t a woman. My face falls, my gut tightening, my heart beating furiously.
“Banks?” I gasp, as he closes the door behind him, turning the lock into place, trapping me in the small space with him. “What are you doing? You can’t be here?”
Banks doesn’t say anything, instead, closing the distance between us in one stride. I’m dizzy with need, wanting his touch, even though I know nothing can come of it. Lifting his hands, he places one on each side of my face, cradling my cheeks. His unique scent fills my nostrils, he smells spicy like cinnamon, and clean, and a warm fuzzy feeling spreads throughout my whole body at the familiar scent.
“It’s just us now, tell me what really happened. Tell me what’s really going on.” His voice is brimming with emotion, and the intensity of it shakes me to the core.
“Banks…” My heart aches in my chest. I want to tell him the truth so badly. I want to tell him that I love him and that everything is going to be okay… but I can’t. If I tell him the truth, he will kidnap me again, in an effort to keep me safe. And no matter how badly I want to go with him, I can’t let that happen, because if we anger my father again, there is no telling what he’ll do.
“Tell me, baby,” he coaxes, his thumb gently rubbing over my heated cheek.
“This…” My throat tightens, the words almost refusing to come out. “This is my choice… I want to marry Matt. I will marry him.” At my words, Banks’ hands fall away, and a disbelieving look overtakes his features. He blinks slowly, almost like he’s willing all of this to be a dream.
“You are lying, you don’t want that prick. Tell me the truth. Tell me this isn’t what you want, Harlow.” Desperation drips from every single word, and I can hear the pain in
his voice. I feel it like a knife is slicing through my heart.
“It’s the right thing to do. He’ll take care of me…” I start.
“You don’t think we’ll take care of you?” Banks interrupts, his voice taking on an angry edge. “We will protect you, all you have to do is let us in. Tell me what happened, and I can make this right. I’ll have Sullivan and Oliver here in a heartbeat.”
No. I can’t let them get hurt. Shaking my head, I take a step back, putting some distance between us. Having him this close makes me want to agree to everything he says.
“I don’t want you to take care of me or try to protect me. I want you to leave me alone.” Tears form in my eyes as the words I’m about to say roll off of my tongue, “I don’t want you anymore. You and your brothers are nothing to me.”
Banks shakes his head, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I can see the shock and sadness taking root. “Why? Why are you saying these things? I know we didn’t tell you before, but we love you, and we know you love us. Don’t do this.”
It feels like my heart is physically being ripped from my chest, each beat intensifying the ache. “I remembered some things that happened between us. Things I can’t forget, that I can’t get over.” I need to make him understand that I’m serious. I know it’s a low blow, but I need to get my point across. I need to make the lie more believable.
“Like what?”
“I remember you threatening me, and I remember how you bullied me in school.” Banks lowers his head in shame, his eyes go blank and gloss over as if he’s remembering that terrible time. I hate myself, and my father for making me do this. I hate him so much.
“I’m sorry, Harlow, I wish I could change the past, but I can’t, and the past doesn’t change the way I feel about you now.”
“You made my life hell, and I can’t forgive you, or your brothers for that.” It’s only partially a lie. I do remember some of it, but I forgave them long ago. We all made terrible mistakes, and I chose to forgive them for theirs. There was no point in holding a grudge or holding it over their heads if there was ever going to be a chance of all of us being together. But that ship has sailed now. There is no future for us four, at least not with me in it.
Banks looks up, his gaze clashing with mine, and for a moment, I’m overwhelmed with sadness. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he gets a single word out, a loud knocking noise fills the room.
“Harlow, you okay in there?” Matt’s muffled voice carries through the door.
I take in a shaky breath before yelling, “Yeah, I’ll be right…” Before I can finish the sentence, Banks turns around and heads for the door, unlocking it and pulling it open all at once. I can’t move, I’m standing there like a statue, my knees shaking.
“You have got to be fucking kidding,” Matt seethes when he sees Banks inside the small bathroom with me.
“What did you do to her? Are you forcing her into marrying you?” Banks accuses Matt, his voice dripping with hate, while his biceps tighten and his hands curl into fists.
Those always playful eyes of Matt’s turn cold, making me shiver. “Don’t be fucking ridiculous. She agreed to marry me. Get over yourself and take the hint. She doesn’t want you, asshole,” Matt spits back.
Banks’ gaze narrows, and he takes a step forward. “She sure as hell doesn’t want you either!” The room is thick with tension making it hard to breathe. Before this can escalate any more, I wedge myself between the two of them. With my back to Matt, I raise my hands up, showing Banks my palms, making an ill attempt to calm him down. I didn’t realize—until I see the anger and hurt on his face—that with this stance, I’m clearly taking a side. Matt’s side. Shit. I’m just digging myself a deeper hole. I have to stop this, end it before it’s too late.
“Banks, I already told you… I want to be with Matt. Now please just let me go and stop following me. This is the end; it has to be.” I take a step back until my back is flush against Matt’s chest. I can feel the heat of his body radiating into mine, and as if he’s trying to drive the point home, Matt lifts his hand and rests it on my hip. The pain and disappointment in Banks’ eyes are almost too much to bear. My entire body is begging me to go to him, my heart nothing more than a bleeding mess. Putting the last nail in the coffin, I turn away from him and look up at Matt, who is still staring holes into Banks.
“Please take me home.”
“Sure, Princess, let’s go,” he says, moving his hand to my lower back as he leads me out of the bathroom and through the restaurant until we’re outside. I don’t dare look back at Banks. I couldn’t, not knowing how much I just hurt him.
Matt opens the door for me and helps me into the car. As soon as he closes the door behind me, I let the tears I was holding back go. They slip from my eyes and down my cheeks with ease. I’m so ashamed, so heartbroken. I wish things could be different.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Matt tries to soothe me when he gets into the car, but that just makes me cry more. It’s not going to be okay. Nothing is okay. Everything is hopelessly broken, and there is nothing I can do to make things right again. The Bishops are no longer mine, and that realization hurts more than I ever thought it would.
“I’m guessing Banks is the one you love?”
All I can do right now is nod. I do love Banks… and Oliver and Sullivan. God, this is bad, so bad. My heart is breaking, shattering into a million pieces, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. “I love all three of them.”
“What do you mean all three? Like… you were with all three of the Bishops?” I don’t miss the condescending tone in his voice at my confession, but I still stand by my statement. I might not ever be theirs again, or them mine, but I will freely admit my feelings for them.
“Yes… I was… well, still am, in love with them.”
Matt’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, “Well, hopefully, you can move on because no wife of mine will be seen with a Bishop. I won’t allow it, Harlow.” There’s a finality to his words, and I know I can’t screw this up. If I’m going to protect them, then I’ll need to do everything I can do to make sure things with Matt work out.
14
It’s the day of the rehearsal dinner, and the house is buzzing with excitement. Excitement that I don’t share. It seems as though I’m the only person unhappy about this wedding. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to come to grips with what my parents have done. They’ve taken me out of school, threatened the only people I’ve ever loved, and then forced me into a situation where there is no escaping. It’s like I’m sinking in quicksand, and the more I struggle, the faster I sink. There is no plan B, no fix for this situation.
It takes me forever to get dressed, and even longer to do my hair and make-up. My mother pops her head into the room just as I’m zipping up the lavender-colored V-neck mini-dress that she picked out for me. It’s shorter than I would like, but it’s very pretty.
“Gorgeous. The lavender really brings out the color of your eyes.”
“Thanks,” I somehow manage to say. Directing my attention to the mirror in front of me, I stare at my reflection for a few long seconds. I don’t recognize the girl looking back at me. She’s weak and missing a backbone, but I’m not sure how to help her, how to make her stronger, without putting those I care about in danger.
“Are you ready, sweetie? We’re all waiting for you.”
“I’m ready,” I say, my voice somber.
Together with my mother, I walk out of the bedroom, down the hallway, and to the grand staircase. As we descend the stairs, my mother leans into me. She’s smiling at Matt, his father, and my father, who are waiting at the bottom of the steps.
“Do not do anything to mess this up; otherwise, you know what will happen.” The warning is clear, and I wish so badly that I didn’t have to play by their rules. My jaw clenches, my teeth grinding together at the effort it takes me to keep my mouth shut. I want to tell her off, but what’s the point? It won’t change what’s going to happen.
When we reach the bottom of the steps, my jaw is aching, and my stomach is twisted in knots. Matt reaches for me, and I place my hand in his, the heat of his touch radiating through me. I wish I could hate Matt, but I don’t. As bad as all of this is, he’s been the only person to show me even a tiny bit of compassion.
“We will meet you at the church.” My father’s authoritative voice rains down on me like acid. I ignore him completely, uncaring to what he has to say at this point.
“Are you okay?” Matt whispers into the shell of my ear as we walk out the front door, and toward the car that’s waiting for us.
“Yes,” I lie. I’m not okay, not even close, but complaining about it won’t change anything.
“Good, you look beautiful tonight, and even more beautiful with that engagement ring on your finger. I can’t wait to show you off to the world as my wife,” Matt teases, a hint of flirtation to his words, but I don’t have it in me to even make an effort to flirt back.
“I’m sorry, this is just… it’s hard for me,” I say as he helps me into the car.
He climbs in behind me and places his hand against my bare thigh. I drop my gaze to where he’s touching me. It seems wrong, like he’s taunting me with his touch or something. I can’t want Matt, not when my heart belongs to another.
“We’re going to be married tomorrow, and though our love isn’t real, we have to pretend to an entire room of people today and tomorrow that it is.”
He’s right, but I just don’t care. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I just want to get married and escape the tower my parents have locked me up in.
As if he can sense my uncaring attitude his lips press into a hard line, making him appear almost angry. Great, I’ve just pissed my soon to be husband off, the only person that seems to care about my wants. Maybe I should be a little nicer to him… more grateful that he is not a total jerk to me, because truthfully if he were, there would be nothing I could do. I would still marry him to protect the Bishops. I would do anything to ensure their well-being.