by Karen Botha
Jessie
When I arrive back at the picnic table we’re using as our base, I can’t stop thinking about what a complete idiot I just was. Zac’s eyes burn across the party, boring into me until I am awkward in my own skin, even from over here I sense his despair.
I can’t stand the crippling cramping in my limbs. I can’t catch my breath and no sooner have I seated myself than I’m up again taking quick steps.
I’m not sure where I’m going, but I end up down at the water. Not where the boats are providing their shuttle service, but over at the other side of the island where it’s peaceful. I just need some time to organize my thoughts about this insane day.
And then I see it. As I look out across the lake at dark nothingness, that black void is my future if I don’t seize hold of myself take this risk.
I perch on the rim of a rock by the water’s edge and contemplate the idea. And that’s when I spot a figure.
It’s not the threatening shadow that I associate with being attacked earlier, there’s something more friendly in the haunch of the shoulders.
I can’t see properly through the dim light, but it looks like him.
My mouth turns dry.
He stops too when his eyes rest on me and there’s a second where once again we communicate without words. Even through the dark, I see a smile flicker on his lips, and his uncertainty has me eating out of his hand. He’s just as taken aback as I. I’m not alone. I just didn’t see it.
“You OK?” He raises his voice so I can hear.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I thought you’d left.”
I tip my head toward my right shoulder. “I didn’t.” I gesture with my hands to show I’m still here, like he’d think I wasn’t if I didn’t. Odd how we behave sometimes.
“Wait there. I’ll come to you.” He scuttles down the hill, one fast foot in front of the other until he reaches me. Our tension has lifted enough to allow us to smile at each other when he grabs me to prevent his momentum from launching him into the water.
“I’m sorry about my friends, I say. They’re a bit protective.” For some reason, it is important to spell this out.
“I’d say that Ryan is a bit more than protective.” He rubs his jaw.
“Is it sore?” I place my fingers over his to feel, but he turns his hand and takes those fingers in his, moving them toward his mouth where he grazes tiny kisses over their tips.
“It won’t kill me.” He pauses while my fingers trail over the bristles on his chin. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t explain about Emma. I guess part of me was kind of pleased you were jealous.”
“I was not jealous. Where did you get that idea from? I just don’t want to be with a man who has no respect for me nor women in general. It’s a different thing from jealousy.” There’s no doubt about it, I was absolutely jealous. But I’m not about to tell him that.
His face remains stoic, so I have no idea whether he believes my explanation which was at least half true.
Zac
I hadn’t thought about how I was going to deal with this. I’m winging it. And, if I’m brutally honest, my stomach is churning as I approach her in the dark. A light breeze cools my rising temperature.
“Listen, I need to speak to you,” I whisper between kissing the backs of her fingers. I hold her hand to my mouth, breathe in her smell. It’s fresh, like peach, despite us having been outdoors for hours.
“Me too. I was thinking. The guys have the best of intentions, but they don’t know what’s right for me. Only I should decide that.” She straightens as though she’s got a load off her mind.
And then she kisses me. I watch it happen, shock rendering me motionless. I see her tip her weight forward on the rock, her eyes glistening in the darkness. I know what she’s going to do, see it happening, but I’m rooted to the spot. I cannot move. Her hand reaches behind my neck, her thumb caressing my cheek and that’s when I really see her, her eyes revealing more than words. My heart flutters and I part my lips so she can place hers against mine.
My hands are at my side. She takes them in hers before silently shifting them until they're wrapped around her waist. When she’s sure they’ll stay, she inches the back of her nails up my bare forearms and inside the sleeves of my tee-shirt.
“Kiss me,” she instructs, softly, into my mouth.
My arms stretch up and tangle in her hair, tipping back her head and exposing her neck. The world around me blurs as our eyes connect and I take a sharp breath.
Her breath whispers across my lips, when I reach down to kiss her delicately, followed by her tongue. It trails the underside of my bottom lip, and then she draws it gently into her mouth. As we connect, a fog descends across all my senses other than those focused on her. My arms tighten around her and as her body molds to fit with mine, I have a vision of how a future could be.
As my hands lower toward her waist, my nails brush over the outline of her bra sending a jolt of lightening into my pants. I take her body and pull her against me, my mouth opening so my teeth catch against her skin. She moves under me, sucking my bottom lip into her mouth. Her lips stretch into a grin, but she doesn’t release me. Instead she sucks harder, and then when we can go no further, her hands sweep free from my tee-shirt, discovering the hem at my waist.
Our bodies slam against each other with a building passion. Our touch is igniting ragged breaths which burn of desire. She drags me against her, our ribs rising and falling together as her fingers run up the underside of the hem of my shirt and once again our flesh connects.
“We decide,” she says.
I nod. “Yes, we do.” And in that moment, I make my choice.
Jessie
We leave the party together. We just get on the boat and cross the lake toward the soft beach at the other side. As our captain pulls away, the noise fades and we’re suspended in a tranquility which, although the night is cold, wraps us in a warmth.
“Are you staying at the house with everyone else?” Zac asks when we’re halfway back to shore.
“Sure I am. You?” I snuggle deeper under his arm; the air is chilly as it whips over my bare skin.
“I’m supposed to be. Shall we find somewhere else tonight?” Instinct tells me he’s not being presumptuous; he just doesn’t want to risk another run in with the boys.
I shake my head. “No, I’ll deal with the guys if there’s any trouble, I don’t want to disrupt the wedding any more than we already have. Let’s stick to the plan.”
He nods, kisses my hair before rubbing his hand down my face and holding some wayward strands from my eyes. It’s such a tender act that I sink deeper into serenity, content with the security of being wrapped in his arms.
Our energy vibrates in a way I’ve never felt with anyone before. It’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but what is screaming out is that this is right.
There’s a part of me which I hadn’t noticed was empty, but now that he’s here, I’m aware of how a vacant hole has now been filled. He’s moved into my space and a piece of him already owns it. As I shiver in his embrace, looking out to the lake and the mountains beyond, I feel a strength from him, but also now within me. One which means my world is open to new possibilities.
His arm tightens around me and I cuddle closer, my heart skipping as our bodies sculpt together, our collective warmth mingling to support us.
When we get back to the house, it’s empty. As neither of us knows which are our rooms, we dump our bags in the lobby and embark on a cautious game of hunt the unoccupied den. It doesn’t take long to find two next to each other, both with single beds.
“I think this is us,” I say.
“I think you’re right.”
And then there’s that awkward moment where we each stand and look at the other, trying to gauge how we should progress further. “I’ll dump our bags then while you put the kettle on. Shall we meet in the kitchen for a coffee?”
He smirks and I notice that his grin is lopsided, his teeth cut at an ang
le. “Sure, that brings a whole new meaning to being invited back for coffee.”
It’s the most predictable idea in the world that this man with whom I’ve connected, would want to look after me, but to me, his words are momentous. Not only is he caring for me, and asking me to care for him, but he’s also saying he’s not going to jump on me as soon as there is opportunity. He’s showing respect on so many levels when he says those few words.
I don’t reply.
But, I reach out and stroke the back of his neck. He lets his head fall forward, so I bury my fingers in his dark waves, running them up to his scalp. His moan echoes through me, sending shivers throughout my body which has the hairs on my arms standing on end. I move closer, our bodies still not touching, but we’re close enough for every nerve to sense the heat from his pounding heart.
I allow my hand flatten against his head, turning her face towards me and my heart skips as he allows me to move him as I choose. Our eyes connect, and then our hands. I pull him toward me as I sit down on the mattress. Instead of joining me, he falls to his knees, stretching up as I reach down to wrap my arms around his neck. Our lips meet and our kisses reignite.
Jessie
My heart accelerates, not because I’m scared, but because this is what I really want. I have no idea what happened in the last day, but it’s significant. His lips touch mine and sparks ignite, but then he pulls away. I’m left breathless and wanting.
I look toward the window as though our reflection in the pitch black of the outside is holding my attention. My own eyes stare back at me, and I watch as he studies me.
With one gentle finger, he repositions my head until our eyes are locked and he’s holding the gaze I didn’t want to give him. He’s not smiling, but his eyes are molten, stealing my own passion and reflecting the heat back like that window I’ve so quickly forgotten. The mirroring doubles the spark and my breath catches in my throat as my heart pounds a rapid beat.
A smile doesn’t cross his lips, instead, they swell with desire, full of need and wanting.
My thinking is overtaken by a craving to feel his hands on my skin. I reach out, tentatively place the tips of my fingers on the back of his thighs as he leans in toward me. Bending until our faces are just centimeters apart, I wait for his next move. It doesn’t come and so I edge nearer until our lips connect and an explosion obliterates any remaining logical thoughts.
The rest of the world is unimportant. The only thing that matters is for us to touch, to kiss and explore. I want to rip at his clothes, to waste no time in discovering everything about this man who has captured me. But, deep down I understand that Zac is different than anyone else. I sense we have a future, and I need to be careful with it.
Instead of ripping and tugging and panting, I control the frenzy of sparks invading my brain, and savor the stillness of our touching. His mouth moves from mine, down to my neck, and he nuzzles the tender spot under my ear. This simple touch has me craving more and I move toward him, hoping he’ll take the hint and start to move his hands over the rest of my body. My head rocks backwards as his lips ignite a fire as they trail down to my collar bone.
I’m only alive in this moment, all thoughts of the past and the future have melted and for the first time, I am so totally complete that I could be addicted. And I know he feels it too, that he is equally addicted to me.
Zac
When I lay her back on the bed and lower myself down over her, relief washes over me. Sure, my heart is jack-hammering and my groin is throbbing so hard that I fear I’ll explode in my pants any second. But, the over-riding emotion is satisfaction at finally being able to satiate the tension which has burned between us since we first met less than a day ago.
My fingers make easy work of her clothing, removing it to expose her feminine curves. As my mouth connects with the dusky crest of her nipple a wave crashes through me, forcing me to writhe my still clothed groin against her. Her hips thrust back in a steady rhythm as her hands flit from where they have been resting on my shoulders down to make easy work of my buckle.
When I lift to push down my pants, our eyes connect. Hers are raw with desire, pupils blown.
“Jesus Jessie, what are you doing to me?” I whisper the words as she spreads her legs wider until I’m all but forcing my throbbing hardness through the light material which still separates us.
She doesn’t need to reply as her eyes say enough. When she meets mine, her gaze allows me to see into her soul.
I crush my lips against hers and our mouths open as I hook the material to one side and slip my hot flesh against her most sensitive spot, using my hardness against her until she bucks and groans in a way which makes me bite my lip in an attempt to hold back my appreciation.
Her neck arcs and I locate my wallet with one hand. Finding the packet I so desperately need, one-minute later the groan which escapes her throat reverberates through my entire body as I slide inside her. I lose my head entirely as my body takes over what is natural. Her hips come up to meet mine as we grind against each other, no holds barred now as we rip at each others’ clothes, greedy hands indulging in what they have been burning for all day. Where my hands can’t reach, my mouth finds as I continue to pound inside her, slamming deep within her pulsating core.
Without warning, she flips me on my back and my heart summersaults now from shock and then pure delight as she discards what remains of her dress and loops one leg out of her panties before sitting back down on top of me.
I keep my eyes open, delighting in the way her body moves on top of me, grinding down onto my swollen flesh. Watching as she rides me, her legs hugging against her hips, the muscles of her thighs flex. My fingers reaching to graze the spot which sends her head crashing back. Her wonderful breasts bounce with every one of her gyrations before I grasp it with my spare hand.
Jessie’s palms press against my chest, my thoughts swimming until it’s almost impossible to breathe. My eyes screw shut as she contracts against me and I can hold on no longer. The wash of withheld ecstasy floods my veins.
And then she collapses on top of me, sealing a layer of heat between our satisfied flesh and expels her breath in a slow, steady hiss.
Jessie
It’s not like I’d thought about the next morning, but when I wake, I can tell it’s still only early. And I can also tell that I’m alone. A kind of panic dawns as I realize that Zac has left me. I don’t know what I expected, but I guess it was something along the lines of us enjoying a lazy morning taking in the glorious mountain views, maybe a cup of tea in bed and round two. But not for me to wake up alone. I open my eyes, making certain this feeling of being alone isn’t a horrible mistake. I half expect to find him at the window, smoking a cigarette like you see in the movies.
But he isn’t.
It’s at this point, when I wonder if I’ve pushed him out. I am spread eagle across the whole of the skinny single bed.
Pulling on his discarded t-shirt from the night before, I plod out of the room and into the one next door. The handle echoes through the otherwise silent house as I click it down and push it open expecting to find Zac asleep in what should have been my bed. My hand is shaking as adrenaline prepares me to see the man who has turned my world upside down.
But this bed is empty, and still perfectly made up.
“Huh?” My feet creak against the polish of the wood floor as I go and try to discover where Zac has disappeared to. Fleeting thoughts about whether he has left me start to filter into my brain, but I push them aside, labeling them as unhelpful. The adrenaline has now passed though, and I’m just totally confused.
Without thinking, I creep downstairs in nothing more than his top and a pair of tiny shorts which are barely visible. I’m so fixated on where my new beau could be, that I don’t for a second consider that my bare ass will be visible through the slats of the open staircase. Instead, I’m only concerned with finding Zac and as I round the corner into the ground floor living area, I’m surprised when he’s not alre
ady in the kitchen, half way through making some coffee.
But no.
Where on earth is he?
I stand with my hands on my hips. I can hear my breathing; the house is that silent. We heard everyone come in last night, and carry on their partying, so it’s not a big shocker that they’ll still be sound asleep having only been in bed a few hours.
And then a movement outside catches the corner of my eye.
I stand at the window and admire him. He’s seated on a flat stone with his naked back to me, dressed only in a pair of loose fitting, fleece shorts.
I’m about to rap on the glass when I stop myself. The moment is so calm, such a serene escape from both of our daily lives that it’s a shame to pierce it. I click down the lever on the kettle with my heart bubbling in anticipation as I wait for the water to boil.
Finally, it’s ready and I can patter outside with two steaming cups. I pad, barefoot down the wooden steps to the garden and without speaking, pass him his cup and plop down next to him on the chilly stone slab. Pulling his tee-shirt over my knees which I huddle up to my chest, I let a sigh escape as I cradle the warmth of the ceramic mug.
His features are soft as he turns, and while the corners of his mouth twitch up, it’s the peace that radiates from him, not words, which communicates his mood.
And we sit like that, watching the radiant pinks and oranges light up against the mellow blue backdrop of the morning sky. The sun blossoms like a flower gifting its petals to the world, until it glows with a blush of scarlet.