by Joan Burrows
jessie: Not looking, really. Just listening to the water . . . the waves sound so . . . peaceful.
peggy: Ma, it’s a small lake, not an ocean. Are you all right?
jessie: Just having a hot flash, dear.
peggy: You still get those?
jessie: When they’re convenient.
peggy: Huh?
jessie: Occasional. I meant to say . . . occasionally.
eva, still in her towel, and gloria, now in lounging pyjamas, enter from the other bedroom with the dress.
gloria: It’s very pretty, Mrs. McConnell. I love how you did the buttons.
peggy: What are you doing with that?
gloria: Your mom gave it to us.
peggy: When?
gloria: Just now.
peggy turns to her mother.
peggy: Why?
jessie: They hadn’t seen it.
peggy: Oh.
Pause
Okay. I’ll put it back in the bedroom.
She takes it from gloria and goes into her room. There is an awkward pause as the girls look at jessie in the open doorway. She smiles at them and fans herself. eva heads to the counter for her drink while gloria sits on the couch. peggy comes out still carrying the dress but now has the squashed pie in her other hand.
Ma, what’s this?
Beat.
jessie: It’s a pie, dear.
peggy: What was it doing on the bedroom floor?
jessie: Was that where it was? I was wondering what I had done with it.
peggy: You brought a pie?
jessie: Yes.
peggy looks at it.
peggy: But it’s . . . squashed.
She lifts the lid.
What kind is it?
jessie: What does it look like?
peggy: You don’t know?
jessie: I baked it a while ago. I forgot what kind I made.
peggy: It looks like lemon meringue. But why is it so flat?
jessie: Well . . . I packed it . . . in my suitcase.
peggy: You packed a pie in your suitcase?
peggy looks at gloria, who has become interested in their exchange, with a “do you see what I mean?” look.
jessie: I’m sure it still tastes okay. There’s plates and forks on the table.
They all look over to see the plastic bag.
peggy crosses to the table.
peggy: You packed plates and forks, too?
gloria takes the pie from peggy.
gloria: (in a low voice) That’s a good sign, isn’t it? She remembered to bring everything.
peggy returns to her room with the dress.
I’d love a piece, Mrs. McConnell, but I’m still full from dinner. How be we leave it here and get into it later?
peggy comes back out with gloria’s putter in her hand.
peggy: Why is Gloria’s putter in our room?
They all look at the putter, then at jessie.
jessie: Uh . . . I was practising . . . while you were out.
peggy: Practising?
jessie: Yes.
peggy: You were putting? In the bedroom?
jessie: Yes.
gloria: I didn’t know you golfed, Mrs. McConnell.
peggy: She doesn’t.
jessie: That’s why I was practising. To see if I was any good at it . . . (laughing) I’m not.
gloria: It’s difficult to get the ball into the cup, isn’t it?
jessie: Ball?
peggy: You didn’t use a golf ball?
jessie: No . . . I imagined one.
Beat.
eva: Then how do you know you missed?
jessie: (glaring at eva) I imagined I missed.
peggy: Ma, are you all right?
jessie: I’m fine.
peggy: It’s getting a little chilly in here. Do you think you could close the door now?
jessie: Soon, dear.
jessie fans herself.
You know, the girls haven’t seen the bride’s dress. Why don’t you take them into the bedroom and show it to them? Margaret Anne has done the most wonderful job on it.
gloria: I saw it, Peg. It’s lovely.
peggy: When did you see it?
gloria: This aft. Guy Larkin was modelling it for your mom.
peggy turns to her mother.
peggy: You had Guy Larkin wearing Kerry’s wedding dress?
jessie: I was just checking the hem.
eva: Guy Larkin? Wow! There’s a name from the past. I heard he’s moved back. What’s he look like? Betcha he hasn’t aged much living that California lifestyle.
peggy: He looks good.
jessie: (a little too loudly) I think he looks very handsome, don’t you, Gloria?
The door bumps her.
gloria has picked up a magazine and started to flip through it.
gloria: Hard to tell. I don’t think white’s his colour.
eva: I heard he’s single again. That’s interesting.
peggy: Yeah. But don’t start getting any ideas, Eva.
eva: What do you mean?
peggy: You’re married and he’s not looking for anyone.
jessie: Or, rather, he’s not looking for anyone who’s married. I wouldn’t say he’s not looking. If there was an attractive, intelligent, interesting, single woman in the room —
The door bumps her again.
I’m sure Guy would be looking.
eva: I’d love to see him again.
jessie: I thought there was a picture of him in that magazine Gloria has. It was some TV person, but when I first saw the picture, I thought to myself, what is Guy Larkin doing in an old People magazine?
eva moves onto the sofa with peggy, taking hold of the magazine with her.
eva: Where?
jessie: Somewhere in the middle, I think.
The three girls are now concentrated on flipping through the magazine as jessie swings open the door and pushes guy outside.
eva: Are we on the right page?
peggy: Keep flipping.
eva: I don’t see anyone who looks like Guy.
peggy: Are you sure you weren’t imagining this, too?
jessie: Why speak of the devil! Look who’s here.
The girls turn to see guy standing in the screened doorway.
Don’t you look handsome, all dressed up. What brings you to the boathouse?
jessie takes his arm and brings him into the room, closing the door behind them.
guy: Uh . . . Pat sent me up with extra dessert.
He suddenly realizes he isn’t carrying anything.
jessie: And you thought you should check to see if we wanted any. How nice. But we have a pie already.
eva rushes over to hug guy, who is aware that she is still only wrapped in a towel.
eva: Guy! What a surprise. How are you? You haven’t changed a bit.
guy: Gosh, there, Eva. Neither have you.
He’s not quite sure where to put his hands and finally disentangles himself from eva.
So how’s the . . . uh . . . (looking at her towel) pyjama party going? Can I get anything for you?
eva leads him over and into the chair and then sits on the arm.
eva: You can get yourself comfortable and talk to us. It’s so great to see you. After all these years. How about a drink?
guy: No. Nothing, thanks.
eva: Oh, come on, Guy. You can’t just sit here and not have a drink for old times’ sakes. Peggy, grab a beer from the fridge for Guy.
guy: No, really. No beer.
eva: How about some tequila, then. I even brought some limes.
guy: No, thanks.
eva: Guy!
guy: A soda then. A s
oda would be fine.
peggy moves to the fridge to find one.
eva: A soda? Oh, I get it. You’re saving yourself for the big wedding tomorrow.
peggy opens the fridge to find her mother’s purse.
peggy: Ma, isn’t this yours?
jessie: Why, yes it is.
peggy: What’s it doing in the fridge?
jessie: (laughing) I put it there when . . .
jessie suddenly looks to guy.
. . . I thought it would be . . . I really don’t know.
peggy gives a knowing look to gloria.
But thank you for finding it for me, Margaret Anne.
peggy opens a soda and gives it to guy while still looking at her mother.
peggy: Here you go, Guy.
He gets out of the chair but eva follows him.
eva clinks her wine glass against guy’s can.
eva: Cheers!
jessie: Did you find that picture of Guy, Gloria?
jessie crosses to guy and pushes him onto the sofa beside gloria.
I came across a picture in this old People magazine that I could have sworn was you. Look through it with Gloria to see if you can find it.
gloria and guy look uncomfortably at each other and nod.
guy: Trust me, Mrs. Mac, I’m not in any People magazine.
eva: But, Guy, all those years in LA. You can’t tell me you haven’t partied with the rich and famous.
guy: Rich and infamous, maybe. But not the people in here.
He points to the magazine.
If you want gossip about the famous, you’re gonna have to talk to Leslie. Where is she? I thought she was coming to your reunion.
peggy: She should be here. Maybe the Friday-night traffic was worse than she expected.
eva: I can’t wait to see her. The last time I saw her, her hair was pink!
guy: It was more purple when I saw her.
gloria: When did you see her?
guy: Uh, about eight months ago. She was in LA and we sort of bumped into each other at a . . . restaurant. We had our own little reunion.
gloria: Funny, she never mentioned that.
eva: And I hear you’re home now. Why would you ever leave sunny Los Angeles? What could possibly bring you home?
The others all look at guy and there is an awkward silence. And then a small knock at the door and a woman’s voice calling out “Peggy?”
peggy: (in a loud whisper) It’s Leslie. Everybody hide and then yell “surprise!” when I open the door.
(to the door) Coming.
gloria and guy hide in front of the sofa and then realize how uncomfortably close they are to each other. gloria gets up and moves to her bedroom doorway while eva pushes guy over and crawls into the sofa space with him. jessie, who has crossed to her bedroom door, comes down and climbs over the sofa to be in the middle of guy and eva. guy uses this opportunity to crawl away from the sofa and go into the bathroom doorway. peggy crosses to the boathouse door.
(whispering) On the count of three . . . One . . . two . . . three —
She opens the door. Immediately a very large and pregnant leslie enters the room carrying an overnight bag.
leslie: (as others jump up) Surprise!
They all stare at her in shock. They gasp and then turn to look at guy.
Blackout.
Act 2
Scene 1
Everyone is in the same positions they were in when peggy opened the door. Everyone is staring at guy. There is total silence.
leslie: (hesitant) Surprise?
They slowly look back at leslie.
What? I know it’s a shock but . . .
They all look back at guy.
peggy: Guy?
jessie gets up from the sofa, crosses to guy, and punches him in the arm.
guy: Ow!
leslie: Guy?
leslie suddenly sees him.
Oh, Guy. I was hoping I’d run into you again. I’ve so much to tell you.
eva: No kidding!
jessie hits him again.
jessie: How could you?
guy: Ow! Why are you hitting me?
leslie crosses to guy.
leslie: Did Guy tell you that we bumped into each other? What was it? About eight months ago?
eva: Looks like that to me.
guy and leslie hug each other warmly while the others look on in total disbelief, miming to each other “Did you know?” “No!” “Did you?” “Why should I know?” “You see her in the city?” “How could you not know?” leslie turns to catch them in their gossip.
leslie: What?
peggy: Ah, Leslie, this is . . . it’s just such a surprise!
(to guy) Why didn’t you tell us?
He looks at them, confused.
guy: I didn’t know.
jessie: You’re denying it?
guy: I’m not denying anything. I didn’t know she was . . .
eva: . . . bumped into?
guy: What?
He suddenly realizes what everyone is thinking.
Oh! Oh! No! Wait. I get it now.
He starts to laugh.
jessie: This isn’t funny.
guy: No, it is. Really. Tell them, Leslie.
leslie: Tell them what?
guy: I’m not the father.
leslie: You?
She looks at the others.
You think Guy’s? . . . Where would you come up with that?
peggy: He told us he “bumped” into you eight months ago or so out in LA and you never said anything to us about any of that . . .
gloria: . . . and then you walk in here . . .
eva: . . . looking eight months or more pregnant!
jessie: What were we supposed to think?
leslie: That is too funny. I looked forward to surprising you but I never expected those facial reactions. Now I get it!
peggy: I assumed your surprise was about a new restaurant. Not motherhood! Look at you. How are you?
peggy finally hugs her, as do eva and gloria, who express warm feelings about seeing her.
leslie: (while being hugged) Actually, about nine months pregnant. And although I’m getting rather tired of hauling this around, the closer I get to my due date, the more I’m afraid I’ve made a huge mistake.
jessie: Nonsense. Motherhood agrees with you. You look absolutely joyous.
leslie: Mrs. Mac. It’s so nice to see you. My God, it’s been years.
eva: But I saw your picture a little while ago in the paper. You didn’t look pregnant.
leslie: You can hide a lot under those chef whites. We decided to keep it quiet until we were sure everything was all right. We got preggers before but I miscarried and it was pretty traumatic for us. We split up for a while even.
eva: We?
leslie: Claude Paquette. I met him years ago at a very trendy restaurant in Montreal. His specialty was mussels and about thirty different sauces he would cook them in. We did the long-distance thing for a while and he was in the process of moving to Toronto when I miscarried. I freaked. Decided it was some kind of omen. So I ended it. I was nuts. A crazy person. He managed to get in with a hotel chain in Victoria, then LA.
(to gloria) Do you remember my chef friend, Joey Santos?
gloria: The one with the gorgeous grey hair?
(to the others) I was at Allen’s late one night when Leslie introduced me to this very sexy chef from her kitchen.
eva: Did he ask you out?
gloria: That would’ve been nice, but then his six-foot-two boyfriend came in and they went out together.
eva: His partner works in the movie industry in LA. He uses my place for industry parties when his company is filming in the city. Joey got his green ca
rd, moved out to LA, and opened his own place. He begged me to come out to hold his hand through the restaurant-opening jitters. But when I arrived, who was sautéing mussels in his kitchen but Claude. We looked at each other and, well, that was it.
jessie: So love at second sight. What a wonderful story.
She looks knowingly at guy.
Isn’t that a nice story, Guy?
guy: (glaring at jessie) Yes.
leslie: Guy met Claude actually. Last January when we ran into each other at . . .
guy: . . . Joey’s restaurant. That’s what I was explaining just before you entered looking so . . .
leslie: Knocked up?
leslie laughs.
And so you all thought . . . that is just too funny.
gloria: When are you due?
leslie: Around the twentieth.
gloria: Will Claude be here for the birth?
leslie: He’s flying in on Tuesday, actually. The other part of my surprise is that we’ve decided to settle in Montreal. He’s bought into a new restaurant. I’m keeping my financial interest in Allen’s but giving over the running of it to my partner for a few years. Then we’ll see how everyone is coping with the changes. So this could be the last time I’ll see everyone for a while. Unless you’re willing to trek to Montreal to see our Jean Claude or Marie Francoise . . . whatever is in here.
eva: I hardly get to see you as it is. Now it’ll be never.
peggy: Nonsense. We can use this as an excuse for a girls’ weekend to Quebec every year. I propose that each fall we make a pact to see Leslie. Who’s in?
gloria holds out her hand palm down.
gloria: I’m in. Especially, if it means eating mussels made by Claude.
leslie laughs and puts her hand on gloria’s.
leslie: No problem. How about it, Eva?
eva: Does it also include no kids, no husbands, and lots of shopping?
leslie: Obviously!
eva slaps her hand on top of the others.
eva: How’s next weekend?
leslie: Let me get there first. No, first, let me get rid of this stomach. It’s really starting to get in the way of my life.
peggy: You think it’s in the way now? Wait till Jean Claude or Marie Francoise is here. You can say goodbye to your life as you know it.
leslie: Oh, I know all that. Actually, I’m really excited. A lot of people, insert my mother here, were concerned about me having this baby so late but, trust me, I wasn’t ready at twenty-five or even thirty to mother anything. Hell, I could barely keep my house plants alive, but at almost forty . . . well, I feel . . . ready. I feel . . .