by Joan Burrows
Pause.
I felt paralyzed when I heard about Charlie. I couldn’t write to you because I was involved in a criminal case dealing with the same issue at the time.
gloria: You were defending a drunk driver?
guy: No. I was the drunk driver.
gloria: You killed someone?
guy: No. I destroyed a car and sent someone to a hospital. Me.
gloria: What happened?
guy: That’s a detailed answer. Are you sure you want details?
gloria: Not if you don’t want to tell me. It’s really none of my business.
guy: But it is your business, Glory. You need to know why I never contacted you when Charlie died. You need to know what happened to me in California. I need for you to know it. All of it. Just like I need to know what happened to you. How did you get through all that? God, I need to know why you married Charlie McAllister in the first place. He was such a geek in high school.
gloria: (laughing) That’s right, you never saw Charlie after graduation, did you? Charlie McAllister was one of those guys who just exploded into himself after high school. Somewhere along the way he became confident, successful. He even grew taller. Six two. We met at a banking conference and he admitted that he’d had a crush on me forever. Pursued me like no one ever had before in my life, and one day I suddenly realized that Charlie was the kindest person I’d ever known. Not just to me but to everyone he met. I fell in love with him for being like that.
Beat.
More than anything, I miss his kindness yet.
guy: So . . . Charlie McAllister grew to be six two. You see, that’s a detail that I never knew. Tell you what we need to do.
He goes to the table and finds some paper and two pens.
We’re going to write out five questions that we want the other person to answer about their life. When we have the questions ready, we’ll take turns asking them. And we have to be honest with each other. No glossing over details. The details are what we need.
gloria: Guy, it’s late and . . .
guy: Five questions, that’s all. Here.
He hands her paper and a pen.
Beat.
gloria: Five questions?
guy: Five. So think carefully about what you want to ask. I promise I’ll let you turn in when we’re done.
They sit on opposite sides of the couch, backs to each other. guy looks skyward trying to phrase his first question. He writes something and looks at it proudly. gloria writes furiously and finishes her five questions in seconds.
gloria: Done.
guy: What? You’ve got five questions already? Let’s see.
gloria: Uh uh. Not fair. You can’t see them. You’re not going to prepare answers ahead of time. How many have you got?
guy: One.
gloria: That’s all. After all these years you could only come up with one question to ask me?
guy: Give me a second. I’ll think of some more.
He looks at his sheet, struggling to think of something to write. She stares at him.
It’s a little difficult to concentrate when you’re glaring at me like that.
He returns to his sheet and begins to write, then suddenly changes his mind and vehemently crosses out what he has written.
gloria: Oh, you’re impossible. This isn’t going to work. Why don’t you take your paper with you, think up four more questions, and I’ll answer them while we’re golfing tomorrow.
guy: No. Tell you what. Why don’t we start with your questions and when one comes to me while I’m answering yours, then I’ll write it down. I promise not to ask you the same questions you ask me. Okay?
gloria: (hesitant) All right. I guess.
guy: Great.
guy makes himself comfortable.
So you go first. Shoot. What’s your first question?
Without looking at her sheet.
gloria: Why did you abandon me at our prom?
Pause.
guy: Right. Okay. Somehow I knew that was going to be one of the questions on your list. Just didn’t expect it to be the first. All right. Let’s see. Where should I start?
gloria: No glossing. Details. You said I could expect details.
guy: You’re right. This one may take some time though, because before I can explain the details of that particular night, I need to go into a lot of family history and stuff.
gloria: Stuff?
guy: Nature versus nurture kind of stuff. Or in my case the influences of both.
gloria: Should I go on to my second question? I’m getting the feeling this first one is going to be glossed over.
guy: No. No. I just need to set the time. The historical context if you would.
gloria: Do you waste this much time in the courtroom?
guy: My dad. Great guy. When he was sober. The problem was he wasn’t sober a lot of the time. Most nights he’d come home, disappear to the basement, and we never knew what was going to emerge on the other side.
gloria: And what? He got drunk the night of the prom?
guy: When you grow up in an environment like that, like I did, you start to think of it as normal. Of drinking a twelve-pack a night as okay. Dad does it so I should be able to do it too. I think genetically I was linked to my dad in that way. Except for me, it wasn’t so much the booze as the drugs. I was using in high school. You knew that.
gloria: Well, we all used a little in high school.
guy: No, you all used on an occasional weekend if someone scored something. I used every day. Whether it was a joint or vodka, I used it daily. On the night of the prom I had a chance to score some really good hash. And it was higher on my list of priorities than seeing you in a pretty dress. I got carried away. By the time I realized what was happening I came out here to apologize but it was way too late. And the next day I was still too stoned, too embarrassed, too much of a coward to redeem myself. So I never ever did. Until now. I’m . . . I’m sorry for that night, Gloria. And I’m saying this not because it’s part of the program . . . making amends and all . . . but because I really am. So sorry. It was a lousy thing to do to you.
A beat as she looks at him.
gloria: Yeah. It was.
Pause.
I have a question about this game.
guy: What?
gloria: What if the answer to the question raises more questions? Am I allowed to ask subquestions?
guy: That’s the beauty of this game, Glory. You can ask me as many questions as you want.
gloria: All right. Then explain this to me. Why the sudden move to BC?
guy: My mother. She realized what was happening and sent me out to her brother. Uncle Greg. Ex-military. She knew he’d straighten me out. And he did. He put me to work, hard labour at his mill. After a year I suggested university. He agreed. Watched me like a hawk. I got into a great firm in Vancouver with a subsidiary in LA and by the time I was writing the California bar exam, I’d been clean and sober for years. But LA is not the greatest place to be when you’re lonely and stressed and have . . . issues.
gloria: You started using again. Were you married then?
guy: Is my marriage one of your five questions?
gloria: Could be. Tell me about your wife.
guy: I’m afraid to. You’ll probably hate me after you hear what I put her through.
gloria: How do you know I don’t already hate you?
guy: Fair enough. My wife was a secretary at the firm. A really beautiful, sweet girl. All the guys were interested in her but, for some reason, she took to me. Maybe it was my Canadian charm, eh?
gloria gives him a look.
Or not. I was already starting to behave a little carelessly and, for some reason, she found that attractive.
gloria: Maybe she wanted to fix you. Save you. Some women are
like that. Think they can change the men in their lives.
guy: Sadly for her that didn’t happen. We married too quickly. Had a child too quickly. All of which added to the stress in my life. But luckily for her, she was smart enough to know when to walk away. And so she did. Which gave me even more reasons to continue behaving badly, until I woke up in a hospital after a particularly spectacular car crash on a coastal California highway.
gloria: And you were charged with drunk driving?
guy: Reckless driving but not impaired. Because I had access to a high-level legal team, the case managed to go away. And then they suggested I do the same thing.
gloria: They fired you?
guy: Suggested I seek employment elsewhere. Which I knew wouldn’t happen unless I shaped up. So I took some time to get help. That’s where Leslie comes in. When she saw me in LA, she took one look at me and immediately called Jim.
gloria: Who brought you home.
guy: Home. Yes.
Beat.
So do all those details answer your first question?
gloria: I guess. Do you want to ask your one question now?
guy: No. I need more time. Why don’t you keep going?
She stares at guy then refers to her list.
gloria: Okay, here’s the next thing I’d like to ask about. Your daughter.
guy smiles and the lights begin to fade as guy begins.
guy: Justine. Justine is awesome. She’s seven now, and as beautiful as her mom. I talk to her on the phone quite a bit and she’s learning about email and Skyping. I’m planning on seeing her next month when . . .
Blackout.
Scene 2
Lights come up to find guy and gloria asleep on the sofa. gloria is snuggled sideways into the crook of his arm with her hand on his chest. leslie enters from the bedroom and begins to cross to the bathroom. She sees them and smiles. She drapes a blanket over them and continues to the bathroom. guy stretches his free arm over his head and opens his eyes. He looks around, remembering where he is, and sees gloria asleep on him. He’s not sure what to do. He moves slightly to see if he can move his arm away, and as he does so gloria opens her eyes. There is a long, awkward moment as they look at each other.
gloria: I got cold.
She moves away from him.
guy: That’s all right.
Pause.
Sorry, I don’t remember drifting off.
gloria: I think it was during question five. Subquestion nine.
guy: Oh, right. Did I finish that answer?
gloria: I think so.
An awkward pause as they look at each other.
Well . . . I wonder what it’s like out?
She scrambles off of the sofa and goes to the window, opening the drapes.
Sunshine for the wedding. Are you still up for the golf? We don’t have to if . . .
guy: Wouldn’t miss it.
He heads for the door.
I’ll just get changed and meet you at the pro shop in thirty minutes? Do you want to grab some breakfast first?
He has opened the door as jessie appears fully dressed in casual clothes from her bedroom. She looks at them approvingly.
jessie: Good morning. Good morning. How’d you sleep, Gloria?
gloria: Fine.
jessie: Good.
(to guy) You’re here bright and early. Aren’t you a little overdressed for a golf game?
guy: Uh . . . (looking at gloria) . . . yeah. Well, you see, what happened was . . .
There is a loud scream from the bathroom.
jessie: My God. Who’s that?
jessie crosses over to the bathroom door and knocks on it. The others follow.
Hello?
leslie: It’s me, Mrs. McConnell. Could you come in here, please. Quick!
She turns to gloria.
jessie: She wants me to go in.
gloria motions for her to do so. jessie enters the bathroom. gloria and guy look at each other. peggy enters from the bedroom wearing track pants and putting on a sweatshirt as eva follows in her pyjamas.
peggy: What the hell was that noise?
guy: It’s Leslie.
gloria: She’s in the bathroom.
guy: With your mother.
peggy crosses to the door.
peggy: Ma, are you okay? Is everything all right?
peggy comes out from the bathroom.
jessie: We have a bit of an emergency. Leslie’s water just broke. I think we need to get her to the hospital right away.
eva: Is she okay?
jessie: A little startled but she’ll be fine. She’s just going to have her baby now instead of in two weeks. Guy, I think it’s best if you do the driving. Go and get Jimmy’s van and warm it up. Meet us at the bottom of the stairs.
guy runs for the door.
guy: I’m on it, Mrs. Mac. Anything else?
jessie: Ask Pat for some extra towels. Just in case.
He looks at her in horror.
guy: Oh my God!
He races out the door.
jessie: (to gloria and eva) Gather up Leslie’s bag and things. Find her coat.
They run to the bedroom.
(to peggy) Leslie wants me to come with her to the hospital until her mother arrives. She can call her on the way.
peggy: I’ll follow in my car. Let me get my purse.
peggy heads to the bedroom. gloria returns with leslie’s coat.
jessie: You have to stay here. The dresses for Kerry’s wedding.
peggy: They’re fine. I can take them down to Pat right now. She can find someone to help her.
gloria: You go.
eva enters with the bag.
Eva and I can help Kerry and the girls.
peggy races to the bedroom for her purse. gloria grabs a paper from the sofa and writes. The bathroom door opens and leslie enters. jessie attempts to put the coat on leslie.
leslie: But I’m not properly dressed. I only have my slippers on, for God’s sakes.
eva: Your shoes are in your bag.
leslie heads over to eva. jessie follows, trying to guide leslie to the door.
jessie: I can put your shoes on you in the van. Gloria, take Leslie’s bag and see if Guy’s ready.
gloria hands the paper to jessie.
gloria: Keep in contact. Here’s my cell number. Call me.
gloria heads out the door. peggy returns from the bedroom.
peggy: How’re you doing, Les?
leslie: I’m not ready to have the baby today. I have to be back at the restaurant at six.
jessie: You’ll have to forego that, dear. I think you’re going to be busy elsewhere.
leslie: But . . .
jessie: That’s it. Keep walking. Margaret Anne’s going to go ahead of us and let them know that you’re arriving. She’ll get a wheelchair ready. While we’re driving to the hospital, you can give me the names of everyone who needs to be called and she can take care of all that when we get there, right, Margaret Anne?
peggy: Yeah. Don’t worry, Les, you’re in good hands. Ma’ll take good care of you.
peggy heads out the door. jessie guides leslie toward the door and their conversation continues as we see them go past the window.
leslie: But I don’t want to have the baby today. Claude’s coming on Tuesday. Can’t I have it on Tuesday? I want to go to the wedding.
jessie: Oh, I’m sure we’ll hear all about it. Gloria will take lots of pictures. Now all we have to do is get down these damned stairs.
eva is left alone, standing in the doorway.
There is total silence.
eva: Wow!
eva looks around and decides to take off her wig when suddenly a cellphone rings an offbeat tune. She finds her purs
e in the kitchen and pulls it out. She does not see jessie, who has returned and is shocked to see eva. She stands in the doorway.
Hi! How’s it going, Stevie, my sweetie? . . . What? When? . . . How’s he doin’? . . . Okay, I’ll head home right after the ceremony . . . No, it’s fine, sweetie . . . Last night? It was fun. I missed you though . . . The others —
She turns and suddenly sees jessie.
Uh . . . there’s been a bit of an emergency here as well. I’ll call you back . . . Me too.
She hangs up.
jessie: I forgot my purse.
eva: My five-year-old has the flu.
jessie: Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. But your husband’s there. Steve, the one you were calling sweetie?
eva: Uh . . . yeah.
jessie: The one you’ve been complaining about? He’s actually a sweetie?
eva: Look, Mrs. Mac. I have a love-hate relationship with these reunions. Every time I meet up with my old high-school friends I find they want me to be Eva the Diva because that’s who I was.
jessie: I remember her, Eva, only too well.
Beat.
eva: That day. You found me . . . in the second floor washroom . . . with . . . And you never reported it. Why?
jessie: It was coming up to final exams. You would’ve been suspended. Seemed like a high price to pay for being . . .
eva: Stupid.
jessie: For being young.
eva: I was terrified of you. I was afraid you’d tell . . .
jessie: Your parents?
eva: No. I was afraid you’d tell Peggy. But you never did.
jessie: No. I never did.
eva: Thank you for that.
eva holds up her wig
I’m not really this girl anymore. After that first disastrous marriage, I met Steve. Quiet, dependable, responsible Steve, and I became, well, just Eva. Calm, happy wife and mother. But there’s a part of me —
She holds up her wig.
— that loves being this girl again. Even if it’s just for a night. She’s loud and funny and outrageous . . . but she’s also . . .
jessie: . . . Exhausting? Eva, dear, I suspect that the girls may be a little tired of the Diva as well.
eva: But I thought she kept us all young.