by Wendy Smith
“Hunter? Did I tell you where we lived? How did you find me?” She breaks into a breathtaking smile, and for a moment I forget where I am let alone why I’m here.
“Chloe? I didn’t know you lived here. Uh …”
“Mum, I’m so sorry. We were playing cricket and Xander bowled the worst he’s ever bowled.” A teenage boy appears behind Chloe.
Another, identical boy appears on her other side. “That’s debatable. There’s nothing wrong with my bowling.”
“I hit it, didn’t I? And I hit it well.” He’s so smug, but then he shifts his focus to me and immediately deflates. “And then I broke the window.”
“My kitchen window,” I growl.
Chloe’s eyes widen. “Wait. You live next door?”
I nod. “I do.”
“And my boys broke your window? Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Hunter. I’ll pay for it, and these two will be much more careful. Won’t you, boys?”
They both hang their heads and speak in unison. “Yes, Mum.”
“Come in for a coffee and we’ll sort it out.” She smiles and I don’t even really care about the window anymore. “Boys, this is Hunter. He was a good friend of your dad’s when we were growing up.”
The boy on the left lifts his head. “Really? You knew my dad?”
“I did.”
His eyes fill with excitement. I guess if he’s sixteen and Scott died four years ago, he was only twelve. What are his memories like of his father? Maybe I can fill some gaps for him.
He smiles. “That’s so cool.”
“Your questions can wait.” Chloe crosses her arms. “First, I’m making coffee and maybe we can have some of that chocolate cake I made this morning. And you two can apologise again to Hunter.”
“Sorry, Hunter,” the boy on the left says.
Chloe turns to the other boy. “Xander?”
“Sorry,” he mumbles.
That one. I recognise the pout. They’re both like Scott in looks, but one’s more like him than the other.
“Come in, Hunter. I’ll move these two out of the way so we can get through.” She turns and gives both boys a shove down the hallway that leads to the back of the house. “Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. We’ve still got a lot of unpacking to do, and I’ve been working today.”
“Don’t apologise.” I follow her through to the kitchen. I know this house well. We were friends with the people who used to live here until my wife decided to fuck the man of the house. “I didn’t even know you’d moved in.”
“We’ve only been here a few days.”
The woman by the pool. It’s like a light bulb goes off over my head, and without thinking, my gaze dips to Chloe’s arse to check it out.
Yep. That’s her.
One of the boys clears his throat, and I look up and shoot him a sheepish look.
“How do you take your coffee? It’s instant at the moment because I have no idea which box the coffee machine is in, but I’m sure I’m not that far off finding it.” She opens a cupboard and bends over, retrieving two coffee cups from it.
Holy shit! This isn’t fair. None of this is fair.
“Do you want a drink, Braden and Xander?” she asks.
“I’ll get some juice out of the fridge. Want one, Xan?” Braden asks.
Xander shakes his head and raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug.
“Um … milk and two sugars, Chlo. Thanks.”
She smiles as she spoons the coffee into the mugs, looking back over her shoulder at me. “No one’s called me that for a long time.”
I laugh. “You know I picked that up from Scott.”
She nods. “Yeah. I used to tease him that he was being lazy because my name was only one more syllable. But I miss it.”
“I’ll take up the mantel, then.” I grin.
“Take a seat at the table and I’ll bring this over with the cake. Braden and Xander, sit down and talk to Hunter. I’m sure you can ask him anything about your dad.”
I cross the room and sit at the table. Braden smiles as he sits down with his juice while Xander crosses his arms and glares at me.
“So you were Dad’s friend?” Braden asks.
“I was his best friend, except for your mother.”
“Then why haven’t we ever heard of you?” Xander has that suspicious tone that Scott always had. He was the biggest sceptic I ever met and questioned everything. I bet his kids do the same.
I blow out a breath. “Your dad and I had a falling out before he left town to go to uni. It was stupid, and I’ll always regret we never patched things up.” I pause. “Your mum told me you look a lot like your dad, and you do.”
The atmosphere shifts a little as he shuffles in his seat. “You think so?”
“You’re what, sixteen? Your dad and I were really close at that age. You two are the spitting image of him at sixteen. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see him before he died. But I’m really glad to meet the two of you.”
“Here we go.” Chloe places the two cups of steaming coffee on the table before turning back to return to the bench. She comes back with a plate of cake and some smaller plates, which she places in front of us all. “Now, about this window.”
“I’ll call the glass place when I get home and get them to come out.”
“Let me know how much it is and I’ll pay for it.”
My anger over the broken window is completely gone. Not just because it’s Chloe, although, that’s a huge part, but because these two kids probably would have been playing with their dad if he was still here. Scott loved cricket, and he would have loved playing it with his sons.
“Sure thing.” I turn to Xander. “Your dad was a decent bowler. We used to play in my parents’ backyard all the time. We might also have broken a window or two back then.”
His lips twitch. “We used to play with him back at the old house. He was alright.”
I nod. “If you have any questions about him, just ask. I’d be happy to share.”
A hand closes over mine, and I look back at Chloe. Gratitude fills her expression. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I shoot her a smile.
She blushes and looks back down at her coffee as she lifts her hand.
“Would you play cricket with us?” Braden asks.
The question takes me by surprise. I haven’t played in years, and my chest tightens at the thought of playing backyard cricket with Scott’s sons. There was a time in my life I thought I’d be doing that kind of thing with my own children, but that never worked out.
“Braden, I’m sure Hunter—”
“Sure. I’d love to at some point. But not today because I had to work unexpectedly last night and after I’ve called the glass place, I’m going to get some sleep.”
Chloe focuses her gaze on me. “What happened last night?”
“Just some work stuff. I’ll get it sorted when I’m not so cranky.”
“You? Cranky?”
In all fairness, she doesn’t know how angry at the world I was when Piper and I broke up. How I screwed my way around town before realising it didn’t help. How I had a hardened reputation well before that, which led, in part, to my career choice.
“I’m not really the man you used to know, Chlo. Things changed a lot while you were away.”
Her smile falters and she studies my expression closer. She’s not seen that side of me, the one that protects itself from hurt because I have no barriers when it comes to her. I never did.
“Things changed a lot for me too. I guess we have a lot of years to catch up on.” Her soft tone puts me at ease.
“We do.” I smile.
“Mum, we’re going to go and pick up our cricket gear.” Braden and Xander stand.
She nods. “Good idea.”
She’s silent as she watches them leave before turning back to me.
“And in the meantime, we have some other stuff to sort.”
“Like what.”
“The window?”
Shit. “Yeah. We can sort that out later. I’ll go and call the glass company now.”
She smiles. “Thanks, Hunter. I’m glad you’re next door. It’ll be good to spend time together and catch up properly.”
“It will.” I swallow hard. I’m like that awkward fifteen-year-old again who just realised how much he liked his best friend’s girlfriend. I can’t shake her hand, or she’ll discover just how sweaty my palms are.
“And thank you for offering to talk to the boys. They like hearing about their dad.”
“You’re welcome.” I hesitate. “I’ll text you later?”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
She stands and rounds the table, sliding her arms around my waist as if it’s second nature. I close my eyes because it feels so good.
This takes me back to when we were kids. Chloe was always the one who showed her affection openly. She was often the opposite of Scott, and there were times I wondered how they worked. But they did.
Maybe she’s the key to opening me up again.
Seven
Chloe
There are days when I almost feel like my old self.
And on those days, I’m full of energy and ready to face the world head on with whatever it wants to throw at me. Then there are the bad days. When they come, I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I want to bury myself under the covers and pretend the world doesn’t exist. Those are the days when I barely recognise myself.
A mother at eighteen, I grew up fast, and I never regretted any of it. Now I’m haunted by the past, and sometimes I feel like I’m about a hundred years old. Grief ages you. It tears down any defences you have and hides deep inside just waiting for its moment. And then it hits you right between the eyes and knocks you out.
Thankfully, the bad days are low in number now.
Early on, I felt like a zombie as I went through the mechanics of just getting through the day. I became embedded in the routine of life. Take the boys to school, come home and try to write, pick up the boys from school. It became important to us, and got us all through those moments of overwhelming grief.
There’s no routine here just yet.
The boys started school this week, and they have a love hate thing going on with my insistence that I drive them to school. I know I tease them about learning to drive and we talk about buying a car, but I’ll never admit to them that the thought of them going out in the world by themselves scares the shit out of me.
There are less cars on the road here than back in Auckland, and the drive to school is peaceful in comparison to what it used to be. I’m thankful for small mercies, but no less scared for them. I know it’s human nature to worry about your children, and I fight it consuming me all the time.
I walk out into the sun and raise my face. The weather is definitely a bonus here, and I’m so lucky the house has a swimming pool.
And during the day I have it all to myself.
I love that Hunter’s my neighbour. We just clicked the other night like we always did. He was as good a friend to me as he was to Scott, and now all I feel is shame that I didn’t reach out to him. I left well enough alone when Scott told me their friendship was irreparable. And then my own life took a twist with my pregnancy, which put everything else on the backburner.
Picking up the leaf scoop, I drag it across the surface of the pool, collecting the few leaves scattered on the surface.
Scott would have loved this, but I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake coming here, and whether this specific house was the right choice.
He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my neck.
“Remember that house I told you I wanted to buy back home? I still look out for it. It’s still my dream to buy it for you.”
“Scott,” I whisper.
“Maybe one day we’ll retire there. The kids will be grown up and gone, and we can fool around in the swimming pool.”
I laugh. “What is it with you and the swimming pool?”
“I’ve spent a lot of years imagining us there.” He links his fingers in mine. “And like every dream, there’s usually some kind of fantasy that involves you.”
“You are terrible, Scott Cooper.”
He shakes his head. “No. Just completely and utterly in love with my wife.”
I drop to my knees. Memories like that make it hard to breathe, and I clutch at my chest, sobbing.
The grief is overwhelming.
Scott should be here with us. He should be standing by the pool, rake in hand, smiling that devilish smile at me because the boys are in school and it’s just us.
So often these days I regret that we never had any more children. He wanted to, once he started earning good money as a lawyer, but the twins were a handful already and we kept putting it off.
And putting it off.
The agony of not giving him what he wanted hits me and I cry harder at the thought. This was supposed to be our home, and all of a sudden I’m second guessing myself because I thought moving here would give me a sense of closure.
In some ways it has, but in other ways it’s the one place I’ll always struggle with memories.
Strong arms wrap around me, and I’m pulled into a hard chest.
My heart races, and I plant one palm, pushing away.
“Chloe. It’s me.”
I look up, right into Hunter’s dark eyes.
It’s overwhelming.
He holds me tight while I weep on his shoulder, before scooping me into his arms and carrying me into the house.
Sitting on the couch, he holds me. It’s comforting, and just what I needed in a weird way.
He cradles me on his lap as I rock, pressing a kiss into my hair like a protective parent.
“Thank you.”
“I … I was standing on the back porch and saw you crying. I couldn’t leave you there when you were so upset. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
I swallow hard. “It’s stupid. It’s been four years.”
“Sometimes a lifetime isn’t enough when you lose someone you love.”
“It was my fault,” I whisper.
He doesn’t say anything, and I guess he can’t. No one knows what happened that day but me.
“It was a Friday night, and the boys were having a sleepover with a friend. Scott got caught up at work. I called him to come home because we had the place to ourselves …”
Hunter palms my cheek, slots his fingers into my hair and raises my face until his gaze meets mine. “You loved him, and you wanted to be with him. It makes sense.”
I bite my lower lip. “If … if I hadn’t called him, he wouldn’t have been on the road when she crossed the centre line. I’d still have him here.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. I’ve never told anyone this before, but Hunter’s the one person I know will be on my side.
“You weren’t to know that, Chloe. There’s no way to turn back time. All you can do is live for the future.” His brown eyes search mine. “And you have me now. I’m here whenever you need me.”
“I’m sorry to do this to you.”
Hunter shakes his head. “Anything you need. I’m right next door.”
“I can’t ask that of you.”
He leans his forehead against mine. It’s an intimate gesture, but instead of me feeling freaked out, it’s comforting. He’s comforting.
“Our friendship means you can ask anything of me. At any time. And I don’t say that to many people.” He pulls back. “You are the one exception.”
“Why?”
“I care, Chloe. I always did.”
I swallow hard, and squeeze him tighter.
“Thank you. That means so much.”
Hunter was always there for Scott and me, so it makes sense he would be here for me now too. But his actions tell me there’s something more to it. And for once I wish I had more experience with men to know whether I’m right.
“Do the boys need a ride home from school?”
I sh
ake my head. “I’ll go and get them. Xander’s got his try-out for the school rugby team today, and Braden’s going for support, so they’ll text when they’re ready.”
“You’re not going anywhere. Not after this. You look exhausted. Are you even sleeping properly?”
I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing. “Yes, Dad.”
He frowns. “Don’t you ever call me that again.”
I wipe the tears that have pooled in my eyes with the back of my hand and then laugh, and it takes away some of the pain. But only for a little while.
“Chloe, I’m serious.”
“My sleep has been hit and miss the past four years. I’m used to it.”
“Go and have a nap. I’ll pick up the boys.”
I hesitate. I’ve never let anyone do that before. It’s been one of the things I can control.
“I’m not sure—”
“I’ve got this. Don’t worry about anything.”
It’s been so long since anyone has said that to me, and all it does is bring up fresh tears.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Anything for you. I only wish you’d come home earlier for me to take care of you. Because I know you, and I know you were used to someone who always had your back, and I don’t think you’ve had that for some time.”
I shake my head. He’s right. I always knew I had Caleb, but he was only there for visits. I’ve done things by myself for so long, and it’s not always easy.
“I’ve never trusted anyone else to drive my boys except Caleb. Not since …”
He takes my hand in his. “I understand. I’d never let anything happen to them. You can trust me.”
I take some deep breaths. “Bring them straight home.”
His confident smile gives me strength. “I’ll do better than that. I’ll bring them home and feed them while you take a rest.”
I bite my cheek so hard the coppery taste of blood fills my mouth. But I force myself to nod. I’d call Caleb, but he’s sure to be working, and I don’t really want to interrupt his day when Hunter’s right here making the offer.
“Chloe. I’ll keep them safe.” He plants a kiss on my forehead and slowly releases his grip on me.
I uncurl and stand in front of him. “I know you will.”