by Tiana Smith
“I’ll see you in there,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder as I walked past. “There’s something I need to do. If I don’t, I won’t be able to focus, and then I’d have no chance in there.”
His face twisted. “You know you’re way too competitive, right?”
I stopped and gave him a look. “It’s the state championships. Most people would agree this is all a pretty big deal.”
“That’s just it, though. The scholarship’s not nearly as important as you’re making it out to be. You’re thinking too far in advance about college and missing everything that’s going on in the present, that’s your problem.”
“No, Carter, your problem is that you don’t think ahead enough.”
We’d had this same argument several times over the years. He pushed me to be more spontaneous; I tried to make him see the bigger picture. Usually it wasn’t an issue, but lately I was wondering if we were too different to ever really see eye to eye.
I hated to leave on such a bad note, but I was running out of time. I only had half an hour until the final round started, and I needed to get everything in order before then so my mind would be in the right place for the competition. “Text me the picture, please?” I didn’t have time to go check the board with all the postings on it. Not if I wanted to talk with Grayson first.
“Fine,” Carter said, his face turned down toward his phone.
“Thanks.” I squeezed his arm and walked away.
I made my way to the speech room. All the other competitors were in the cafeteria, like the rest of our tournaments. But because we were hosting this meet, our team got to use a separate room. Home-court advantage. By the time I made it up the stairs, I felt my phone vibrate in my suit pocket with Carter’s text. That was one less thing to worry about.
Grayson was standing in the far corner, talking with our coach.
I stood in the doorway, debating my options.
I could interrupt, but that was rude.
I could wait, but that was torture.
I walked slowly into the room, meandering in that general direction to see if I could overhear what they were talking about. Maybe it was nothing serious and they wouldn’t mind the break. Whatever it was, I didn’t get the chance to know because Coach stopped talking when she saw me approach.
I wiped my palms on my skirt and forced myself to breathe regularly. That was hard to do, because suddenly there wasn’t enough air in the room. And it was much too hot. The odds of spontaneous combustion were already high, but with the way Grayson was watching me now, it rose to approximately 99 percent.
“Hi, umm, sorry to interrupt.” Was I really, though? Right now, I couldn’t feel anything. Even my lips were numb. Feeling something like remorse for interrupting wasn’t even on my radar. “Grayson, when you get a minute, I’d really like to talk to you. Not here.” My eyes cut to my coach, who was watching me with narrowed eyes. It was like she could read my mind and knew what I had planned.
I barreled ahead. “Uh, I’ll meet you in the finals room before the round starts, if that’s okay with you. It’s really important.”
It was out there now. There was no going back. It wasn’t like I could ask for an important meeting and then chat with him about the weather when he got there.
Who cared what Coach thought? It was my life, and I was tired of living it her way.
Besides, he most definitely was not wearing a red scarf, and so I needed to fix this. Fix us.
Grayson’s face betrayed no emotion. Curse him and his poker face.
“Sure, I’ll be there in a sec.”
I nodded once, then turned and quickly walked away so it wouldn’t be obvious my legs were shaking.
Because I’d never been more nervous about anything in my life.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The room was all beige and peeling linoleum. What a great place for a romantic rendezvous. Most of the desks had been pushed to the side so we could have a larger “stage” for performing. The only ones out were for the other competitors and the judges. Occasionally someone brought a friend to watch, but really, who wanted to bore their friends to death? Most of the time, finals rounds felt a lot like any other round of the competition. But with more judges.
I didn’t typically get nervous. Even during the finals round. But now I was pretty sure I’d end up in the hospital if I didn’t slow my racing heart down. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. They kept fluttering around like that would somehow make this situation better, and if I kept chewing on my lower lip like this, all the red Ruby Woo lipstick in the world wouldn’t be able to save me.
I checked my phone for the time, and to make sure I was in the right room. Carter’s picture had the room number at the top, and I was in the correct place, so I started rearranging the desks so the three judges could sit in the front. It was more to give me something to do, but I was in denial. When that was done, I sat in one of the other desks and pulled my bag on top. I didn’t want to look pathetic when Grayson got to the room, so I pulled out my phone again like Grayson wouldn’t see right through that. I didn’t actually have anything to do on it, so I stared at the home screen and opened random apps only to close them a second later.
Judging from my racing pulse, I was right to try to get this out of the way before the round began. I was like that GIF of Kermit the Frog flailing his arms all around, and I needed to get whatever this was out of my system soon so I could compete.
I watched the time tick by, and I waited.
Grayson’s definition of a “sec” must have been much longer than mine. The time stretched on and I forced my hands to stop tapping against the desk. It was impossible not to read into the silence, no matter how much I tried not to. I’d told Grayson it was important, so he had to know to hurry. I estimated the time it would take for him to wrap up his conversation with Coach and then to check the postings to find the room number. Maybe he’d stopped in the bathroom. Even then, he should have been here by now. The round started in ten minutes. Any second now, the other competitors would start to arrive, and then I wouldn’t be able to say anything.
Disappointment seeped into my gut. It started because I wouldn’t be able to tell Grayson my feelings before the round began. But then it spread, because if Grayson wasn’t here, he had to have a reason. The only reason I could think of was that he was trying to let me down gently. It wasn’t like I’d been all that great at hiding my emotions. He had to know how I felt. And now he didn’t want me to embarrass myself any further. Either that, or Carter had been right all along, and Grayson was using this opportunity to crush me before I got the chance to compete.
I hated even thinking that.
Or maybe Coach had stopped him from coming. Would she do that? Would Grayson have let her? Because if he let something like that stop him, then that was almost as bad as him not showing up because he was trying to let me down easy.
It all came down to this: He knew I had something important to tell him, and he still hadn’t shown up. Obviously, he didn’t feel the same way about me, or he would have been here by now.
My once-tingling fingertips were now motionless on the desktop, and I stared at my hands, wondering what I was supposed to do now. Before, I’d felt overly alive. Like I’d been full of so much excitement that I might lift up and out of this room. Now the knowledge of Grayson’s rejection sat in my stomach like food poisoning, and all I could think about was why he didn’t want me.
The minutes kept going by, and still Grayson didn’t show up.
No one did.
I heard people pass in the hall, but no one entered this room. Eventually the halls grew quiet again. I checked my phone. The round was supposed to have started five minutes ago. I checked the room number again, even though I already knew I had it right. I texted Carter.
Where are you? Did the time get pushed back or something? I thought finals were supposed to have started by now. Are you sure it’s in room 115, or did they change it?
Sometimes they dela
yed the rounds if they were having trouble organizing the judges. I hoped that was what had happened here, and I hadn’t gotten the memo because I hadn’t been in the cafeteria. Because none of the alternatives made any sense.
Three little dots appeared on my screen while I waited for Carter to finish typing.
Yes. Some of the judges from the last round turned in their ballots late and they’re still figuring stuff out in the tab room. Don’t worry, you still have lots of time. You’re in the right place. Stay in 115. I’ll let you know when they say the round is going to start.
My shoulders relaxed. The tab room was where all the judges and coaches organized things behind the scenes like puppet masters. If they were still figuring out rooms for certain events or something, then I had nothing to worry about.
Well, except for the fact that Grayson still wasn’t here. Before they’d been tense, but now my shoulders slumped, and I rested my elbows on the desk. I didn’t have the energy to get all worked up about it or upset. Upset wasn’t the right word, because that implied too much investment. I’d withdrawn. If I pulled away and made myself numb, then it couldn’t hurt me.
That was a lie. I could feel the hurt deep in my bones. It was throughout my whole body, making my arms feel heavy and my head clouded. After this, Grayson probably wouldn’t tutor me anymore either. Not only would I lose the guy, I’d lose the grade. There’d be no more reason for him to keep up the appearance of being my friend after the finals round was over. Would Boise State still accept me if my grade point average dropped? And if I failed the AP Government test, all that work would be for nothing. No, not nothing. Worse than nothing. My bad grade in that class would also put my acceptance to college in jeopardy.
My one action of pressuring Grayson into talking now had caused me to lose everything. Why couldn’t I have waited like a normal person? Why’d I have to get so caught up that I rushed ahead without thinking? That wasn’t like me. I wasn’t a risk taker. And this was why.
Or maybe this would have happened anyway. That thought was more depressing than anything else, because it meant I’d been played.
I’d thought meeting 15211 after the awards ceremony would distract me too much from this final round of competition. I’d thought I’d be able to blame him when my brain revolted and decided to only focus on boys instead of the task ahead, so I wanted to get it over with early. But I’d done all this to myself. I’d gone and fallen for a guy who couldn’t even be bothered to show up when I told him I had something important to say.
I didn’t realize the hallways had been silent for some time until I heard someone running down them. I didn’t really care.
Well, I didn’t care until I saw Grayson stick his head in the door. Then I cared a whole lot.
I stood up. I didn’t know why, but I did. It wasn’t like he was the queen of England or anything. But he was just as important to me.
“Hi.” He still hovered outside the doorway, half his body obscured by the frame. I remembered how Carter said we still had plenty of time before the round started, and my heart softened a little toward Grayson. Maybe he wasn’t trying to send me any subliminal messages after all. Maybe he was just being a clueless guy.
I went to nervously fix a strand of my hair, then remembered it was pulled back in a French twist and there wasn’t anything there for me to fiddle with. Why hadn’t he come inside the room yet?
Then Grayson finally stepped through the door and I could see what he’d been hiding.
In his hand, he held a red scarf.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
My breath caught in my throat and I took a step forward without realizing it.
“It was you?”
He took a few more steps and brought the scarf in front of him, moving the fabric between his fingers like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. It was the most endearing thing I’d ever seen, and I found myself striding across the room and throwing my arms around his neck.
The force of my embrace caused him to stumble slightly and it took him a second to encircle his arms around my waist. That one second was torture. But when he finally did, it was like everything was complete and had fallen into place. This. This was what was meant to happen. This was who I was supposed to be with, whether on paper or in real life. It had always been Grayson, and I’d simply been too preoccupied to put all the pieces together. And he’d come before the finals round. So he wasn’t trying to break my heart so he could win.
His fingers ran up my spine, coming up to my neck and causing me to melt on the spot. But then he pushed aside my suit collar and kissed the skin where my neck met my shoulder and I couldn’t have breathed if I tried. He kissed me there once, twice, then pulled back to look me in the eyes.
“Sorry. I couldn’t wait until after the awards ceremony to tell you.” Using his fingertips, he traced the skin along my hairline and brought his hand to cradle the back of my neck. “I really want to kiss you right now, but I don’t want to ruin your lipstick.”
I closed the distance between us for him, pushing up on my toes until our lips met in the middle.
I’d missed his lips. How his hair curled at the base of his neck. The way he looked at me whenever he thought I wasn’t watching. How could you miss someone when you saw them practically every day? It shouldn’t have been possible, but it was true. I’d missed everything about him, but most of all, I’d missed that he wasn’t mine.
Now I breathed him in, my fingers in his hair as he pulled me closer. Our lips moved together and my heart hammered against my rib cage.
I didn’t care if anyone walked in on us right then, because as far as I was concerned, we were in our own little bubble and nothing could break it. My hands traveled to his chest, pulling his dress shirt closer until there was no space between us at all.
Eventually he pulled back, kissed my forehead, and brought his hand to my face. Even with us no longer kissing, he couldn’t seem to stop touching me in some way, and I craved the contact.
Then I stepped back and hit his arm. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I crossed my arms and tried to glare. It wasn’t really successful. “You weren’t even wearing a hat at the capitol building.”
He laughed, then brought me into his arms again. I went willingly.
“I’d forgotten my hat in my car and was going to get it.” He stroked my arm. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn’t know how you’d take it. I honestly thought you hated me after what Carter pulled.”
“You mean when he made you admit to liking someone else?” It dawned on me then and I couldn’t help but gasp. “That was me! Our letters. You were talking about me.”
Grayson nodded. “I just didn’t know it yet.” He entwined our fingers and walked me back to the desks. I took my seat and he pulled another desk close so he could reach out and hold my hand across the top. “After I figured things out, I went back and reread everything. It all clicked. And don’t think I didn’t see how you tricked me into telling you all my competition secrets. Well played, Quinn.”
Even the way he said my name made goose bumps erupt on my arms. I couldn’t help but smile as Grayson continued.
“I’m sorry about lying to you—about the dance lessons. I took them. At the time I was so embarrassed I swore my mom to complete secrecy, even from my dad. That’s how I knew he’d back me up.”
I shook my head. “Why didn’t you tell me when I asked?”
“I wanted you to like me. Not just 15211.” He took a deep breath. “I needed to change your opinion of me. I liked you almost from the beginning when we started writing. Then I made the mistake of telling Carter long before the actual possibility of us ever started taking its place in real life.”
Grayson looked down. “I didn’t know how to fix it. Sometimes you seemed to like me, but I didn’t know if I was reading into things because that was what I wanted to see. Then you told me you didn’t trust me, and I was trying my hardest to wait until after the finals round. I mean, I knew what really hap
pened with Zara, but I didn’t know if you’d believe me if I told you then, since the state tournament was still weeks away.”
“What happened with Zara?”
Grayson let out a breath. “She dumped me after I won the election. But she didn’t want everyone thinking she was actually that petty or jealous, so she told everyone I’d sabotaged her chances before the election speech, trying to make me look bad. She didn’t want to admit she’d lost. At the time, I didn’t bother correcting the rumors. I didn’t really care enough to get involved in any kind of “he said/she said” situation. My mom’s always taught me that the best way to avoid drama is to not get involved. But that kind of backfired when you told me you thought I’d do the same thing to you.” Grayson chuckled. “But if I told you my side of the story, you could have thought I was lying because the state competition was still weeks away at that point. I was stuck.”
I nodded, thinking through everything he’d said. “And that’s why Zara said she owed you, because you went along with the rumors, rather than making her out to be the bad guy.”
Grayson smiled. “Yeah, but to be honest, I mostly brought her because I was trying to make you jealous. I thought that’s what you were trying to do to me with Carter half the time.”
“I’ve never liked Carter as anything more than a friend,” I said. “But he doesn’t take a hint. Then Coach gave me orders to avoid all guys entirely, so that was when I started pulling away from you and 15211.”
He stroked my arm and smiled. “That explains a lot. When you told me you wanted to talk to me before the finals round, I didn’t know if it was to say goodbye forever since I knew I’d written a letter telling you, well, almost everything, and I couldn’t bear that, so I went and grabbed the scarf. I was so worried I’d pushed our rivalry so far that I’d lost the girl in the process.”
His thumb traced patterns along my hand, leaving my skin tingling where he touched.
“The opposite actually,” I said. “I was going to tell you that I wanted it to be you and that I trusted you, even before the finals round.” I smiled. “So you went to get the scarf. Is that what took you so long?”