“What would you call it?”
“In the wrong circumstances, being a pushover.”
“The wrong circumstances?”
“Learn to stand up for yourself.”
“How?”
“Well I suppose that all depends on why you don’t in the first place.”
“I guess I don’t like to upset people. It’s not nice.”
“Is that why you let Miles get away with cheating on you?”
“I had thought it was just a kiss.”
His eyebrows rose. “And that’s better?”
I bristled. “I thought I was being kind.”
“And I guess you were. To him. What about you?”
I blinked in surprise. “What about me?”
He nodded like I’d just revealed everything he needed to know.
“What?” I asked
But he shook his head like he wasn’t going to divulge whatever he’d just worked out and said, “Come on. What’s next?”
I sighed, trying to think of what else. “Miles and I…never messed around in public.”
“I’m not sure that’s a defining feature of being not good.”
“Well I’m pretty sure not doing it is a defining feature of being too good.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Fine. I’m going to need you to clarify ‘messed around’ and ‘public’ for me then.”
“I thought you were good at English. Like stupidly good?”
His eyes widened for a second and he ran his tongue over his lip. “I just feel as though our definitions are probably a little…different.”
“Why?” I laughed. “What’s your definition?”
“Sex. In front of other people. Everything on show.”
“Oh…” I breathed.
“Oh,” he agreed.
There was just a slight difference in our definitions then. “And have you had sex? In front of…other people?” I asked him.
“Was that one question or two?” he huffed an almost-laugh. “Yes. I’ve had sex. No, not in front of other people.”
I nodded slowly. “I…just meant that Miles and I hadn’t really even ever hooked up at a party in front of other people…”
There was a ghost of a smile on his face as his eyes searched mine. “And yet we’ve definitely made out in the school hallway.”
I nodded quickly, feeling a smile on my lips. “We did do that.”
As he looked me over, his expression became more thoughtful. “Why didn’t you and Miles hook up in front of other people?”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I asked.”
I dropped my eyes and wriggled a little where I sat. “I…I don’t know.”
“Did you feel uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know. I guess I felt a little…weird about it.”
“Weird how?”
I looked up at him quickly. “Why does it matter?”
His eyes burned straight into mine. “Because you have boundaries.”
“You’re supposed to be teaching me how to not have boundaries,” I reminded him.
“There are boundaries even I won’t cross, Avery. You set the rules and I follow them.”
“That doesn’t seem fair. What about what you want?”
“By all accounts, you’re the girl who didn’t feel comfortable kissing your long-term boyfriend at a party. Whereas I’m the guy who’d have no problem fucking you in the disabled loos the first day we met. Ergo you set the rules, Avery,” he said firmly, “and I follow them.”
“I want you to teach me to break the rules,” I told him, equally firmly.
Because I did. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to do more than kiss me. I was still adamant I was never having sex at school. But I didn’t shy away from fantasizing about it for a second. I didn’t shy away from fantasizing about a lot of things when it came to Davin.
When Davin looked at me the way he was looking at me just then, his eyes all hard and bright and serious and…heated, it sent a thrill through me no other guy had caused before. I got goose bumps. My stomach squirmed in anticipation. I felt restless.
Davin’s hand gripped my knee for a moment, then started to slide up my leg torturously slowly. He took a step forward so he was standing between my legs, his eyes never leaving mine. His other hand trailed my hairline and down my jaw until he was cupping my neck. I swallowed hard and was pretty sure if he didn’t kiss me soon I was going to launch myself off the counter at him.
“If you want me to push the boundaries,” he said carefully, his voice low, “I’m going to need to know what they are…”
My boundaries with Miles had been pretty standard, I guessed. We pretty much exclusively kissed and, if we were alone, he’d say something like, “Do you want to?” and I’d say yes and then we’d have sex.
The Goody-Two-Shoes Avery never started anything. Even when I wanted to. So what would the less good Avery do? Davin already had his hand under my skirt. I could do something like that.
A nervous tingle shot through me, but I tried to keep it together. I ran my hand over the front of his jeans and watched his eyes flash with a singular sense of satisfaction. “Kiss me and find out,” I said, hoping I sounded sexy and not like I was constipated.
“Avery, I–”
I put my finger on his lips and shook my head.
He took a deep breath. “Sure. Why not? I’m fluent in body language,” he said against my finger like he was giving himself a pep talk.
Then he took my wrist and guided my arm around his neck before pulling me to him and kissing me hungrily. His hand was splayed high on my thigh under my skirt and I took the opportunity to wrap my leg around his hip and tighten my arms around him, bringing us closer together.
“I don’t get it,” he murmured against my lips.
“Get what?” I asked, only pulling away from him far enough to catch my breath.
“This. I touch you and…you respond instantly. There’s no hesitation, no shyness, you just go for it.”
“Is that…bad?”
He shook his head adamantly. “Fuck no. But it’s not exactly the behaviour of a girl who’s too good.”
“Are you stereotyping now?”
“Haven’t we been doing that this whole time?” he said and it was obviously not directed at me, but I answered anyway.
“I guess.”
“I’m just confused, Avery. In the school hallway you’re one person, in my arms another. I’ve got to wonder if you really need my help after all.”
I ran my hand up his chest and bit my lip, knowing if I didn’t say the right thing now then I might lose my chance to shed my goody-two-shoes image. “The girl who climbs in your lap and bites your lip isn’t me, Davin–”
“Well who is she? Because unlike Miles, I don’t cheat.”
“I appreciate that.” I smiled. “I guess she is me, but I can only be her with you. Put me in front of anyone else and I’m just good little Avery.”
“I’ve got to say I’m kind of pleased to hear that. What with good little Avery being my girlfriend and all.”
I batted him gently. “Good little Avery is the girl you despise. Good little Avery is the girl everyone pats on the head and tells to have a nice day. Good little Avery lets boys cheat on her and does nothing about it.”
He looked me over, a softer look in his eyes than I remembered seeing before. “I don’t despise you, Avery…”
“No? Name one thing you don’t hate about me?” I asked, feeling a wry tilt to my lips as I ran my hand over his jeans again.
He looked up at the ceiling like he was praying for strength. “I don’t hate that.”
I took his cheek in my hand and pulled him to me for a kiss. Things heated up quickly to the point I thought that maybe the kitchen bench wasn’t the place for that anymore.
“Bedroom?” I breathed against him.
He seemed confus
ed for a moment, then nodded. “Bedroom. I have one of those. Yep.”
He hopped me off the counter, took two steps, then kissed me again like he just couldn’t wait. After a moment he pulled away quickly, shook his shoulders out like he was trying to get a grip, took my hand and pulled me after him.
I had to say it made a nice change to be dragged after him for once.
I barely paid attention to the hallway he led me down and I had no time to look at his room before he’d turned, picked me up, crushed his lips back to mine, and then I found myself lying on his bed with him over me.
The thing I liked about the way Davin kissed me was that he explored. He explored with his hands and his lips, just touches all over my body like he was trying to commit it to memory. And it was hot. The skim of his fingers over my stomach as his lips brushed my throat sent little flutters from my tummy and straight down, demanding more but also happy if he took his time.
And take his time he did. It was like some kind of pleasurable torture until finally his fingers skimmed up the inside of my leg, pausing just shy of my undies. But that was the only thing that paused as he deepened his kiss before trailing it down my cheek.
“You don’t have to stop,” I panted and he looked up at me.
Whatever my hands had been doing had pushed his hair off his face and I got my first proper look at the whole package. There was a little stubble on his jaw that explained the slight heat in my skin, his skin was smooth and pale from what I suspected was no time in the sun, and his eyes…they shone so brightly as he looked into mine.
“On only the second date?” he asked with a note of teasing, but I suspected he was actually just checking I was okay with it.
“Second base on a second date. Seems appropriate to me,” I replied, failing to keep the smile from my face.
“So does that mean I’m heading for home on our fourth date?”
“That’s terribly presumptuous,” I giggled.
“I’m just doing the math.”
I winced. “Why would you do that?”
“What?”
“The math?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Because I like Math.”
“What? How? Why?” I laughed.
He shrugged and I felt his fingers tracing lazily over the skin on my inner thigh. “I don’t know. I like it. I’m good at it. It makes sense.”
I sighed. “I’m awful at Maths.”
“Well your boyfriend can help with that. But first…” There was almost a smile on his face.
“But first what?” I asked.
His hand skimmed up and dragged gently across my undies. I took a shallow breath and tingles shot across my body. My legs parted ever so slightly further and there was the hint of a smirk in his eyes as he looked down at me. I smiled and brought his face back down to mine.
He kissed me slowly as he rubbed his hand over me, and I fought not to arch the whole way into him and make his access more difficult. His touch was somehow gentle and firm at the same time and everything in me started thrumming warmly. He seemed in no hurry to get me anywhere. It didn’t feel like he had anything to prove. He just played with me until I took a sharp breath when he hit a perfect spot.
Then it was like we were playing a different game entirely. His focus changed, his touch more precise, his kiss less leisurely. And I felt that sweet, tingly coil tighten in me. I breathed harder as his kiss moved back to my neck and I fisted his hair in my hand.
There was nothing hard and fast in the way I finished. It was a slow build up until it broke over me. My hand tightened in his hair and my leg tensed around his hip. I released a breathy laugh as his touch became lazier again before his lips came back to mine and he ran his hand up my body to grip my waist.
As I kissed him, I ran my hand down his body between us and found him hard.
“You don’t have to, Avery,” he said against my lips.
I nodded and started undoing his jeans. “I know.”
I bit his lip and I ran my hand over him and he groaned.
“Avery…”
“Shh…” I told him before deepening our kiss and focussing on my hand keeping a steady rhythm.
We got caught up in his t-shirt enough that when he finished it somehow managed to catch most of it. He huffed a rough chuckle when he realised as he pulled away from me.
“Lucky,” he said as he looked down.
I giggled and he looked up at me, his hair still swept off his face. “Yeah,” I answered. “Lucky. I’m, uh… I’m going to wash my hands…”
He nodded. “Good idea. I’ll change my shirt,” he huffed another almost laugh, “and meet you out there? We can order dinner?”
I bit my lip as I looked him over. “Sure.”
He pulled me to him and gave me a quick kiss before jumping up and going to his wardrobe. I got up and smoothed my skirt as I headed out to the bathroom.
I looked myself over in the mirror and couldn’t wipe the smile off my flushed face as I cleaned up.
I had actually started sexual activity and it had been met favourably. And it had been… It had been different than with Miles. The whole encounter had felt effortlessly natural. Something about it was more exciting. Sexually exciting. Good little Avery had never just suck her hands down Miles’ pants, but I’d wanted to touch Davin. I’d wanted to feel him.
Being with Davin had felt… Dirtier seemed such a…corny description. But it felt like the right one. A good dirty. The kind of dirty that made your heart flutter and your skin tingle, and gave you the urge to just lie down with that ridiculous smile on your face while you played it out in your head over and over.
As I walked into the kitchen, I saw him sitting at the breakfast bar. I sat next to him and we ordered pizza. There was a bit of an awkward moment for a bit where I was tempted to just crawl into his lap – as nearly physically impossible as that would have been – and hope he got me off again.
But I thought getting to know him a bit better was a better plan. Physical intimacy was all well and good, but he was my boyfriend and it was probably good that I know more about him than what he liked in the bedroom.
“So what do you do for fun then?” I asked. As soon as it was out of my mouth I realised how awkward it had sounded, but there was no taking it back.
He looked over at me. “You mean apart from what just happened?”
I flushed and looked down to hide my smile. “Yes. Apart from that.”
“I read. I game. I watch TV and films.”
I could do movies. “What’s your favourite movie?” I asked excitedly.
“Probably Fight Club or Pulp Fiction.”
I wrinkled my nose, having never heard of either of those. “What are they?”
“Films.”
I gave him my most unimpressed look. “I’d worked that out.”
“I’m not allowed to talk about Fight Club.”
That made no sense. “Why not?”
“You’ve never seen it, have you?”
I shook my head. “No. Are they old?”
“Older than us.”
“You like all that old stuff, then?”
He paused for a moment like he was working out what to say. “You could say that.”
“I could say a lot of things. Wouldn’t make it true,” I muttered, finding myself both loving and hating the way he was so caged off.
“Okay. Fine. Yes. I appreciate things that came before my time. Books. Films. Music. There is some really great material out there.”
“Games?”
He shook his head as he got up and headed over to the fridge. “Not really. Those are better off being more recent. You want a drink?”
“Uh, sure. Something cold?”
“I’ve got cola or lemon.”
“Lemon, please.”
He got the lemon soft drink out and the milk then went over to turn the coffee machine on.
“You’re having coffe
e now?” I asked him.
He looked up at me through his hair like that was the stupidest question any person could ask. “Yes.”
“Doesn’t it keep you awake?”
There was an almost humoured shade to his face, but I’m not sure what about it made me think that. “How many guys do you know who can go all night without a little pick-me-up.”
I felt my cheeks flush and I looked at my hands resting on the bench.
“Did you want one?” he asked.
I shook my head and laughed. “No, thanks.”
“Thank God.”
I looked at him. “What?”
His eyebrow rose the way it did when he thought I should know the answer. “Because you manage to bounce off the walls without any assistance.”
“Maybe it’ll make me all grouchy like you?”
“Caffeine doesn’t work that way.”
I thought of another thing to ask him. “How about–”
“How about we talk about boundaries?” he interrupted, walking over to me and propping me back up on the kitchen bench. I had to admit it made for an almost perfect height difference, or lack thereof.
I frowned. “I thought we already did.”
He nodded slowly. “We started. You distracted me.”
I smiled, remembering that distraction fondly. “Okay. So what else about boundaries?”
“I want to know more about those boundaries. No distractions allowed.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Over the panties was fine. How about under them?”
I pressed my lips together before I nodded. “That would be fine.”
He nodded once. “If I took them off?”
I nodded again. “That would also be fine.”
“What if I filmed us?”
I’d been ready to agree to almost anything he was going to suggest, but I hadn’t expected that. That was quite the jump.
“What? No!”
A smile lit his eyes. “Good.”
I blinked. “What? What do you mean good? Why good?”
“Well, I was going to up it to a live sex show next.”
“Why?” I asked, horrified at the thought.
“Because I wanted to see where you’d stop.”
“There’s quite a leap from taking off my…undies and recording us, Davin.”
Being Not Good Page 10