Ash sniffled and wiped her eyes with the heel of her wrist. Kiera was right about that. This decision was already devastating her.
“But whatever you choose, Summer and I will support you,” Kiera continued. “All I ever wanted for you guys, for me, for the women I work with, is that our life choices be our own. There is no greater freedom than that. And I admire Merc for giving you the space to decide what’s best for you.”
After the girls left, Ash took their dishes to the kitchen. Merc was standing beside the door to her bedroom when she returned. For a long moment, they exchanged a look in silence.
“You heard,” she said.
He nodded. “I expected this was the decision you would make. I don’t blame you for it. In any way. And I agree it’s for the best.”
Ash had to fight back her tears. She had to be strong for Merc, even though this was the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life.
“You’ll still need to have weekly blood draws—for a few more weeks. You’ll come out to the fort for those? We want to know you’re safe from any mutant infectants.”
She nodded. “I won’t remember them, though, will I?”
“Nah, you won’t.”
“Will I remember you? Will I ever see you again?”
“You won’t remember me, but we’ll run into each other at the fort.” He touched her cheek. “I’ll always be there for you, Ash.”
She reached out and put her hands on his chest. “And when I touch you, nothing will come through?”
“Nothing.”
God, this felt so wrong.
But sometimes, the wrong thing was the only right thing to do.
34
Ash woke the next morning feeling wonderfully rested. She stretched in bed, then spent a moment watching the sunlight coming through her window blinds. She hadn’t felt so rested, so clear-minded in a long time. The two trips to Valle de Lágrimas must have taken a bigger toll on her than she’d wanted to admit.
She got up, fixed a cup of coffee, then took her shower and dressed. She made another cup of coffee and headed to the office.
The drive was just a few minutes across town. She parked in her old spot, glad to see no one had taken it. She smiled to herself, feeling better than she had in a long while, though she couldn’t quite place what it was she was feeling better about.
She waved and smiled at her boss on her way down the hall to her office. He frowned at her, which made her giggle. Someone was having a bad day. He followed her to her office.
“Why are you cheerful?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Dunno. Because you haven’t been in a while. Well, good. Glad you’re finally back. It’s been a while since you’ve been, you know, you.”
Ash smiled. “I know. And I’m sorry for that.”
Her officemates were giving her odd looks, like they had that time she’d worn a silly hat for the internet’s velvet squirrel hat day. It was good to keep them on their toes.
She picked up her office mug and went for a fresh cup of coffee. She reached for the handle of the pot, but paused. Sometimes she got a strange buzz of energy from things she touched. She really didn’t want to feel that right then, so she set her mind to blocking any feedback she might get.
It worked. She poured her coffee without any strange stories running through her head.
“Ashlyn! You’re back!” Carrie, the boss’s secretary, hugged her. She kept up with the coffee and the gossip, and everything else that held the crew together. “How are you feeling?”
“Much, much better. Glad to be here, actually.”
“Hey”—Carrie looked around—“come here.” She led Ash back to Ash’s office. Standing off to the side, she pointed her thumb out the window. “Do you know that guy?”
Ash went over and looked down to the sidewalk below. A tall guy stood there. He had an angular face and light-colored eyes. His blond hair was straight. “No. I can’t place him.”
“He’s just standing there, staring up at your office.”
Ash snorted. “You don’t know that he’s staring at my office. More like he’s staring at the building.”
Carrie looked out again. “It’s creepy.”
“There are creepers everywhere. If he stays there much longer, get security to move him along.”
“Okay, I will. I’m glad you’re back, hon.”
“Me too.”
When Carrie left, Ash looked out the window again, but the guy was gone. She hadn’t lied about not knowing him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was odd as hell about him.
Ash wasn’t out of the woods yet. Merc had felt Flynn’s energy outside her building. The bastard was still interested in her, even though Merc had suppressed Ash’s memories of him. Maybe Flynn had just been checking to see where her head was. He used any easy way in to the people and places he wanted. Merc hoped Ash was now out of his reach.
What Merc wasn’t glad about was that she was out of his reach too. It stung to see how much happier Ash was without him. He doubted she would have been strong enough to transition into his world. Her mind was too agile, her heart too big. Fear of their enemies would have eaten her alive from the inside out.
He loved her. That was all. There were no words that could further describe how he felt for her. Love was the apex emotion any human or mutant could experience.
He wished his team had let him go when tried to make an exit for himself in that pit. They should have.
Now, he was going to have to find a way forward, living without his heart once again.
Ash grabbed an airy blue wrap and her purse as Kiera pulled into her drive. She hurried outside and went around to the front passenger seat.
“Want to take my car?” Ash asked. The drive out to the fort was at least an hour, so it chewed up a lot of gas.
Kiera gave her one of those big-sister glares. “I’m already blocking your car. We’ll just take mine. You can drive next time.” She backed out of the driveway.
“Fine.” Ash grinned at her friend. “I’m so excited to see Summer. I feel like I’ve been an absent friend for months.”
“You have been—between work and two trips to Valle de Lágrimas. But we do understand.”
“How’ve you been, Kiera?”
Kiera looked at Ash, then focused on the road. “You know, when you do something, anything, you’re in it one-hundred percent.”
Ash smiled, unsure whether she was referring to herself or to Ash. “We have that in common. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you.”
“It’s all good. You’re getting back to yourself now, I think. Are you feeling well?”
“I feel great. I think the time off was worth it. You should try it some time.”
“I wish I could.”
“Problems at your shelter?”
Kiera nodded. “We are missing more women. Still the same problem as before. They call ahead to let us know they’ll be coming over, then they don’t show. Or my check-ins with former clients show they’ve been erased. Their families don’t know them. Their employers have no records of them. Mine is not the only center this is happening to.” She gave Ash a sad smile. “So, no vacations for me until I get to the bottom of it.”
“Sam’s helping you with that?”
“Yeah.” She bit her lip, then broke into a grin. “And Guerre too.”
“Oh? What? Kiera! How could I have missed that?”
“Honey, you missed everything.”
“So what’s he like?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t—he hasn’t—we haven’t gone out.”
“Kiera Belmont. You grab on with both hands to whatever it is you want and wrestle it down until you’ve got it where you want it.”
A serious expression came over her, dulling her happy features. “I just don’t know if I want to, you know, get involved with what they’ve got going on.”
Ash faced forward. “I get that. What are they into, anyway?”
; Kiera shrugged. “Something to do with security. Or ecotourism. Or live-action role-playing games. I don’t really know.”
“Does Summer?”
“Maybe. But she’s been sworn to secrecy.”
“Uh-uh. No.” Ash shook her head. “She was ours first. We’ll get her to spill.”
Kiera chuckled. “Or maybe we’re better off not knowing.”
“Maybe, but not if it’s getting in the way of you and Guerre. That man looks so lonely.”
“How would you know?”
“Just from the few times I’ve seen him. His kind eyes cover dark secrets.”
“I’ve thought that too.”
“You worried that being Sam’s daughter gives Guerre issues connecting with you?”
Kiera didn’t answer right away. “I don’t know. Maybe. There hasn’t been the right time for us to give things a try.”
“Make the time, Kiera. You deserve to be swept off your feet.”
“I’m a little scared. Loving and losing is horrible.”
“Nothing says that will happen again.”
Ash was glad they’d had this quiet time together. She’d missed her friends. Why had she pushed them aside? That wasn’t like her. She supposed it had to do with the extra work she’d taken on at the office. She realized she was disappointed in herself. It wasn’t like her to put life before her friends.
A short while later, they pulled up at Sam’s huge adobe fort. The thing was such a monstrosity, sticking out like an old-time fortress, which Ash supposed it was.
Ash hadn’t been there since the spring. Summer’s garden had come alive. She’d architected it like a desert oasis. Things were green and blooming in big pockets of color.
“Wow. This is amazing,” Ash said as she got out of the car.
“Yeah. Summer really knows what she’s doing,” Kiera said. “Wait until you see the courtyard.”
“Ashlyn!” Summer shouted as she ran out the big blue doors to greet them. She gave them both a hug, then caught Ash’s hands and gave her one hell of an intense look.
“Okaay… What’s that about, Summer?”
“I’ve just been worried about you.”
“I know. I’ve been a rotten friend. Kiera read me in on that on our way over here.”
“I did not.”
“Did you know that Kiera has a crush on someone?”
Summer’s eyes widened. “Who?”
Ash shook her head. “Well, that’s not my news to tell.”
“Ash!” Summer said. “That’s horrible. Spill, Kiera.”
“When the time’s right, I will,” Kiera replied
“But it isn’t right that Ash knows and I don’t. I am superb at keeping secrets.”
Kiera and Ash exchanged a look, then Ash laughed and nudged Kiera.
“Guerre,” Kiera said.
“Yes! I knew it! You guys have such chemistry.”
“You think?”
“Oh yeah. So much that I have to leave the room when you two are together.” Summer laughed, then turned serious. “That would really make me happy, Kiera.”
“We’ll see how it goes. I don’t want to rush things.”
Summer folded her lips together, bit them, then closed an imaginary zipper and mumbled, “Not a word from me. Not even to Sam.”
“Who knows everything anyway,” Kiera said.
“Why is that?” Ash asked.
“Just one of those things.” Summer linked her arms with Kiera and Ash’s and turned them toward her garden. “What do you think?”
“Amazing. This should be in a magazine,” Ash said. “Can we take a walk through here before we go in?”
“Absolutely.”
Merc stood at the bank of windows in the long living room, watching the girls meander through the extensive garden below. Guerre came over. Neither man spoke. Acier joined them, feeling somber like the two of them.
When the girls finished their tour and were heading back, Merc said, “Think I’ll ditch you all and hang out upstairs.”
“She’s Liege’s woman’s best friend. You’re going to see her for the rest of Summer’s life, Merc. Best get used to being around her this way.”
Merc nodded. Right. Just how the fuck did a mate do that?
“I can numb your emotions, if you like,” Guerre offered.
Acier huffed a short laugh. “The holy grail of every addict.”
The thought of being around Ash and not experiencing the exquisite feeling of her energy was unacceptable. Maybe Merc couldn’t have her, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t appreciate all that she was. He shook his head, declining the offer as the girls came into the fort.
Guerre and Acier went out to greet them. Liege came into the living room, blocking his exit. The big guy stared into his eyes a long moment, then set a hand on Merc’s shoulder. “You aren’t alone in this.”
Merc shoved his hands in his pockets. “Thanks, mate.” He followed his team out to the big courtyard. Water in the big fountain splashed noisily. Flowers filled dozens of big, colorful pots and climbed trellises, breaking up the relentless earth tones of the fort walls. Bastion and Selena had set the long teak table with place settings and candles.
It was all so jarringly beautiful that it clashed with his heart.
The girls were happily greeting everyone, and then, to his horror, everyone made space as Ash turned her attention to him.
He had to remember that this was their first meeting, since he’d erased their time together from her mind. She reached her hand out to him. He took it in his, fighting the shiver that caused him.
He’d loved her before. He loved her now. He would always, always love her.
“Hi, Merc,” she said, a little smile on her lips, the kind women make when they like a man.
Her pheromones fired off his. “Ashlyn.”
“I just go by Ash.”
“Right.” Ash, like the burned-out shell of his heart.
They stood a moment staring into each other’s eyes, a moment he would have gladly let stretch the entire evening, but Bastion burst into the courtyard with appetizers and drinks.
Selena and Summer drew everyone over to the table. Bastion came and stood with him. “Way to be cool, mon ami. I could feel the zingers between the two of you all the way in the kitchen.”
Merc crossed his arms. “Fucking rude of you, mate. Mind your own business.”
“You are my business. Open your heart, or pack it away. You can’t walk this no man’s land for long.”
Music started from a source Merc couldn’t identify. Probably coming through the open doors to the living room. The Edison lights strung across the courtyard started to come on as the evening darkened.
Bastion took Selena’s hand and led her into a slow dance, complete with spins here and there. Liege led Summer out, drawing her into his arms. Ash’s eyes and energy were beautifully soft as Guerre asked Sam’s daughter to dance.
Jesus Christ. This was murder. Merc’s entire body screamed to have Ash dance with him.
But he couldn’t.
He’d given her up, along with every hope for ever feeling joy again.
Acier gave him a dark look, then asked Ash if she’d like to dance.
She sent Merc a quick look, then shook her head. “Actually”—she made an apologetic face—“I need to use the restroom.”
Acier reminded her where it was.
She stepped away without looking back. Acier stood next to Merc, sharing the brutal silence he’d wrapped around himself.
You are the biggest fucktard I know, Acier said to Merc.
Merc didn’t respond at first. Acier’s insult was about right. He looked over to where Ash had entered the fort in the living room. I can’t change what is.
But you can change what will be.
Not at the cost of her free will.
Acier sent him a dark look and shook his head, then went over to the table to grab an appetizer.
Merc followed Ash through the house. He
didn’t mean to, but he was unable to fight the urge. She had a head start on him, but he only had to follow the sweet scent of her to know where she was. He found her leaning against the wall in the utility alcove, where the elevator, laundry, and restroom were.
She looked up slowly. He could almost believe she was the Ash of old, the one who still knew him. Her eyes and her whole vibe were heavy with sexual hunger. She didn’t move as he approached. She did nothing to avoid what they both knew was coming.
He put his hands on the wall behind her in a last-ditch effort to keep himself from touching her. The heat of her body warmed his cold soul. He leaned in, his eyes holding hers, his lips parted as he moved closer and closer. He lowered his gaze to her lips. She ran her hands up his chest and around his neck. When his mouth took hers, it was as if a wildfire lit up, burning them both so that neither knew where one began or ended.
Her arms tightened around him as she tilted her head, sealing their lips together perfectly, opening her mouth to his tongue. He lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. He carried her into the laundry room and set her on the washer, closing the door behind them. He was tall, so the machine’s height gave him the right access to her body. He adjusted his jeans, freeing himself. She smiled and reached forward to slip her hands along his hard length.
After a moment, he pushed her back, forcing her to support herself on her elbows as he reached under her skirt and caught her panties. He gave her a smoldering look as he slid them down her thighs, pretending to himself that he was giving her the opportunity to change her mind. Questions surfaced in her mind about safe sex. He put them to rest quickly. Not only was she on birth control, he was able to keep his swimmers from impregnating her. And he couldn’t contract an STD, and couldn’t spread them either.
Déjà vu. They’d been in this exact spot before.
He pushed her hem up, exposing her sex. She licked her lips. He smiled, then bent down to lick her delicious folds. She was wet and sweet. He held her legs spread open, giving himself all the access he wanted to play her with his tongue.
O-Men: Liege's Legion - Merc Page 33