“I didn’t know she had your number.”
“Maybe she asked Nate for it.”
That made sense. “I still don’t understand why she called you.”
“Kendra said something about you maybe needing a friend right now.”
That was her sister, always trying so hard for her. Which was amazing. But part of her wished Kendra would just leave her alone. “Okay.”
“What’s wrong? Would you rather be alone?”
“Nee. She was right. I’m sorry. Right now it feels like even the good things are hard to handle right now.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? I’m sorry, but you have both of your parents.”
“I do, but my brother passed away when I was six.”
It was official. She was a terrible, self-centered person. “I’m really sorry. Forgive me for acting so awful.”
“There ain’t nothing to be sorry about. It’s not like I go around introducing myself as Kane, the guy whose big brother died.”
She winced. “I suppose not.” She was about to apologize again but refrained. It wasn’t like two apologies were going to make her remarks better.
“Anyway, what I was trying to tell you is that when my brother, Andrew, died, I was in a fog for a good month. And even after that, I don’t think I felt all right for at least a year, so I understand how hard it can be.”
“Like I told you, I had a complicated relationship with my daed. I’m just trying to figure out how to feel, much less what to do.”
“What do you mean? Isn’t the funeral tomorrow?”
“Yes. But it’s more than that. I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be living with Kendra and maybe be there more for my grandparents or my mother now.” She didn’t mention Chris because she now knew he wasn’t the right person for her to live with.
As they continued walking, Kane gave her a sideways look. “But you just started school here.”
“I know.”
“And you’ve been doing well. You’ve seemed happy.”
“I know. But if I moved in with my mother, I could still go to the same school.”
“She’d be okay with that?”
That’s when she realized she had no idea. She hadn’t asked her mother about anything; she’d asked Kendra. Even though some things had changed, a lot was still the same.
Naomi realized Kane wasn’t looking for flaws in her logic; he wanted her to realize she’d already made her decision.
She sighed. “I’ve been making everything so hard. I want to do the right thing, but I think I only thought about how that would look, not how it would actually work out. I haven’t lived with my mother in years,” she said. “But I suppose I can love her and not want to live with her.”
“And what about Kendra?”
“Kendra? She’s different. She’s who I trust.”
Kane nodded. “Well, there’s your answer, isn’t it?”
“Jah. She is who I trust. And I think she is slowly learning to trust me, too.”
“When Andrew was alive, I was sure he was everything I always wanted to be. Now that I’m older, I realize that he wasn’t perfect or imperfect. He was just Andrew. I’m not saying you need to change your mind or your opinion about what you think Kendra ought to do. But I do think you ought to accept that her decisions might be different from yours.”
“I could try, but—”
“All right, maybe put it this way. Is that one difference in opinion worth losing a relationship? If not, then agree to disagree and move on.”
What he said made sense. It might take prayer and time, but she could do that. He was right. Her relationship with her sister was worth more than this one moment in their lives. “I’m really glad you came out here, Kane.”
“I hope so, because it’s really early.” He pointed to a fast-food restaurant down the road. “Want to go get breakfast? I got paid yesterday.”
Food did sound good, and she always did have a weak spot for those fast-food breakfast sandwiches. “Are you sure you want to spend your money on me?”
“I can’t think of a better person. So, what do you say? Are you hungry?”
“I am.”
“Then let’s go.”
She followed him off the track field, feeling better about her future than she had in days. Though she was sure she would have more than a couple of difficult moments in her future, right at that moment, she felt at peace. She had Kane to thank for that.
Well, Kane and Kendra.
No, Kane, Kendra, and God.
THIRTY–THREE
“Of course I was hurt. Here I’d thought we’d become friends, but he’d looked embarrassed that he knew my name.”
Will looked stricken. “What did you do?”
“Me? Oh, I didn’t do anything. I mean, what could I say anyway?
“But maybe a month after that, I was talking to you, E.A., and Andy, Logan, and Nate were nearby. You all were talking, and I was just standing there feeling awkward. But then, Andy asked if everyone wanted to come over for a bonfire and make s’mores.”
“I remember that,” Logan said.
SUNDAY NIGHT
It had been a long day. Kendra had spent it thinking about her mother, her siblings, and her friends. But mostly, she thought about her time in rehab. After she’d gotten picked up for a minor drug violation for the second time, a social worker had interviewed her. When she’d learned more about Kendra’s history, the woman had pulled some strings and gotten her placed into a facility for women. The day she’d entered, she’d gone four days without a drink or a pill and she’d felt like she’d been pulled so tight, the smallest problem would bring her to tears.
She’d been examined, processed, and eventually placed in a room with eight other beds, seven of which were occupied. Every person in the room had silently stared at her when she’d walked in. She’d felt their curiosity and their contempt.
She’d never felt so alone or been so scared in her life. But still, she’d walked to her bed and sat down.
The hours and days that had followed were some of the hardest of her life—and she’d thought that nothing would ever come close to her childhood. But this time, she realized the pain she was enduring now had come from her own making. She’d been the one harming her body. She’d been the one who had caused her suffering.
Then one morning, when she’d opened her eyes and noticed that the sun was shining and her soul felt at peace, she’d known she’d come out on the other side. She was going to beat her addiction. She was going to do something with her life. She was stronger, and she’d rediscovered her faith.
Sitting in her living room by herself, she realized she needed to do the same thing with her anger. Yes, it might have been justified, but if she held on to it much longer, it was only going to fester inside her like all the pills she’d taken years ago.
She needed to go to the funeral.
But just like she couldn’t break her addiction on her own, she knew she needed support. She walked to her bedroom and quickly put on a new navy-blue dress and apron. After pinning it closed and putting on black stockings and shoes, she took the time to let down her hair, neatly put it up again, and then finally placed her kapp on her head.
After writing a quick note to Naomi about where she was going, she left the house and started walking down the road. Several good friends lived nearby, some even part of the Eight.
They would have been good choices, and she knew they would have helped her in a pinch. But at that moment, she needed someone who was more than a friend. She needed the person she’d fallen in love with.
She needed Nate Miller.
* * *
“Hi there, Kendra,” Peach Miller said with a bright smile. “Come on in. Now, isn’t this a nice surprise. How are you?”
“I’m all right. Danke.”
Peach glanced over her shoulder. “Nathan is out with his father, fussing over the chickens.”
“He is?” She smiled. “I didn’t
think he cared too much for his father’s fancy birds.”
Peach laughed. “He doesn’t! Not at all! But he loves his father and is a hard worker.” She shrugged. “So he’s helping him clean the henhouse and gather eggs. Oh! Would you like to see them? Some of the ladies have quite the personalities.”
“Danke, but maybe another day? I’ll just wait for him right here, if you don’t mind.”
Mrs. Miller nodded, though she looked worried. “If you’d like me to go out to get him, I can… Is something wrong?”
Kendra shook her head. It was in her nature to keep her thoughts to herself, but there was something about Peach’s cozy demeanor and comfortable home that made Kendra want to lay down her guard. “I decided this afternoon that I need to go to my father’s funeral.” She watched Peach’s expression. “Do you think I’m making the right decision?”
“Well now. I guess that’s not for me to say as much as for you to decide. Ain’t so?”
“I wasn’t going to go. All this time, I’ve been angry with both of my parents and didn’t want them in my life.”
“What changed?”
“I prayed about it, and I started remembering about a difficult time in my life.” She blinked. “Sometimes a person has to make a change, you know?”
Mrs. Miller nodded. “If you go, then you’re going to need people who love you by your side, Kendra.”
Kendra smiled. “That’s why I’m here to see Nate. I’m going to ask him if he’ll go to the funeral with me.”
Mrs. Miller smiled. “Kendra, I mean this in the very best sense. I do believe Nathan will be delighted to go with you.”
Kendra smiled back at her, just as the back door opened and Nate walked in. “Mamm? Where are you?”
“I’m in here talking to Kendra Troyer! And don’t yell, son. It’s rude.”
Kendra covered her mouth to hide her giggle just as Nate walked in the room. When he smiled back at her, she realized that like that early morning back in Columbus, her life had just been renewed again.
THIRTY–FOUR
“I do, too. Because just after everyone agreed, Andy looked directly at me and said, ‘Kendra, you’re coming too, right?’
“And that’s when I knew he hadn’t forgotten anything about that day at all.
“I realized Andy was really good at keeping secrets. He wasn’t going to tell anyone about our day and chance getting me into trouble. He wasn’t going to tell anyone about my life. I could trust him.”
MONDAY MORNING
Kendra now knew for a fact that she had the best friends in the world. Not only had they all gotten together the other night when she’d gotten the news, but they’d also all shown up for her father’s funeral.
Even Nate.
Or perhaps most especially Nate. He’d shown up at her house in his parents’ buggy a full hour before Kendra, Naomi, and her friend Kane had planned to leave. When she’d asked Nate why he’d come to the house instead of meeting her there, Nate had shared that he didn’t want her worrying about either going to the funeral without support or wondering how to get there.
She’d been so grateful, she’d simply thanked him and let Naomi and Kane know. To her surprise, Nanny had asked if she could travel with Kane by herself in his vehicle. Kendra didn’t have the heart to say no. Naomi and Kane had gotten really close, and there was something about Kane’s quiet presence that seemed to calm her sister.
After sending them on their way, Kendra accepted Nate’s help getting into the buggy and sat quietly by his side as he directed the horse to the funeral, which was taking place at her parents’ home, per their mother’s request.
With Nate firmly by her side, Kendra had been able to enter the building she’d promised herself she would never enter again.
It looked the same. Same faded curtains in the windows. Same worn furniture, now even more worn and more stained. It was spotless, no doubt thanks to Mommi and whomever she’d cajoled to help her clean.
But to Kendra’s surprise and relief, the house didn’t cause her the flashbacks she’d feared. Instead, she felt slightly like she was entering another person’s life. If she’d ever needed a reminder that she had moved on and healed, walking inside the living room was a good one.
Right away, she’d spied Naomi and Kane, who were standing off to one side. Just as she was about to walk over to check on Naomi, the rest of the Eight showed up. After giving her warm hugs, they stayed off to one side while her mother cried and some of their longtime neighbors entered the room.
Minutes later, Jeremiah and Chris appeared in the doorway.
“Hello,” Kendra said simply as she walked over to greet them.
“You okay?” Jeremiah asked. She shrugged as Naomi joined their small circle.
Jeremiah hugged Naomi, then gripped Kendra’s hand for a long moment. “We’ll get through this, shveshtah,” he whispered.
“I hope so,” she replied, glancing worriedly at Chris. He had clasped Naomi’s hand and hers but had otherwise remained silent. Kendra thought he looked lost and out of place in his English suit.
And then, just as Preacher Evan called them all to find their places, Mary walked to her side.
Mary’s appearance was a shock. She, too, was dressed English, but she also looked like a model out of a magazine. For some reason, Kendra had imagined that Mary would look much like her. But when Mary murmured, “Oh, Kendra,” and hugged her close, Kendra realized that in the ways that counted she was the same.
“Mary,” she said gently. “I was hoping to see you.”
“I didn’t want to come.”
“I know.” She ran a hand down Mary’s short dark hair. “But I’m glad you did. I wanted to see you.”
“I wanted to see you, too. And the others.” She glanced over at the boys, both of whom were staring like they couldn’t believe their eyes.
“I’m here, too, Mary,” Naomi said.
She smiled. “Yes you are, Nanny. Looking so grown up, too.” Looking beyond her at Kane, who was watching Naomi like a hawk, Mary asked, “Naomi, who is he?”
“Oh. That’s my friend Kane. Uh, would you like to meet him?”
“Of course, honey.”
Reaching for Kane’s hand, Naomi said, “Kane, this is my other sister, Mary. Mary, this is Kane Law.”
When Mary smiled up at him, Kane offered his hand to her. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I’m glad you’re here with Naomi,” Mary said simply.
Naomi lowered her voice. “Mary, Mamm is staring at you. Do… do you want to go say hello?”
Everything about Mary’s posture changed. “Not yet.” Naomi’s eyes widened, and just as Preacher Evan called everyone for prayer, she whispered, “You’re going to have to understand how I feel, Nanny. If not for Kendra, I wouldn’t have walked inside that door.”
Kendra hadn’t been to a lot of Amish funerals—only two, older people in their church district who’d lived to a ripe old age and were respected and loved by everyone. They’d been big affairs held in a barn, with plenty of people to support the family and bring food for after the burial.
Almost two hundred people had attended Andy’s service. The shock of losing a man so young had brought everyone out, from his teachers and coaches to friends, neighbors, and other close acquaintances.
In contrast, there were only about fifty people gathered in her mother’s cramped living room, a dozen of whom were the Eight and their spouses. Preacher Evan seemed to be struggling for words. He paused for a length of time after each Scripture verse he quoted, then uttered simple statements about the Lord loving everyone or how prayer helped in times of stress.
Even innocuous statements like that seemed to haunt Mary. Standing beside Kendra, she fisted her hands.
Kendra knew what she was thinking. However, she realized that somehow she was actually doing better than she thought she would be. After finally expressing her hurt to her grandparents and mother, she had let go of her anger at last. She was grateful
for that.
She was also grateful for Nate, who had remained by her side. Every so often, he placed his hand on her back. It wasn’t exactly proper, but Nate didn’t seem to care—and she didn’t, either. Just having him there made her feel less alone. He also was doing a good job of reminding her that she didn’t have to be strong anymore for her siblings. She might always want to step into the role of provider, but she didn’t feel the need to shield them from pain anymore.
After the last prayer, Preacher Evan and Rosanna led the way out the door. Now everyone would follow their buggy to the cemetery. As the older people filed out, Chris and Jeremiah walked to her and Mary’s sides.
“Mary, I can’t believe it’s you,” Jeremiah said as he gave her a hug. “You look so different.”
“Yeah, I have a feeling I’m going to be hearing that a lot this afternoon.”
Chris hugged her next and even pressed a kiss to her brow. “It’s good you came.”
“I told Kendra there was no way I’d ever let her go to this funeral without me. I may not be a real part of this family anymore, but I’ll never be able to repay our big sister for everything she did for us.”
Both of their brothers looked taken aback. “Yes, well…” Chris murmured before his voice drifted off.
“Well, what?” Mary asked, her voice as sharp as a new needle. “Christopher, are you still bitter that Kendra left us when she did?”
“No. Of course not.”
“But?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Mary, now ain’t the time to bring up the past,” Jeremiah murmured.
The look she sent him was lethal. “Of course not. We’re here to give our respects and pray for our father’s soul. Yes, let’s go to the cemetery and do just that.” She walked out the door in a rush.
“Wait, Mary!” Naomi called. “Kane has to go home and help his mother with something. Can I ride with you?”
She turned in an instant… and held out her hand with a smile. “Of course, Nanny,” she said gently. “Come on.”
Nate, who’d been standing quietly by Kendra’s side, spoke to her brothers. “We’ll see you at the cemetery.”
The Trustworthy One Page 21